The NeverEnding Battle

Am I the only one out there who has this Neverending battle within themselves? I know what side i want to win. I try to sway the results, but it seems to be in vain. The fighting goes on and on and on.

I'm talking about the desire to love and be loved waging ware against my evolutionary need to stay sane and survive.

I want love. Real love. Stuff my grandparents had. Love that lasted more than a couple of months. The love that sweeps you off your feet and makes you certain there is a God. The love that never quits. The one that keeps couples glued to one another for decades. The one that survives all of life's milestones: marriage, children, retirement, grandkids, great great grand kids. The one that makes waking up everyday to that special person worth every hardship you have faced together. You know, just simple and real love.

And though my heart and soul desires this real love, my practical side has that all too familiar guard up. I have been hurt so many times by men who claim to love me. I have men lie to my face while trying to use me. I have invested many feelings, hopes, and dreams into little boys who just want to get a taste of my body. So how can a girl not be skeptical of any new man who walks in selling big dreams of grandeur? I was meant to survive, to succeed, to thrive, and by all means I will! But this need to love seems to be in contradiction of what love looks like in my generation.

So how do you decide which side wins? And my friends I honestly do not know. I feel like I can never get my hopes up in fear of getting hurt again, but the romantic dreamer inside of me wants to wish that this man is finally the one. I can stop this horrible dating game and be a happy married old lady! I don't want to give up on love, like so many people I have come across, but I am starting to become tired of picking up and mending the pieces of my heart that have been chipped away over the years!

So if any of you guys have an answer to how to end the Neverending war, Please Share!

Much Love!

-Finess... Aka Tired and Weary Soldier 

V Day Date Night!

     Okay y'all, since I am still trying to defeat whatever bug I picked up at work (hazards of the career I love is more than worth it though) I thought that I would be productive and fulfill my promise to finish another blog for you guys before Valentine's Day!  This one is just as important as the first one I put up this week and also just as relevant!  Valentine's Day is right around the corner--VALENTINE'S DAY IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER, Y'ALL!!!!!  Okay now that I have gotten your attention I do hope that you have very special things planned for your Significant Other!  And please, PLEASE, PLEASE, don't be absolutely cliche and only go with dinner--DON'T DO THAT!!!!! STEP IT UP and GET THAT IMAGINATION IN GEAR!!!! Please be creative, please do not squander this opportunity to knock your S.O.'s socks off!
     If you decided to save up and do something special then don't do it halfway!  You can make a day of it, wake them up with breakfast in bed, their favorite coffee or shower them in flower petals and kisses and/or present them with their VDay gift or a bouquet of their favorite flowers (honestly I am such a sucker for Peonies, but they are so hard to find that if ever I got a bouquet of them I would probably melt--key point--I am not the only woman like this in the world *hint, hint*)!  (I mean who doesn't love waking up with something special or in a special way and if you start the day like this I am sure it will benefit you both!)  Get started early with a picnic in a park, hike up to a waterfall, couples massage or mani/pedi session (or give them one if you are good with your hands *wink, wink*).  Come back home and take sometime to love each other.  Read poetry, sit face to face and really--and I do mean really--look at your S.O.  Talk with them, touch them, make love to them, laugh with them or even watch a movie.  Get in a relaxing wind down together and enjoy that QT you may not usually get to have because your lives are so busy!  And don't get me wrong--I mean dinner is good, great, especially if your S.O. is a foodie (I know I am)!  But, don't ONLY do dinner!  What about a trip to the planetarium (before or after), Sky View, play, ballet or even the Botanical Gardens.  Maybe even do dessert and coffee afterwards at a swanky coffee house or check out a poetry reading at a really boho or trendy underground spot.    

     And remember it is about the memory not the price of things.  If you are dating on a budget then pull up Bing or Google and start researching what is being offered in your city/state.  There are usually lots to do that are either free or budget friendly all you ever have to do is look.  And again if you are on a budget then make this a DIY Valentine's day.  Write a poem and make a handmade card.  If you are uber artistic then paint a picture--literally--or carve something.  Got a pair of pipes on you (lucky dog) then write a song or sing them a song that really captures your relationship.  You can always bake, cook dinner, light a few candles and cut out some hearts and decorate your place!   Ideas and opportunities are only as limited as your imagination!  So DON'T BOX YOURSELF IN!!! Take this opportunity to make some awesome memories and let your imagination and love run wild!

      I wish you guys an absolutely awesome VDay weekend and until another time Love and Happiness of the truest kind.

Always,
     Marissa          

Inclinations of Real Love

     Love is a beautiful and empowering thing.  I will always stand by that belief--no--by that knowledge for I know that it is true.  When love is REAL it is a revelation and even at times an entity that encourages rebirth.  No matter what happens in my life or relationships, I have found that his is a constant truth.  It can change people; it should change people.  When you love someone (no matter what kind of love it is i.e. familial, friendly or romantic) it changes your world and even how you see and treat the person you love.  When you truly love someone, purely, and wholly their happiness comes before your own.  For when the person you love is happy, you're happy, the happiness that is given is then shared in an endless circle between the two in the relationship.  (The same goes for unhappiness and sorrow as well.)  In loving someone--the desire to cherish them is innate.  And being just another natural Inclination of real love--and in desiring to fulfill it--you respect and protect them from the world and at times even yourself.  So, where you might have been selfish before you become selfless--when you really love another; when you would only protect yourself you now protect another.  Love brings growth in many different facets.
    And then of course there is the desire to learn and bond that comes with REAL love and care.  The adventure and privilege of getting to know someone with a depth that few others do is both thrilling and a deep desire of those who Love.  I don't believe it is possible to love someone and NOT desire or even truly attempt to know them.  How can you love someone you don't want to or just don't know at all?  When you love someone, in the desire to protect and be a safe harbor for them, knowing the depth at which the person you love hopes, dreams and fears is of utmost importance to you.  In getting to know their depth their world opens up to you.  And that is where and when the bond begins.  Learning their faults and virtues; interests and pet peeves is just as important as learning the intimacy and beauty of their body.  You can not love without learning or bonding--and if you do, then that love is shallow and doomed to fail, if you will forgive my tactless honesty.  Personally there is no desire in my heart to be with anyone in any form who does not desire nor sees the importance in knowing me.
     As you learn and bond with the person you love, your world opens up as well.  If the person you love is very different from yourself you are presented with an opportunity to learn from them--even if it isn't an interest or view point you share or agree with it is a new perspective and opportunity to see and understand things in a way that you haven't necessarily known of before.  It is also an opportunity to make that person happy by sharing in something that they enjoy with them--it also shows them their importance to you as well even if it isn't your thing to do, but you still do so, happily to enjoy something both with and for them.  If the person you love is very similar  to you then you can expand on the common interests you have together and even learn new things together too.  Every moment with the person you love is an opportunity to learn, bond and grow TOGETHER.  These are the opportunities that literally make or break a relationship.  Whether it is learning what makes them laugh; how to comfort them in times of need or distress; or how to play together, these are those (sometimes) little moments that will always mean the most and hold the greatest importance in the success or failure of a relationship.
    Then of course there is the beauty, necessity and joy of intimacy both emotional and physical.  Being a respectful, understanding protector of the one you love you have given them the gift and ability to be open and vulnerable with you.  This is a privilege, honor and a joy that is shared by the two people who are in the relationship together.  To become a person that is loved and trusted so much that another person is happy and comfortable being open with their emotions is a beautiful thing and quite the achievement too.  It is definitely a step in the right direction.  When your love is true, there isn't a need for the person you love to walk on egg shells; they can be exactly who they are and know that they are loved and accepted for being their wonderful self.  No need for masks or to hide behind expectations they know that you love their flaws unconditionally as they are a part of who they are.
     When someone can be emotionally vulnerable and open with you; then they can also share their physical intimacy with you.  But even this is different, even this has a different level.  When their is real love, trust and protection--again--another world opens.  Then the one you love feels safe to express themselves intimately without the fear of being judged, rejected or misunderstood.  When you create that openness and safety, then it is possible to take your time to explore and learn their body, there is so much joy in knowing someone intimately who can express and explore without inhibitions to hinder them.  An inclination of Real Love is to know the one you love in totality and not squander those opportunities by rushing, but by cherishing them.  And not just because of my own natural temperament, but because I honestly know the often skirted and overlooked importance of emotional and physical intimacy in a relationship do I encourage you to learn the one you love in TOTALITY.  What kiss quickens the breathe; what touch encourages a sigh; what bite births a groan; what nibble makes them weak in their knees.  Learn the feel of their skin; the arch of their neck; the dip of their shoulder and curve of their hip.  Again when you love someone their satisfaction comes before your own (just like their happiness) and is shared back again with you.  As I said before when you Really Love, you change, your desires and priorities change and not because you are told or badgered into it, but because you have  a NATURAL INCLINATION to be the person the one you love deserves.
     The inclinations of Real Love are what relationships are made of; if they do not exist how can the relationship exist?  Of course not everyone is able to love, really, in totality.  Some people realize this and still quite selfishly engage in relationships before they are truly capable of being an equal lover and partner in the relationship.  Unfortunately some do not realize it, even though none of their relationships ever reach a respectable longevity or even success--they blame everyone and everything before looking inward.  But then self realization and growth is difficult for the majority of people in this world.  To those who are not yet on this level, if love is truly what you want--the deep, long lasting love--I encourage you to strive and struggle to grow in order to experience and give it.  For those of you who are there--find someone who can match what you offer.  Believe me, it is a living hell loving someone who isn't on that level with you.  To everyone, I do wish you all Love and Happiness of the Truest kind!

~Always
Marissa           
               

Opening and Closing Doors

     Relationships--there are so many different types--no human on this earth has ever existed without having a relationship of some kind.  Connection--love--we all crave it, need it in our lives.  We strive to achieve and maintain healthy, successful relationships.  And truth be told that is a separate job in and of itself, even though it is truly worth it.  But, when relationships start to head south (as some inevitably will)--hit brick walls--or seem to stagnate no matter what you do, say or try, and you are frustrated and hurting because things just aren't working no matter how much love or time you pour into it, what do you do?
     First--Please take time to quiet your mind so you can hear your heart.  REFLECT--evaluate and give yourself a chance to breathe and think things through.  Making decisions or even just thinking about a difficult situation or decision out of a place of hurt, anger, or confusion isn't good for you or fair for your partner.
     Secondly--After your period of reflection, make sure that you realize the part you played in causing the decline of your relationship.  AKA:  Take RESPONSIBILITY!  A relationship takes 2 people, right?  So the responsibility of the health of the relationship lies with not just one party, but both!  Hopefully in your moment of reflection you would have completely assessed not just the errors of your partner, but the your own as well.  If you have then you should be able to accept your own actions (or inaction) that contributed to the situation.  Taking responsibility is just as important as reflecting and evaluating the situation with a clear heart and mind. 
     Thirdly--After you have reflected and taken responsibility then it is time to COMMUNICATE!  After you have clarity, take time to speak with your partner.  Let them know how you feel and where your heart and mind are.  Be as honest and clear as possible.  Do not do them nor yourself the dishonor of lying (not even lying by omission) or hiding the truth.  Be respectful and listen as well as speak your peace.  If your partner is not open or supportive then they have essentially made their decision.
     Lastly--When you take time to not only learn and understand what has caused the decline of a relationship, but to also take responsibility and the time to communicate with your partner then you are in a place to make a DECISION.  You have to decide whether or not this relationship has hope, if your partner is truly open to working on this with you (and not just verbally saying they are, but actually putting in the work, people) OR if it is time for you to end it and go your separate ways.  Unfortunately, love is not enough and one person can not put in all the time, work and energy.  Sometimes it is very hard, especially when you are in love with your partner, to walk away, but if your happiness and well being isn't important to them--it has to be important enough to you for you to protect it; since they have decided not to.
     Essentially what we need to remember is that we are responsible for the success or demise of our relationships.  We are the ones who open and close these doors.  If you are negligent, cavalier, uncaring, lazy, thoughtless, cruel, unromantic, etc. then I hope you realize that you have OPENED the door in your relationship for your partner to walk out or someone else to walk in!  If you want your partner in your life and a successful relationship--it takes work!  If you aren't willing to put in the work (as I have stated before) step aside for someone who will.  You can't completely blame your partner for being unsatisfied, unhappy or even tempted by someone else when you are not meeting nor fulfilling their needs.  I think a lot of times we forget that we are not in relationships for ourselves.  We are in relationships with people because of them--for them--you should want to be with someone because you wish to build a life and a future with them.  You should be with someone because you wish to love, protect, care for them and make them happy. 
     Relationships test your character, heart and very soul.  If you are selfish, egotistical, or even insecure, oblivious, condescending or untrustworthy, etc. then it isn't possible for you to have a healthy relationship.  If you aren't happy with yourself, or too consumed with self in anyway there is no way you can be giving with your partner.  And relationships are all about GIVING to someone else!  Love is worth the risk and the work for me, but not everyone truly--to their core--will feel this way.  And if you are one of those individuals who continuously takes and hurts and expects your partner to sit around waiting for you to wise up!  That isn't fair (it is SELFISH, just in case you didn't know) and it is cruel.
     I know how hard it is to walk away when you are in love with someone, but sometimes that is what that person is betting on--your love for them--taking advantage of your love and consideration.  I would be lying if I didn't say that it hurts!  From experience I will confess that it can physically hurt to leave the one who you have given your heart to, but it sometimes is necessary.  Sometimes we must close a door so that we will be given a key to open a better one.  Contrary wise I also know what it is like to not be completely giving in a relationship as well.  Of course it was unintentional and in retrospect I had to apologize and pray to God to forgive me for my negligence to others and the subsequent pain that I caused.  But, what I learned from the negligence and ignorance of my youth taught me to balance.  I learned to reflect and take responsibility--learn from my mistakes and the mistakes of those who I loved.  I got to know myself and decide not only who and how I wanted to be in a relationship, but what I would and wouldn't accept from my partner as well.
     Life and especially Love are constant learning experiences.  They grant us the opportunity to get to know ourselves--become better people.  I can't regret any of the relationships of my past.  First, because the past can not be undone and lastly because I wouldn't be who I am without that past.  I have loved and lost and my heart has been broken repeatedly.  But, I hope and believe that the majority of us will eventually learn (some more quickly than others).  And the hope of a healthy, beautiful love isn't unrealistic.  We just have to break our negative cycles and mindsets--learn to love ourselves so that we may be able to love others.  Learning the difference and being strong enough to protect your heart and happiness when someone you love doesn't is the most difficult lesson in this life.  But, it is possible to learn it and not only survive, but thrive as well.  
     I am sorry for the length of this post, my lovelies, but I really felt as though this needed to be said.  I hope that this post, despite its length may help at least one person achieve a happy, healthy relationship.  Until another time, I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind.
     ~Marissa



 

MY Kind of Romance

     Well--we have made it through Spring Fever and Summer Madness (Thank God) and we are now (finally) in the middle of my absolute favorite Season--Autumn!  Autumn blesses us with lovely weather; boots; long walks through golden leaves and cuddling in front of the fire place (to name a few of my favorite Autumn hobbies)!  There are so many lovely things about Autumn and to top it all off it is my first Autumn with Hunny (double the cuddle time)!  And along with all the cuddling, bonfires, hikes, (etc.) burns the brighter than average flame of romance (at least for me).  I don't know what it is about Autumn, but it puts me in a hyper-romantic mood, but--hey I love it (and Hunny isn't complaining either)!  And lucky for me Hunny doesn't mind going along for the ride (or on occasions "driving")!
     I mean Romance is as mutable as Love--it varies from person to person.  Example:  One person may find Game tickets to see their favorite team play their biggest rivals romantic; while another may find a long hike to the top of a mountain at sunrise the most romantic thing ever.  This is why it is very important to get to know your partner and discover exactly what is Romantic for them.  I am happy to share that I am very lucky because my Hunny loves me enough to not only understand and learn what is Romantic to me, but to actually do it.  I will full out (and proudly) admit that I am a quirky woman.  And the other day, I wanted nothing more than to have my hair washed.  I have never asked Hunny to do it before, but for some reason that is what I wanted.  Hunny--being the awesome boyfriend he is actually took the time to do it for me.  He didn't grumble or gripe and to top it all of he took his time and was caring-gentle and diligent.  He asked if I was comfortable with the temperature of the water; how I liked it washed and even if I wanted anything specifically done.  I can not begin to tell you first--how soothing and comforting it was for him to wash my hair, but also how very loved, cared for and special I felt that he would happily take time to do this for me.
     It may seem silly to some, but there was an intimacy and thoughtfulness in every stroke of his hand--every finger along my scalp that turned me into a great-gooey-girly mess.  I was absolutely blissful and content (way less stressed) by the time he finished (he could have asked for the moon and I would have probably given it to him--don't tell him I told you that, though) and I even returned the favor most happily (but I love playing in his gorgeous hair (and he loves when I do too) anyway).  Honestly, sweet thoughts and actions--little things that make me feel special--are very Romantic to me.  Tying my shoe when it is untied; flowers just because you knew they would make me smile; my favorite junk food after I have had a tough day so you can binge and veg out with me; long walks together; a note on my pillow to say you love me; making me lunch and bringing it to my job; surprising me with a day at Tallulah Gorge hiking out to waterfalls or bird watching; an unexpected present (book, movie, perfume, etc.) just because you saw it and thought of me; or even turning off the phone and snuggling up and playing board games and watching movies with me--for me these things are romantic and special.  Romance isn't just about money or fancy dates and vacations--being Romantic or creating Romance can and SHOULD be an every day thing.
     Romance--being Romantic--is more about thoughtfulness and taking time to turn thoughtfulness into action, than anything else.  I have an "Autumn Bucket List" and even though there was a groan from Hunny when I sent it to him after a chuckle he agreed and I can't wait to spend time making new memories with him--trying new things--and enjoying this gorgeous Season!  Day or night when we get the opportunity to have "firsts" together--hold each others' hands and do something different or special I feel loved and cherished and it is so romantically-wonderful that I get all giddy and joyous just thinking about it.  My Romance isn't your type of Romance.  And even if there are similarities there will probably be more differences than not!  I am just so very lucky that my wonderful Hunny loves me enough to share in these moments and indulge in some of my quirkier requests.  So very lucky that my happiness and my sense of Romance being fulfilled is as important to him as his is to me.
     I truly wish that everyone will find that person who holds your happiness above theirs and strives to do everything within their power to make you happy!  There is a beautiful and comforting feeling that comes from that kind of love.  And when you add in the fulfillment of your kind of Romance to that beautiful and genuine love--it is like homemade icing with strawberries on top of the cake!  Well, that is all I have for now.  I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa           

The Great Imbalance

     Although Nessy and I have been rather "quiet" lately, it doesn't mean we have forgotten our blog or fans.  We have both had a lot going on in our lives.  And trust me this is a very good thing.  It means that we are learning, growing, experiencing and living life.  And even though our absence has been short and there were a lot of things that have happened; there is also one--(sadly) glaring fact that has become quite apparent to us both.  We live in a society that perpetuates a great imbalance between men and women.
     I am not being sexiest, bitter or angry when I say this.  It is, quite regrettably,  a cold hard fact.  At one point in time what was important to men was honor, honesty, dependability, intelligence, fidelity,  love, accountability, family and being a good provider, husband and father.  But this is no longer the case.  Now our society encourages individuality over family; irresponsibility over accountability and dependability; money over love; and success over honor and honesty.  We live in a social culture that has been infested with negative ideals that celebrate materialism, excess, degradation, ignorance, greed, dishonesty, and a myriad of  other distasteful and disgusting attributes; practically eliminating the once upstanding and steadfast traditions that were once common place.     
      The continuous breakdown has resulted in men who want to be taken care of; takers; game players; and stagnated individuals who would rather suppress or ignore their shortcomings and "baggage" instead of rallying their courage and putting in hard work to break through and grow past their issues to become better men.  Very few desire to be a true partner, provider, father, husband, friend or lover.  It is like men have become so accustomed to satisfying themselves and their petty and short lived desires that they no longer understand nor do they see the big picture.  They are actually OK with giving bits and pieces of themselves (if anything at all) instead of cultivating themselves (continuously) in order to be a whole person who can engage in stable, healthy relationships.  And on top of all of that most of them believe that women should be satisfied with what little they are willing to do (again, if anything at all)!
     And as a subsequent ripple effect this has pushed women to stand more solidly on their own; to (even when in relationships) rely upon, fight, support and encourage themselves.  They may have a "partner" who exists in their lives, but they still stand alone because their partner isn't supportive, helpful, giving, or protective.  I have heard many women say (of varying cultures and ages) that being married is like having another child to take care of(...)!  Seriously men, do you feel fulfilled being a shell of your former selves?  Is it OK to be considered unreliable, immature and more a hindrance than a help?  Curiously enough I have also heard men of varying ages and cultures complain about not being wanted and women being TOO independent--(again,) SERIOUSLY!!!! You can not have it both ways.  Albeit a relationship isn't always going to be 50/50, sometimes it will be 60/40 or 70/30 and during those times you are supposed to give your partner extra support, love and understanding, but when a relationship is 90/10 or 95/5 then it isn't a healthy relationship--it is a parasitic relationship!
     In every relationship in life, no matter what kind it is, you get what you give!  You set the tone!  If you aren't reliable we won't rely on you; if you lie and/or cheat on us--we will not trust you; essentially if you do not give in return what we give to you freely; if you can not get on the same page with us--we can't (and won't) have a real relationship with you.  (No matter how much we love you--we have to protect ourselves and will not sacrifice our well being to have you in our lives when you take more (or twice as much) as you give!).  Man was not meant to walk alone if he were God would not have made a companion for Adam.  I will also admit that not all men are meant to marry (or women for that matter).
     Relationships aren't all meant to end in marriage with a white picket fence and two point five kids.  But, if you desire to be in a relationship (or eventually to be married and have a family) then men make sure you are ready--that you are on the same page as your partner--and you are in a place to be able to be in a relationship.  I hope men will start taking time to step back and start seeing the big picture again--to become the men they were; leave behind selfishness, lying and irresponsibility and embrace being men of honor, accountability and consideration.  I encourage men to live up to their potential, to correct this great imbalance and bring the world to rights.  I encourage them to achieve their greatness and with the same breath I encourage women to not settle for less than they deserve.  Do not allow someone to only give you bits and pieces when you happily give all of yourself.  Don't settle for an unhealthy relationship (no matter how much you love them) that will end in heartache when you deserve a healthy relationship and a happy ending.  Because the reality of it is--a relationship isn't only about how you feel and treat someone it is more about how someone feel and treats you! 
     Well Lovelies, just some food for thought.  Until another time I wish you Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa

LOVE--Is More Than A Word

     I know I post a lot about Love, and grant it some of this may seem a bit repetitive--but as it is, Fall is setting in and along with it comes that unfortunate seasonal rut that seems to occur in most relationships.  It seems terribly prevalent during Autumn for guys to get so comfortable that they end up "falling off the Wagon".  So, this has again and again raised the question in mind, heart, soul and conversation--Love--What is Love to you?  Love differs from person to person.  We all have certain Love Languages that touch us more on an emotional level than others.  (If you don't know about your Love Language, why not find out about it at www.5lovelanguages.com !)  And because we all vary so much, it is very important to learn the love language of your significant other in order to understand and be able to show them love in a way that they will not only be able to appreciate, but receive as well.
     I know that Hunny isn't psychic (as most men aren't) and so I strive to communicate with him to help him understand what I need and want as well as to make sure that we are on the same page.  And honestly it isn't always easy.  Not for me--especially because of my past.  But as I am determined to rectify the mistakes of my past and build a healthy relationship I choose to fight against my defense mechanisms.  So instead of running, or throwing up a steel wall, I breathe through my initial fears, hurts and frustrations and sit down to talk with Hunny.  Yet, knowing it takes two people to make a relationship work I can only do so much on my end.  And honestly that is one of the most terrifying facts of Love there is--knowing that I can not make it work by myself.  Simply knowing that my heart, my desire, my Love is not enough to make this relationship work makes it hard not to just run away in sheer terror out of fear of a broken heart because it would be easier--safer.  Knowing that the fate of not only my relationship, but my heart is equally at the mercy of his hands sets my heart trembling with trepidation.  And that is the greatest most difficult part of the gamble.  But, that is when I ask myself not only if this gamble with Hunny is worth it-- but if I will let my past and fears deny me the right ( or deny him the chance) to try again to Love and be Loved.  
     You, see when I choose Love (as with those of us who do) I knowingly choose to gamble my heart with Hunny.  To take a chance that may be this will be my FOREVER Love.  I choose to bestow upon him the gift of Chance to win my heart for all time.  I choose to allow him into my heart and life.  I choose to be vulnerable, available, understanding, patient, kind, honest--essentially I choose to walk, live, breathe Love; for I have learned that it is more than a word (or many words).  Love is in every action and thought of every moment of every day whether the person is right next to you or 1000 miles away.  For when one Loves (truly--purely love) they are elevated (and the relationship they are trying to build) unto another plateau.  But with Love the gamble isn't just in your hand that counts like in black jack--no it is more like spades.  It is about what your partner is holding just as much as what you are.  And at the end of the day you can only do your best and give your best and hope and pray that your partner understands that they are just as responsible for the success or failure to make your "books" as you are.  (Lol, I couldn't resist adding in some spades references!)  And hopefully (seriously) your partner will understand that just like in spades NOTHING is a surety, but a gamble and a chance and if they play their hand wrong, they will LOSE!
     And it isn't just one misplayed hand, but many that result in the ULTIMATE LOSS.  If you try and try to communicate with words and actions, but there is no change in how they play the game; if they are not willing to try to work with you, to build with you, so that you both can win (not just each other but,) together then it may be time to find another partner (no matter how much it may hurt or how much the loss of your old partner would break your heart).  Because a partner that does not trust or listen to you--a partner who isn't receptive or dedicated to you or your gamble (that you make together), isn't a good partner to have.  For every time they disregard you; take you for granted; ignore; hurt or deny you they are rejecting the love, time, hard work and dedication you have poured into your relationship.  They deny you and everything you are working for.  And Ladies and Gents, I know what that feels like.  That sting I have felt too keenly time and time again and it wearies and frustrates me as I know it must do to all those who have felt and do feel it.  It chips away at the partnership, trust, and very hope that your relationship thrives on--until there is nothing left.   
     Essentially we all need to learn and understand the Love Language of our partners; to understand what they require and what your roll in the relationship requires.  Step forward and understand what it takes to make it work and DO what it takes to make it work so you don't lose out.  Remember every time you slip up you give someone else the opportunity to slip in!  And trust me, if you know your partner is wonderful 9 times out of 10 so do a few other people!  Relationships--LOVE-- is about constantly growing TOGETHER.  (And growing to grow together you must both be there next to each other.)  It is about what you put in (and what you put in is what you get out).  You can not constantly take and give nothing.  You can not constantly chip away at the foundation and expect the building to stand!  If you can not or do not or wish not to LOVE then do not torment your partner acting as though you do.
     I hope that we all can make it through the Seasonal curse of Fall and greet Winter with stronger relationships.  Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind. 
          ~Marissa

The Approach

     The other night as I was clocking out from work I had some random, creepy dude literally invade my bubble (to the point where I couldn't swipe my badge without bumping into him) asking, "What your name is?"  Ummm--SERIOUSLY?!?!?!  I couldn't refrain from giving him my patented "eat sh*t and die--you lowbrow, slovenly, pathetic boy" look while replying with a completely disdainful, "Excuse me?"!  (If I weren't at work I would have popped off and acted a monkey, but I had to maintain some sort of professionalism).  Needless to say (the combination of both which can not be translated with only words) worked with sheer perfection as he backed off quite quickly, but why do I even have to do all of that in the first place?  What is unfortunate is that this is not the first (and I am pretty sure not the last) incident of its kind that I have experienced AND I am not the only woman who has stories like this either!
    There is a reason why people say that first impressions are the most important, most lasting.  Your first impression sets the tone for how you not only present yourself, but how you are received by others as well.  So, I ask this question:  If you KNOW that your first impression is the most important then why in the HELL do guys (9 out of 10 times) approach women in the most incorrect of ways?  (I said guys not MEN!)  I am a woman not a twelve year old girl!  The random, "Hey Shorty!"; "Hey Red"; "What your name..."; "Can I come home with you?" is disrespectful, disgusting, immature and pathetic.  You paint yourself as being thirsty, classless, uneducated and stagnant.  Why in the world would or can you think that any approaches like that would work?!?!?!?  And what makes matters worse when they don't work you don't look at YOURSELF to see how you can improve, oh no, you look at women and call them "stuck up", "b*tches" or "hoes" (or worse).  NEWSFLASH for you--good, mature, well balanced and accomplished women don't LOWER their standards nor will they--let alone for you.
     Or if you don't blame women you end up blaming men!  You look at MEN (I said men, not boys or guys) who have their lives together and present themselves well and think that the only reason a woman will date or marry them is because of their job, house or car.  No my friend that isn't true at all because if you had all of the same accouterments 'he' did, but you were still you--you still wouldn't get the time of day.  Real Men know the importance of, "Excuse me Miss..."; "How are you today?"; "I just wanted to say you look beautiful..." AKA:  the polite, mature approach!  Think about it, all the world isn't wrong and you right.  If you aren't getting the results you want it is time for you to take a break and reassess yourself!  I know I am tired of the most wrong of wrong approaches aren't you getting tired of presenting them! 
     It just makes me wonder, how and why any guy would think that he could present himself in such a way and get a positive result.  What makes me wonder more is what kind of girls are out there accepting this nonsense and subsequently reinforcing such bad habits.  Well, that is all I have for tonight.  I guess Finess and I both needed to vent a little.  Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind.
   

Inter-Cultural Dating

     America--the melting pot of the world.  Our nation can probably lay claim to being one of the only countries that has at least one person from every culture in the world as a resident.  Have you ever stopped to think about what that truly means?  Inter-cultural relationships (as is inevitable), are becoming more and more prominent.  The cultural lines are blurring and fading faster and faster with every year that passes.  It is wonderful, simply beautiful, seeing love flow as it is meant to, unrestricted.  But there are some individuals who enter into inter-cultural relationships without having the slightest inclination of what they are getting into.  
        Coming from another culture, myself, I have had quite a few dating experiences that were less than savory.  You see, I come from a Matriarch.  The head of my family is my grandmother (the light of my life and my world).  She is the one who is present for the birth of practically every grandchild; to give her blessing to marriages and new homes; she is the spiritual compass and source of wisdom for us all.  Her home is where we gather for major holidays and events that affect us as a family.  I was raised calling elders, 'Mr.'; 'Ms'; 'Aunt' or 'Uncle' because these are titles of respect.  And that Sundays are a day reserved for family--for dinner and conversations, movies and games.  It was the day of the week where we spend time together, catch up and remember to enjoy those whom we love so much.  This, my family structure and the way I was raised,  are all parts of my culture that I can't (nor would I if I could) change. 
     Having had relationships with guys who didn't understand nor did they appreciate or accept my culture it was very, very difficult and disheartening.  This is why I encourage anyone, before entering into a relationship with someone from another culture(s), to ask themselves--to truly be sure--that they are ready to be immersed, a part of, a new and different cultural experience.  Someone who isn't ready can cause a lot of damage to the person they are with because of their lack of understanding or appreciation and acceptance.  Sad, but true and the other reality is if you are unable to accept, appreciate or understand then you should end the relationship amicably.  Remember when you truly love someone you love them in their totality not in bits and pieces and culture is a part of each and everyone of us.
     Honestly it can be so much fun experiencing and being a part of another culture.  Hunny's culture has some similarities to mine own, but there are differences as well and I love them.  I love learning about, exploring, and experiencing the differences.  And he is the same way with me.  His acceptance, appreciation and understanding (I know you are tired of those three words, but repetition is the key to memory) makes me feel so secure, free and loved!  Everyone deserves to feel this way--all of the wonderful feelings that come from being with someone who genuinely loves you and what makes you, you.  Remember, take your time and consider what an Inter-cultural relationship is and what it requires.
     Until another time I wish you Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa 

Dating--On a Budget

     Look, we all know that the economy isn't what it was and although it is getting better, it isn't there just yet.  The majority of the world (who aren't in the top 1%) had to make changes in their financial lives in order to survive and maintain some semblance of normality.  We "trimmed the fat", so--not so bad, right?  WRONG!  In fulfilling the need to cut back, some of our extracurricular activities got cut back as well--like date nights/days.  But, there is a solution for this and it is as easy as cracking open your computer to get started!
     First you have to dispel the misconception that you need to spend a lot of money to have fun on dates because that simply isn't true.  The economic status of America is a double edged sword.  We did have to cut back, but not just us.  A lot of companies had to cut back as well which means that unusual and unexpected deals are now a regular phenomenon.  Great sites like groupon (which gives you an opportunity to buy in on great deals) and pinterest (which can help you with ideas and orchestration of fun, memorable, dates) are a great starting point for anyone who wants or needs help planning something fun, special, but affordable.  There are a lot of other great websites and blogs (and let's not forget friends) that you can go to for ideas and information as well.  If there is a specific place or attraction you want to take your significant other to you can always save up for it and check out the attraction website because they have great deals on their "slow" days that will work to your favor.
     Ultimately, the most important thing to remember about Dates/dating is spending time with the one who you love--who is special to you--is the reason for the date in the first place.  As long as you are together, appreciating each other, enjoying the company you keep, that is what matters most.  You can turn any night/day into something special.  Whether you have a picnic, game or movie night or scoop an awesome deal for dinner, dance classes or even flowers the fact that you are taking time--making time--for the one you love will always be the most cherish and precious part of your date!
     Well that is all I have for now!  Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa

Divorcee Dating Saga Part Sept/ My Hunny

PREVIOUSLY WRITTEN

     Hunny makes me feel like I am in college again.  (I say college because that was my first taste of freedom and where I was able to begin to know myself.)  He makes me feel free and safe simultaneously.  I am free to be myself completely and even though he chuckles or teases me (sweetly) he supports my 'me'-ness.  And what thrills me to no end (most sincerely and seriously it does)  Hunny says that I am perfect just as I am.  The cherry on top is he doesn't just say it he believes it and treats me like he does.  I love that!

     Just as much as I love how he makes a not so great day rather wonderful because my happiness is important to him.  His genuine concern for my happiness and well being makes me feel so loved it is thrilling (and new).  I love that he matches my affection and passion it is intoxicating!  And having someone who reciprocates completely is unbelievably, undeniably, wonderful (a true blessing).  I don't remember the last time I have met my relationship match (if ever).  Most of them were honestly (and quite sadly) one sided in one way or another.  Even my first relationship with Hunny wasn't evenly matched.  But now, well now, we are and I am so in love--I am so in love with him and us that I think some of my friends may O.D. on the "contact" of our love (bwahahahaha)!  

     Truly I am so happy and getting to know and love the man he has grown into is just--magical--(I am so happy in our love that if I could poop rainbows I would).  Well enough sharing (at least for now).  I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind.

          ~Marissa

Love--It Varies

     After an interesting conversation with one of my girlfriends last night I was inspired to write this post.  Although she isn't the first person I have had this conversation with I would be lying if I didn't admit to my surprise at her surprise when I pointed out that love has many variations and differs from person to person; relationship to relationship.  C'mon y'all think about it!  Love has many variations because not only do our relationships differ, but the people we have relationships with differ as well.  The way you love your mother differs from the way you love your sister; which differs from the way you love your friends; which differs from the way you love your significant other.  Even if you wanted to compare the way you love within one group there are still variations.
     (Stay with me now) Example:  Everyone (and I do mean everyone (don't lie to yourself)) has a favorite parent, sibling, grandparent, aunt, cousin, etc. that they have bonded with (and love) more than other equivalent members of their family.  The love is different, the way you treat, see, communicate and think of them is (subsequently) different because of it!  You know it is true!  Even when it comes to romantic love (or probably more so) it is the same.  Each relationship is different.  Different connections, bonds, are made which form different levels of emotion, attraction, affection and love.  So you may love your 1st significant other with all of your heart, but you may discover later in life that you love your 4th more than your 1st because a deeper bond was made.  You didn't lie when you said that you loved your 1st with all of your heart, because you did.  You loved them with all the love that connection created within you for that person.  But the deeper bond with your 4th significant other encouraged a new range and depth of emotion and love that didn't exist in your relationship with your 1st significant other.  So you can say that you love your 4th with all of your heart and both statements are still very true.
     We can't compare how we love one person (no matter the relationship) to the way we love another because they are DIFFERENT.  Even if it is the same type of relationship it is still a different person!  Unless you repeat a relationship with the same person then there is no comparison to be made.  Just because the love you had for one person developed/presented itself one way doesn't mean that it will come about in the same order, fashion or circumstance with someone different.  (I told you there were a multitude of variations in love)  Don't expect every love you experience to be slow burning or white hot for that matter.  And count yourself lucky that it isn't.  If love were the same for everyone you loved or fell in love with what would you truly learn or experience for that matter.  How boring would that be?  Being able to experience fully the variations of love is a blessing.  I believe it teaches you a lot about yourself and the world.  What a wonderful surprise to experience the depths and magnitudes of love!
    (Just think about it for awhile) I hope you do realize that none of this is something you have control over (control is an illusion, after all) because you can not control something as powerful, as elemental and infinite (nor should you) as love!  The best thing you can do is learn to give and receive love; to appreciate and cherish it.  Don't try to shove it in a box or twist it into something that it isn't because then it becomes tainted and nothing good ever comes from tainted love.  Start bringing yourself up to the level where you can embrace love in its glorious purity, instead of dragging it down to you.  (Trust me the world becomes a different place when you do!)  Remember love is a gift from God ("...above these is love...").  Don't tarnish something so beautiful, seek to be worthy of it instead!
     Consider this a friendly observation/reminder.  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa 
    

Cloud Nine/Divorcee Dating Saga Part Six

     (Throwing on my Captain Obvious Cape) I am on cloud nine, my boyfriend is just--wonderful and he really does make me happy (as though you couldn't tell from my posts, right).  Hunny makes me want to sing at the top of my lungs and cheer from mountain tops a riotous chorus of elation.  The only thing that makes me sad is--we don't get to spend as much time together as we would like (#grownupproblems)!  It is so hard trying to coordinate two individual's work and social calendars!  Add to that the distance we live from each other and we get two days a week (if we are lucky) to spend together!  I really wish that I worked a more normal schedule or that we lived closer to each other because it would be so much easier for us to see each other, but wishing doesn't change the facts so--I blame HUNNY!
     I blame Hunny for making me miss him so much.  It is his fault that I want him around and I hate not having him with me to cuddle every night and kiss every morning!  I love that he tries to make every moment we do have together insanely lovely, no matter what we do, because that is endearing all on its own.  He makes sure that we do get to cram as much QT as we can in the few hours we do get together, though.  It means so much that this is important to him (it makes me feel treasured, see it is not hard at all, guys)!  I know they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it also kinda saddens, too (like a lot)!  I mean SERIOUSLY!  I WANT MY HUNNY (*Insert foot stomping, whining, two year old tantrum, here*)!
     Even though the lack of Hunny and Bunny (his nickname for me, isn't it precious) QT makes me sad (miss him so much) the fact that we both try our best encourages me when it gets super difficult (and I also sleep in his shirt during those times).  Sometimes we may have to sacrifice some social engagements, rearrange our schedules but for me (and Hunny, too) it is worth it (he is so worth it)!  Hopefully it will get easier or something will change that will enable us to be together more.  Until then we have as much fun and make as many memories as we can!  As long as we still miss each other and cherish our time together I believe we are on the right track.
     Well enough sharing for one post!  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
    ~Marissa

Romance--Not Just for Girls!

     Ok ladies, this one is for you!  I post a lot of advice for our guys, but we can't forget that romance is NOT a one way street!  You have to romance your guys!  Let them know that they are special to you and that you are happy they are in your lives.  It doesn't take much (unless they are high maintenance) to make them feel special or happy.  Take time out to make them their favorite dinner or dessert.  Maybe even get them tickets to a game or concert; a bottle of their favorite cologne or shoes.  Remember that being supportive, giving and understanding is also another way to appreciate the men in your lives. Even something as sweet and simple as leaving a note on his car or in his brief case to remind him how wonderful he is, works too. 
     We should not desire to be romanced yet do nothing in return for our men, that isn't fair nor is it right.  It takes two to keep a spark going (or growing).  Don't get so comfortable or spoiled that you forget to make him feel special too.  We get what we give and that is probably most true in relationships than anywhere else in life.  So always strive to give them your best.  Say thank you and let them know that their efforts are amazing and what it means.  And make time to RECIPROCATE!
     I know this post is short, but I can only speak so much on guys (as I am not one), but I am happy to try!  Ladies--heed my words!  Guys--you are welcome ;)!
     Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa     

When Did He Get As Strong As Superman?

     I don't know whether or not my girlfriends are going to disown me for admitting this (or other "weaknesses" we have for that matter) but (again, thanks Spring Fever) we have been marveling over how our guys turn into Supermen when they cross over from playful flirtation to "bedroom" mode.  It is like some invisible switch is flipped and ( no matter how many times (can we say every time) it happens) it still (most pleasantly) surprises us!
     I mean good God, do guys even know that they do this?  Not that we don't love it (because we most certainly do), but it will never cease to--knock our socks off.  One minute you guys are kissing and whispering in our ears and the next our clothes go flying and we are maneuvered into unmovable positions and no amount of wiggling helps our cause!  If anything it encourages you guys, spurs you on to more (well, more)!  I mean it happens so fast it is almost imperceptible!
     We never cease to marvel at this swift transformation and subsequent super human powers that come from the switch!  Maybe it also has something to do with the fact that the switch doesn't just effect y'all, but us as well.  We get so swept up in the moment with you guys that all logic goes out the window and is replaced by sheer wonder and pure enjoyment.  It is fun and funny and makes us feel our femininity.  It is one of the most undoubtedly masculine and sexy things that men do (that drives us wild).  Y'all being caught up in the desire and passion of us drives us further into passion with you.  Such natural wonder and fun! *Insert:  Cheshire cat smile with a wild blush*
     Well guys, if you didn't know, you do now.  And girls--I hope y'all still love me :)!  Until another time, I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~ Marissa 

I've Got That Feeling/Divorcee Dating Saga Part Cinq

     This weekend I had a couple of "firsts"!  Sunday my girlfriends and I planned a couples' date for our boyfriends.  Our original idea of a picnic in the park would have been fantastic if it hadn't gotten rained out :(!  So we opted for Meehan's (our new favorite spot) a great Irish Pub at Atlantic Station instead.  My super adorable boyfriend was (*so sweet*) nervous because this was the first time he was meeting my friends and the first time with us going out as a couple with other couples (he is just so darling)!  I can proudly say that he left a fantastic impression and they can't stop talking about him (neither can my family for that matter) since Sunday!  I know that he was breathing a little easier after knocking every one's socks off (we can't wait for round two) and I most happily will admit that I was a very, very, proud girlfriend.
     I loved seeing him cracking jokes with the guys and telling silly stories about us; the couple-group interaction was absolutely delightful!  In between the blushing, giggling and flirtations I felt my heart overflowing with giddy joy.  All these girlie feelings came coursing through me and I was overcome with sheer (and ridiculously joyous) bliss!  The fact that he (let's call him, 'Hunny') made time (and continues to make time) for my friends and me made me feel so special and lucky.  (Like I said guys it is truly about the simple, little, things.)  I could feel myself glowing (even without my friends teasing me for the past two days about it) and Hunny's sweetness is the reason for it!  Next time I hope to be able to toss him in the water with the entire crew (which should be a blast) and I love that I know (for a fact) that he will (always) make me proud!
     Well lovelies I am looking forward to more couples' dates with him (as I am sure you can tell).  Until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa 

Step Up and Plan!

     In the past two weeks I have heard so many guys, girls and couples go back and forth about who should plan the dates and why.  C'mon guys, seriously?  If I am in the mood to be a smart a** I say, "...because I don't have a penis..", but when I am being serious I say, "...because I shouldn't have to unless I want to."  I mean am I not special enough for you to take some time out to plan something wonderful for us to do together?  Take a step back and look at it from my (and maybe a few other women's) perspective.  I wear many hats (as most of us do) in my life and in the many relationships I have.  I plan, coordinate, organize, deliver, etc countless times during a week (let alone a month or a year).  I am an ear to listen; a shoulder to cry on; a constant supporter along with playing the roll of sister, daughter, niece, granddaughter, girlfriend, best friend, lover, confidant, protector, etc.  A lot is required of women sometimes a lot more is required of us than is required of men (HEAR ME OUT!).  We are expected to be constantly 'On', across the board.  We are more heavily scrutinized when we have a bad or off day.  If we don't look just so, or aren't as focused as usual we never hear the end of it (from both men and women).  And don't let us be unhappy, frustrated, tired or angry because then the criticism is doubled.  Stop and think about how much your girl gives of herself not just at home or with you, but with others like strangers, coworkers, friends and family too.  After all she does and gives with her heart, body and mind (which she does because she either has to or wants to) are you telling me that you can't plan the date?      A few decades ago women would never plan a date.  The only thing they had to do was have fun dressing up for their date and be ready at the right time.  Now don't get me wrong.  Some guys find it easier than others, but just because it may not be easy for you doesn't mean you cop out or give up without ever trying or putting forth the effort.  Do you know how much more it means to her when she knows it isn't easy, but you still manage to plan something amazing (can we say triple the points here, fellas)?  We aren't asking for the moon (at least some of us aren't).  What we both want and deserve is a man who will happily do for us what we do for others.  It truly does make us feel fantastic that someone would plan a great date for us, a date where we can spend time together (<----sound data-blogger-escaped-familiar-----="">) relaxing and making memories.  A date that will keep us glowing for a week and giddy with anticipation just thinking about the next time we go out with you!  Guys you should want to step out for us.  You shouldn't get so comfortable that you don't romance (or seduce) us because that is a sure way to lose us.  I mean is it really so hard to plan a few dates a month?  Does it really hurt you (you KNOW you benefit from it)?      Just a little advice from this divorcee.  Until another time I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind!      ~Marissa            

The Third Times the Charm/ Divorcee Dating Saga Part Quatre

     Okay, so it has been a little while and you know even if I can't post I do still write posts to add to our blog later.  This one I have been working on, but for the life of me, I couldn't get it to come out right so I decided to try it off cuff and see how it goes.  The latest update in this divorcee's dating saga is--well I guess there is a lot to update quite honestly.  Quite awhile ago I figured out that Shakespeare really wasn't going to work (remember ladies we should not date on "potential" alone!  I will post something about that later).  Too bad, I thought that would have been an interesting adventure considering our similarities and differences as well.  Shakespeare was a nice enough guy, but--just not for me.  Additionally I do believe (quite strongly) that men (women too, but in my case) make time for what is important to them.  If you can not make time for me and continuously break dates then you are wasting my time.  But hey, I also believe everything for a reason so, no harm, no foul, really.  We must all pursue our happiness.
     After Shakespeare took himself out of the running I was just going to enjoy my 30th with my girls and embrace the year as I have been doing.  What I wasn't expecting was that an ex of mine (from quite a few years ago, like waaay before I met and married my ex husband (there I go showing my age again)) who had been such a great and dear friend (stood by me and supported me through many relationships including my marriage and subsequent divorce) would come back into my life asking for another chance.  Now for those of you who know me, and I mean really know me, it is more than common knowledge that I am NOT an advocate for repeat relationships. ( I know I am painting myself to be a hypocrite but I am hoping that my honesty will absolve me of it.)  The main reason why is because if it didn't work in the first place why would it work now?  Add to that the simple fact that change is hard (it must come from a genuine desire to change) and the pain of the past with that person equals a very difficult situation.
     Honestly, for me at least, I find it difficult to revisit or rather restart a relationship with an ex because when I am hurt I put up a wall.  When I start a relationship I am completely open, but if it starts to go sour, if I am hurt, than brick by brick a wall goes up.  Sometimes it is to minimize the damage, sometimes it is to help me walk away because for the life of me I can't stop loving him and even though all of the sense I own is screaming I should, I just can't.  Love is an entity that no one can control and even fewer of us can understand.  I don't question love, I feel I have no right.  I appreciate and accept it for the rare and Iwondrous gift it is; I would be an even bigger hypocrite if I am always spouting off about the beauty of love and how we should accept it, if I turned away from it because of the fear I have yet to work through.
     So after some serious self reflection and consideration--I accepted it, accepted him.  I, like any other person, have my reasons which although I adore our readers they will remain mine at least for now.  What I will say is that the choice wasn't easy for me.  Not because I don't have feelings for him or that he isn't a wonderful person (because he is), but because change is hard and working past my fear of being hurt by him (or any one for that matter) is just as hard.  But when the only thing I was afraid of was falling for him all over again I had to ask myself whether he was worth me free falling from the cliff or should I remain a safe distance from the edge.  If all I had to fear was the fear of loving and being in love with him even more than before, then how ridiculous (and ungrateful) would I be to give into that fear and walk away?  He is "putting up" for sure, with out a doubt stepping up, and proving that he has changed.  So (here goes my inner princess)--I jumped--and so far I am very happy I did.
     I will admit that there is a change in him that I not only feel (get your mind out of the gutter guys this isn't that kind of post), but see as well.  This inspires even more hope in me--in us.  Funny, it scares me a little because it is as though we haven't been apart for years.  It is like we haven't missed a beat or step at all.  Although there is a familiarity to it there is something very new and different to it as well.  Hmmmm, well kiddies, I guess we will see.  I am looking forward to seeing how things go this time around.
     Until another time, lovelies, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind.
~Marissa            

How Does a Man Show His Love?

     So one of my lovely friends asked this question this evening during a long and rather in depth conversation.  My answer was I don't know, not truly (does any woman, for that matter).  I don't know in specifics, I can only speak from my experience and I sure as heck can't speak for the sex.  But the question did spark something in me and as promised, this post is most definitely for her (not only, just especially)!
    * As I stated before, I can only speak from my experiences (I will do my best with this post, promise).*
     Every man loves and shows his love differently--this is true for everyone, whether man or woman, but since we are focusing on the opposite sex, let's stay on track.  A man's capacity to love depends on his definition of love; understanding of love; ability to receive and reciprocate love and his desire to love.  Considering the myriad of variations that I can't even begin to touch on (and do sufficient justice), I will touch on what little I do believe to know.
     Physical--Some men feel like they convey their love best with their bodies.  They relish touching and being touched.  They adore desiring and being desired and they show that when they give themselves and receive their women's bodies.  Whether it is PDA or sex (or both), some men show what they can not say with physical love and affection.
     Verbal--Some men are quite comfortable vowing the earth and moon and stars.  They will promise forever (whether they strive to or not, again, depends on the man) whether in verse, song or conversation. They are comfortable and gifted (with a damnable silver tongue) with being able to convey their love and devotion with their words.
     Providing--Some men show their love by providing for their women.  They work hard to give them the life they want and deserve.  They want to fulfill the role of provider and (financial) protector, so they work hard to build a life they can share and be proud of.
     Emotional--Some men show their love by being emotionally vested in their relationship.  They are supportive and understanding.  They aren't afraid to cry with or for you nor laugh with you either.  They show you not only what they feel, but that they understand (and can empathize) your feelings as well.  They are not afraid to show the world how you make them feel or how they feel about you.
     Thoughtful--Some men show their love by being thoughtful.  They are considerate and in considering their women, show them that they are important in their lives.  They do the sweet little nothings, remembering anniversaries and family members birthdays, etc.  They make sure that their women know that they are thinking of them and they remember the important things about them. 
     All In One--And then there are those who show their love across the board.  They show it physically, verbally, emotionally and with their actions and thoughts too (and with a whole lot more that I haven't even (nor would attempt to) touch on).  They are what I considered to be more well rounded (and rare) for they are in a place to love someone wholly and show it, not in bits and pieces, but in every way.  These are the men who are balanced and appreciate (as well as utilize) the many different ways of conveying their love.
     Even in stating this I will say that there are no limitations on any individual and the way they show their love (except those they put upon themselves).  Someone may start out preferring to show it one way, or another, or even a mixture of a few and (after hard work and genuine dedication) become an All In Oner.  Every ability (to love and show love) depends solely on the individual and this pale skeletal post can never deliver a truly just explanation in so short a space or time.  Yet, I still hope that it has helped even a little.
     Remember the only way to know how a (specific) man shows his love is by watching and listening.  And another note, don't try to change how a person shows their love.  True change can only come from a sincere desire (and choice) from the individual.  The fact that someone desires to show you their love for you is a truly precious and wonderful thing.  Enjoy and appreciate it to its fullest because love is a fragile and magnificent thing.
     Until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa