I'm Awesome

     Yes, that is a very egotistical (albeit honest) title for this new post, but it is so insanely appropriate that I absolutely could not contain my desire to slap it at the very top and let the whole world know what I am feeling inside.  I mean I seriously woke up one day this week and I had a straight Dune moment I swear that I almost ran outside in my onesie and screamed "...the sleeper has awakened" at the top of my lungs!  (Point 1:  If you have never seen the cult classic known as Dune or read any of the books I encourage you to do one or the other IMMEDIATELY!  Point 2:  Yes I have a My Little Pony--Rainbow Dash onesie and I love it (side note:  A Totoro onesie is in my future)!  Now that I have satisfied that tangent I will most definitely get back on the subject of --Me! 
    The sleeper has awakened--everything clicked for me when I got out of bed that day.  The doubt, hesitation, worry, fear, sadness--all of it was gone!  My inner lioness was back and it feels SO GOOD!  I forgot about my wonder, as a woman, daughter, sister, girlfriend, friend, co-worker.  I forgot what I offer as a woman, to the people in my life--those I love--and even who I am.  I am versed enough in this life to understand that there are times when this may happen and I was experiencing one of those. Even so, though I may have been "sleeping", I was also learning. Learning about myself--about others in my life--about living in general.  Yet, even though I was learning--I was also forgetting--which is never a good thing.  But, joyously am I celebrating that time that has passed for me.  And I will continue to shout praises of appreciation for all that I have learned and experienced.  But now it is a new year--it is 2015, y'all and I am about that life! (Please excuse the verbal cliches, but they are just too much fun right now and I can't deny the use of them!)
     So, I have become the embodiment of that old adage, "New year, new me"  because I am NEW!  In so many ways.  I even told my mom there are two words that I am eliminating from my vocabulary this year, "ok" and "fine".  I feel as though they no longer have any place in my life!  I am fantastic, wonderful, blessed, loved--I am so much more than those two words could ever describe.  I will no longer rest on their laurels!  They no longer have power or place in my life!  And I will hold true to this.  Even if my day isn't going beautifully I have so much that can NOT be taken from me that I can only ever be at the very least--blessed.
     I am educated, intelligent, determined, kind, sassy and so fun!  I love my family, new career, new company and my CREW (SHOUT OUT TO THE CREW).  I have a home (and always will for where there is true love, kindness and safety that is where home will be for me), a fantastic new car and so many opportunities set before me that I am so giddy with excitement that I can barely contain myself!  And even though certain relationships aren't all sunshine and lollipops in my life right now, I am still so solid because if the time for my "contract to be renewed" comes up and there isn't a reason for me to renew it--I will become a free agent (may the best franchise win, lol(excuse the football analogy but it was apropos)).
     And all of this is because I AM AWESOME.  I am genuinely a wonderful woman and person.  I am a treasure--a prize--a jewel who through trials and tribulations I have been made stronger, brighter, and priceless.  I have so much to offer, to give, and I am to the point in my life that if what I offer is rejected, unappreciated, abused or taken for granted in any way then there is no reason to continue to give any one (no matter who they are) something they don't understand, desire or deserve.
    I am so thankful for this re-awakening.  I feel as though my light is absolutely uncontainable right now!  And I LOVE IT! :)  I want to encourage all of you to maintain and protect your light.  Let it blossom and grow.  Do not be deterred if it feels as though it is taking forever for it to increase or if you feel as though you are stuck or even if you feel as though every thing you do isn't working out as you have planned.  Something that I learned a long time ago is that everything happens not according to our plans but they happen as they are SUPPOSED to as they are SUPPOSED to.  Be patient--my sleepers--keep faith.  And until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the Truest kind!
     ~Always
          Marissa   

What Dreams Are Made of

     What are dreams made of--past, present and future all rolled into one cryptic message that plays out once we shut out the day and quiet the chaos of our minds?  Are they naught but pictures and emotions left hidden from the light in the labyrinth of our subconscious?  Maybe they are a mix of celestial magic and dark desires?  Or are they only our imaginations working their gears while they are most able?  Or could they be fore warnings, premonitions of things to come, or decisions to be made.  Maybe I am putting too much thought into them or maybe--just maybe--I am right.
     You see I dream--frequently--deeply, sometimes in too much detail and at other times things feel so real that I wake up in a state of surreal dissatisfaction as though my dreams were my reality and my reality nothing more than a dream.  (Kind of inception-esque)  Confusing,  I'm sure to some, but for those who have been there I am sure you understand.  And the fact that I, nine times out of ten, remember what I dreamed makes this pondering all the more relevant. How frighteningly wonderful would that be?  How much more credit would we give them, how much more important would they be to us; if we knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were more than our over active imaginations running wild?  Would lives be lived differently,  changed drastically?  For that matter would I change drastically if my dreams were more than mere imaginative figments that carry me through my REM cycles?   
     All of these pressing questions could have been born because of the new year.  You see, there are new decisions to be made--steps to take--experiences to have--and with so much at stake amidst a glorious new beginning, these are questions that I am asking myself once more.  Especially when I had a dream about a life I have yet to see,  but it is the life I desire--the life I am striving to build.  And having a detailed glimpse of my hearts desire apparently achieved, how can I not stop and wonder--hope--that they are more than bits and pieces of this and that.    My heart is starting to believe it is so much more.  And with this hope, though partially groundless it may be, I feel a renewed resolve.  There is a confidence and surety, that I hadn't realized I was missing until recently, that had finally found its way back home.  I am reveling in the solid confidence I feel and subsequent happiness that had arrived along with it.  

    I feel that I have come alive again.  Like a phoenix, and I am so excited I can hardly contain it.  NO MORE HESITATION!  My time for resting is over and it is time for me once again to take it all on.  Life feels as though it has been laid out before me in all of its splendor for me to grasp with both hands and I am so ready.  I AM SO READY to make these dreams come true!
     Whatever they are made of;  whether their purpose is great or small indeed, I welcome them. What have your dreams brought to you? What do they mean to you?   I pray that you find your answers or at the very least begin to give thought you them.   Until another time I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind! 
    Always
        Marissa       

The Differences Between the Sexes

     Do you remember that book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?  I know I am dating myself a bit here, but do you remember just how big a deal it was when it first hit the shelves?  I do, I was a little young, although not that much, and I remember for the longest that was all most adults could talk about.  Honestly, I have never read it--nor am I inclined to, but the whole premise that men and women are from two vastly different planets is rather interesting.  It is also a touch sexist too considering that we created that classification box to decide that when certain sexes display certain emotions, thoughts and ideals that some are only acceptable for either a male or female to have.  But, I am being tangential in my thought process.  The point of my reminding you of that book is to emphasis how right it is--in a way at least--about the emotional differences between most men and women.
     I have had this conversation with my girlfriends multiple times.  Sometimes we wish we could just date each other.  Why? Not to fulfill a lesbian fantasy, sorry to burst your bubbles, but because we understand each other.  There is never a moment I have to worry about them not being loving, supportive and kind.  They are honest, dependable, accepting and fun to be with.  There is never a worry in my heart that I have to walk on thin ice or egg shells with them AND they appreciate all of my quirks and flaws.  They want to and do make time to spend with me.  They are emotionally available and open.  They understand their short comings and strive to better themselves.  They never lie to me or give me empty promises--as the list grows longer I am sure you can see why this is a conversation between us.  We get each other and understand what we need.  It would be as easy as breathing--it would WORK.
     Unfortunately, we don't have a real desire to date each other.  What's worse is there is such a pathetically dire shortage of men who know how to emotionally engage and connect with, that it seems damn near impossible to have a real relationship with them anymore.  Too many like to coast and have shallow relationships.  They don't want to or know how to expel the energy necessary to build an emotional foundation with the person they claim to love/care about.  What they don't seem to understand to this day, no matter how many books are published, is that an emotional connection with their S.O. is the most important thing to maintain.  Because once a woman checks out emotionally because of neglect it just pushes her that much closer to walking out the door.  Like one of my dear besties said earlier this week, "Women put up with a lot of shit, but when they have finally had enough it is really over".  I couldn't have said it better myself.  Most women really do try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and--well you get the point, but when the trying is done and they keep giving and fighting to no avail and they decide it is time to walk then there is no way to save or repair the damage that has been done.  And yet most guys still wonder what happened and where things went wrong.  Well sweet cheeks when you don't nourish and care for the emotional well being of your relationship--you open the door for someone else to step in who will--you open the door for your S.O. to walk out too.  And the only person to blame is YOU!
     In reality Love isn't enough--you can't hang or abuse your relationship on the fact that your S.O. loves you.  You must build trust; grow to understand your S.O.; and nurture your relationship.  If you don't do these things then nothing else matters because the relationship won't succeed.  Every woman has a breaking point.  And if you don't care enough to give her what she deserves and you break her--then she is within her right to leave.  If you don't have the maturity or drive to see that these things are necessary and worthwhile then maybe you should just be man enough to admit you can't handle a relationship and be by yourself.  It is a little tough--but tough love sometimes is very necessary.  Besides a little punch to the throat is good for some people!  Until another time I do wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind.
     Always,
         Marissa  

Expectations

     When we are little we expect the best--unwittingly, unknowingly, we do.  We expect to be loved, protected, cherished and taken care of.  We expect people to be kind and trustworthy, too.  We are literally born into this world untainted, pure and expectant.  When I think about it, I find it beautiful and even a little sad.
     Depending on your life that crystalline bubble will be broken, for most, sooner rather than later.  Disappointment, doubt, fear and even betrayal soon become reality and the first bitter sweet taste of living rips the proverbial ambrosia from young lips forever changing your world.  Funny, I can remember when my world changed, I was only eight years old.  To this day I remember crying for weeks as the icey coldness of my new reality continued to sting my very soul.  At eight years old, my bubble was broken.  Ironically at nineteen it was completely shattered.  At nineteen my expectations, tinged with reality and a new self awareness, started to change as well.  My expectations became--mine. 
     Let me explain:  My initially broken expectations were that of the world I inhabited.  At a young age I learned that people are people and that parents are people, too.  Doomed to ere and fault.  They can be selfish, neglectful, cruel and ambivalent.  The world was filled with selfish people who didn't care how they made you feel and you had to protect yourself--love yourself.  Instead of expecting the world to be candyland-esque with cotton candy clouds and bubble gum air, I knew that the only thing I should expect was for people to be who they are.  Even in knowing this a small part of me still held expectations of others that I shouldn't have. 
     Well at nineteen I started to have expectations of myself instead, because I finally realized the only person I should expect anything from is myself.  I don't have control or influence over others in this world.  If someone desired to treat me badly, they were going to because that is what they wanted to do.  It didn't matter what I said to them, or if they saw how much it hurt me, they acted how they felt.  My expecting then to be kind or thoughtful wouldn't change how they acted.  It was a complete and utter waste of time and energy to cry over broken expectations and hopes of others.  But I could have high expectations for myself.  You see at the end of the day that is the only person I could have influence and control over--me!
     I started to expect myself not to follow the majority of this existence, but to be better--be true to who I am.  I wanted to experience life, not to wall myself away and shut it out; learn as much as I could and understand as well as I could so that I could connect with myself in this life instead of drifting.  From my self-pectations was born a new determination--and with it came my voice.  Because of my expectations I was determined to live well, build a life of happiness and joy--this gave purpose to my life, a reason to fight--for myself and my future! 
     Even though it wasn't easy to take a stand, most especially with certain family members, I did because at the end of my life as I stand before God I will have to answer for my choices (just me) and I would still have to answer to myself for my regrets!  I'm not perfect and I have and still do fall short, but one thing I don't do is give in.  I have been standing strong for many years now and that isn't going to change--ever!  My life, my expectations and determination, are my own.  I refuse to let anyone try to live it for me or deter me because I have found that the greatest and best expectations I could ever fulfill are the ones I have for myself.
     Until another time I wish you Love and Happiness of the truest kind!

We don't Try, We Do

We don’t try, we do...

As a child, my father would said this to me. At first it seemed like a cruel thing to say to a 10 year old trying her damnest; but as I have gotten older, those words still come to mind. My father was not perfect, like no one’s was, but he has been one of my greatest influences in my life. I find myself at 25 still quoting the many sayings he would throw at me. I love you Daddy, and thank you. If it wasn’t for you constantly pushing me, I would have not realize that I can do far more than I imagined. I can be anything of my choosing!

Ok, so back to the saying… We don’t try, We do. This very simple phrase is not meant to discourage any effort that has already been given; it challenges you to do more, to be more! I have to admit that the biggest frustration of my life is to see loved ones, just “try” and then defend the mediocre effort they have given. “Well at least I’m trying”, really gets under my skin. And honestly, I include myself in this equation. I cannot tell you how many years I have “tried” to lose this weight! I would think if I just work out a little bit, then the weight would just fall off. Eventually I would dropdown in size, and everything would be all gravy. But it’s not! I was trying, not doing. I was feeding myself false hope that I would get a big payoff out a little bit of effort. But hey, at least I was trying, right?

Life doesn’t work like that! We can’t continue to do the same things and expect different results. That is the definition of INSANITY! We have to stop kidding ourselves, take off the rose-colored glasses, and face our problems. We all possess the power to shape our world around us, it’s just whether we dare to want to be better than yesterday, and actually do something about it.

We are at the age where life starts judging us for our past mistakes and ask… “Well what are you going to do now?” “Are you going to continue to eat crap?” “Are you still going to sit around smoking all day?” “So are you going to continue to still waste time in unhealthy relationships?” “Are you going to continue to let the things you desire now distract you from the things you need to grow you?” “Can your children and family say they are proud of you?” “Are you still just trying to survive and not thrive?”

Are you still going to stand behind whatever excuse you have because it’s comfortable?

We are the movers and shakers of our generation, and the time for us to take over is coming soon. It seems like half of us have our shit in order, we get it! But the other half is lost, driven by the false sense of just “trying”. As we age, and continue to face real life situations, which side are going to choose? Being a person who “tries”, but never succeeding in their endeavors? Or a person who does, gets it, and prospers in their endeavors, because they have the strength and courage to live the life that they dream? Funny how a simple question of do or try can shape your entire life!

Much love, and well wishes

Finess
“I will never give up, I will never settle, for I dare to dream”

Broken

     As of late--I have had a lot on my heart and mind.  For the past month there has been so much weighing heavy upon my very soul and for a long time I couldn't understand why.  That is when I had to take a step back.  I needed to breathe and move out of the fog that had started to fill my life.  I needed to reevaluate and reconnect with myself for I had lost myself along the way.  And as I crossed the barrier of doubt and uncertainty--certain things have become very clear. 
     We are broken.  Not all of us, but most of us.  And that isn't necessarily a bad thing in some cases.  Consider how a diamond is born--through fire and pressure and darkness.  Think of how it is carved from the earth and processed by artisan hands shaping and refining it into a gem worthy of wear and repute--into one of the hardest and strongest gems in existence.  Think of just how long it takes to get one practically perfect diamond?  You see we ARE very much like diamonds.  Some of us are still in the rough and others slowly (if not already) being refined.  And yet, unlike diamonds we have a choice. 
     It is funny that when it comes to brokenness it differs very much between men and women.  I know, unfortunately, so many women who have been broken.  Some by family--others by "friends"--most by men they have loved and a few of the most ill-fated, by all three.  The thing about it is that the majority of them, despite their "brokenness" and dark histories, like Phoenixes have risen from the ash and burn more brightly then ever before.  They have learned the hard truth that we are our own worst enemies and that Love is NOT enough.  And yet, they are determined to not let the pains, sorrows, and experiences of the past deter them from being Good women and having a brilliant and joyous future.
     And yet, the men that I know who are broken as well--do not fair the same.  Many of them seem to be unable to process their pain or leave their past behind them.  Instead of learning from the mistakes of others and the negative effect they have experienced because of them--they continue the cycle.  They hurt those they claim to love without hesitation and to add insult to injury they don't truly apologize nor do they try to become better;  instead they use the excuse of their past as the reason why they "don't know better" or "can't help it".  It is discouraging, disgusting, frustrating, maddening, saddening and laughable all at once.  It makes me beg the question:  How can you be sincere in your love or affection; in your promises to protect and support others when you can not even give yourself those things?
     I just want to scream and shake them and MAKE them realize that they are killing the fire of their souls and destroying those that love them the most in the process.  Because they do not wish to take a step and a stand; because they are in love with the negativity and pain they have become so familiar with--protect themselves with--they are perpetuating brokenness and pain in a way that is dishonorable and deplorable.  We are here on this earth to HELP each other and LOVE each other, not to inflict pain--not to destroy hope--not to smother love.  And yet, because they lack the courage to face their pasts they will never understand how dangerous they are to themselves AND others. 
     I say it all the time, but it is a truth I have come to know and to know it well.  For I, like many, have a past littered with pain and darkness and sorrow and sadness and yet, I do not turn away from the light of the sun.  I do not look behind me for I know my future is ahead.  I REFUSE to cause or inflict on others that which I have experienced myself.  And after many years of struggle and doubt and questioning.  I found my voice, my purpose, my meaning.  I know Who I Am and What I Want and I will stand for myself because I know that if I can not stand for myself--protect myself--how can I do the same for those I love?  And because of what I have gone through I know for a fact that Happiness comes from inside of us.  It is a choice!  It isn't an easy one, but it is the RIGHT one.  I want a happy life full of beautiful memories and wonderful people.  I want to experience the gift of living and existing in this world!  I want to LOVE wholly and completely someone who can and will give me what I offer in return 100%; someone who GETS IT and UNDERSTANDS; someone who is on the same page as me!  I will NEVER let my painful past determine my future.  I will NEVER let it make me forget who I am or what I have learned or deter me on my journey.  I will NEVER use it as an excuse because it would be a great disservice to myself and a betrayal to the woman I am determined to be.

     Every thing in life is a CHOICE.  Either you will be brave enough to make the hard choices so that you will be able to live better lives and be better people or you won't.  There is nothing wrong with being broken--a lot of wonderful people wouldn't be who they are without a trial by fire.  But, it is wrong if all you do is hold on to the broken pieces and use them as a reason as to why your life will never be full.  Like I said before--I am a broken woman, but I am also one of the Phoenixes that have risen from the fire and ash.  So, I ask you (if you are broken) to consider who you are and who you want to be.  Will you make the choice to take that difficult journey into healing and happiness or will you always find a reason to stay where and how you are--faking happiness when you truly don't even love yourself (and if you don't love yourself how the hell can you love anyone else)?



     I know, my Lovelies, this isn't a usual post, but I had to write what was on my heart.  I truly do wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind.
     ~Marissa  
      

Wake Up

     I have been feeling like Laurence Fishburn's character, Dap, at the end of School Daze running out onto the yard, screaming "WAKE UP!".  The overwhelming amalgamation of frustration, hope, fear, desperation and promise that filled those two words are the same emotions that fill my heart--as it silently echoes his cry.  At times this cry for awakening is solely for myself.  Although, within this moment this call is for everyone.
     We, as human beings, forget that our strength is mutable.  And being consumed with our (momentary) strength or (presumed) power we believe we possess--we forget about the inescapable, inevitable, existence of our beautiful fragility.  In being forgetful we not only over look our own, but the fragility of those around us as well.  Such an oversight is not only a great disservice, but can become truly detrimental to those around us that we hold most dear.
     In a world that encourages us to always present a stalwart facade and neglect the delicacies of our humanity we have become hard.  The disregard of the emotional welfare of those around us--closest to us--has become as second nature and socially acceptable as breathing.  The unfortunate truth is that we are all guilty of being both perpetrator and victim in this endless and disconsolate cycle of negligence.  And until we become more aware and understanding of our "softer" Selves then we will continue to slowly (or quickly) destroy not only ourselves, but our relationships with those we love as well.
     Our world can be very harsh and filled with trials and tribulations hence why we should never add to it.  We should seek to enhance it.  The people that we bring into our lives should never (whether directly or indirectly) forget that we have CHOSEN for them to be a part of our lives and that is a gift.  Simultaneously this gift should not be used as a justification or surety to neglect the fragility of those we love because everyone has a breaking point; and it is very difficult to piece together the pieces of trust, love, and fidelity that is chipped away when they are neglected or misused.  Nor should we consider ourselves or others as weak or incapable because we/they are fragile.  We should all endeavor to appreciate and protect the gentility of ourselves and others.  Doing so will further enable us to continue to build our relationships instead of deteriorating their foundations.
     Remember that fragility is a gift, it allows us to empathize in order to properly comfort and support others; to sympathize when we forget how to.  When truly embraced fragility can be a source of strength and not weakness.  We need to reawaken ourselves--rejuvenate our hearts--refresh our souls and remember that we shouldn't demonize a sensitive or sweet spirit.  Let us embrace them and the goodness they bring to our lives and the world.  Remember that as humans we are doomed to err, and if someone tells you that you have been hurtful, negative, or unkind to them be responsible.  Don't just apologize, but continuously endeavor to be more mindful of your words and actions because you are obviously important enough for what you do and say to have an affect on them.  Let us, every day try to be more mindful, caring, and open individuals so that we are a blessing to those we love and the world we inhabit.
     Until another time Lovelies, I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind.


         ~Marissa           
     

Opening and Closing Doors

     Relationships--there are so many different types--no human on this earth has ever existed without having a relationship of some kind.  Connection--love--we all crave it, need it in our lives.  We strive to achieve and maintain healthy, successful relationships.  And truth be told that is a separate job in and of itself, even though it is truly worth it.  But, when relationships start to head south (as some inevitably will)--hit brick walls--or seem to stagnate no matter what you do, say or try, and you are frustrated and hurting because things just aren't working no matter how much love or time you pour into it, what do you do?
     First--Please take time to quiet your mind so you can hear your heart.  REFLECT--evaluate and give yourself a chance to breathe and think things through.  Making decisions or even just thinking about a difficult situation or decision out of a place of hurt, anger, or confusion isn't good for you or fair for your partner.
     Secondly--After your period of reflection, make sure that you realize the part you played in causing the decline of your relationship.  AKA:  Take RESPONSIBILITY!  A relationship takes 2 people, right?  So the responsibility of the health of the relationship lies with not just one party, but both!  Hopefully in your moment of reflection you would have completely assessed not just the errors of your partner, but the your own as well.  If you have then you should be able to accept your own actions (or inaction) that contributed to the situation.  Taking responsibility is just as important as reflecting and evaluating the situation with a clear heart and mind. 
     Thirdly--After you have reflected and taken responsibility then it is time to COMMUNICATE!  After you have clarity, take time to speak with your partner.  Let them know how you feel and where your heart and mind are.  Be as honest and clear as possible.  Do not do them nor yourself the dishonor of lying (not even lying by omission) or hiding the truth.  Be respectful and listen as well as speak your peace.  If your partner is not open or supportive then they have essentially made their decision.
     Lastly--When you take time to not only learn and understand what has caused the decline of a relationship, but to also take responsibility and the time to communicate with your partner then you are in a place to make a DECISION.  You have to decide whether or not this relationship has hope, if your partner is truly open to working on this with you (and not just verbally saying they are, but actually putting in the work, people) OR if it is time for you to end it and go your separate ways.  Unfortunately, love is not enough and one person can not put in all the time, work and energy.  Sometimes it is very hard, especially when you are in love with your partner, to walk away, but if your happiness and well being isn't important to them--it has to be important enough to you for you to protect it; since they have decided not to.
     Essentially what we need to remember is that we are responsible for the success or demise of our relationships.  We are the ones who open and close these doors.  If you are negligent, cavalier, uncaring, lazy, thoughtless, cruel, unromantic, etc. then I hope you realize that you have OPENED the door in your relationship for your partner to walk out or someone else to walk in!  If you want your partner in your life and a successful relationship--it takes work!  If you aren't willing to put in the work (as I have stated before) step aside for someone who will.  You can't completely blame your partner for being unsatisfied, unhappy or even tempted by someone else when you are not meeting nor fulfilling their needs.  I think a lot of times we forget that we are not in relationships for ourselves.  We are in relationships with people because of them--for them--you should want to be with someone because you wish to build a life and a future with them.  You should be with someone because you wish to love, protect, care for them and make them happy. 
     Relationships test your character, heart and very soul.  If you are selfish, egotistical, or even insecure, oblivious, condescending or untrustworthy, etc. then it isn't possible for you to have a healthy relationship.  If you aren't happy with yourself, or too consumed with self in anyway there is no way you can be giving with your partner.  And relationships are all about GIVING to someone else!  Love is worth the risk and the work for me, but not everyone truly--to their core--will feel this way.  And if you are one of those individuals who continuously takes and hurts and expects your partner to sit around waiting for you to wise up!  That isn't fair (it is SELFISH, just in case you didn't know) and it is cruel.
     I know how hard it is to walk away when you are in love with someone, but sometimes that is what that person is betting on--your love for them--taking advantage of your love and consideration.  I would be lying if I didn't say that it hurts!  From experience I will confess that it can physically hurt to leave the one who you have given your heart to, but it sometimes is necessary.  Sometimes we must close a door so that we will be given a key to open a better one.  Contrary wise I also know what it is like to not be completely giving in a relationship as well.  Of course it was unintentional and in retrospect I had to apologize and pray to God to forgive me for my negligence to others and the subsequent pain that I caused.  But, what I learned from the negligence and ignorance of my youth taught me to balance.  I learned to reflect and take responsibility--learn from my mistakes and the mistakes of those who I loved.  I got to know myself and decide not only who and how I wanted to be in a relationship, but what I would and wouldn't accept from my partner as well.
     Life and especially Love are constant learning experiences.  They grant us the opportunity to get to know ourselves--become better people.  I can't regret any of the relationships of my past.  First, because the past can not be undone and lastly because I wouldn't be who I am without that past.  I have loved and lost and my heart has been broken repeatedly.  But, I hope and believe that the majority of us will eventually learn (some more quickly than others).  And the hope of a healthy, beautiful love isn't unrealistic.  We just have to break our negative cycles and mindsets--learn to love ourselves so that we may be able to love others.  Learning the difference and being strong enough to protect your heart and happiness when someone you love doesn't is the most difficult lesson in this life.  But, it is possible to learn it and not only survive, but thrive as well.  
     I am sorry for the length of this post, my lovelies, but I really felt as though this needed to be said.  I hope that this post, despite its length may help at least one person achieve a happy, healthy relationship.  Until another time, I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind.
     ~Marissa



 

In My Garden

     Hello Lovelies!  I know I have been gone for awhile, but I really needed to take a break and recollect myself.  I needed to remember how to tend to my garden.  Sometimes we get so caught up in life--the running, rushing and general rat race that we all run (to make a paycheck) that we forget to stop, breathe and take time to tend to the most important part of our lives--ourselves.  And truth be told I was so busy being so many things to so many people--spreading myself thin--so much so there was nothing left for me and I was feeling the strain of it all in an unimaginable way.
     With my very being feeling tired and overwhelmed my mind wouldn't quiet--and a feeling of being lost within myself eclipsed everything else.  And I can't begin to explain exactly how the combination of all of this was reeking havoc on me.  One emotion or state of being led way to another and yet another; becoming catalysts unto themselves and creating a seemingly endless cycle--they fed off of each other and I was in great need of getting out my gloves and pulling the weeds that had taken root in my life.  Right now I am still in the process of trying to organize, detox and give myself some much needed love-- unfortunately, like with any garden, it is going to take time and work in order for me to get back to a hundred percent.
     And quite honestly there is no way I can do this by myself--and lucky for me I don't have to.  The out pouring of love and support from Hunny, Chickateeta, friends and co-workers has warmed my heart and reminded me why we shouldn't go through life alone.  I wish I didn't have these painfully human moments, but because of them I am reminded of my blessings; about the people who truly do love and support me; and that sometimes--when overwhelmed--it is OK for others to help you.  That is why we have those special people in our lives.  It is truly during these times (or during their own times of trepidation) that we discover exactly what kind of flowers these people are in our lives--whether they are Seasonal, Perennials or Annuals. During certain trials and tribulations we are able to see exactly what kind of qualities they will bring to our garden and subsequently what kind of longevity they will have as well.
     Maybe that is why times such as this are not only a curse, but a blessing as well.  They can call you back to yourself to cleanse, reevaluate, appreciate and learn.  Obviously I was long overdue and just like I procrastinate on updating my computer (until it does it by itself during the most inconvenient times) I also seemed to have done the same with myself.  I will have to put into practice carving out time for rejuvenation so that I can maintain a healthier Being more consistently than I have been lately.  Well, that is all I have for now.  I can't promise I will have more soon, but I will do my best.  Please learn from my mistake and don't forget to take time to tend your garden because when things become overgrown it is harder to work through your fields.
     Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa         

A New Lease on Life

You know whats worst than having too little time for something? Having way too much time and nothing to do!

So here I am, twiddling my thumbs, just a little brain numb from catching up on EVERY show I've missed since the invention of cable. Ugh this is not how my life should look!  It doesn't feel right! I feel so lost in the sauce! Now that I have settled in my new position at work and have enjoyed my new found free schedule... I NEED TO FIND A LIFE!!!!

And that is exactly what I'm going to do! And I'm going to take you guys along with me! The more the merrier!  And hopefully I can encourage someone out there to start having adventures outside of the house too! :-)

So here is the list of all the things I find interesting, and each off day that I have, I will incorporate something off my list! If you have an suggestion on something I should try, please let me know!!!

My Interests
-FOOD: Cooking and Eating
-Meditation
-Boss (my dog)
-Walking
-Dancing
-Reading
-Arts and Crafts
- Shopping
-Traveling

So cheers to the many adventures that await me! And a second shot for the ones you'll have! Can't wait to share stories!
Until next time... FIND A LIFE!

Finess

MY Kind of Romance

     Well--we have made it through Spring Fever and Summer Madness (Thank God) and we are now (finally) in the middle of my absolute favorite Season--Autumn!  Autumn blesses us with lovely weather; boots; long walks through golden leaves and cuddling in front of the fire place (to name a few of my favorite Autumn hobbies)!  There are so many lovely things about Autumn and to top it all off it is my first Autumn with Hunny (double the cuddle time)!  And along with all the cuddling, bonfires, hikes, (etc.) burns the brighter than average flame of romance (at least for me).  I don't know what it is about Autumn, but it puts me in a hyper-romantic mood, but--hey I love it (and Hunny isn't complaining either)!  And lucky for me Hunny doesn't mind going along for the ride (or on occasions "driving")!
     I mean Romance is as mutable as Love--it varies from person to person.  Example:  One person may find Game tickets to see their favorite team play their biggest rivals romantic; while another may find a long hike to the top of a mountain at sunrise the most romantic thing ever.  This is why it is very important to get to know your partner and discover exactly what is Romantic for them.  I am happy to share that I am very lucky because my Hunny loves me enough to not only understand and learn what is Romantic to me, but to actually do it.  I will full out (and proudly) admit that I am a quirky woman.  And the other day, I wanted nothing more than to have my hair washed.  I have never asked Hunny to do it before, but for some reason that is what I wanted.  Hunny--being the awesome boyfriend he is actually took the time to do it for me.  He didn't grumble or gripe and to top it all of he took his time and was caring-gentle and diligent.  He asked if I was comfortable with the temperature of the water; how I liked it washed and even if I wanted anything specifically done.  I can not begin to tell you first--how soothing and comforting it was for him to wash my hair, but also how very loved, cared for and special I felt that he would happily take time to do this for me.
     It may seem silly to some, but there was an intimacy and thoughtfulness in every stroke of his hand--every finger along my scalp that turned me into a great-gooey-girly mess.  I was absolutely blissful and content (way less stressed) by the time he finished (he could have asked for the moon and I would have probably given it to him--don't tell him I told you that, though) and I even returned the favor most happily (but I love playing in his gorgeous hair (and he loves when I do too) anyway).  Honestly, sweet thoughts and actions--little things that make me feel special--are very Romantic to me.  Tying my shoe when it is untied; flowers just because you knew they would make me smile; my favorite junk food after I have had a tough day so you can binge and veg out with me; long walks together; a note on my pillow to say you love me; making me lunch and bringing it to my job; surprising me with a day at Tallulah Gorge hiking out to waterfalls or bird watching; an unexpected present (book, movie, perfume, etc.) just because you saw it and thought of me; or even turning off the phone and snuggling up and playing board games and watching movies with me--for me these things are romantic and special.  Romance isn't just about money or fancy dates and vacations--being Romantic or creating Romance can and SHOULD be an every day thing.
     Romance--being Romantic--is more about thoughtfulness and taking time to turn thoughtfulness into action, than anything else.  I have an "Autumn Bucket List" and even though there was a groan from Hunny when I sent it to him after a chuckle he agreed and I can't wait to spend time making new memories with him--trying new things--and enjoying this gorgeous Season!  Day or night when we get the opportunity to have "firsts" together--hold each others' hands and do something different or special I feel loved and cherished and it is so romantically-wonderful that I get all giddy and joyous just thinking about it.  My Romance isn't your type of Romance.  And even if there are similarities there will probably be more differences than not!  I am just so very lucky that my wonderful Hunny loves me enough to share in these moments and indulge in some of my quirkier requests.  So very lucky that my happiness and my sense of Romance being fulfilled is as important to him as his is to me.
     I truly wish that everyone will find that person who holds your happiness above theirs and strives to do everything within their power to make you happy!  There is a beautiful and comforting feeling that comes from that kind of love.  And when you add in the fulfillment of your kind of Romance to that beautiful and genuine love--it is like homemade icing with strawberries on top of the cake!  Well, that is all I have for now.  I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa           

The Great Imbalance

     Although Nessy and I have been rather "quiet" lately, it doesn't mean we have forgotten our blog or fans.  We have both had a lot going on in our lives.  And trust me this is a very good thing.  It means that we are learning, growing, experiencing and living life.  And even though our absence has been short and there were a lot of things that have happened; there is also one--(sadly) glaring fact that has become quite apparent to us both.  We live in a society that perpetuates a great imbalance between men and women.
     I am not being sexiest, bitter or angry when I say this.  It is, quite regrettably,  a cold hard fact.  At one point in time what was important to men was honor, honesty, dependability, intelligence, fidelity,  love, accountability, family and being a good provider, husband and father.  But this is no longer the case.  Now our society encourages individuality over family; irresponsibility over accountability and dependability; money over love; and success over honor and honesty.  We live in a social culture that has been infested with negative ideals that celebrate materialism, excess, degradation, ignorance, greed, dishonesty, and a myriad of  other distasteful and disgusting attributes; practically eliminating the once upstanding and steadfast traditions that were once common place.     
      The continuous breakdown has resulted in men who want to be taken care of; takers; game players; and stagnated individuals who would rather suppress or ignore their shortcomings and "baggage" instead of rallying their courage and putting in hard work to break through and grow past their issues to become better men.  Very few desire to be a true partner, provider, father, husband, friend or lover.  It is like men have become so accustomed to satisfying themselves and their petty and short lived desires that they no longer understand nor do they see the big picture.  They are actually OK with giving bits and pieces of themselves (if anything at all) instead of cultivating themselves (continuously) in order to be a whole person who can engage in stable, healthy relationships.  And on top of all of that most of them believe that women should be satisfied with what little they are willing to do (again, if anything at all)!
     And as a subsequent ripple effect this has pushed women to stand more solidly on their own; to (even when in relationships) rely upon, fight, support and encourage themselves.  They may have a "partner" who exists in their lives, but they still stand alone because their partner isn't supportive, helpful, giving, or protective.  I have heard many women say (of varying cultures and ages) that being married is like having another child to take care of(...)!  Seriously men, do you feel fulfilled being a shell of your former selves?  Is it OK to be considered unreliable, immature and more a hindrance than a help?  Curiously enough I have also heard men of varying ages and cultures complain about not being wanted and women being TOO independent--(again,) SERIOUSLY!!!! You can not have it both ways.  Albeit a relationship isn't always going to be 50/50, sometimes it will be 60/40 or 70/30 and during those times you are supposed to give your partner extra support, love and understanding, but when a relationship is 90/10 or 95/5 then it isn't a healthy relationship--it is a parasitic relationship!
     In every relationship in life, no matter what kind it is, you get what you give!  You set the tone!  If you aren't reliable we won't rely on you; if you lie and/or cheat on us--we will not trust you; essentially if you do not give in return what we give to you freely; if you can not get on the same page with us--we can't (and won't) have a real relationship with you.  (No matter how much we love you--we have to protect ourselves and will not sacrifice our well being to have you in our lives when you take more (or twice as much) as you give!).  Man was not meant to walk alone if he were God would not have made a companion for Adam.  I will also admit that not all men are meant to marry (or women for that matter).
     Relationships aren't all meant to end in marriage with a white picket fence and two point five kids.  But, if you desire to be in a relationship (or eventually to be married and have a family) then men make sure you are ready--that you are on the same page as your partner--and you are in a place to be able to be in a relationship.  I hope men will start taking time to step back and start seeing the big picture again--to become the men they were; leave behind selfishness, lying and irresponsibility and embrace being men of honor, accountability and consideration.  I encourage men to live up to their potential, to correct this great imbalance and bring the world to rights.  I encourage them to achieve their greatness and with the same breath I encourage women to not settle for less than they deserve.  Do not allow someone to only give you bits and pieces when you happily give all of yourself.  Don't settle for an unhealthy relationship (no matter how much you love them) that will end in heartache when you deserve a healthy relationship and a happy ending.  Because the reality of it is--a relationship isn't only about how you feel and treat someone it is more about how someone feel and treats you! 
     Well Lovelies, just some food for thought.  Until another time I wish you Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa

LOVE--Is More Than A Word

     I know I post a lot about Love, and grant it some of this may seem a bit repetitive--but as it is, Fall is setting in and along with it comes that unfortunate seasonal rut that seems to occur in most relationships.  It seems terribly prevalent during Autumn for guys to get so comfortable that they end up "falling off the Wagon".  So, this has again and again raised the question in mind, heart, soul and conversation--Love--What is Love to you?  Love differs from person to person.  We all have certain Love Languages that touch us more on an emotional level than others.  (If you don't know about your Love Language, why not find out about it at www.5lovelanguages.com !)  And because we all vary so much, it is very important to learn the love language of your significant other in order to understand and be able to show them love in a way that they will not only be able to appreciate, but receive as well.
     I know that Hunny isn't psychic (as most men aren't) and so I strive to communicate with him to help him understand what I need and want as well as to make sure that we are on the same page.  And honestly it isn't always easy.  Not for me--especially because of my past.  But as I am determined to rectify the mistakes of my past and build a healthy relationship I choose to fight against my defense mechanisms.  So instead of running, or throwing up a steel wall, I breathe through my initial fears, hurts and frustrations and sit down to talk with Hunny.  Yet, knowing it takes two people to make a relationship work I can only do so much on my end.  And honestly that is one of the most terrifying facts of Love there is--knowing that I can not make it work by myself.  Simply knowing that my heart, my desire, my Love is not enough to make this relationship work makes it hard not to just run away in sheer terror out of fear of a broken heart because it would be easier--safer.  Knowing that the fate of not only my relationship, but my heart is equally at the mercy of his hands sets my heart trembling with trepidation.  And that is the greatest most difficult part of the gamble.  But, that is when I ask myself not only if this gamble with Hunny is worth it-- but if I will let my past and fears deny me the right ( or deny him the chance) to try again to Love and be Loved.  
     You, see when I choose Love (as with those of us who do) I knowingly choose to gamble my heart with Hunny.  To take a chance that may be this will be my FOREVER Love.  I choose to bestow upon him the gift of Chance to win my heart for all time.  I choose to allow him into my heart and life.  I choose to be vulnerable, available, understanding, patient, kind, honest--essentially I choose to walk, live, breathe Love; for I have learned that it is more than a word (or many words).  Love is in every action and thought of every moment of every day whether the person is right next to you or 1000 miles away.  For when one Loves (truly--purely love) they are elevated (and the relationship they are trying to build) unto another plateau.  But with Love the gamble isn't just in your hand that counts like in black jack--no it is more like spades.  It is about what your partner is holding just as much as what you are.  And at the end of the day you can only do your best and give your best and hope and pray that your partner understands that they are just as responsible for the success or failure to make your "books" as you are.  (Lol, I couldn't resist adding in some spades references!)  And hopefully (seriously) your partner will understand that just like in spades NOTHING is a surety, but a gamble and a chance and if they play their hand wrong, they will LOSE!
     And it isn't just one misplayed hand, but many that result in the ULTIMATE LOSS.  If you try and try to communicate with words and actions, but there is no change in how they play the game; if they are not willing to try to work with you, to build with you, so that you both can win (not just each other but,) together then it may be time to find another partner (no matter how much it may hurt or how much the loss of your old partner would break your heart).  Because a partner that does not trust or listen to you--a partner who isn't receptive or dedicated to you or your gamble (that you make together), isn't a good partner to have.  For every time they disregard you; take you for granted; ignore; hurt or deny you they are rejecting the love, time, hard work and dedication you have poured into your relationship.  They deny you and everything you are working for.  And Ladies and Gents, I know what that feels like.  That sting I have felt too keenly time and time again and it wearies and frustrates me as I know it must do to all those who have felt and do feel it.  It chips away at the partnership, trust, and very hope that your relationship thrives on--until there is nothing left.   
     Essentially we all need to learn and understand the Love Language of our partners; to understand what they require and what your roll in the relationship requires.  Step forward and understand what it takes to make it work and DO what it takes to make it work so you don't lose out.  Remember every time you slip up you give someone else the opportunity to slip in!  And trust me, if you know your partner is wonderful 9 times out of 10 so do a few other people!  Relationships--LOVE-- is about constantly growing TOGETHER.  (And growing to grow together you must both be there next to each other.)  It is about what you put in (and what you put in is what you get out).  You can not constantly take and give nothing.  You can not constantly chip away at the foundation and expect the building to stand!  If you can not or do not or wish not to LOVE then do not torment your partner acting as though you do.
     I hope that we all can make it through the Seasonal curse of Fall and greet Winter with stronger relationships.  Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind. 
          ~Marissa

Let's Talk About Sex!

     If you think this post is about all my "dirty" little bedroom secrets, well slow your roll because it is NOT!  What this post is about is quite simply--communication!  We have blogged about communication in regards to many different facets in a relationship, but this is our first about communicating in regards to sex.  There can be no trust or intimacy (either physical or emotional) in a relationship--in any facet--if there isn't communication.  Well, how often do you remember to communicate with your partner in the bedroom?
    The only way to enhance intimacy between you and your partner is to show that you are open, receptive and trustworthy.  Nine times out of ten you probably get caught up in the emotions and the actions and before you know it--every thing is basically said and done.  Well whether before, after (or depending on how things are, during) you should take time to communicate with your partner.  If there is something that you really enjoy or really dislike, don't hesitate to let your partner know!  Compliment and verbally appreciate the wonderful things they can do and that you do together, too.  If you are feeling adventurous or curious about something talk with them about it--much more than likely your partner will be supportive and open and you two can venture into new territory together.
     Remember intimacy is important on all levels and this little bit of advice may just lead you to a lot of fun!  It may not be easy, if you aren't used to speaking to your partner about your physical intimacy, but we all must start somewhere.  And I am sure the benefits will be worth the initial hesitancy (or embarrassment) that you may initially experience.
     Remember communication is key to build a healthy and happy relationship--even when it comes to physical intimacy.  What can it truly hurt to try?  Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind.
          ~Marissa  

Divorcee Dating Saga Part Sept/ My Hunny

PREVIOUSLY WRITTEN

     Hunny makes me feel like I am in college again.  (I say college because that was my first taste of freedom and where I was able to begin to know myself.)  He makes me feel free and safe simultaneously.  I am free to be myself completely and even though he chuckles or teases me (sweetly) he supports my 'me'-ness.  And what thrills me to no end (most sincerely and seriously it does)  Hunny says that I am perfect just as I am.  The cherry on top is he doesn't just say it he believes it and treats me like he does.  I love that!

     Just as much as I love how he makes a not so great day rather wonderful because my happiness is important to him.  His genuine concern for my happiness and well being makes me feel so loved it is thrilling (and new).  I love that he matches my affection and passion it is intoxicating!  And having someone who reciprocates completely is unbelievably, undeniably, wonderful (a true blessing).  I don't remember the last time I have met my relationship match (if ever).  Most of them were honestly (and quite sadly) one sided in one way or another.  Even my first relationship with Hunny wasn't evenly matched.  But now, well now, we are and I am so in love--I am so in love with him and us that I think some of my friends may O.D. on the "contact" of our love (bwahahahaha)!  

     Truly I am so happy and getting to know and love the man he has grown into is just--magical--(I am so happy in our love that if I could poop rainbows I would).  Well enough sharing (at least for now).  I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind.

          ~Marissa

Love--It Varies

     After an interesting conversation with one of my girlfriends last night I was inspired to write this post.  Although she isn't the first person I have had this conversation with I would be lying if I didn't admit to my surprise at her surprise when I pointed out that love has many variations and differs from person to person; relationship to relationship.  C'mon y'all think about it!  Love has many variations because not only do our relationships differ, but the people we have relationships with differ as well.  The way you love your mother differs from the way you love your sister; which differs from the way you love your friends; which differs from the way you love your significant other.  Even if you wanted to compare the way you love within one group there are still variations.
     (Stay with me now) Example:  Everyone (and I do mean everyone (don't lie to yourself)) has a favorite parent, sibling, grandparent, aunt, cousin, etc. that they have bonded with (and love) more than other equivalent members of their family.  The love is different, the way you treat, see, communicate and think of them is (subsequently) different because of it!  You know it is true!  Even when it comes to romantic love (or probably more so) it is the same.  Each relationship is different.  Different connections, bonds, are made which form different levels of emotion, attraction, affection and love.  So you may love your 1st significant other with all of your heart, but you may discover later in life that you love your 4th more than your 1st because a deeper bond was made.  You didn't lie when you said that you loved your 1st with all of your heart, because you did.  You loved them with all the love that connection created within you for that person.  But the deeper bond with your 4th significant other encouraged a new range and depth of emotion and love that didn't exist in your relationship with your 1st significant other.  So you can say that you love your 4th with all of your heart and both statements are still very true.
     We can't compare how we love one person (no matter the relationship) to the way we love another because they are DIFFERENT.  Even if it is the same type of relationship it is still a different person!  Unless you repeat a relationship with the same person then there is no comparison to be made.  Just because the love you had for one person developed/presented itself one way doesn't mean that it will come about in the same order, fashion or circumstance with someone different.  (I told you there were a multitude of variations in love)  Don't expect every love you experience to be slow burning or white hot for that matter.  And count yourself lucky that it isn't.  If love were the same for everyone you loved or fell in love with what would you truly learn or experience for that matter.  How boring would that be?  Being able to experience fully the variations of love is a blessing.  I believe it teaches you a lot about yourself and the world.  What a wonderful surprise to experience the depths and magnitudes of love!
    (Just think about it for awhile) I hope you do realize that none of this is something you have control over (control is an illusion, after all) because you can not control something as powerful, as elemental and infinite (nor should you) as love!  The best thing you can do is learn to give and receive love; to appreciate and cherish it.  Don't try to shove it in a box or twist it into something that it isn't because then it becomes tainted and nothing good ever comes from tainted love.  Start bringing yourself up to the level where you can embrace love in its glorious purity, instead of dragging it down to you.  (Trust me the world becomes a different place when you do!)  Remember love is a gift from God ("...above these is love...").  Don't tarnish something so beautiful, seek to be worthy of it instead!
     Consider this a friendly observation/reminder.  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa 
    

Cloud Nine/Divorcee Dating Saga Part Six

     (Throwing on my Captain Obvious Cape) I am on cloud nine, my boyfriend is just--wonderful and he really does make me happy (as though you couldn't tell from my posts, right).  Hunny makes me want to sing at the top of my lungs and cheer from mountain tops a riotous chorus of elation.  The only thing that makes me sad is--we don't get to spend as much time together as we would like (#grownupproblems)!  It is so hard trying to coordinate two individual's work and social calendars!  Add to that the distance we live from each other and we get two days a week (if we are lucky) to spend together!  I really wish that I worked a more normal schedule or that we lived closer to each other because it would be so much easier for us to see each other, but wishing doesn't change the facts so--I blame HUNNY!
     I blame Hunny for making me miss him so much.  It is his fault that I want him around and I hate not having him with me to cuddle every night and kiss every morning!  I love that he tries to make every moment we do have together insanely lovely, no matter what we do, because that is endearing all on its own.  He makes sure that we do get to cram as much QT as we can in the few hours we do get together, though.  It means so much that this is important to him (it makes me feel treasured, see it is not hard at all, guys)!  I know they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it also kinda saddens, too (like a lot)!  I mean SERIOUSLY!  I WANT MY HUNNY (*Insert foot stomping, whining, two year old tantrum, here*)!
     Even though the lack of Hunny and Bunny (his nickname for me, isn't it precious) QT makes me sad (miss him so much) the fact that we both try our best encourages me when it gets super difficult (and I also sleep in his shirt during those times).  Sometimes we may have to sacrifice some social engagements, rearrange our schedules but for me (and Hunny, too) it is worth it (he is so worth it)!  Hopefully it will get easier or something will change that will enable us to be together more.  Until then we have as much fun and make as many memories as we can!  As long as we still miss each other and cherish our time together I believe we are on the right track.
     Well enough sharing for one post!  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
    ~Marissa