I'm Awesome

     Yes, that is a very egotistical (albeit honest) title for this new post, but it is so insanely appropriate that I absolutely could not contain my desire to slap it at the very top and let the whole world know what I am feeling inside.  I mean I seriously woke up one day this week and I had a straight Dune moment I swear that I almost ran outside in my onesie and screamed "...the sleeper has awakened" at the top of my lungs!  (Point 1:  If you have never seen the cult classic known as Dune or read any of the books I encourage you to do one or the other IMMEDIATELY!  Point 2:  Yes I have a My Little Pony--Rainbow Dash onesie and I love it (side note:  A Totoro onesie is in my future)!  Now that I have satisfied that tangent I will most definitely get back on the subject of --Me! 
    The sleeper has awakened--everything clicked for me when I got out of bed that day.  The doubt, hesitation, worry, fear, sadness--all of it was gone!  My inner lioness was back and it feels SO GOOD!  I forgot about my wonder, as a woman, daughter, sister, girlfriend, friend, co-worker.  I forgot what I offer as a woman, to the people in my life--those I love--and even who I am.  I am versed enough in this life to understand that there are times when this may happen and I was experiencing one of those. Even so, though I may have been "sleeping", I was also learning. Learning about myself--about others in my life--about living in general.  Yet, even though I was learning--I was also forgetting--which is never a good thing.  But, joyously am I celebrating that time that has passed for me.  And I will continue to shout praises of appreciation for all that I have learned and experienced.  But now it is a new year--it is 2015, y'all and I am about that life! (Please excuse the verbal cliches, but they are just too much fun right now and I can't deny the use of them!)
     So, I have become the embodiment of that old adage, "New year, new me"  because I am NEW!  In so many ways.  I even told my mom there are two words that I am eliminating from my vocabulary this year, "ok" and "fine".  I feel as though they no longer have any place in my life!  I am fantastic, wonderful, blessed, loved--I am so much more than those two words could ever describe.  I will no longer rest on their laurels!  They no longer have power or place in my life!  And I will hold true to this.  Even if my day isn't going beautifully I have so much that can NOT be taken from me that I can only ever be at the very least--blessed.
     I am educated, intelligent, determined, kind, sassy and so fun!  I love my family, new career, new company and my CREW (SHOUT OUT TO THE CREW).  I have a home (and always will for where there is true love, kindness and safety that is where home will be for me), a fantastic new car and so many opportunities set before me that I am so giddy with excitement that I can barely contain myself!  And even though certain relationships aren't all sunshine and lollipops in my life right now, I am still so solid because if the time for my "contract to be renewed" comes up and there isn't a reason for me to renew it--I will become a free agent (may the best franchise win, lol(excuse the football analogy but it was apropos)).
     And all of this is because I AM AWESOME.  I am genuinely a wonderful woman and person.  I am a treasure--a prize--a jewel who through trials and tribulations I have been made stronger, brighter, and priceless.  I have so much to offer, to give, and I am to the point in my life that if what I offer is rejected, unappreciated, abused or taken for granted in any way then there is no reason to continue to give any one (no matter who they are) something they don't understand, desire or deserve.
    I am so thankful for this re-awakening.  I feel as though my light is absolutely uncontainable right now!  And I LOVE IT! :)  I want to encourage all of you to maintain and protect your light.  Let it blossom and grow.  Do not be deterred if it feels as though it is taking forever for it to increase or if you feel as though you are stuck or even if you feel as though every thing you do isn't working out as you have planned.  Something that I learned a long time ago is that everything happens not according to our plans but they happen as they are SUPPOSED to as they are SUPPOSED to.  Be patient--my sleepers--keep faith.  And until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the Truest kind!
     ~Always
          Marissa   

Expectations

     When we are little we expect the best--unwittingly, unknowingly, we do.  We expect to be loved, protected, cherished and taken care of.  We expect people to be kind and trustworthy, too.  We are literally born into this world untainted, pure and expectant.  When I think about it, I find it beautiful and even a little sad.
     Depending on your life that crystalline bubble will be broken, for most, sooner rather than later.  Disappointment, doubt, fear and even betrayal soon become reality and the first bitter sweet taste of living rips the proverbial ambrosia from young lips forever changing your world.  Funny, I can remember when my world changed, I was only eight years old.  To this day I remember crying for weeks as the icey coldness of my new reality continued to sting my very soul.  At eight years old, my bubble was broken.  Ironically at nineteen it was completely shattered.  At nineteen my expectations, tinged with reality and a new self awareness, started to change as well.  My expectations became--mine. 
     Let me explain:  My initially broken expectations were that of the world I inhabited.  At a young age I learned that people are people and that parents are people, too.  Doomed to ere and fault.  They can be selfish, neglectful, cruel and ambivalent.  The world was filled with selfish people who didn't care how they made you feel and you had to protect yourself--love yourself.  Instead of expecting the world to be candyland-esque with cotton candy clouds and bubble gum air, I knew that the only thing I should expect was for people to be who they are.  Even in knowing this a small part of me still held expectations of others that I shouldn't have. 
     Well at nineteen I started to have expectations of myself instead, because I finally realized the only person I should expect anything from is myself.  I don't have control or influence over others in this world.  If someone desired to treat me badly, they were going to because that is what they wanted to do.  It didn't matter what I said to them, or if they saw how much it hurt me, they acted how they felt.  My expecting then to be kind or thoughtful wouldn't change how they acted.  It was a complete and utter waste of time and energy to cry over broken expectations and hopes of others.  But I could have high expectations for myself.  You see at the end of the day that is the only person I could have influence and control over--me!
     I started to expect myself not to follow the majority of this existence, but to be better--be true to who I am.  I wanted to experience life, not to wall myself away and shut it out; learn as much as I could and understand as well as I could so that I could connect with myself in this life instead of drifting.  From my self-pectations was born a new determination--and with it came my voice.  Because of my expectations I was determined to live well, build a life of happiness and joy--this gave purpose to my life, a reason to fight--for myself and my future! 
     Even though it wasn't easy to take a stand, most especially with certain family members, I did because at the end of my life as I stand before God I will have to answer for my choices (just me) and I would still have to answer to myself for my regrets!  I'm not perfect and I have and still do fall short, but one thing I don't do is give in.  I have been standing strong for many years now and that isn't going to change--ever!  My life, my expectations and determination, are my own.  I refuse to let anyone try to live it for me or deter me because I have found that the greatest and best expectations I could ever fulfill are the ones I have for myself.
     Until another time I wish you Love and Happiness of the truest kind!

We don't Try, We Do

We don’t try, we do...

As a child, my father would said this to me. At first it seemed like a cruel thing to say to a 10 year old trying her damnest; but as I have gotten older, those words still come to mind. My father was not perfect, like no one’s was, but he has been one of my greatest influences in my life. I find myself at 25 still quoting the many sayings he would throw at me. I love you Daddy, and thank you. If it wasn’t for you constantly pushing me, I would have not realize that I can do far more than I imagined. I can be anything of my choosing!

Ok, so back to the saying… We don’t try, We do. This very simple phrase is not meant to discourage any effort that has already been given; it challenges you to do more, to be more! I have to admit that the biggest frustration of my life is to see loved ones, just “try” and then defend the mediocre effort they have given. “Well at least I’m trying”, really gets under my skin. And honestly, I include myself in this equation. I cannot tell you how many years I have “tried” to lose this weight! I would think if I just work out a little bit, then the weight would just fall off. Eventually I would dropdown in size, and everything would be all gravy. But it’s not! I was trying, not doing. I was feeding myself false hope that I would get a big payoff out a little bit of effort. But hey, at least I was trying, right?

Life doesn’t work like that! We can’t continue to do the same things and expect different results. That is the definition of INSANITY! We have to stop kidding ourselves, take off the rose-colored glasses, and face our problems. We all possess the power to shape our world around us, it’s just whether we dare to want to be better than yesterday, and actually do something about it.

We are at the age where life starts judging us for our past mistakes and ask… “Well what are you going to do now?” “Are you going to continue to eat crap?” “Are you still going to sit around smoking all day?” “So are you going to continue to still waste time in unhealthy relationships?” “Are you going to continue to let the things you desire now distract you from the things you need to grow you?” “Can your children and family say they are proud of you?” “Are you still just trying to survive and not thrive?”

Are you still going to stand behind whatever excuse you have because it’s comfortable?

We are the movers and shakers of our generation, and the time for us to take over is coming soon. It seems like half of us have our shit in order, we get it! But the other half is lost, driven by the false sense of just “trying”. As we age, and continue to face real life situations, which side are going to choose? Being a person who “tries”, but never succeeding in their endeavors? Or a person who does, gets it, and prospers in their endeavors, because they have the strength and courage to live the life that they dream? Funny how a simple question of do or try can shape your entire life!

Much love, and well wishes

Finess
“I will never give up, I will never settle, for I dare to dream”

Wake Up

     I have been feeling like Laurence Fishburn's character, Dap, at the end of School Daze running out onto the yard, screaming "WAKE UP!".  The overwhelming amalgamation of frustration, hope, fear, desperation and promise that filled those two words are the same emotions that fill my heart--as it silently echoes his cry.  At times this cry for awakening is solely for myself.  Although, within this moment this call is for everyone.
     We, as human beings, forget that our strength is mutable.  And being consumed with our (momentary) strength or (presumed) power we believe we possess--we forget about the inescapable, inevitable, existence of our beautiful fragility.  In being forgetful we not only over look our own, but the fragility of those around us as well.  Such an oversight is not only a great disservice, but can become truly detrimental to those around us that we hold most dear.
     In a world that encourages us to always present a stalwart facade and neglect the delicacies of our humanity we have become hard.  The disregard of the emotional welfare of those around us--closest to us--has become as second nature and socially acceptable as breathing.  The unfortunate truth is that we are all guilty of being both perpetrator and victim in this endless and disconsolate cycle of negligence.  And until we become more aware and understanding of our "softer" Selves then we will continue to slowly (or quickly) destroy not only ourselves, but our relationships with those we love as well.
     Our world can be very harsh and filled with trials and tribulations hence why we should never add to it.  We should seek to enhance it.  The people that we bring into our lives should never (whether directly or indirectly) forget that we have CHOSEN for them to be a part of our lives and that is a gift.  Simultaneously this gift should not be used as a justification or surety to neglect the fragility of those we love because everyone has a breaking point; and it is very difficult to piece together the pieces of trust, love, and fidelity that is chipped away when they are neglected or misused.  Nor should we consider ourselves or others as weak or incapable because we/they are fragile.  We should all endeavor to appreciate and protect the gentility of ourselves and others.  Doing so will further enable us to continue to build our relationships instead of deteriorating their foundations.
     Remember that fragility is a gift, it allows us to empathize in order to properly comfort and support others; to sympathize when we forget how to.  When truly embraced fragility can be a source of strength and not weakness.  We need to reawaken ourselves--rejuvenate our hearts--refresh our souls and remember that we shouldn't demonize a sensitive or sweet spirit.  Let us embrace them and the goodness they bring to our lives and the world.  Remember that as humans we are doomed to err, and if someone tells you that you have been hurtful, negative, or unkind to them be responsible.  Don't just apologize, but continuously endeavor to be more mindful of your words and actions because you are obviously important enough for what you do and say to have an affect on them.  Let us, every day try to be more mindful, caring, and open individuals so that we are a blessing to those we love and the world we inhabit.
     Until another time Lovelies, I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind.


         ~Marissa           
     

A Good Man

     There was a time--an age--an era not so very long ago where the merit of a Good Man was considered as great as that of a Hero.  In many ways a Good Man was a Hero.  His integrity, kindness, selflessness, thoughtfulness, dependability was prized and rewarded.  Touted as a man who could be trusted without hesitation or doubt.  Someone you could and would go an extra mile for because he was not only worth it--but his very nature warranted it.
     These men were the cornerstones of good families, businesses--the very community and government.  When little boys were young they used to admire these men--they would dream of growing up to be good men.  Men who would be honest and reliable businessmen and responsible, positive citizens.  They desired a good education and career--they wanted to build families and be the kind of men that inspired others--inspired others to want to be both around and like them.  They were inspired and in turn were inspiring as well as men of contribution and good repute--they helped to build and maintain a good community.  For these kinds of men achieving the status of a "Good Man"  was a great one.  It brought pride to not only them, but to those who knew and loved them.
     Unfortunately this no longer seems to be the case.  Men who are good or even desire to achieve genuine goodness are now ridiculed and overlooked.  Being a good man is no longer an accomplishment that is sought after--it is seemingly considered not worthwhile.  The sad truth of it is guys are more concerned with what they have or can get or can get over on someone than in who they are or what they can contribute.  Infidelity, dishonesty, unreliability, irresponsibility, disrespect--these are attributes that are touted and perpetuated by society and even women.
     Ironically we complain about needing a change in our communities, local and national and yet we don't help good men succeed!  I know quite a few good men and sometimes what they are put through by external and even internal parties is appalling.  A good man, a good person, can not remain "good" if they are not supported or assisted or if they are constantly pulled down into the muck and mire.  We, as human beings, are fragile creatures.  We can survive and endure a lot, but when the limit is reached--then it is reached.  We can not expect great things from mediocre men and we can not expect good men to succeed when we do not support, protect and appreciate them either.
     Life is about balance and things are more or less out of whack, but we are the ones who disrupted that balance and so we are the only ones who can fix it.  For all of the good men out there, please don't lose yourself--stay strong--and surround yourself with genuine people who will help you become a better you and maintain your goodness.  Women--if you find a good man and you aren't ready for him OR he really isn't what you want then let him know *kindly* do not use him or break his heart.  And if you find a good man and you desire to retain what he offers then help protect and support his goodness.
     A good man is hard to find, but he doesn't have to be.  Just a little observation on my end.  I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa

Confidence is KEY!

     Okay Lads and Lassies I don't know whether you know it or not (or maybe you might have forgotten) but the key to achieving most things in life is CONFIDENCE!  I am not joking at all here, so take note.  Confidence is key.  Now I am not talking about Ego--no--that is a truly sad attribute and makes someone look immature and fake.  I am talking about genuine, healthy, confidence.  Although you may consider this a lot of unwarranted emphasis on something that may seem unnecessary (to those who don't know) I can guarantee you that this is not the case at all.  I believe that we spend a lot of time focusing on love, honesty and perseverance, but what are any of these attributes without confidence?  Would Romeo have pursued Juliet without confidence?  Would honest Abe been honest without confidence?  Would Martin Luther King, Jr have persevered without confidence?  No--I don't think so--and if you are honest with your self (especially after I have posed these questions) I am sure you don't think so either.
     The generation of confidence is a curious thing.  Nine times out of ten confidence is an attribute cultivated over time, although for some lucky people it is natural.  I will admit that I have more "affection" for those who have had to come through a lot--heal--and get to know themselves well enough to build that confidence.  Because it comes from being quite hard won I believe it is stronger, than "natural" confidence.  But, don't misunderstand me, healthy confidence no matter from where it originates is a beautiful and necessary thing in this life.  You see either way, confidence is like the spinal cord for all other positive attributes that make up our internal structure.  It is necessary for us to fulfill our roles as people.  With confidence not only do doors in our (external) lives open, but doors within ourselves open as well.  And that is truly priceless.
      One can exude confidence in various ways; it is in the way you carry yourself, your demeanor, your walk and how you speak to others.  And whether or not you realize it people can tell when you do and don't have confidence in yourself.  That realization will have an affect on how others perceive and react to you. You see confidence is what allows you to own who you are; face the world bravely and undaunted.  It gives you the ability to venture forth with surety and an unfailing knowledge of self to the  point where nothing can (nor will) deter you.  Confidence, even when it comes to the opposite sex, opens more doors than not because whether you realize it or not it is tremendously appealing!  (Quite honestly few things are more attractive than someone who is confident and sure of themselves--who they are.)   
    When I was younger I didn't understand why confidence is so important.  But the longer I live and the more I experience I have found that having confidence is an important part of having a healthy internal balance--an important part of self love.  It is something that will help propel us--drive us--to achieve our goals; to be the people we deeply desire to be.  I believe it to be truly necessary (just so long as it is healthy and doesn't mutate into an ego) for us to prosper in our lives.  When people have confidence it draws others to them like moths to a flame.  It adds to the internal light that burns within, magnifying its brilliance into an undeniable and incandescent entity. 
     Being someone who had to work very hard to build my own confidence--I consider it, although difficult, a truly great, personal achievement.  My sojourn through my internal dark forests and brier patches was well worth the outcome.  I found my voice and the strength to unapologetically be who I am!  without confidence I wouldn't be able to love myself nor all of my imperfections and quirkiness.  Confidence, healthy confidence, is something to be proud of.  It is a powerful and beneficial attribute that everyone should cultivate.  Sometimes it isn't easy to acquire, but I encourage everyone (who is having difficulties building theirs) to make that personal, internal, journey for the benefits are well worth the difficulties.  That is all the food for thought I have for tonight, Lovelies!  Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa     

Extraordinary

     What is Extraordinary?  What makes a person, life or experience extraordinary?  Some people have a call--an innate desire--to be extraordinary.  And as most of us with any kind of innate desire know, it becomes one of the most important things in our lives--to fulfill that desire--to achieve that greatness, that extraordinary existence that we just KNOW we are meant to have.  But, I think sometimes we misdirect ourselves because we forget that "extraordinary" can not be classified--it is too mutable to be classified as specifically one kind of situation, state of being or decision.  Maybe this misdirection comes from the fact that as we struggle through this rat race we get so caught up in going and going that we forget that sometimes the most extraordinary things can be the smallest, most simple of things.  Something doesn't have to be record breaking, or world changing to be extraordinary--to make you, or fulfill that desire to be, extraordinary.
     Honestly, stop and think about it.  Extraordinary may be something as difficult, but as simple as ending an unhealthy cycle, i.e.-being the first in your family to finish college; have a happy, healthy, successful marriage; or to never be on welfare.  Extraordinary may be something as natural as being a mother--being able to carry a healthy child to full term, bring them into this world, hold them in your arms and see them take their first breathes.  Have you ever thought that maybe just being who you are is what makes you extraordinary?  Some people are so wonderful, that in being who they are--genuine, kind, supportive, loving, gentle, thoughtful, hopeful, bright, cheery, etc--they are able to have such a  positive impact on others that these people that they touch go on to live the lives they are meant to have.
     There are times, people and situations that will make you extraordinary, but they won't necessarily be newsworthy, or make you rich either.  These moments, people and situations will call you to be yourself, to give of yourself, to help, support or encourage others.  And just because these moments may be small, fleeting, or insignificant to you--they may not be so insignificant to others.  Remember that every day you follow your heart--strive to grow; be true to who you are; embrace and love yourself as well as others; live kindly and honestly--those days and moments make you EXTRAORDINARY.  Never doubt or down play how phenomenal and amazing you are!  Strive to remember your greatness and that you are probably doing something extraordinary every day, but you don't even notice it!

     Remember to take time to appreciate how you have grown and what you have accomplished!  Life is NOT a competition.  It is a journey--so ENJOY IT.  It will have its challenges--let them build you stronger; there will be periods of darkness--let it teach you to have faith and enjoy the light; there will be storms--don't allow them to weather you, be steadfast in who you are.  For at the end of the day you are probably more EXTRAORDINARY then even you realize!  Until another time lovelies I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa

The Great Imbalance

     Although Nessy and I have been rather "quiet" lately, it doesn't mean we have forgotten our blog or fans.  We have both had a lot going on in our lives.  And trust me this is a very good thing.  It means that we are learning, growing, experiencing and living life.  And even though our absence has been short and there were a lot of things that have happened; there is also one--(sadly) glaring fact that has become quite apparent to us both.  We live in a society that perpetuates a great imbalance between men and women.
     I am not being sexiest, bitter or angry when I say this.  It is, quite regrettably,  a cold hard fact.  At one point in time what was important to men was honor, honesty, dependability, intelligence, fidelity,  love, accountability, family and being a good provider, husband and father.  But this is no longer the case.  Now our society encourages individuality over family; irresponsibility over accountability and dependability; money over love; and success over honor and honesty.  We live in a social culture that has been infested with negative ideals that celebrate materialism, excess, degradation, ignorance, greed, dishonesty, and a myriad of  other distasteful and disgusting attributes; practically eliminating the once upstanding and steadfast traditions that were once common place.     
      The continuous breakdown has resulted in men who want to be taken care of; takers; game players; and stagnated individuals who would rather suppress or ignore their shortcomings and "baggage" instead of rallying their courage and putting in hard work to break through and grow past their issues to become better men.  Very few desire to be a true partner, provider, father, husband, friend or lover.  It is like men have become so accustomed to satisfying themselves and their petty and short lived desires that they no longer understand nor do they see the big picture.  They are actually OK with giving bits and pieces of themselves (if anything at all) instead of cultivating themselves (continuously) in order to be a whole person who can engage in stable, healthy relationships.  And on top of all of that most of them believe that women should be satisfied with what little they are willing to do (again, if anything at all)!
     And as a subsequent ripple effect this has pushed women to stand more solidly on their own; to (even when in relationships) rely upon, fight, support and encourage themselves.  They may have a "partner" who exists in their lives, but they still stand alone because their partner isn't supportive, helpful, giving, or protective.  I have heard many women say (of varying cultures and ages) that being married is like having another child to take care of(...)!  Seriously men, do you feel fulfilled being a shell of your former selves?  Is it OK to be considered unreliable, immature and more a hindrance than a help?  Curiously enough I have also heard men of varying ages and cultures complain about not being wanted and women being TOO independent--(again,) SERIOUSLY!!!! You can not have it both ways.  Albeit a relationship isn't always going to be 50/50, sometimes it will be 60/40 or 70/30 and during those times you are supposed to give your partner extra support, love and understanding, but when a relationship is 90/10 or 95/5 then it isn't a healthy relationship--it is a parasitic relationship!
     In every relationship in life, no matter what kind it is, you get what you give!  You set the tone!  If you aren't reliable we won't rely on you; if you lie and/or cheat on us--we will not trust you; essentially if you do not give in return what we give to you freely; if you can not get on the same page with us--we can't (and won't) have a real relationship with you.  (No matter how much we love you--we have to protect ourselves and will not sacrifice our well being to have you in our lives when you take more (or twice as much) as you give!).  Man was not meant to walk alone if he were God would not have made a companion for Adam.  I will also admit that not all men are meant to marry (or women for that matter).
     Relationships aren't all meant to end in marriage with a white picket fence and two point five kids.  But, if you desire to be in a relationship (or eventually to be married and have a family) then men make sure you are ready--that you are on the same page as your partner--and you are in a place to be able to be in a relationship.  I hope men will start taking time to step back and start seeing the big picture again--to become the men they were; leave behind selfishness, lying and irresponsibility and embrace being men of honor, accountability and consideration.  I encourage men to live up to their potential, to correct this great imbalance and bring the world to rights.  I encourage them to achieve their greatness and with the same breath I encourage women to not settle for less than they deserve.  Do not allow someone to only give you bits and pieces when you happily give all of yourself.  Don't settle for an unhealthy relationship (no matter how much you love them) that will end in heartache when you deserve a healthy relationship and a happy ending.  Because the reality of it is--a relationship isn't only about how you feel and treat someone it is more about how someone feel and treats you! 
     Well Lovelies, just some food for thought.  Until another time I wish you Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa

The Awesomeness of Trent Shelton/The Power of Rehab

     Okay y'all I know that practically everyone dabbles in social media(at least a little), Facebook being the most popular (at least for now).  Although I will admit being more addicted to Pinterest than Facebook, I am happy that I have a Facebook page because without it I would have never been introduced to Mr. Trent Shelton (huge thanks to my bestie and blogging partner Finess Hill for liking his post or I wouldn't know about him(and I can't imagine that!)).  Seriously you guys one of the first things I do in the morning is read his post or watch one of his videos.  When I say wise beyond his years, I mean he is really WISE beyond his years!  It is a great starting my day with a healthy perspective. 
     You see, Trent promotes self healing, discovery and honesty.  He strives to help others break unhealthy cycles.  He is one of the reasons(or rather inspirations) behind my giving Hunny another chance.  Trent has this philosophy (he has many, but this one struck my heart deeply) that, "You are perfect for the heart that's meant to love you".  When I read this Hunny was expressing a serious desire for us to try again and something Hunny had been telling me over and over again (as he tried to hammer it into my stubborn head) is that I am perfect just the way I am; perfect in his eyes and perfect for him.  (Talk about a God sent message!)  And when I thought about what Trent had been saying about the right person to love you and about relationships, really thought about it, I realized that he was right (and so was Hunny (God, I love my Hunny))!
     Trent Shelton (I truly believe) is starting a revolution that will steer us away from the slippery slopes of unhealthy self image and relationships.  Which if we are being honest with ourselves is something we desperately need in this day and age!  Trent is using his blessed wisdom (along with his gift of successfully conveying his message) to hearten and embolden us all to take time to get into Rehab (you gotta check him out so you will know what kind of Rehab I am talking about(and no, I am not talking about THAT rehab)).  This assist in revelation that Trent inspired encouraged me to not only follow him on Facebook, but keep up with his videos on Youtube as well.  I can not express enough how much Finess and I admire Trent and how inspiring he is (how many times have I said, 'inspiring' in this post, lol).  He is nothing short of brilliant, a rejuvenating wind in a society that no longer encourages the beauty and absolute rightness of healthy relationships (look at half of the relationships that are on reality TV for example).  And the fact that he is a young gentleman, from our generation, who is taking time to inspire us is so promising!  He gives us hope that having a beautiful relationship is possible; that we aren't as broken as we believe; and that there are men out there that can come to the fore front and be a shinning example for others!
     Trent Shelton--remember the name!  Follow him on his website(http://trentshelton.com/) or on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/LikeTrentShelton) and take time to swim through his wisdom; soak in the rays of this revolution and share with others!  He is more than worth the time (and you know you Facebook half the day including while you are at work anyway) so at least Facebook something thought provoking and beneficial!
     Until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa

Boxes and Time Lines?

     Question:  Why do we work so hard to pile ourselves (and our lives) into tight, perfectly symmetrical boxes?  More over why do we add additional restrictions by implementing (self wounding) time lines?  WAKE UP!  CONTROL IS AN ILLUSION AND CONFORMITY A CRIME!  Trying to plan every moment, experience, facet and detail just so it will fit in to what you believe will be acceptable by others/society isn't living!  It isn't even existing.  If we are honest with ourselves we all have moments where we get caught up with confining--oops--I mean conforming ourselves into ideals that truly aren't ours.  By doing this you aren't paving a path toward your happiness, but AWAY from it!
     If you are in love--run with it!  Don't try to confine it to unnecessary conventions!  You don't have to deny what you feel or try to slow it down because you believe that certain things are supposed to happen at a certain time or in a certain way for it to be right (or you are worried what others will say or think)!  Every relationship--every love--is different so stop trying to stuff it in the same box.  Or if you are interested in spreading your wings and trying a new occupation or hobby, then go for it!  You are never too old or too young (it is never too early or too late) to chase your dreams and pave the way to your happiness!  Embrace life, don't suffocate it.  Life is entirely too short to be unhappy trying to make others happy just because (it is what is expected of you to do by them and/or society)--don't sacrifice your happiness by lying to yourself and compromising your hearts desires; at the end of it all you will only be left alone with your regrets.
     We have to STOP letting other people's "music" bleed over into our lives.  We need to listen to our own symphonies, the lyrical magic that we create for ourselves--within ourselves.  We need to stop letting our tempo be drowned out by the noise of others' voices.  Let's move forward and learn how to dance to our music again; allow ourselves to experience the God given freedom to be who we are and enjoy it!  Let's stop conforming (across the board people, not just here and there)!  God made us all different for a reason!  Let's embrace and celebrate our uniqueness. 
     Think about it y'all, seriously think about it and don't cheat yourself!  Until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa     

Thank You, Very Much

     Most of my life the majority of my friends have been--guys (don't most girls say this, though).  I mean I would have a few girlfriends here and there that I was very close to, but in college (in our varying "groups" of friends) there were usually 2 to 4 girls in a group of 7 to14 guys!  It just sort of happened that way although I have always felt that guys are just more fun because there is less hassle hanging out with them; far less hassle than hanging out with a lot of girls (outside of my girlfriends in the group, who are and will always be awesome).  I was truly committed to this belief for the longest time--until I started working at my new job (not really that new anymore, but still...).
     I have had the privilege to meet some of the most genuinely wonderful and sincere women ever in life, working at the hospital!  They are so fantastic it was rather hard for me to believe that so many of them could work at the same place (talk about mind being boggled).  And I have been luckier still to become close to quite a few of them, close enough to call them friends.  Although this blog isn't life changing or anything like that I did want to post a 'Thank You' to three of them in particular.
     The first is to my girl (my new bestie) Nessie.  She is so youthful and fun yet very straightforward and dependable.  It is a wonder to watch her growing more fully into her womanhood (she loves to remind me how old I am, lol) and see her developing into this fantastic, well rounded woman!  Nessie is a true and steadfast friend who I cherish dearly.  Even though she is still young there is one thing that stands out above all else with her--I have never met a woman who embodies (positive and healthy) self confidence and love as much as Nessie!  She is teaching me to see the beauty in myself again and to not only cherish it, but celebrate it.  This is a priceless lesson (or should that be, "refresher course") that she has given me and I can never fully pay her back for that.  I truly do love her like a sister and like a sister she encourages and supports me.  She has since the beginning of our friendship and I am sure she will continue to throughout the years.
     The next is to my fabulous Su-Su!  Su-Su is phenomenal!  She is encouraging, kind, funny, resilient, supportive and a good listener (to name a few things).  Also a divorcee she is a never failing source of advice and support for me.  Su-Su gives me hope!  She showed me that there can be life and happiness after divorce during a time where I thought and felt otherwise(one of the reasons why I always say that I want to be like her when I grow up, lol).  She is always thoughtful and understanding and took time to talk with me about what I was going through (she still does).  Su-Su helped me, to save myself, through a really difficult period in my life.  Again, saying 'Thank You' isn't enough and I wish I could repay her for being such a fabulous woman and wonderful friend!  Her never ending strength and gentle heart encouraged me (again, still does) when little else did or could.  She is a woman that I truly do admire and look up to.
     Last, but most certainly not least is Amel-lionaire (lol) or Mela!  Mela has a gentle, sincere, but joyous and playful spirit.  She taught me (again, another "refresher course") to enjoy myself and being a woman all over again!  She always encourages and inspires me (and many others, trust me) to make time to do the "girl-y" things and enjoy the h*ll out of life!  She can (and does) make any situation fun and ensures that amazing memories will be made (and captured).  She helps me to find the fun and joy in everyday life.  I swear I have never met anyone whose lightheartedness was contagious!  I aspire to retain that kind of spirit all of my life and this is all because of Mela!  She is truly a darling and most beloved friend.  I adore her and would happily bring out my gangsta side fa' ya'(lol)!  There are few others that I would happily get in trouble with, than Mela!
     These three lovely and phenomenal women were brought into my life during a very sad and dark time.  I truly was struggling--well I was struggling with so much when I met them.  They were (and still very much are) blessings in my life.  Without them I believe--no, I KNOW that I would not be where I am today; not without their constant encouragement, support and friendship.  Thank you, my lovelies, from the bottom of my heart for being so amazingly wonderful and good!  You encourage and inspire me still to this day and will continue to do so, I am sure, for a very long time to come.  You helped me to find the light in the darkness and find my path again, too.  As long as I breathe you will have my love, support and friendship.
     Thank You!
     Marissa  

The Qualities of a True Friend...

Today I am going to step onto my soapbox for a little while because--well because sometimes it is necessary.  People use certain terms too lightly one of which is love, but the second they use too lightly is just as important and that is FRIEND!  Do you know the qualities of a true friend?  It is quite apparent that most people don't.  You see a lot of people think that a friend is someone who just nods their head and tell you, 'yes', or agrees with whatever you say or tells you what you want to hear.  Well my dears that is most certainly NOT a friend.  That is a yes man, a kiss ass, a wolf in sheep's clothing and you are not only a fool to believe otherwise, but you may just be someone who isn't a good friend too.
     You see a good friend doesn't always tell you yes, but a good friend will always speak to you from a heart full of truth, with kind words and honesty.  A good friend will help to keep you on the right path, support and remind you of the big picture.  That is what good, true friends are for that is what they do!  And sometimes in order to fulfill that duty they will tell you a hard truth, remind you of what you are overlooking and sometimes just tell you 'no' as kindly as possible. 
     The purpose of me pointing any of this out is when you isolate your good friends then you surround yourself with the wrong people and set yourself up for failure and heartache.  At the same time I feel as though it is almost a moot point because some people really don't understand or can identify healthy, mature, honest friendships.  If this is the case then I am wasting my breath or words rather.  On the other hand for all of you who are good, honest, friends I want you to not doubt yourself and know that your friendship and honesty isn't something you need to change, but your friends may be.  Just consider this a little food for thought.  Until the next time I wish you all love and happiness! 
     ~ Marissa

The Big 3-0!

     Where as my dear Finess is approaching her Quarter Life Mark, I am approaching my third decade...God, do I even have sufficient words to describe the feeling that is going through my body or the thoughts that are going through my head, right now?  I feel for the lovely Finess because I have been where she is and as you can clearly see I made it through my Quarter Life, but now I am approaching the big 3-0!  The fact that I am standing with my toes curled upon the ledge of twenty-something getting ready to fall into the abyss of THIRTY I must admit that I am sad, discouraged and maybe just a little excited in a weird way...Let me explain...No, there is too much, let me sum up (*SMILE*)!  I feel sad because I am not where I thought I would be, funny this feeling is akin to how I felt when I was going through my quarter life crisis, but different.  I am sad and discouraged because I am a divorcee still fighting to get back on solid ground and making my life into something I can once again be proud of.  I never thought I would be divorced at thirty (or technically a little before).  I thought I would be happily married, moving into a sweet renovated bungalow and getting ready to have my first child.  I find my birthday literally two months away and I am husband-less, child-less and struggling.   It is like a repeat performance of my quarter life crisis and I pray to GOD that this isn't some half decade re-occurring phenomenon...I will be completely gray by the time I am thirty five if it is!  I mean didn't I already do this?!?!?!  Am I not supposed to be in a more stable place occupationally and personally instead of going through this...AGAIN?!?!?!? (HEAVE A HEAVY SIGH)  But then I have to give myself a shake and realize that if I truly believe (which I do) that everything happens for a reason, then there is a purpose for this experience, this struggle...And once I (HEAVE ANOTHER HEAVY SIGH--WOOOOOSSSSSAAAAAWWWWW) accept this I can move a little easier into this transition.  
     And this is where I feel a little excited...(it gets a little confusing so follow closely) I am about to be THIRTY!!!! And I can say that I am a pretty, sweet, kind, smart thirty year old divorcee!!! I don't have children hanging on to my apron strings (thank God for that, I feel for kids who are dragged through divorce), I learned a lot from my marriage, I can probably write a phenomenal story about it all and become a millionaire if I wanted.  I have my life still stretched out before me and for all that is good in this world I made it to THIRTY which sadly many people can't say...So what if I loved, married and lost...I can love and marry again, my life really isn't over.  If I can get past my own B.S. I can ride this Thirty Train for a year!  What better reason to celebrate for a whole year, but by turning Thirty AND being divorced!?!?!?!?  When I do finally give myself that last, big shake and I settle into 2013 fully, I really think I am going to run with this like I am being chased by a chainsaw wielding mad man!  Maybe I will take a lover, or two, or runaway on weekends and explore my state and once I do that I will move on to another state.  This may just be the year that I finish my great novel and start making my living by my pen!  And if I get bored I can dive into some obscure, but interesting hobby like Euro-Gaming or Steam Punk!  With all the amazing choices and opportunities AND a new year--oh I am grabbing this bull by the horns and riding him until he collapses!!!  
     So give a little cheer for Finess and me because we are going to rock this year and mark these milestones like no other!  Thanks for reading and until next time...Ciao!
    
  ~ Marissa