Inclinations of Real Love

     Love is a beautiful and empowering thing.  I will always stand by that belief--no--by that knowledge for I know that it is true.  When love is REAL it is a revelation and even at times an entity that encourages rebirth.  No matter what happens in my life or relationships, I have found that his is a constant truth.  It can change people; it should change people.  When you love someone (no matter what kind of love it is i.e. familial, friendly or romantic) it changes your world and even how you see and treat the person you love.  When you truly love someone, purely, and wholly their happiness comes before your own.  For when the person you love is happy, you're happy, the happiness that is given is then shared in an endless circle between the two in the relationship.  (The same goes for unhappiness and sorrow as well.)  In loving someone--the desire to cherish them is innate.  And being just another natural Inclination of real love--and in desiring to fulfill it--you respect and protect them from the world and at times even yourself.  So, where you might have been selfish before you become selfless--when you really love another; when you would only protect yourself you now protect another.  Love brings growth in many different facets.
    And then of course there is the desire to learn and bond that comes with REAL love and care.  The adventure and privilege of getting to know someone with a depth that few others do is both thrilling and a deep desire of those who Love.  I don't believe it is possible to love someone and NOT desire or even truly attempt to know them.  How can you love someone you don't want to or just don't know at all?  When you love someone, in the desire to protect and be a safe harbor for them, knowing the depth at which the person you love hopes, dreams and fears is of utmost importance to you.  In getting to know their depth their world opens up to you.  And that is where and when the bond begins.  Learning their faults and virtues; interests and pet peeves is just as important as learning the intimacy and beauty of their body.  You can not love without learning or bonding--and if you do, then that love is shallow and doomed to fail, if you will forgive my tactless honesty.  Personally there is no desire in my heart to be with anyone in any form who does not desire nor sees the importance in knowing me.
     As you learn and bond with the person you love, your world opens up as well.  If the person you love is very different from yourself you are presented with an opportunity to learn from them--even if it isn't an interest or view point you share or agree with it is a new perspective and opportunity to see and understand things in a way that you haven't necessarily known of before.  It is also an opportunity to make that person happy by sharing in something that they enjoy with them--it also shows them their importance to you as well even if it isn't your thing to do, but you still do so, happily to enjoy something both with and for them.  If the person you love is very similar  to you then you can expand on the common interests you have together and even learn new things together too.  Every moment with the person you love is an opportunity to learn, bond and grow TOGETHER.  These are the opportunities that literally make or break a relationship.  Whether it is learning what makes them laugh; how to comfort them in times of need or distress; or how to play together, these are those (sometimes) little moments that will always mean the most and hold the greatest importance in the success or failure of a relationship.
    Then of course there is the beauty, necessity and joy of intimacy both emotional and physical.  Being a respectful, understanding protector of the one you love you have given them the gift and ability to be open and vulnerable with you.  This is a privilege, honor and a joy that is shared by the two people who are in the relationship together.  To become a person that is loved and trusted so much that another person is happy and comfortable being open with their emotions is a beautiful thing and quite the achievement too.  It is definitely a step in the right direction.  When your love is true, there isn't a need for the person you love to walk on egg shells; they can be exactly who they are and know that they are loved and accepted for being their wonderful self.  No need for masks or to hide behind expectations they know that you love their flaws unconditionally as they are a part of who they are.
     When someone can be emotionally vulnerable and open with you; then they can also share their physical intimacy with you.  But even this is different, even this has a different level.  When their is real love, trust and protection--again--another world opens.  Then the one you love feels safe to express themselves intimately without the fear of being judged, rejected or misunderstood.  When you create that openness and safety, then it is possible to take your time to explore and learn their body, there is so much joy in knowing someone intimately who can express and explore without inhibitions to hinder them.  An inclination of Real Love is to know the one you love in totality and not squander those opportunities by rushing, but by cherishing them.  And not just because of my own natural temperament, but because I honestly know the often skirted and overlooked importance of emotional and physical intimacy in a relationship do I encourage you to learn the one you love in TOTALITY.  What kiss quickens the breathe; what touch encourages a sigh; what bite births a groan; what nibble makes them weak in their knees.  Learn the feel of their skin; the arch of their neck; the dip of their shoulder and curve of their hip.  Again when you love someone their satisfaction comes before your own (just like their happiness) and is shared back again with you.  As I said before when you Really Love, you change, your desires and priorities change and not because you are told or badgered into it, but because you have  a NATURAL INCLINATION to be the person the one you love deserves.
     The inclinations of Real Love are what relationships are made of; if they do not exist how can the relationship exist?  Of course not everyone is able to love, really, in totality.  Some people realize this and still quite selfishly engage in relationships before they are truly capable of being an equal lover and partner in the relationship.  Unfortunately some do not realize it, even though none of their relationships ever reach a respectable longevity or even success--they blame everyone and everything before looking inward.  But then self realization and growth is difficult for the majority of people in this world.  To those who are not yet on this level, if love is truly what you want--the deep, long lasting love--I encourage you to strive and struggle to grow in order to experience and give it.  For those of you who are there--find someone who can match what you offer.  Believe me, it is a living hell loving someone who isn't on that level with you.  To everyone, I do wish you all Love and Happiness of the Truest kind!

~Always
Marissa           
               

We don't Try, We Do

We don’t try, we do...

As a child, my father would said this to me. At first it seemed like a cruel thing to say to a 10 year old trying her damnest; but as I have gotten older, those words still come to mind. My father was not perfect, like no one’s was, but he has been one of my greatest influences in my life. I find myself at 25 still quoting the many sayings he would throw at me. I love you Daddy, and thank you. If it wasn’t for you constantly pushing me, I would have not realize that I can do far more than I imagined. I can be anything of my choosing!

Ok, so back to the saying… We don’t try, We do. This very simple phrase is not meant to discourage any effort that has already been given; it challenges you to do more, to be more! I have to admit that the biggest frustration of my life is to see loved ones, just “try” and then defend the mediocre effort they have given. “Well at least I’m trying”, really gets under my skin. And honestly, I include myself in this equation. I cannot tell you how many years I have “tried” to lose this weight! I would think if I just work out a little bit, then the weight would just fall off. Eventually I would dropdown in size, and everything would be all gravy. But it’s not! I was trying, not doing. I was feeding myself false hope that I would get a big payoff out a little bit of effort. But hey, at least I was trying, right?

Life doesn’t work like that! We can’t continue to do the same things and expect different results. That is the definition of INSANITY! We have to stop kidding ourselves, take off the rose-colored glasses, and face our problems. We all possess the power to shape our world around us, it’s just whether we dare to want to be better than yesterday, and actually do something about it.

We are at the age where life starts judging us for our past mistakes and ask… “Well what are you going to do now?” “Are you going to continue to eat crap?” “Are you still going to sit around smoking all day?” “So are you going to continue to still waste time in unhealthy relationships?” “Are you going to continue to let the things you desire now distract you from the things you need to grow you?” “Can your children and family say they are proud of you?” “Are you still just trying to survive and not thrive?”

Are you still going to stand behind whatever excuse you have because it’s comfortable?

We are the movers and shakers of our generation, and the time for us to take over is coming soon. It seems like half of us have our shit in order, we get it! But the other half is lost, driven by the false sense of just “trying”. As we age, and continue to face real life situations, which side are going to choose? Being a person who “tries”, but never succeeding in their endeavors? Or a person who does, gets it, and prospers in their endeavors, because they have the strength and courage to live the life that they dream? Funny how a simple question of do or try can shape your entire life!

Much love, and well wishes

Finess
“I will never give up, I will never settle, for I dare to dream”

Don't Put Her On Hold, She Is NOT a Phone Call!!

(Previously Written)     

*PULLS OUT SOAP BOX AND CLEARS THROAT*

     QUERY:  Why do some guys think they can put girls on hold?  Confused?  

     

     Example:

                    Guy:  Just don't be done with me!

                    Girl:  Ummm, you disappeared from my life for months and months and then you tell me that you have a girlfriend!

                    Guy:  Yeah, so?  Just don't be done with me!

                    Girl:  How many times have you walked away and been done with me over the years?  And besides I don't mess with a guy who has a girl.

                    Guy:  Yeah, but things are kind of up in the air, so...

                    Girl:  WHAT?!?!

_________________________________________________________________________________

  

     So many guys treat girls like they are a Kmart and they can put their love and affection on layaway and pay a little ever so often so it won't be returned to the shelf!  That is not love or respect, h*ll it isn't even fair!  How can (some) guys do this and sleep at night?!?  If a girl did that to a guy he would feel cheap, unloved and disrespected.  No one wants to be treated as a consolation prize.  Great girls are worth more than that!!  Girls who give of themselves (without being asked) give of their love, support, fidelity, time and wisdom.  Girls who are honest, caring, kind, generous, thoughtful and forgiving are rare; they are priceless and when they get tired of being on layaway they will be returned to the shelf.  And someone else will see their value and happily choose them without hesitation!  

     I wonder if these guys will finally wake up when they lose a treasure completely to someone wiser and bolder than they?  I mean these guys have proven again and again that they do not know the worth of good girls.  They treat them like a net they can fall into instead of wings that help them fly.  I wonder if they realize that these girls aren't going to give up a life of happiness and love with someone who treats her like she is the moon in his night sky for someone who never will see her that way(nor treat her that way).    

     Every guy is given the opportunity to show a girl what he is made of, but if he proves time and time again to be left wanting then he proves that he is not worth the gamble.  Guys who put girls on hold are insecure, selfish and cruel.  It is sad to know that there are guys who do this consciously and see nothing wrong with it, either!  So sad!  GROW UP and you may want to MAN UP,  too while you are at it! 

 *REPLACES SOAP BOX IN CORNER*

     Just a little venting and some food for thought.  Ladies don't let a man treat you like a Kmart and gents--don't be that douche, oops I mean dude!  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!

          ~Marissa

Thank You, Very Much

     Most of my life the majority of my friends have been--guys (don't most girls say this, though).  I mean I would have a few girlfriends here and there that I was very close to, but in college (in our varying "groups" of friends) there were usually 2 to 4 girls in a group of 7 to14 guys!  It just sort of happened that way although I have always felt that guys are just more fun because there is less hassle hanging out with them; far less hassle than hanging out with a lot of girls (outside of my girlfriends in the group, who are and will always be awesome).  I was truly committed to this belief for the longest time--until I started working at my new job (not really that new anymore, but still...).
     I have had the privilege to meet some of the most genuinely wonderful and sincere women ever in life, working at the hospital!  They are so fantastic it was rather hard for me to believe that so many of them could work at the same place (talk about mind being boggled).  And I have been luckier still to become close to quite a few of them, close enough to call them friends.  Although this blog isn't life changing or anything like that I did want to post a 'Thank You' to three of them in particular.
     The first is to my girl (my new bestie) Nessie.  She is so youthful and fun yet very straightforward and dependable.  It is a wonder to watch her growing more fully into her womanhood (she loves to remind me how old I am, lol) and see her developing into this fantastic, well rounded woman!  Nessie is a true and steadfast friend who I cherish dearly.  Even though she is still young there is one thing that stands out above all else with her--I have never met a woman who embodies (positive and healthy) self confidence and love as much as Nessie!  She is teaching me to see the beauty in myself again and to not only cherish it, but celebrate it.  This is a priceless lesson (or should that be, "refresher course") that she has given me and I can never fully pay her back for that.  I truly do love her like a sister and like a sister she encourages and supports me.  She has since the beginning of our friendship and I am sure she will continue to throughout the years.
     The next is to my fabulous Su-Su!  Su-Su is phenomenal!  She is encouraging, kind, funny, resilient, supportive and a good listener (to name a few things).  Also a divorcee she is a never failing source of advice and support for me.  Su-Su gives me hope!  She showed me that there can be life and happiness after divorce during a time where I thought and felt otherwise(one of the reasons why I always say that I want to be like her when I grow up, lol).  She is always thoughtful and understanding and took time to talk with me about what I was going through (she still does).  Su-Su helped me, to save myself, through a really difficult period in my life.  Again, saying 'Thank You' isn't enough and I wish I could repay her for being such a fabulous woman and wonderful friend!  Her never ending strength and gentle heart encouraged me (again, still does) when little else did or could.  She is a woman that I truly do admire and look up to.
     Last, but most certainly not least is Amel-lionaire (lol) or Mela!  Mela has a gentle, sincere, but joyous and playful spirit.  She taught me (again, another "refresher course") to enjoy myself and being a woman all over again!  She always encourages and inspires me (and many others, trust me) to make time to do the "girl-y" things and enjoy the h*ll out of life!  She can (and does) make any situation fun and ensures that amazing memories will be made (and captured).  She helps me to find the fun and joy in everyday life.  I swear I have never met anyone whose lightheartedness was contagious!  I aspire to retain that kind of spirit all of my life and this is all because of Mela!  She is truly a darling and most beloved friend.  I adore her and would happily bring out my gangsta side fa' ya'(lol)!  There are few others that I would happily get in trouble with, than Mela!
     These three lovely and phenomenal women were brought into my life during a very sad and dark time.  I truly was struggling--well I was struggling with so much when I met them.  They were (and still very much are) blessings in my life.  Without them I believe--no, I KNOW that I would not be where I am today; not without their constant encouragement, support and friendship.  Thank you, my lovelies, from the bottom of my heart for being so amazingly wonderful and good!  You encourage and inspire me still to this day and will continue to do so, I am sure, for a very long time to come.  You helped me to find the light in the darkness and find my path again, too.  As long as I breathe you will have my love, support and friendship.
     Thank You!
     Marissa  

A Few of My Favorite Things

     So my body feels like mine again, so happy that I am feeling better,  it has been a rough couple of days.  Now that my convalescence is almost finished I wanted to add a couple more posts!
     Now that I am officially Flirty Thirty (definitely not dirty because:  A.  I don't think it is possible for me to be more dirty *insert sly smile* and B.  I feel as an adult woman and not a man that is a term that really doesn't apply to my thirtieth!)  I wanted to have some fun with a post and list a few of my favorite things (with the reasons why of course).  My name might not be Oprah, but I want to share my favorite things with you, with that being said *Drum Roll, Please* (in no specific order) here are some of my favorite things:
     1.)  Being a Woman--With our ability to love and give; fragile-strength; versatility and femininity I would never want to be a man (unlike some of my girlfriends, lol)!
     2.)  Books--If you KNOW me, you know this to be an undeniable truth.  It isn't just because I want to be a writer, but also because of the worlds you get to visit; the characters you get to fall in love with; what you get to learn--oh the reasons go on forever!
     3.)  Girlfriends--Most of my life I have had more guy friends than girlfriends.  I never did this on purpose, but I don't regret that it happened because my guy friends are awesome.  Never the less I really enjoy the girlfriends  I have, especially now.  I adore girls night out; shopping dates; book club; brunches and luncheons.  It really is a lot of fun, a new kind of fun that I may very well never get tired of!
     4.)  Flirting--I enjoy flirting (with a purpose of course).  It is fun to test my feminine wiles every now and again!  I love to flirt with the guy I am dating more than anyone else!  I love walking into the same place, but separately then trying to pick each other up like we have never met before.  (I am getting giddy just thinking about it *insert girlish giggles*!)
     5.)  Getting Dolled Up--I adore getting dressed up on special occasions!  The clothes, shoes, make up, hair, all of it, God I love it!  I used to love going to black tie events and business brunches where I got to look as pretty as a picture!  I would love to go to one of the Masquerades this NYE either here or in D.C. (preferably D.C.) with a beautiful mask, dress and all.  Honestly nothing makes me feel more feminine than taking time to pamper myself and go out to some awesome event.
     6.)  Emotions--"...You make me feel, so emotional..." and because I am a girl it is ok!  I can cry because I am happy, sad, mad, confused, hurt, well for any reason  and it is not only understandable, but socially acceptable too.  I am able to feel and express how I feel in whatever way is fitting and not have to worry or care what anyone says (within reason and without harm to others of course)!  This is one attribute that is absolutely priceless!
     7.)  Flaunt My Interests--I can have varied interests and they can be (and in reality they truly are) unusual and it is ok!  It is more than ok!  I have a small interests in gaming; a (huge) affection for anime; an interest in various sports; a passion for literature and movies; love of music and documentaries and so many other things!  All together both girls and guys think its cool that I can game or talk about old school DBZ; make a hole in one; understand the breakdown of a football play; but turn around and discuss Ovid's "Metamorphosis" or the brilliance of Da Vinci!  I can explore my interests and even if they are geeky, nerdy or unusual they help to make me a more well rounded woman (while I stay true to myself).  I can celebrate, share and explore my interests to my heart's content and it is considered a good thing!
     Needless to say I am truly grateful for all of the blessings I have in my life and for who I am too.  I hope this inspires you to count your blessings and remember some of your own favorite things.  Well y'all that's all I have to share for this post!  Until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa