MY Kind of Romance

     Well--we have made it through Spring Fever and Summer Madness (Thank God) and we are now (finally) in the middle of my absolute favorite Season--Autumn!  Autumn blesses us with lovely weather; boots; long walks through golden leaves and cuddling in front of the fire place (to name a few of my favorite Autumn hobbies)!  There are so many lovely things about Autumn and to top it all off it is my first Autumn with Hunny (double the cuddle time)!  And along with all the cuddling, bonfires, hikes, (etc.) burns the brighter than average flame of romance (at least for me).  I don't know what it is about Autumn, but it puts me in a hyper-romantic mood, but--hey I love it (and Hunny isn't complaining either)!  And lucky for me Hunny doesn't mind going along for the ride (or on occasions "driving")!
     I mean Romance is as mutable as Love--it varies from person to person.  Example:  One person may find Game tickets to see their favorite team play their biggest rivals romantic; while another may find a long hike to the top of a mountain at sunrise the most romantic thing ever.  This is why it is very important to get to know your partner and discover exactly what is Romantic for them.  I am happy to share that I am very lucky because my Hunny loves me enough to not only understand and learn what is Romantic to me, but to actually do it.  I will full out (and proudly) admit that I am a quirky woman.  And the other day, I wanted nothing more than to have my hair washed.  I have never asked Hunny to do it before, but for some reason that is what I wanted.  Hunny--being the awesome boyfriend he is actually took the time to do it for me.  He didn't grumble or gripe and to top it all of he took his time and was caring-gentle and diligent.  He asked if I was comfortable with the temperature of the water; how I liked it washed and even if I wanted anything specifically done.  I can not begin to tell you first--how soothing and comforting it was for him to wash my hair, but also how very loved, cared for and special I felt that he would happily take time to do this for me.
     It may seem silly to some, but there was an intimacy and thoughtfulness in every stroke of his hand--every finger along my scalp that turned me into a great-gooey-girly mess.  I was absolutely blissful and content (way less stressed) by the time he finished (he could have asked for the moon and I would have probably given it to him--don't tell him I told you that, though) and I even returned the favor most happily (but I love playing in his gorgeous hair (and he loves when I do too) anyway).  Honestly, sweet thoughts and actions--little things that make me feel special--are very Romantic to me.  Tying my shoe when it is untied; flowers just because you knew they would make me smile; my favorite junk food after I have had a tough day so you can binge and veg out with me; long walks together; a note on my pillow to say you love me; making me lunch and bringing it to my job; surprising me with a day at Tallulah Gorge hiking out to waterfalls or bird watching; an unexpected present (book, movie, perfume, etc.) just because you saw it and thought of me; or even turning off the phone and snuggling up and playing board games and watching movies with me--for me these things are romantic and special.  Romance isn't just about money or fancy dates and vacations--being Romantic or creating Romance can and SHOULD be an every day thing.
     Romance--being Romantic--is more about thoughtfulness and taking time to turn thoughtfulness into action, than anything else.  I have an "Autumn Bucket List" and even though there was a groan from Hunny when I sent it to him after a chuckle he agreed and I can't wait to spend time making new memories with him--trying new things--and enjoying this gorgeous Season!  Day or night when we get the opportunity to have "firsts" together--hold each others' hands and do something different or special I feel loved and cherished and it is so romantically-wonderful that I get all giddy and joyous just thinking about it.  My Romance isn't your type of Romance.  And even if there are similarities there will probably be more differences than not!  I am just so very lucky that my wonderful Hunny loves me enough to share in these moments and indulge in some of my quirkier requests.  So very lucky that my happiness and my sense of Romance being fulfilled is as important to him as his is to me.
     I truly wish that everyone will find that person who holds your happiness above theirs and strives to do everything within their power to make you happy!  There is a beautiful and comforting feeling that comes from that kind of love.  And when you add in the fulfillment of your kind of Romance to that beautiful and genuine love--it is like homemade icing with strawberries on top of the cake!  Well, that is all I have for now.  I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa           

LOVE--Is More Than A Word

     I know I post a lot about Love, and grant it some of this may seem a bit repetitive--but as it is, Fall is setting in and along with it comes that unfortunate seasonal rut that seems to occur in most relationships.  It seems terribly prevalent during Autumn for guys to get so comfortable that they end up "falling off the Wagon".  So, this has again and again raised the question in mind, heart, soul and conversation--Love--What is Love to you?  Love differs from person to person.  We all have certain Love Languages that touch us more on an emotional level than others.  (If you don't know about your Love Language, why not find out about it at www.5lovelanguages.com !)  And because we all vary so much, it is very important to learn the love language of your significant other in order to understand and be able to show them love in a way that they will not only be able to appreciate, but receive as well.
     I know that Hunny isn't psychic (as most men aren't) and so I strive to communicate with him to help him understand what I need and want as well as to make sure that we are on the same page.  And honestly it isn't always easy.  Not for me--especially because of my past.  But as I am determined to rectify the mistakes of my past and build a healthy relationship I choose to fight against my defense mechanisms.  So instead of running, or throwing up a steel wall, I breathe through my initial fears, hurts and frustrations and sit down to talk with Hunny.  Yet, knowing it takes two people to make a relationship work I can only do so much on my end.  And honestly that is one of the most terrifying facts of Love there is--knowing that I can not make it work by myself.  Simply knowing that my heart, my desire, my Love is not enough to make this relationship work makes it hard not to just run away in sheer terror out of fear of a broken heart because it would be easier--safer.  Knowing that the fate of not only my relationship, but my heart is equally at the mercy of his hands sets my heart trembling with trepidation.  And that is the greatest most difficult part of the gamble.  But, that is when I ask myself not only if this gamble with Hunny is worth it-- but if I will let my past and fears deny me the right ( or deny him the chance) to try again to Love and be Loved.  
     You, see when I choose Love (as with those of us who do) I knowingly choose to gamble my heart with Hunny.  To take a chance that may be this will be my FOREVER Love.  I choose to bestow upon him the gift of Chance to win my heart for all time.  I choose to allow him into my heart and life.  I choose to be vulnerable, available, understanding, patient, kind, honest--essentially I choose to walk, live, breathe Love; for I have learned that it is more than a word (or many words).  Love is in every action and thought of every moment of every day whether the person is right next to you or 1000 miles away.  For when one Loves (truly--purely love) they are elevated (and the relationship they are trying to build) unto another plateau.  But with Love the gamble isn't just in your hand that counts like in black jack--no it is more like spades.  It is about what your partner is holding just as much as what you are.  And at the end of the day you can only do your best and give your best and hope and pray that your partner understands that they are just as responsible for the success or failure to make your "books" as you are.  (Lol, I couldn't resist adding in some spades references!)  And hopefully (seriously) your partner will understand that just like in spades NOTHING is a surety, but a gamble and a chance and if they play their hand wrong, they will LOSE!
     And it isn't just one misplayed hand, but many that result in the ULTIMATE LOSS.  If you try and try to communicate with words and actions, but there is no change in how they play the game; if they are not willing to try to work with you, to build with you, so that you both can win (not just each other but,) together then it may be time to find another partner (no matter how much it may hurt or how much the loss of your old partner would break your heart).  Because a partner that does not trust or listen to you--a partner who isn't receptive or dedicated to you or your gamble (that you make together), isn't a good partner to have.  For every time they disregard you; take you for granted; ignore; hurt or deny you they are rejecting the love, time, hard work and dedication you have poured into your relationship.  They deny you and everything you are working for.  And Ladies and Gents, I know what that feels like.  That sting I have felt too keenly time and time again and it wearies and frustrates me as I know it must do to all those who have felt and do feel it.  It chips away at the partnership, trust, and very hope that your relationship thrives on--until there is nothing left.   
     Essentially we all need to learn and understand the Love Language of our partners; to understand what they require and what your roll in the relationship requires.  Step forward and understand what it takes to make it work and DO what it takes to make it work so you don't lose out.  Remember every time you slip up you give someone else the opportunity to slip in!  And trust me, if you know your partner is wonderful 9 times out of 10 so do a few other people!  Relationships--LOVE-- is about constantly growing TOGETHER.  (And growing to grow together you must both be there next to each other.)  It is about what you put in (and what you put in is what you get out).  You can not constantly take and give nothing.  You can not constantly chip away at the foundation and expect the building to stand!  If you can not or do not or wish not to LOVE then do not torment your partner acting as though you do.
     I hope that we all can make it through the Seasonal curse of Fall and greet Winter with stronger relationships.  Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind. 
          ~Marissa

Let's Talk About Sex!

     If you think this post is about all my "dirty" little bedroom secrets, well slow your roll because it is NOT!  What this post is about is quite simply--communication!  We have blogged about communication in regards to many different facets in a relationship, but this is our first about communicating in regards to sex.  There can be no trust or intimacy (either physical or emotional) in a relationship--in any facet--if there isn't communication.  Well, how often do you remember to communicate with your partner in the bedroom?
    The only way to enhance intimacy between you and your partner is to show that you are open, receptive and trustworthy.  Nine times out of ten you probably get caught up in the emotions and the actions and before you know it--every thing is basically said and done.  Well whether before, after (or depending on how things are, during) you should take time to communicate with your partner.  If there is something that you really enjoy or really dislike, don't hesitate to let your partner know!  Compliment and verbally appreciate the wonderful things they can do and that you do together, too.  If you are feeling adventurous or curious about something talk with them about it--much more than likely your partner will be supportive and open and you two can venture into new territory together.
     Remember intimacy is important on all levels and this little bit of advice may just lead you to a lot of fun!  It may not be easy, if you aren't used to speaking to your partner about your physical intimacy, but we all must start somewhere.  And I am sure the benefits will be worth the initial hesitancy (or embarrassment) that you may initially experience.
     Remember communication is key to build a healthy and happy relationship--even when it comes to physical intimacy.  What can it truly hurt to try?  Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind.
          ~Marissa  

Dating--On a Budget

     Look, we all know that the economy isn't what it was and although it is getting better, it isn't there just yet.  The majority of the world (who aren't in the top 1%) had to make changes in their financial lives in order to survive and maintain some semblance of normality.  We "trimmed the fat", so--not so bad, right?  WRONG!  In fulfilling the need to cut back, some of our extracurricular activities got cut back as well--like date nights/days.  But, there is a solution for this and it is as easy as cracking open your computer to get started!
     First you have to dispel the misconception that you need to spend a lot of money to have fun on dates because that simply isn't true.  The economic status of America is a double edged sword.  We did have to cut back, but not just us.  A lot of companies had to cut back as well which means that unusual and unexpected deals are now a regular phenomenon.  Great sites like groupon (which gives you an opportunity to buy in on great deals) and pinterest (which can help you with ideas and orchestration of fun, memorable, dates) are a great starting point for anyone who wants or needs help planning something fun, special, but affordable.  There are a lot of other great websites and blogs (and let's not forget friends) that you can go to for ideas and information as well.  If there is a specific place or attraction you want to take your significant other to you can always save up for it and check out the attraction website because they have great deals on their "slow" days that will work to your favor.
     Ultimately, the most important thing to remember about Dates/dating is spending time with the one who you love--who is special to you--is the reason for the date in the first place.  As long as you are together, appreciating each other, enjoying the company you keep, that is what matters most.  You can turn any night/day into something special.  Whether you have a picnic, game or movie night or scoop an awesome deal for dinner, dance classes or even flowers the fact that you are taking time--making time--for the one you love will always be the most cherish and precious part of your date!
     Well that is all I have for now!  Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa

Passion

     Passion--Beautiful--Seductive--Addictive--Enthralling--Passion.  I have come to know Passion as not just a product of lust or Love, but an entity that can exist quite naturally (and unexpectedly) between two individuals that connect on a level that is more emotional--spiritual--than physical.  And as the connection differs so does the level and kind of Passion that is born from it.  There is the Passion that is sweet, spicy and swift--born from lust and half hearted promises.  Or even the Soft passion which is like a brook or stream.  Cool, smooth, slow, and deliberate.  It can swell to overflow its banks and carves its existence into the earth, patiently--leaving its mark. 
     Then there are the more substantial and devastating Passions.  Like the Passion that Burns with a white hot blaze--everlasting--eternal--inescapable.  It is a passion that consumes reason and is fueled by longing.  It never fades, nor can it die, but eternally burns as bright as the northern star.  There is also the passion that Drowns with warm, enveloping waves--constantly churning--pulling.  It is equivalent to a "beautiful death", enveloping--languid--decadent to a degree.  Yet, one should not count out the passion that is Molten--hot--slow--yet devastating.  It flows deep within the surface, but when it breaks free, it decimates all in its path.  And these passions are just scratching the surface of the different kinds that exist! 
     How much do we underestimate--not comprehend--abuse (romantic) passion?  We refrain; try to control or manipulate it; sometimes deny and run from it as well; but when it catches us in its clutches we truly see how powerless we are in its wake.  Never disregard or underestimate passion.  I encourage everyone to throw themselves into it, even if it is only once.  Let it wash over you, consume and fill you.  Let it entrance, entice and enthrall you.  Let it exist as it is meant to--feel the pureness and greatness of it.  Even if it is only once--do it.  Throw caution to the wind and flow with it.  I guarantee that what you will experience will be more than worth it.
     Think on it--until another time I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa      

Love and Their Breaks

         In my thirty years I have discovered, through trials and tribulations, just how much Love varies.  And as spring fever gives way to summer love, many of the conversations that have been had lately are not only about relationships, but about Love.  Some times I forget that not everyone has had both the curse and the privilege to know the heartbreak of a first Love or how there are many ways and places within us to Love.  I think that many of us either don't know, forget, fear or underestimate Love so much that we never truly get to know or experience it--in its glorious and varying magnitude.
     I learned that I Love not just from my heart, but my soul and very being as well.  Because of this I have earned the misfortune as well as the fortune of experiencing "breaks (as in heart)" and Love in many varying degrees. Of course (as this is my humble opinion in regards to my own experiences) the kind of "break" depends upon the kind of Love it originated from.  (Let's see if I can give you a better explanation--:)  I have had an unrequited Love;  And also a first Love;  I have grown with a young Love; suffered (and learned) from (an unfortunately) devastating Love and tried to fight an uncontrollable Love.  These are my five great Loves (not that I haven't loved other men, but these I have been in love with and they have been an influence within my life and understanding).
     My first Love as well as my young Love--I loved them from my heart.  Different places within my heart, but when way led unto way that is what broke--a part of my heart.   Whereas my unrequited and devastating Loves--those Loves--were experienced with my soul.    After our seasons were finished and when life lead us down different paths it wasn't a part of my heart that broke--no--they each took a part of my soul with them.  (Hence the saying, "Be careful who you love", although if it were possible there would never be a broken heart.)
     Now, my uncontrollable Love--this love was a first for me--It was terrifying, unexpected, consuming and--uncontrollable.  I never knew I could love someone with the entirety of my being (as dramatic as it sounds--I feel what and how I feel--but don't we all).  This love was one that defied explanation for truly there are no words to help any one understand who has never experienced its ilk before.  When it ended the first time (well details are a luxury I shall not afford you) I swore never again.  I wasn't strong enough to withstand it again (this "break" was equivalent to having pieces of my soul taken), yet I obviously couldn't deny it for the rest of my life (we are going to see how this round plays out).
       It isn't as though I planned on how and from where I would love them, it kind of happened (along with the "breaks").  (Can we ever plan on how or who we love, truly?)  And knowing that when we Love another we take a chance with our hearts--souls--very beings--is Love, at the end of the day, not worth the gamble?  Again and again, throughout the years I have gone through "breaks" because for me, Love will ALWAYS be worth the risk.  I am who I am because of my experiences and even though there was hurt, pain, loss and sadness there was also joy, passion, growth, happiness and laughter too.  Life is a balance and Love is a part of that balance (maybe the biggest part).  I will never let the pain or mistakes of my past allow me to miss out on the potentials and possibilities of Love.  I will always choose Love.  And if I lose I will not be a sore (or bitter) loser for then I would be cheating myself.  Instead (as I have learned to do) I will take some time and re-invest in myself--gather my chips--and get back to the tables when I am ready.
     At the end of the day this is my choice--what will be yours?  Will you settle for a life hiding, running, shunning or ignoring the greatest gift, ability and experience given to us--or will you fall, fly, fight for it?  What is a life without Love?  And why let any fear of past or unknown stop you from such a treasure as Love?  Well, I think that this is enough food for thought for one night.  I am sorry for the length, but I had a lot on my mind--and a lot to say.  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind.
     ~Marissa        

Not Perfect, But Worth It/Divorcee Dating Saga part Huit

     So it has been awhile since I have written anything, let alone about Hunny and me. Surprisingly, some people have started to ask whether or not we are even still together.  Well, I am most happy to say that we are.  And after a conversation that I had with Nessie today, I really wanted to post something not just about Hunny and me, but about relationships on the whole.  Nessie is one of my best friends and we talk about everything.  Honestly I don't think we have any secrets.  And this morning, while I was stuck in ghastly traffic, we were talking about relationships (both hers and mine).
     Nessie always teases me that my relationship with Hunny is like a movie; a love from long ago rekindled after years of separation and later friendship, etc.   I guess, when she describes it this way, it kind seems like it.  And although I am terribly happy I had to point out to her that, like any other relationship, it isn't perfect.  Although it isn't perfect, it is most definitely WORTH IT.  Relationships don't only require work; they require a desire to make it work.  If neither (or even just either) instead of both people in a relationship don't possess a desire to make it work let alone the heart to see the work through, then the relationship will not prosper.  There will be good days and bad days no matter who you are.  There will be times where you won't understand your love and vice versa, but as long as you both try (try until you succeed) to communicate and understand each other that is what is important.
     It takes time and the desire to build something lasting.  So, that is why it is necessary to work on not just sympathizing, but empathizing; not just listening, but understanding; and not just being a presence, but being present.  Take time to not only build and strengthen your relationship, but to learn, understand, accept and appreciate the one you love as well.  Because at the end of the day Love is more than a word or a feeling or even a state of being.  Love comes from what you say and how you say things to your love.  Love is in the way you treat, think, act and react to them.  Love is in everything you do and don't do.  Be a thoughtful, motivated, partner and lover because your love is important and the decisions you make (the actions you take) directly effect the person you choose to connect your life with ; the person that you love.
     Just something to think about.  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind.
          ~Marissa    

You Got Her--Can You Keep Her?

     QUERY:  DO YOU KNOW HOW TO KEEP YOUR GIRL?

     Lately, this has been the question on a lot of women's lips.  From girlfriends to female family members, this discussion has been going on most of last week and this weekend.  And even though WE know what it takes for us to be kept it has become quite apparent that guys-- really just don't!  I mean most women really don't ask for much at all (please review the sneak peak cheat sheet blog posted previously for examples(your welcome))!  If you listen, pay attention and have the ability to empathize then you are quarter of the way there (hooray)!

Here are a few key points for you to remember (in no specific order):

     1.)  Sometimes she wants to just vent about her day/situation/experience and not have you fix her problems (if she wants your help she will let you know(or you can just ask)).
     2.)  She isn't "okay"  even when she says she is "okay" (and okay should never be an acceptable answer to how she feels)!
     3.)  She shouldn't be/feel alone (ever) because it is an honor to call her yours (and if you are going to be constantly M.I.A from her life then you might as well not be in her life at all).

     4.)  NO ONE should make her feel more special or treasured than you (self explanatory)
     5.)  Actions speak louder than words BUT it is even better when they are the exact same(=consistency)
     6.)  Be DEPENDABLE (without dependability there can be no trust)
     7.)  Be supportive (COMPLETELY supportive(especially when she does the same for you without needing to be asked or told)
     8.)  Don't promise change only to never do it (we understand change takes time, but we also know when you don't even start)  this is a fast way to lose your girl.
     9.)   LISTEN (why must we be broken records)!  If she is taking time to tell you then it is important especially when it has to do with you (and/or your relationship).  Don't shut down or you will shut her out and turn her off.
     10.)  See the BIG picture (we KNOW this is a hard one for you)!  Put yourself in her shoes, try and understand or see things not only from her perspective, but also the possible effects or affects of what is going on with her (and/or your relationship).
 
     OR you can just talk to her and ask her what she needs!  I mean seriously, how and why are you afraid to talk to your girl?  I mean what is she going to do, bite you (heck you may like it if she did)?  This list is just a few common "needs" that most women I know seem to have.  But every man should make time to get to know his woman because I guarantee, that she knows you.
  
     We don't expect you to be like us, pick up on things by just paying attention, but we do expect you to care enough that you take an interest in our happiness.  You shouldn't be the reason why we cry, worry, stress or hurt, but why we smile, laugh, blush and relax.  We shouldn't have to encourage you to care or take time or understand, you should want to do this all on your own (if you don't have these inclinations you are either an a*s OR she isn't right for you (or you for her)).  Don't complicate it or make it harder then it needs to be.
     Just a little something for my guys; for my ladies keep your heads up and your hopes high, if he is the right one he will get it.  And (for his sake) I hope it will be sooner rather then later.  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!

~Marissa   

    

Get Comfortable, But Not Too Comfortable!

     Okay Gents, I had to do another one for you.  This is more specifically geared towards our guys who are lucky enough to have a sweetie pie to snuggle up to on cold, lonely, nights but it would be prudent for single guys to keep this little tid-bit of information tucked away for later.

     As you well know every relationship has a "honeymoon" period and after that period of glistening sunshine and pink cotton candy clouds you get COMFORTABLE!  Oh, what a sharp (and bloody) double edged sword that word is in a relationship!  On one hand getting to know and trust your partner to the point of being comfortable is a beautiful thing, it is reassuring and comforting.  But COMFORTABLE seems to constitute something a little different for guys.  Guys, don't allow yourself (or rather please STOP allowing yourself) to get so COMFORTABLE in your relationship that you stop trying!  Yes, YOU GOT HER--so pat yourself on the back, high five your friends, but now you have to KEEP HER!  And if you get so comfortable that you don't try then you will surely LOSE HER!
     If she is the moon in your heaven, the wind beneath your wings, the Cleopatra to your Antony then TREAT HER THAT WAY.  Take time to surprise her with something sweet or/and thoughtful.  Don't forget to tell her she looks beautiful or lovely.  Take time to notice the little changes that she has made or things she has done; whether it is a spectacular job on a pot roast or the fact that she changed her nail polish from one shade of pink to another (you don't have to know the shade, just notice it) talk to her about it, let her know that you realize that she did something different or well.  Really guys, (and I have been playing this broken record for so long!) it is about the little things and it isn't difficult at all!  Just be thoughtful and considerate.  You should never be so comfortable that you forget to TREASURE and APPRECIATE HER.
     She should be worth the little things and so much more!  Again, don't just give her "lip service" prove it--besides you should want to.  Consider this a little bit of a refresher course!  Remember being comfortable isn't a bad thing unless you get too comfortable!  Until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
         Marissa   

From The Bottom of Our Hearts

     After another great conversation with Finess I was inspired to write this post.  I was going to wait until tomorrow because I am super tired from such a busy day, but my heart (nor mind) wouldn't let me rest.  These thoughts were running too loudly through my head.  Whether we know (or accept) it or not we all have a specific desire when it comes to love in our lives.  In the bottom of our hearts; within the deepest recesses and confines that we dare not venture into (for fear of knowing ourselves too well) this truth, this desire,  lives, breathes and aches to be acknowledged and fulfilled. 
     I know that for the longest time I desired my match.  My heart longed for someone who I could dream with, love, cherish and have passionately-romantic trysts with (lol).  Someone who I could make memories, laugh with and stand next to through the bad times and the good.  A man who not only genuinely wanted the same things, but who would (and could) reciprocate whole hearted and without hesitation.  I wanted the hand holding, cuddling, kissing, tickling, teasing, the sweet whispers and heart felt promises.  I wanted someone who would be my sun and I, his moon.  My match, who would be my first thought when I wake and my last before I sleep.  The one whose kiss makes my heart skip and my knees go weak.  I wanted all of the romance and passion perfectly blended with the reality of stability and happiness, too. 
     The funny and almost tragic fact is for the longest time I compromised on my heart's desire.  I lost my self, my way, and became someone I wasn't with a heart full of unhappiness.  That was almost my life...(but because everything happens for a reason) it isn't anymore!  I am blessed to have reconnected with an amazingly wonderful man who I love tremendously.  And not only do I love Hunny, but he is my match and with him I am NOT compromising my heart's desire but fulfilling them instead(what a lucky woman I am)!
     The freedom and peace my heart knows within this fulfillment is blinding!  I feel comfortable and happy with Hunny by my side (and when he can't be by my side I have never missed the presence of a single individual in my day to day life as much as I do Hunny's).  There isn't a doubt in my heart in regards to his love for me or our future together.  I want to shout it from the mountain tops and dance along rainbows from the sheer joy of it all (but as I am not climbing Mt. Everest nor dancing a jig along refracted light I had to settle for the internet, lol)!  I look forward to watching our future unfold; spending every moment possible with my Hunny and drifting through this blue lagoon of love that has me deliciously intoxicated (in the best way of course).
     The point to all of this sharing is to emphasis that allowing ourselves to fulfill our "secret" heart's desires can lead us to great happiness.  It isn't necessarily easy nor is the road straight and narrow either, but it is worth the lessons and the struggles.  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     Marissa

Don't Put Her On Hold, She Is NOT a Phone Call!!

(Previously Written)     

*PULLS OUT SOAP BOX AND CLEARS THROAT*

     QUERY:  Why do some guys think they can put girls on hold?  Confused?  

     

     Example:

                    Guy:  Just don't be done with me!

                    Girl:  Ummm, you disappeared from my life for months and months and then you tell me that you have a girlfriend!

                    Guy:  Yeah, so?  Just don't be done with me!

                    Girl:  How many times have you walked away and been done with me over the years?  And besides I don't mess with a guy who has a girl.

                    Guy:  Yeah, but things are kind of up in the air, so...

                    Girl:  WHAT?!?!

_________________________________________________________________________________

  

     So many guys treat girls like they are a Kmart and they can put their love and affection on layaway and pay a little ever so often so it won't be returned to the shelf!  That is not love or respect, h*ll it isn't even fair!  How can (some) guys do this and sleep at night?!?  If a girl did that to a guy he would feel cheap, unloved and disrespected.  No one wants to be treated as a consolation prize.  Great girls are worth more than that!!  Girls who give of themselves (without being asked) give of their love, support, fidelity, time and wisdom.  Girls who are honest, caring, kind, generous, thoughtful and forgiving are rare; they are priceless and when they get tired of being on layaway they will be returned to the shelf.  And someone else will see their value and happily choose them without hesitation!  

     I wonder if these guys will finally wake up when they lose a treasure completely to someone wiser and bolder than they?  I mean these guys have proven again and again that they do not know the worth of good girls.  They treat them like a net they can fall into instead of wings that help them fly.  I wonder if they realize that these girls aren't going to give up a life of happiness and love with someone who treats her like she is the moon in his night sky for someone who never will see her that way(nor treat her that way).    

     Every guy is given the opportunity to show a girl what he is made of, but if he proves time and time again to be left wanting then he proves that he is not worth the gamble.  Guys who put girls on hold are insecure, selfish and cruel.  It is sad to know that there are guys who do this consciously and see nothing wrong with it, either!  So sad!  GROW UP and you may want to MAN UP,  too while you are at it! 

 *REPLACES SOAP BOX IN CORNER*

     Just a little venting and some food for thought.  Ladies don't let a man treat you like a Kmart and gents--don't be that douche, oops I mean dude!  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!

          ~Marissa

Art of Seduction Part 4/ Undress Me

PREVIOUSLY WRITTEN:

     I believe the title is self explanatory so let's jump right in!  Don't underestimate the art of undressing your lover (but, I think paramour sounds more romantic, don't you).  Now as you guys know I am an advocate for clothes flying; hands in hair; teeth on skin; hot and heavy passion, but one should never underestimate the power of taking time to slowly disrobe the object of your passion!  AND as a special treat I am going to take time to "illustrate" why this is true (DISCLAIMER:  Suggestive Material Below):

     "...He closes the door and turns to look at you.  Your lips are still swollen from the deep probing kisses that he placed upon your mouth, intoxicating you to the point of enticing dizziness!  A knowing smile spreads across his lips as he comes closer, quietly and slowly eliminating the distance between your bodies.  A finger tip traces up your arm and slowly encircles the straps of your dress, a gentle tug sends the thin bits of satin sliding down to the bend of your elbow.  Hot lips kiss across your shoulder to your collar bone--A slight nip upon your neck almost feather light, sends shivers down your spine.  You watch frozen in physical rapture, as his other hand repeats the journey of the first, his mouth blazing a hot path to the other side repeating the same slow and decadent torture as before.

     You quiver, your hands finding the buttons of his shirt, separating them from the holes, creating an opening where your seeking fingers skim over the firm smoothness of his skin--setting him aflame, urging him to undress more of your flesh.  A sigh escapes your lips as your dress hits the floor and he whispers, "You are beautiful--perfection."

     You tug his shirt from his shoulders and he takes your mouth again in a searing kiss.  Pulling you close, your flesh against his, unhindered--there is a moment where your breath catches in your chest and as your eyes meet--his hands seductively dances up and down your spine..." (<-----Original Excerpt(now what was your argument for rushing?))

     The restraint in and of itself adds fuel to the fire and that flame will blaze even brighter as you take time to touch, kiss and caress with every piece of clothing that you slowly peel away revealing more glorious and decadent flesh to taste and explore.  Undressing is a beautiful way to entice and tempt one another and I encourage everyone to take time to do it.  Trust me it will be worth your time.  (Or was the excerpt you just read not enticement enough?)

     If you still think there is no reason to take your time, then maybe you should just try it!  Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the Truest kind!

         ~Marissa

Frogs Aren't Princes

     PREVIOUSLY WRITTEN:

     The hardest lesson a woman will ever learn is how to walk away from a "frog" she loves.  Now don't judge me too harshly for calling (some) men frogs, but for me (again OUR blog, MY post) that  is exactly what wrong guys are, "frogs".  As women of the modern world we all expect to kiss some frogs, but fall in love with them, that's another story!  (Again, we can't control who we love!)  Falling in love with a frog is a dangerous thing because no matter how many times you "kiss" them (AKA:  wait, excuse; cry over; apologize for, etc) they will never (EVER) be princes because they don't have the ability to be.  No matter how much you love, sacrifice, support or help them (sadly) it doesn't matter--they are what they are.
    Now don't mistake "enchanted" (AKA:  "broken") princes for frogs.  THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING!!  An enchanted prince has gone through many trials and unfortunately a wicked witch or two (although ultimately defeated) have left their curses upon them.  It takes a strong prince and a brave princess ("I am a princess--all girls are!"(ten bucks if you can name what movie that quote came from)) to break the "spell", but that in and of itself is very difficult (a true quest(especially when it has more to do with the prince than the princess)), but not impossible.  Sometimes good magic happens.  remember ladies a prince is a prince (broken or not) you just have to learn the difference between a prince and a frog.
     We can't date on potential alone--we can't keep frogs when we deserve princess!  Sometimes we just have to come to terms with the fact that we care/love/in love with someone who either isn't ready; isn't worthy or both.  There comes a time in these situations, where you have to accept and acknowledge how you feel while you separate yourself so you can walk away from an unhealthy relationship/situation.  Just because you walk away doesn't mean that you are trying to (or will) stop loving your frog it only means that you love yourself enough to protect your heart and happiness.  It is never easy walking away and resigning yourself to live with love your heart holds for your frog, but in the long run it is less damage to heal from.
     Even though I used "silly" analogies this subject is still quite serious and real--just something for y'all to think over!  Well until another time I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind.
          ~Marissa

Cloud Nine/Divorcee Dating Saga Part Six

     (Throwing on my Captain Obvious Cape) I am on cloud nine, my boyfriend is just--wonderful and he really does make me happy (as though you couldn't tell from my posts, right).  Hunny makes me want to sing at the top of my lungs and cheer from mountain tops a riotous chorus of elation.  The only thing that makes me sad is--we don't get to spend as much time together as we would like (#grownupproblems)!  It is so hard trying to coordinate two individual's work and social calendars!  Add to that the distance we live from each other and we get two days a week (if we are lucky) to spend together!  I really wish that I worked a more normal schedule or that we lived closer to each other because it would be so much easier for us to see each other, but wishing doesn't change the facts so--I blame HUNNY!
     I blame Hunny for making me miss him so much.  It is his fault that I want him around and I hate not having him with me to cuddle every night and kiss every morning!  I love that he tries to make every moment we do have together insanely lovely, no matter what we do, because that is endearing all on its own.  He makes sure that we do get to cram as much QT as we can in the few hours we do get together, though.  It means so much that this is important to him (it makes me feel treasured, see it is not hard at all, guys)!  I know they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it also kinda saddens, too (like a lot)!  I mean SERIOUSLY!  I WANT MY HUNNY (*Insert foot stomping, whining, two year old tantrum, here*)!
     Even though the lack of Hunny and Bunny (his nickname for me, isn't it precious) QT makes me sad (miss him so much) the fact that we both try our best encourages me when it gets super difficult (and I also sleep in his shirt during those times).  Sometimes we may have to sacrifice some social engagements, rearrange our schedules but for me (and Hunny, too) it is worth it (he is so worth it)!  Hopefully it will get easier or something will change that will enable us to be together more.  Until then we have as much fun and make as many memories as we can!  As long as we still miss each other and cherish our time together I believe we are on the right track.
     Well enough sharing for one post!  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
    ~Marissa

When Did He Get As Strong As Superman?

     I don't know whether or not my girlfriends are going to disown me for admitting this (or other "weaknesses" we have for that matter) but (again, thanks Spring Fever) we have been marveling over how our guys turn into Supermen when they cross over from playful flirtation to "bedroom" mode.  It is like some invisible switch is flipped and ( no matter how many times (can we say every time) it happens) it still (most pleasantly) surprises us!
     I mean good God, do guys even know that they do this?  Not that we don't love it (because we most certainly do), but it will never cease to--knock our socks off.  One minute you guys are kissing and whispering in our ears and the next our clothes go flying and we are maneuvered into unmovable positions and no amount of wiggling helps our cause!  If anything it encourages you guys, spurs you on to more (well, more)!  I mean it happens so fast it is almost imperceptible!
     We never cease to marvel at this swift transformation and subsequent super human powers that come from the switch!  Maybe it also has something to do with the fact that the switch doesn't just effect y'all, but us as well.  We get so swept up in the moment with you guys that all logic goes out the window and is replaced by sheer wonder and pure enjoyment.  It is fun and funny and makes us feel our femininity.  It is one of the most undoubtedly masculine and sexy things that men do (that drives us wild).  Y'all being caught up in the desire and passion of us drives us further into passion with you.  Such natural wonder and fun! *Insert:  Cheshire cat smile with a wild blush*
     Well guys, if you didn't know, you do now.  And girls--I hope y'all still love me :)!  Until another time, I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~ Marissa 

The Art of Seduction Part 3/Kiss Me

     Alright guys grab your Carmax, Chap-stick and Burt's Bees because it is time to read up on one of the most enjoyable past times ever--KISSING!!!!  Just like you should use your words and touch to set the mood, start those sparks, you should do the same with kissing!  Kissing isn't just for 'hello', 'goodbye', or before/after sex.  Kissing is for all the time--anytime.  There are just so many different kisses and places to kiss (*wink, wink*) that ignoring, overlooking or not implementing them should be a condemnable crime!
     For example, there is the ever gallant and romantic kiss on the top of the hand or across the knuckles (that one makes my heart flutter); the gentle and endearing forehead/top of head kiss (que Cheshire cat grin); or the intimate and enticing neck/shoulder kiss (my knees go so weak) or even the always sweet kiss on the cheek (*aaaaawwwwwww*)!  These kisses are simple and easy and a great starting point.  Remember there doesn't have to be a special reason other than a desire to kiss her!  So, grab her unexpectedly and kiss her softly, gently or sweetly, then let her go and walk away like nothing happened.
     Keep in mind that it is just as easy to surprise her with a passionate kiss as a gentle one (Please believe that I am an advocate for every kind of kiss.  I just want to remind you that playful kisses are just as important.).  With that being said you can NEVER over use the passionate kiss.  Nothing can entice more than a no-holds-bar, up against the wall, hands in hair, body to body kiss.  That is the kind of kiss that makes you lose your sense of time and place.  It is a kiss that consumes and awakens you simultaneously.  It eliminates the world, but illuminates the two of you, bringing you both into focus.
     I believe you should kiss your girl like it is your first and last kiss.  You should kiss her with every fiber of your being.  Kiss her until you are the only thought, only desire, she has.  Kiss her so that within that moment there are only the two of you in existence.  Kiss her with love, passion and desire.  Kiss her frequently, deeply and thoroughly!  So heed my advice and go kiss your girl today!  Until another time I wish you all, love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa

The Art of Seduction Part 2/ Touch Me

     The most underrated thing today is the "Simple Touch" (not sexual(that comes later) stay with me, here folks).  A simple touch can be as easy as a passing caress across her hand, neck or cheek.  It can be you pushing the hair from her forehead or eyes or even trailing a finger down her back.  Learn to touch like you breathe--naturally.  I can almost guarantee if you do this deliberately, but with an unstudied air, that it will certainly start some sparks flying.
     If you can master the art of the simple touch and put it into practice everyday, you will soon see a change in the intimacy level of your relationship.  (There are other forms of intimacy besides sex!)  Touch is a powerful, moving, comforting, enticing and in some cases healing thing.  It can help to build and strengthen your bonds with your girl because when you touch her, for the sake of touching her, it makes her feel desired, beautiful and treasured.  It shows her that you want to touch her, feel her, outside of the bedroom (car, kitchen or wherever you guys like to get down).  Your touch is going to lower her inhibitions and make her want you more because simple touches help to build trust.  It is also going to encourage a craving for your touch that will have her wanting you, thinking of you, even when you aren't there.
     Albeit, every girl is different so take some time to discover the way she likes to be touched.  It isn't hard at all and don't act like you don't like the feel of her skin anyway!  Remember guys, the little things make the biggest differences.  Stop underusing and disregarding the simple touch when it gives you so many benefits!  Until the next time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa    

The Art of Seduction Part 1/ Talk to Me

     Okay guys ( you really should start paying for this awesome advice) you know how you say that women are soooo talkative?  Well that is because we are communicative creatures.  USE THIS TO YOUR ADVANTAGE!  You see, we don't just like to talk, we also like to listen and we love imagining even more (there is a reason why (statistically) women read their erotica more so than watch it).  C'mon guys!  Revive your silver tongues and imaginations and start whispering sweet somethings (yes somethings, not nothings; don't waste your time whispering about things you will never do) to your girl!
     This is kind of obvious if you think about it.  Use your words to set the mood by being sweet, sexy or even very, very naughty.  You can start early in the day with sweet sugary phrases that let her know you  are missing her.  Progress into the afternoon by letting her know you want her and by dinner you can tell her exactly what you want to do to her and how (don't spare the details).  By the time you sit down to the table she will want to skip dinner and go straight to dessert--you!  You see (for most women) while you are verbally setting the mood with messages, emails or phone calls she isn't just hearing you, she is imagining every thing you are saying.  She is seeing it play out in her mind and remembering previous moments which heightens her growing fantasy from the seed you planted.  The more details, the more her imagination is sparked (along with her interest and desire)!
     Learn to communicate with your girl in a variety of ways.  Don't just communicate about the serious stuff.  Use communication to seduce her panties off.  Use it to add a little spice to entice, enthrall and build anticipation.  (Again I say) USE IT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE!  So guys, you are welcome and girls--you are welcome too ;) !  Until another time, lovelies, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind.
     ~Marissa

Step Up and Plan!

     In the past two weeks I have heard so many guys, girls and couples go back and forth about who should plan the dates and why.  C'mon guys, seriously?  If I am in the mood to be a smart a** I say, "...because I don't have a penis..", but when I am being serious I say, "...because I shouldn't have to unless I want to."  I mean am I not special enough for you to take some time out to plan something wonderful for us to do together?  Take a step back and look at it from my (and maybe a few other women's) perspective.  I wear many hats (as most of us do) in my life and in the many relationships I have.  I plan, coordinate, organize, deliver, etc countless times during a week (let alone a month or a year).  I am an ear to listen; a shoulder to cry on; a constant supporter along with playing the roll of sister, daughter, niece, granddaughter, girlfriend, best friend, lover, confidant, protector, etc.  A lot is required of women sometimes a lot more is required of us than is required of men (HEAR ME OUT!).  We are expected to be constantly 'On', across the board.  We are more heavily scrutinized when we have a bad or off day.  If we don't look just so, or aren't as focused as usual we never hear the end of it (from both men and women).  And don't let us be unhappy, frustrated, tired or angry because then the criticism is doubled.  Stop and think about how much your girl gives of herself not just at home or with you, but with others like strangers, coworkers, friends and family too.  After all she does and gives with her heart, body and mind (which she does because she either has to or wants to) are you telling me that you can't plan the date?      A few decades ago women would never plan a date.  The only thing they had to do was have fun dressing up for their date and be ready at the right time.  Now don't get me wrong.  Some guys find it easier than others, but just because it may not be easy for you doesn't mean you cop out or give up without ever trying or putting forth the effort.  Do you know how much more it means to her when she knows it isn't easy, but you still manage to plan something amazing (can we say triple the points here, fellas)?  We aren't asking for the moon (at least some of us aren't).  What we both want and deserve is a man who will happily do for us what we do for others.  It truly does make us feel fantastic that someone would plan a great date for us, a date where we can spend time together (<----sound data-blogger-escaped-familiar-----="">) relaxing and making memories.  A date that will keep us glowing for a week and giddy with anticipation just thinking about the next time we go out with you!  Guys you should want to step out for us.  You shouldn't get so comfortable that you don't romance (or seduce) us because that is a sure way to lose us.  I mean is it really so hard to plan a few dates a month?  Does it really hurt you (you KNOW you benefit from it)?      Just a little advice from this divorcee.  Until another time I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind!      ~Marissa            

How Does a Man Show His Love?

     So one of my lovely friends asked this question this evening during a long and rather in depth conversation.  My answer was I don't know, not truly (does any woman, for that matter).  I don't know in specifics, I can only speak from my experience and I sure as heck can't speak for the sex.  But the question did spark something in me and as promised, this post is most definitely for her (not only, just especially)!
    * As I stated before, I can only speak from my experiences (I will do my best with this post, promise).*
     Every man loves and shows his love differently--this is true for everyone, whether man or woman, but since we are focusing on the opposite sex, let's stay on track.  A man's capacity to love depends on his definition of love; understanding of love; ability to receive and reciprocate love and his desire to love.  Considering the myriad of variations that I can't even begin to touch on (and do sufficient justice), I will touch on what little I do believe to know.
     Physical--Some men feel like they convey their love best with their bodies.  They relish touching and being touched.  They adore desiring and being desired and they show that when they give themselves and receive their women's bodies.  Whether it is PDA or sex (or both), some men show what they can not say with physical love and affection.
     Verbal--Some men are quite comfortable vowing the earth and moon and stars.  They will promise forever (whether they strive to or not, again, depends on the man) whether in verse, song or conversation. They are comfortable and gifted (with a damnable silver tongue) with being able to convey their love and devotion with their words.
     Providing--Some men show their love by providing for their women.  They work hard to give them the life they want and deserve.  They want to fulfill the role of provider and (financial) protector, so they work hard to build a life they can share and be proud of.
     Emotional--Some men show their love by being emotionally vested in their relationship.  They are supportive and understanding.  They aren't afraid to cry with or for you nor laugh with you either.  They show you not only what they feel, but that they understand (and can empathize) your feelings as well.  They are not afraid to show the world how you make them feel or how they feel about you.
     Thoughtful--Some men show their love by being thoughtful.  They are considerate and in considering their women, show them that they are important in their lives.  They do the sweet little nothings, remembering anniversaries and family members birthdays, etc.  They make sure that their women know that they are thinking of them and they remember the important things about them. 
     All In One--And then there are those who show their love across the board.  They show it physically, verbally, emotionally and with their actions and thoughts too (and with a whole lot more that I haven't even (nor would attempt to) touch on).  They are what I considered to be more well rounded (and rare) for they are in a place to love someone wholly and show it, not in bits and pieces, but in every way.  These are the men who are balanced and appreciate (as well as utilize) the many different ways of conveying their love.
     Even in stating this I will say that there are no limitations on any individual and the way they show their love (except those they put upon themselves).  Someone may start out preferring to show it one way, or another, or even a mixture of a few and (after hard work and genuine dedication) become an All In Oner.  Every ability (to love and show love) depends solely on the individual and this pale skeletal post can never deliver a truly just explanation in so short a space or time.  Yet, I still hope that it has helped even a little.
     Remember the only way to know how a (specific) man shows his love is by watching and listening.  And another note, don't try to change how a person shows their love.  True change can only come from a sincere desire (and choice) from the individual.  The fact that someone desires to show you their love for you is a truly precious and wonderful thing.  Enjoy and appreciate it to its fullest because love is a fragile and magnificent thing.
     Until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa