Dating--On a Budget

     Look, we all know that the economy isn't what it was and although it is getting better, it isn't there just yet.  The majority of the world (who aren't in the top 1%) had to make changes in their financial lives in order to survive and maintain some semblance of normality.  We "trimmed the fat", so--not so bad, right?  WRONG!  In fulfilling the need to cut back, some of our extracurricular activities got cut back as well--like date nights/days.  But, there is a solution for this and it is as easy as cracking open your computer to get started!
     First you have to dispel the misconception that you need to spend a lot of money to have fun on dates because that simply isn't true.  The economic status of America is a double edged sword.  We did have to cut back, but not just us.  A lot of companies had to cut back as well which means that unusual and unexpected deals are now a regular phenomenon.  Great sites like groupon (which gives you an opportunity to buy in on great deals) and pinterest (which can help you with ideas and orchestration of fun, memorable, dates) are a great starting point for anyone who wants or needs help planning something fun, special, but affordable.  There are a lot of other great websites and blogs (and let's not forget friends) that you can go to for ideas and information as well.  If there is a specific place or attraction you want to take your significant other to you can always save up for it and check out the attraction website because they have great deals on their "slow" days that will work to your favor.
     Ultimately, the most important thing to remember about Dates/dating is spending time with the one who you love--who is special to you--is the reason for the date in the first place.  As long as you are together, appreciating each other, enjoying the company you keep, that is what matters most.  You can turn any night/day into something special.  Whether you have a picnic, game or movie night or scoop an awesome deal for dinner, dance classes or even flowers the fact that you are taking time--making time--for the one you love will always be the most cherish and precious part of your date!
     Well that is all I have for now!  Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa

Love--It Varies

     After an interesting conversation with one of my girlfriends last night I was inspired to write this post.  Although she isn't the first person I have had this conversation with I would be lying if I didn't admit to my surprise at her surprise when I pointed out that love has many variations and differs from person to person; relationship to relationship.  C'mon y'all think about it!  Love has many variations because not only do our relationships differ, but the people we have relationships with differ as well.  The way you love your mother differs from the way you love your sister; which differs from the way you love your friends; which differs from the way you love your significant other.  Even if you wanted to compare the way you love within one group there are still variations.
     (Stay with me now) Example:  Everyone (and I do mean everyone (don't lie to yourself)) has a favorite parent, sibling, grandparent, aunt, cousin, etc. that they have bonded with (and love) more than other equivalent members of their family.  The love is different, the way you treat, see, communicate and think of them is (subsequently) different because of it!  You know it is true!  Even when it comes to romantic love (or probably more so) it is the same.  Each relationship is different.  Different connections, bonds, are made which form different levels of emotion, attraction, affection and love.  So you may love your 1st significant other with all of your heart, but you may discover later in life that you love your 4th more than your 1st because a deeper bond was made.  You didn't lie when you said that you loved your 1st with all of your heart, because you did.  You loved them with all the love that connection created within you for that person.  But the deeper bond with your 4th significant other encouraged a new range and depth of emotion and love that didn't exist in your relationship with your 1st significant other.  So you can say that you love your 4th with all of your heart and both statements are still very true.
     We can't compare how we love one person (no matter the relationship) to the way we love another because they are DIFFERENT.  Even if it is the same type of relationship it is still a different person!  Unless you repeat a relationship with the same person then there is no comparison to be made.  Just because the love you had for one person developed/presented itself one way doesn't mean that it will come about in the same order, fashion or circumstance with someone different.  (I told you there were a multitude of variations in love)  Don't expect every love you experience to be slow burning or white hot for that matter.  And count yourself lucky that it isn't.  If love were the same for everyone you loved or fell in love with what would you truly learn or experience for that matter.  How boring would that be?  Being able to experience fully the variations of love is a blessing.  I believe it teaches you a lot about yourself and the world.  What a wonderful surprise to experience the depths and magnitudes of love!
    (Just think about it for awhile) I hope you do realize that none of this is something you have control over (control is an illusion, after all) because you can not control something as powerful, as elemental and infinite (nor should you) as love!  The best thing you can do is learn to give and receive love; to appreciate and cherish it.  Don't try to shove it in a box or twist it into something that it isn't because then it becomes tainted and nothing good ever comes from tainted love.  Start bringing yourself up to the level where you can embrace love in its glorious purity, instead of dragging it down to you.  (Trust me the world becomes a different place when you do!)  Remember love is a gift from God ("...above these is love...").  Don't tarnish something so beautiful, seek to be worthy of it instead!
     Consider this a friendly observation/reminder.  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa 
    

Cloud Nine/Divorcee Dating Saga Part Six

     (Throwing on my Captain Obvious Cape) I am on cloud nine, my boyfriend is just--wonderful and he really does make me happy (as though you couldn't tell from my posts, right).  Hunny makes me want to sing at the top of my lungs and cheer from mountain tops a riotous chorus of elation.  The only thing that makes me sad is--we don't get to spend as much time together as we would like (#grownupproblems)!  It is so hard trying to coordinate two individual's work and social calendars!  Add to that the distance we live from each other and we get two days a week (if we are lucky) to spend together!  I really wish that I worked a more normal schedule or that we lived closer to each other because it would be so much easier for us to see each other, but wishing doesn't change the facts so--I blame HUNNY!
     I blame Hunny for making me miss him so much.  It is his fault that I want him around and I hate not having him with me to cuddle every night and kiss every morning!  I love that he tries to make every moment we do have together insanely lovely, no matter what we do, because that is endearing all on its own.  He makes sure that we do get to cram as much QT as we can in the few hours we do get together, though.  It means so much that this is important to him (it makes me feel treasured, see it is not hard at all, guys)!  I know they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it also kinda saddens, too (like a lot)!  I mean SERIOUSLY!  I WANT MY HUNNY (*Insert foot stomping, whining, two year old tantrum, here*)!
     Even though the lack of Hunny and Bunny (his nickname for me, isn't it precious) QT makes me sad (miss him so much) the fact that we both try our best encourages me when it gets super difficult (and I also sleep in his shirt during those times).  Sometimes we may have to sacrifice some social engagements, rearrange our schedules but for me (and Hunny, too) it is worth it (he is so worth it)!  Hopefully it will get easier or something will change that will enable us to be together more.  Until then we have as much fun and make as many memories as we can!  As long as we still miss each other and cherish our time together I believe we are on the right track.
     Well enough sharing for one post!  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
    ~Marissa

Romance--Not Just for Girls!

     Ok ladies, this one is for you!  I post a lot of advice for our guys, but we can't forget that romance is NOT a one way street!  You have to romance your guys!  Let them know that they are special to you and that you are happy they are in your lives.  It doesn't take much (unless they are high maintenance) to make them feel special or happy.  Take time out to make them their favorite dinner or dessert.  Maybe even get them tickets to a game or concert; a bottle of their favorite cologne or shoes.  Remember that being supportive, giving and understanding is also another way to appreciate the men in your lives. Even something as sweet and simple as leaving a note on his car or in his brief case to remind him how wonderful he is, works too. 
     We should not desire to be romanced yet do nothing in return for our men, that isn't fair nor is it right.  It takes two to keep a spark going (or growing).  Don't get so comfortable or spoiled that you forget to make him feel special too.  We get what we give and that is probably most true in relationships than anywhere else in life.  So always strive to give them your best.  Say thank you and let them know that their efforts are amazing and what it means.  And make time to RECIPROCATE!
     I know this post is short, but I can only speak so much on guys (as I am not one), but I am happy to try!  Ladies--heed my words!  Guys--you are welcome ;)!
     Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa     

When Did He Get As Strong As Superman?

     I don't know whether or not my girlfriends are going to disown me for admitting this (or other "weaknesses" we have for that matter) but (again, thanks Spring Fever) we have been marveling over how our guys turn into Supermen when they cross over from playful flirtation to "bedroom" mode.  It is like some invisible switch is flipped and ( no matter how many times (can we say every time) it happens) it still (most pleasantly) surprises us!
     I mean good God, do guys even know that they do this?  Not that we don't love it (because we most certainly do), but it will never cease to--knock our socks off.  One minute you guys are kissing and whispering in our ears and the next our clothes go flying and we are maneuvered into unmovable positions and no amount of wiggling helps our cause!  If anything it encourages you guys, spurs you on to more (well, more)!  I mean it happens so fast it is almost imperceptible!
     We never cease to marvel at this swift transformation and subsequent super human powers that come from the switch!  Maybe it also has something to do with the fact that the switch doesn't just effect y'all, but us as well.  We get so swept up in the moment with you guys that all logic goes out the window and is replaced by sheer wonder and pure enjoyment.  It is fun and funny and makes us feel our femininity.  It is one of the most undoubtedly masculine and sexy things that men do (that drives us wild).  Y'all being caught up in the desire and passion of us drives us further into passion with you.  Such natural wonder and fun! *Insert:  Cheshire cat smile with a wild blush*
     Well guys, if you didn't know, you do now.  And girls--I hope y'all still love me :)!  Until another time, I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~ Marissa 

Step Up and Plan!

     In the past two weeks I have heard so many guys, girls and couples go back and forth about who should plan the dates and why.  C'mon guys, seriously?  If I am in the mood to be a smart a** I say, "...because I don't have a penis..", but when I am being serious I say, "...because I shouldn't have to unless I want to."  I mean am I not special enough for you to take some time out to plan something wonderful for us to do together?  Take a step back and look at it from my (and maybe a few other women's) perspective.  I wear many hats (as most of us do) in my life and in the many relationships I have.  I plan, coordinate, organize, deliver, etc countless times during a week (let alone a month or a year).  I am an ear to listen; a shoulder to cry on; a constant supporter along with playing the roll of sister, daughter, niece, granddaughter, girlfriend, best friend, lover, confidant, protector, etc.  A lot is required of women sometimes a lot more is required of us than is required of men (HEAR ME OUT!).  We are expected to be constantly 'On', across the board.  We are more heavily scrutinized when we have a bad or off day.  If we don't look just so, or aren't as focused as usual we never hear the end of it (from both men and women).  And don't let us be unhappy, frustrated, tired or angry because then the criticism is doubled.  Stop and think about how much your girl gives of herself not just at home or with you, but with others like strangers, coworkers, friends and family too.  After all she does and gives with her heart, body and mind (which she does because she either has to or wants to) are you telling me that you can't plan the date?      A few decades ago women would never plan a date.  The only thing they had to do was have fun dressing up for their date and be ready at the right time.  Now don't get me wrong.  Some guys find it easier than others, but just because it may not be easy for you doesn't mean you cop out or give up without ever trying or putting forth the effort.  Do you know how much more it means to her when she knows it isn't easy, but you still manage to plan something amazing (can we say triple the points here, fellas)?  We aren't asking for the moon (at least some of us aren't).  What we both want and deserve is a man who will happily do for us what we do for others.  It truly does make us feel fantastic that someone would plan a great date for us, a date where we can spend time together (<----sound data-blogger-escaped-familiar-----="">) relaxing and making memories.  A date that will keep us glowing for a week and giddy with anticipation just thinking about the next time we go out with you!  Guys you should want to step out for us.  You shouldn't get so comfortable that you don't romance (or seduce) us because that is a sure way to lose us.  I mean is it really so hard to plan a few dates a month?  Does it really hurt you (you KNOW you benefit from it)?      Just a little advice from this divorcee.  Until another time I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind!      ~Marissa            

(Divorcee) Dating Saga Part Deux (The Offline Dilemma)

     Ok, so, I know that I should probably be a little more hard core when it comes to rejecting someone, but--I'm not!  I just don't ever want to hurt or discourage anyone to the point of causing them any negative emotions or pain.  I am stuck between a rock and a hard place (or rather my head and my heart).  I don't want to reject someone tactlessly, but I also don't want to come off as being indecisive either!  Oh what is a girl to do?  Should I chalk all this up to being off the market and out of practice?  My God, did I always have this soft heart (to my recollection, through my not so rose colored glasses, makes me say no), but even so is it really a bad thing?  (Silly question), It is.  I don't want to be unfair, but I don't want to cause damage so how do I walk the line?  Such a precarious balancing act and this acrobat is totally out of shape and maybe just maybe (or not) out of my league.  While these guys have had continuous experiences and chances to flex and perfect their skills I shut mine in a box and tucked it away on a very high shelf.  Now I find myself tittering on tip toe, trying not to topple off the ladder, as I clamor to pull the box down and re-educate myself on just what is the proper rejection etiquette (if there is such a thing(I hope there is))!  Who do I turn to for help?  My girlfriends, some of them are pros (but don't understand my hangups) while the rest of them are not only completely ill equipped to help, but they have hearts softer than mine.   What did marriage do to me?!?!?! Soften me up to the point where I tiptoe around rejection so long that it turns into indecisiveness?  UGGGGGHHH (thank you Charlie Brown for that onomatopoeia)!!!!!!!  How do I get past this and get down to business?  Has dating always been this--complicated and confusing and if so why, oh why, did I never notice it before?
     I feel the need to meditate and figure out the best course of action for me to take...Should I make a plan of action and just adhere to a generic rejection?  I mean this isn't as easy as online dating where you can block and delete an individual this is a person to person, face to face, situation.  The kind of look me in the eye and ("...tell me you love me..."(had to toss in some Home Alone 2)) let me know how you feel, what you think, right here, right now type of situation.  And some guys do not make it easy!  I don't know why they don't understand nor accept a nice 'no' when they hear it!!!!  You can tell them you aren't interested and instead of saying a polite 'thank you' and heading on their way, they want to know why or why not!!! They try to pester and coerce you into changing your mind, as though you have made a mistake (that just screams desperation and disrespect (two words most people don't want to be associated with))!  This just makes things worse.  Or you have the ones who try to con you with the whole, "Yeah, I understand you aren't interested, we can be friends...", only to turn around and act as though the word "friend" coupled with a fact that they are a "boy" is equivalent to the word "boyfriend".  And that...well that presents a whole other list of problems.  I don't like lying just to get them off my case or out of my space, I shouldn't have to lie to have a peace of mind!  I really hate lying!  But if I am left with no other choice, what am I to do?  Maybe tomorrow will bring in some clarity.  I have to remember "...there is always tomorrow--with no mistakes in it..."(twenty bucks if you know where that quote originated)!
     Well dear readers, until the next post bonne nuit (or is it bonjour by now)!  I wish you all love and happiness both lasting and true!     
  ~ Marissa