What Dreams Are Made of

     What are dreams made of--past, present and future all rolled into one cryptic message that plays out once we shut out the day and quiet the chaos of our minds?  Are they naught but pictures and emotions left hidden from the light in the labyrinth of our subconscious?  Maybe they are a mix of celestial magic and dark desires?  Or are they only our imaginations working their gears while they are most able?  Or could they be fore warnings, premonitions of things to come, or decisions to be made.  Maybe I am putting too much thought into them or maybe--just maybe--I am right.
     You see I dream--frequently--deeply, sometimes in too much detail and at other times things feel so real that I wake up in a state of surreal dissatisfaction as though my dreams were my reality and my reality nothing more than a dream.  (Kind of inception-esque)  Confusing,  I'm sure to some, but for those who have been there I am sure you understand.  And the fact that I, nine times out of ten, remember what I dreamed makes this pondering all the more relevant. How frighteningly wonderful would that be?  How much more credit would we give them, how much more important would they be to us; if we knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were more than our over active imaginations running wild?  Would lives be lived differently,  changed drastically?  For that matter would I change drastically if my dreams were more than mere imaginative figments that carry me through my REM cycles?   
     All of these pressing questions could have been born because of the new year.  You see, there are new decisions to be made--steps to take--experiences to have--and with so much at stake amidst a glorious new beginning, these are questions that I am asking myself once more.  Especially when I had a dream about a life I have yet to see,  but it is the life I desire--the life I am striving to build.  And having a detailed glimpse of my hearts desire apparently achieved, how can I not stop and wonder--hope--that they are more than bits and pieces of this and that.    My heart is starting to believe it is so much more.  And with this hope, though partially groundless it may be, I feel a renewed resolve.  There is a confidence and surety, that I hadn't realized I was missing until recently, that had finally found its way back home.  I am reveling in the solid confidence I feel and subsequent happiness that had arrived along with it.  

    I feel that I have come alive again.  Like a phoenix, and I am so excited I can hardly contain it.  NO MORE HESITATION!  My time for resting is over and it is time for me once again to take it all on.  Life feels as though it has been laid out before me in all of its splendor for me to grasp with both hands and I am so ready.  I AM SO READY to make these dreams come true!
     Whatever they are made of;  whether their purpose is great or small indeed, I welcome them. What have your dreams brought to you? What do they mean to you?   I pray that you find your answers or at the very least begin to give thought you them.   Until another time I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind! 
    Always
        Marissa       

Broken

     As of late--I have had a lot on my heart and mind.  For the past month there has been so much weighing heavy upon my very soul and for a long time I couldn't understand why.  That is when I had to take a step back.  I needed to breathe and move out of the fog that had started to fill my life.  I needed to reevaluate and reconnect with myself for I had lost myself along the way.  And as I crossed the barrier of doubt and uncertainty--certain things have become very clear. 
     We are broken.  Not all of us, but most of us.  And that isn't necessarily a bad thing in some cases.  Consider how a diamond is born--through fire and pressure and darkness.  Think of how it is carved from the earth and processed by artisan hands shaping and refining it into a gem worthy of wear and repute--into one of the hardest and strongest gems in existence.  Think of just how long it takes to get one practically perfect diamond?  You see we ARE very much like diamonds.  Some of us are still in the rough and others slowly (if not already) being refined.  And yet, unlike diamonds we have a choice. 
     It is funny that when it comes to brokenness it differs very much between men and women.  I know, unfortunately, so many women who have been broken.  Some by family--others by "friends"--most by men they have loved and a few of the most ill-fated, by all three.  The thing about it is that the majority of them, despite their "brokenness" and dark histories, like Phoenixes have risen from the ash and burn more brightly then ever before.  They have learned the hard truth that we are our own worst enemies and that Love is NOT enough.  And yet, they are determined to not let the pains, sorrows, and experiences of the past deter them from being Good women and having a brilliant and joyous future.
     And yet, the men that I know who are broken as well--do not fair the same.  Many of them seem to be unable to process their pain or leave their past behind them.  Instead of learning from the mistakes of others and the negative effect they have experienced because of them--they continue the cycle.  They hurt those they claim to love without hesitation and to add insult to injury they don't truly apologize nor do they try to become better;  instead they use the excuse of their past as the reason why they "don't know better" or "can't help it".  It is discouraging, disgusting, frustrating, maddening, saddening and laughable all at once.  It makes me beg the question:  How can you be sincere in your love or affection; in your promises to protect and support others when you can not even give yourself those things?
     I just want to scream and shake them and MAKE them realize that they are killing the fire of their souls and destroying those that love them the most in the process.  Because they do not wish to take a step and a stand; because they are in love with the negativity and pain they have become so familiar with--protect themselves with--they are perpetuating brokenness and pain in a way that is dishonorable and deplorable.  We are here on this earth to HELP each other and LOVE each other, not to inflict pain--not to destroy hope--not to smother love.  And yet, because they lack the courage to face their pasts they will never understand how dangerous they are to themselves AND others. 
     I say it all the time, but it is a truth I have come to know and to know it well.  For I, like many, have a past littered with pain and darkness and sorrow and sadness and yet, I do not turn away from the light of the sun.  I do not look behind me for I know my future is ahead.  I REFUSE to cause or inflict on others that which I have experienced myself.  And after many years of struggle and doubt and questioning.  I found my voice, my purpose, my meaning.  I know Who I Am and What I Want and I will stand for myself because I know that if I can not stand for myself--protect myself--how can I do the same for those I love?  And because of what I have gone through I know for a fact that Happiness comes from inside of us.  It is a choice!  It isn't an easy one, but it is the RIGHT one.  I want a happy life full of beautiful memories and wonderful people.  I want to experience the gift of living and existing in this world!  I want to LOVE wholly and completely someone who can and will give me what I offer in return 100%; someone who GETS IT and UNDERSTANDS; someone who is on the same page as me!  I will NEVER let my painful past determine my future.  I will NEVER let it make me forget who I am or what I have learned or deter me on my journey.  I will NEVER use it as an excuse because it would be a great disservice to myself and a betrayal to the woman I am determined to be.

     Every thing in life is a CHOICE.  Either you will be brave enough to make the hard choices so that you will be able to live better lives and be better people or you won't.  There is nothing wrong with being broken--a lot of wonderful people wouldn't be who they are without a trial by fire.  But, it is wrong if all you do is hold on to the broken pieces and use them as a reason as to why your life will never be full.  Like I said before--I am a broken woman, but I am also one of the Phoenixes that have risen from the fire and ash.  So, I ask you (if you are broken) to consider who you are and who you want to be.  Will you make the choice to take that difficult journey into healing and happiness or will you always find a reason to stay where and how you are--faking happiness when you truly don't even love yourself (and if you don't love yourself how the hell can you love anyone else)?



     I know, my Lovelies, this isn't a usual post, but I had to write what was on my heart.  I truly do wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind.
     ~Marissa  
      

Wake Up

     I have been feeling like Laurence Fishburn's character, Dap, at the end of School Daze running out onto the yard, screaming "WAKE UP!".  The overwhelming amalgamation of frustration, hope, fear, desperation and promise that filled those two words are the same emotions that fill my heart--as it silently echoes his cry.  At times this cry for awakening is solely for myself.  Although, within this moment this call is for everyone.
     We, as human beings, forget that our strength is mutable.  And being consumed with our (momentary) strength or (presumed) power we believe we possess--we forget about the inescapable, inevitable, existence of our beautiful fragility.  In being forgetful we not only over look our own, but the fragility of those around us as well.  Such an oversight is not only a great disservice, but can become truly detrimental to those around us that we hold most dear.
     In a world that encourages us to always present a stalwart facade and neglect the delicacies of our humanity we have become hard.  The disregard of the emotional welfare of those around us--closest to us--has become as second nature and socially acceptable as breathing.  The unfortunate truth is that we are all guilty of being both perpetrator and victim in this endless and disconsolate cycle of negligence.  And until we become more aware and understanding of our "softer" Selves then we will continue to slowly (or quickly) destroy not only ourselves, but our relationships with those we love as well.
     Our world can be very harsh and filled with trials and tribulations hence why we should never add to it.  We should seek to enhance it.  The people that we bring into our lives should never (whether directly or indirectly) forget that we have CHOSEN for them to be a part of our lives and that is a gift.  Simultaneously this gift should not be used as a justification or surety to neglect the fragility of those we love because everyone has a breaking point; and it is very difficult to piece together the pieces of trust, love, and fidelity that is chipped away when they are neglected or misused.  Nor should we consider ourselves or others as weak or incapable because we/they are fragile.  We should all endeavor to appreciate and protect the gentility of ourselves and others.  Doing so will further enable us to continue to build our relationships instead of deteriorating their foundations.
     Remember that fragility is a gift, it allows us to empathize in order to properly comfort and support others; to sympathize when we forget how to.  When truly embraced fragility can be a source of strength and not weakness.  We need to reawaken ourselves--rejuvenate our hearts--refresh our souls and remember that we shouldn't demonize a sensitive or sweet spirit.  Let us embrace them and the goodness they bring to our lives and the world.  Remember that as humans we are doomed to err, and if someone tells you that you have been hurtful, negative, or unkind to them be responsible.  Don't just apologize, but continuously endeavor to be more mindful of your words and actions because you are obviously important enough for what you do and say to have an affect on them.  Let us, every day try to be more mindful, caring, and open individuals so that we are a blessing to those we love and the world we inhabit.
     Until another time Lovelies, I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind.


         ~Marissa           
     

LOVE--Is More Than A Word

     I know I post a lot about Love, and grant it some of this may seem a bit repetitive--but as it is, Fall is setting in and along with it comes that unfortunate seasonal rut that seems to occur in most relationships.  It seems terribly prevalent during Autumn for guys to get so comfortable that they end up "falling off the Wagon".  So, this has again and again raised the question in mind, heart, soul and conversation--Love--What is Love to you?  Love differs from person to person.  We all have certain Love Languages that touch us more on an emotional level than others.  (If you don't know about your Love Language, why not find out about it at www.5lovelanguages.com !)  And because we all vary so much, it is very important to learn the love language of your significant other in order to understand and be able to show them love in a way that they will not only be able to appreciate, but receive as well.
     I know that Hunny isn't psychic (as most men aren't) and so I strive to communicate with him to help him understand what I need and want as well as to make sure that we are on the same page.  And honestly it isn't always easy.  Not for me--especially because of my past.  But as I am determined to rectify the mistakes of my past and build a healthy relationship I choose to fight against my defense mechanisms.  So instead of running, or throwing up a steel wall, I breathe through my initial fears, hurts and frustrations and sit down to talk with Hunny.  Yet, knowing it takes two people to make a relationship work I can only do so much on my end.  And honestly that is one of the most terrifying facts of Love there is--knowing that I can not make it work by myself.  Simply knowing that my heart, my desire, my Love is not enough to make this relationship work makes it hard not to just run away in sheer terror out of fear of a broken heart because it would be easier--safer.  Knowing that the fate of not only my relationship, but my heart is equally at the mercy of his hands sets my heart trembling with trepidation.  And that is the greatest most difficult part of the gamble.  But, that is when I ask myself not only if this gamble with Hunny is worth it-- but if I will let my past and fears deny me the right ( or deny him the chance) to try again to Love and be Loved.  
     You, see when I choose Love (as with those of us who do) I knowingly choose to gamble my heart with Hunny.  To take a chance that may be this will be my FOREVER Love.  I choose to bestow upon him the gift of Chance to win my heart for all time.  I choose to allow him into my heart and life.  I choose to be vulnerable, available, understanding, patient, kind, honest--essentially I choose to walk, live, breathe Love; for I have learned that it is more than a word (or many words).  Love is in every action and thought of every moment of every day whether the person is right next to you or 1000 miles away.  For when one Loves (truly--purely love) they are elevated (and the relationship they are trying to build) unto another plateau.  But with Love the gamble isn't just in your hand that counts like in black jack--no it is more like spades.  It is about what your partner is holding just as much as what you are.  And at the end of the day you can only do your best and give your best and hope and pray that your partner understands that they are just as responsible for the success or failure to make your "books" as you are.  (Lol, I couldn't resist adding in some spades references!)  And hopefully (seriously) your partner will understand that just like in spades NOTHING is a surety, but a gamble and a chance and if they play their hand wrong, they will LOSE!
     And it isn't just one misplayed hand, but many that result in the ULTIMATE LOSS.  If you try and try to communicate with words and actions, but there is no change in how they play the game; if they are not willing to try to work with you, to build with you, so that you both can win (not just each other but,) together then it may be time to find another partner (no matter how much it may hurt or how much the loss of your old partner would break your heart).  Because a partner that does not trust or listen to you--a partner who isn't receptive or dedicated to you or your gamble (that you make together), isn't a good partner to have.  For every time they disregard you; take you for granted; ignore; hurt or deny you they are rejecting the love, time, hard work and dedication you have poured into your relationship.  They deny you and everything you are working for.  And Ladies and Gents, I know what that feels like.  That sting I have felt too keenly time and time again and it wearies and frustrates me as I know it must do to all those who have felt and do feel it.  It chips away at the partnership, trust, and very hope that your relationship thrives on--until there is nothing left.   
     Essentially we all need to learn and understand the Love Language of our partners; to understand what they require and what your roll in the relationship requires.  Step forward and understand what it takes to make it work and DO what it takes to make it work so you don't lose out.  Remember every time you slip up you give someone else the opportunity to slip in!  And trust me, if you know your partner is wonderful 9 times out of 10 so do a few other people!  Relationships--LOVE-- is about constantly growing TOGETHER.  (And growing to grow together you must both be there next to each other.)  It is about what you put in (and what you put in is what you get out).  You can not constantly take and give nothing.  You can not constantly chip away at the foundation and expect the building to stand!  If you can not or do not or wish not to LOVE then do not torment your partner acting as though you do.
     I hope that we all can make it through the Seasonal curse of Fall and greet Winter with stronger relationships.  Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind. 
          ~Marissa

Leeches and Hummingbirds

     When you look up Leeches they are continuously described as:  "...any bloodsucking or carnivorous worm..."  there is no hidden beauty, purpose or meaning for these creatures.  Contrary wise when you look up Hummingbirds they are described as:  "...symbolizing the enjoyment of life and lightness of being..." as well as other lovely things.  Unlike leeches, hummingbirds have many different, beautiful, and symbolic meanings.  Even without the symbolism when we think of hummingbirds virtually incomparable beauty and awe come to mind unlike the skin crawling, teeth grinding horror that runs through our veins when we think of leeches.    
     I am not trying to give anyone a science lesson here, but I am trying to make a point.  When it comes down to it we have a choice to either be leeches or hummingbirds.  We can either decide to be leeches and feed off of others energy, draining them of joy, happiness and positivity or we can be hummingbirds.  Instead of feeding off of others we can uplift, replenish and share happiness, positivity and joy. That is why I want to encourage everyone to strive to be a hummingbird.
     Some days will be easy and others much harder to let your hummingbird spirit shine through, but fight through those difficult moments (and be the change you want to see in the world)!  Let us go forth into the world and let our spirits fill it with all the beauty it is missing.  Life is a precious and fleeting thing why waste your time in the muck and mire leeching off of others? Take to the skies and spread your wings.  Bring light and joy with you as you go through your day.  When you falter seek your fellow hummingbirds and let them uplift you.  It will be worth it, I promise.
     Don't let a leech suck away your spirit (EVER)!  And remember, they say birds of a feather flock together, and what better birds to flock with but other hummingbirds?   That's all I have for now, a little encouragement to get you through the rest of your week!  So let your spirits fly and until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa  

Boxes and Time Lines?

     Question:  Why do we work so hard to pile ourselves (and our lives) into tight, perfectly symmetrical boxes?  More over why do we add additional restrictions by implementing (self wounding) time lines?  WAKE UP!  CONTROL IS AN ILLUSION AND CONFORMITY A CRIME!  Trying to plan every moment, experience, facet and detail just so it will fit in to what you believe will be acceptable by others/society isn't living!  It isn't even existing.  If we are honest with ourselves we all have moments where we get caught up with confining--oops--I mean conforming ourselves into ideals that truly aren't ours.  By doing this you aren't paving a path toward your happiness, but AWAY from it!
     If you are in love--run with it!  Don't try to confine it to unnecessary conventions!  You don't have to deny what you feel or try to slow it down because you believe that certain things are supposed to happen at a certain time or in a certain way for it to be right (or you are worried what others will say or think)!  Every relationship--every love--is different so stop trying to stuff it in the same box.  Or if you are interested in spreading your wings and trying a new occupation or hobby, then go for it!  You are never too old or too young (it is never too early or too late) to chase your dreams and pave the way to your happiness!  Embrace life, don't suffocate it.  Life is entirely too short to be unhappy trying to make others happy just because (it is what is expected of you to do by them and/or society)--don't sacrifice your happiness by lying to yourself and compromising your hearts desires; at the end of it all you will only be left alone with your regrets.
     We have to STOP letting other people's "music" bleed over into our lives.  We need to listen to our own symphonies, the lyrical magic that we create for ourselves--within ourselves.  We need to stop letting our tempo be drowned out by the noise of others' voices.  Let's move forward and learn how to dance to our music again; allow ourselves to experience the God given freedom to be who we are and enjoy it!  Let's stop conforming (across the board people, not just here and there)!  God made us all different for a reason!  Let's embrace and celebrate our uniqueness. 
     Think about it y'all, seriously think about it and don't cheat yourself!  Until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa     

Cloud Nine/Divorcee Dating Saga Part Six

     (Throwing on my Captain Obvious Cape) I am on cloud nine, my boyfriend is just--wonderful and he really does make me happy (as though you couldn't tell from my posts, right).  Hunny makes me want to sing at the top of my lungs and cheer from mountain tops a riotous chorus of elation.  The only thing that makes me sad is--we don't get to spend as much time together as we would like (#grownupproblems)!  It is so hard trying to coordinate two individual's work and social calendars!  Add to that the distance we live from each other and we get two days a week (if we are lucky) to spend together!  I really wish that I worked a more normal schedule or that we lived closer to each other because it would be so much easier for us to see each other, but wishing doesn't change the facts so--I blame HUNNY!
     I blame Hunny for making me miss him so much.  It is his fault that I want him around and I hate not having him with me to cuddle every night and kiss every morning!  I love that he tries to make every moment we do have together insanely lovely, no matter what we do, because that is endearing all on its own.  He makes sure that we do get to cram as much QT as we can in the few hours we do get together, though.  It means so much that this is important to him (it makes me feel treasured, see it is not hard at all, guys)!  I know they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it also kinda saddens, too (like a lot)!  I mean SERIOUSLY!  I WANT MY HUNNY (*Insert foot stomping, whining, two year old tantrum, here*)!
     Even though the lack of Hunny and Bunny (his nickname for me, isn't it precious) QT makes me sad (miss him so much) the fact that we both try our best encourages me when it gets super difficult (and I also sleep in his shirt during those times).  Sometimes we may have to sacrifice some social engagements, rearrange our schedules but for me (and Hunny, too) it is worth it (he is so worth it)!  Hopefully it will get easier or something will change that will enable us to be together more.  Until then we have as much fun and make as many memories as we can!  As long as we still miss each other and cherish our time together I believe we are on the right track.
     Well enough sharing for one post!  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
    ~Marissa

Romance--Not Just for Girls!

     Ok ladies, this one is for you!  I post a lot of advice for our guys, but we can't forget that romance is NOT a one way street!  You have to romance your guys!  Let them know that they are special to you and that you are happy they are in your lives.  It doesn't take much (unless they are high maintenance) to make them feel special or happy.  Take time out to make them their favorite dinner or dessert.  Maybe even get them tickets to a game or concert; a bottle of their favorite cologne or shoes.  Remember that being supportive, giving and understanding is also another way to appreciate the men in your lives. Even something as sweet and simple as leaving a note on his car or in his brief case to remind him how wonderful he is, works too. 
     We should not desire to be romanced yet do nothing in return for our men, that isn't fair nor is it right.  It takes two to keep a spark going (or growing).  Don't get so comfortable or spoiled that you forget to make him feel special too.  We get what we give and that is probably most true in relationships than anywhere else in life.  So always strive to give them your best.  Say thank you and let them know that their efforts are amazing and what it means.  And make time to RECIPROCATE!
     I know this post is short, but I can only speak so much on guys (as I am not one), but I am happy to try!  Ladies--heed my words!  Guys--you are welcome ;)!
     Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa     

(Divorcee) Dating Saga Part Deux (The Offline Dilemma)

     Ok, so, I know that I should probably be a little more hard core when it comes to rejecting someone, but--I'm not!  I just don't ever want to hurt or discourage anyone to the point of causing them any negative emotions or pain.  I am stuck between a rock and a hard place (or rather my head and my heart).  I don't want to reject someone tactlessly, but I also don't want to come off as being indecisive either!  Oh what is a girl to do?  Should I chalk all this up to being off the market and out of practice?  My God, did I always have this soft heart (to my recollection, through my not so rose colored glasses, makes me say no), but even so is it really a bad thing?  (Silly question), It is.  I don't want to be unfair, but I don't want to cause damage so how do I walk the line?  Such a precarious balancing act and this acrobat is totally out of shape and maybe just maybe (or not) out of my league.  While these guys have had continuous experiences and chances to flex and perfect their skills I shut mine in a box and tucked it away on a very high shelf.  Now I find myself tittering on tip toe, trying not to topple off the ladder, as I clamor to pull the box down and re-educate myself on just what is the proper rejection etiquette (if there is such a thing(I hope there is))!  Who do I turn to for help?  My girlfriends, some of them are pros (but don't understand my hangups) while the rest of them are not only completely ill equipped to help, but they have hearts softer than mine.   What did marriage do to me?!?!?! Soften me up to the point where I tiptoe around rejection so long that it turns into indecisiveness?  UGGGGGHHH (thank you Charlie Brown for that onomatopoeia)!!!!!!!  How do I get past this and get down to business?  Has dating always been this--complicated and confusing and if so why, oh why, did I never notice it before?
     I feel the need to meditate and figure out the best course of action for me to take...Should I make a plan of action and just adhere to a generic rejection?  I mean this isn't as easy as online dating where you can block and delete an individual this is a person to person, face to face, situation.  The kind of look me in the eye and ("...tell me you love me..."(had to toss in some Home Alone 2)) let me know how you feel, what you think, right here, right now type of situation.  And some guys do not make it easy!  I don't know why they don't understand nor accept a nice 'no' when they hear it!!!!  You can tell them you aren't interested and instead of saying a polite 'thank you' and heading on their way, they want to know why or why not!!! They try to pester and coerce you into changing your mind, as though you have made a mistake (that just screams desperation and disrespect (two words most people don't want to be associated with))!  This just makes things worse.  Or you have the ones who try to con you with the whole, "Yeah, I understand you aren't interested, we can be friends...", only to turn around and act as though the word "friend" coupled with a fact that they are a "boy" is equivalent to the word "boyfriend".  And that...well that presents a whole other list of problems.  I don't like lying just to get them off my case or out of my space, I shouldn't have to lie to have a peace of mind!  I really hate lying!  But if I am left with no other choice, what am I to do?  Maybe tomorrow will bring in some clarity.  I have to remember "...there is always tomorrow--with no mistakes in it..."(twenty bucks if you know where that quote originated)!
     Well dear readers, until the next post bonne nuit (or is it bonjour by now)!  I wish you all love and happiness both lasting and true!     
  ~ Marissa

In Retrospect...

     After having a fantastic lunch and a wonderfully in depth conversation with my dear Finess, I feel a little more at ease within myself.  One should thank God for friends blessed with caring hearts and solid wisdom.  I believe we should all endeavor to surround ourselves with good people, friends, who help us to see outside ourselves and gain a better understanding (or perspective) of who we are (or situations we are going through).  It is a wonder that I ever forget that a solid and open conversation can lighten the load of ones heart, mightily.  Something that important or essential should be at the forefront of one's mind, always.
     As it is we had a deliciously relevant conversation that touched on many things, but she gave birth to a moment of retrospect of a terribly serious nature(well maybe not terribly serious...), quite unexpectedly.  On my drive back home, with The Lumineers softly playing in the background and the flash of inconsistent street lights jumping into the windows of my car, I thought about how right she was about having the wrong people in your life.  Family, co-workers, friends, acquaintances, lovers, boyfriends, no matter the title if a person is wrong for you or your life then it is time for a change.  How can you prosper, how can your blessings find you, when there are people (who mean you no good what so ever) standing in the way.  I mean after all they are, meaty blockades, so busy causing mischief, discord and/or dissension that you become entirely too busy (trying to maintain some kind of peaceful accord in your life) to hear the holy whisper of God in your ear.
     Should any one of those meaty blockades be immune to the subsequent changes of this bit of retrospective enlightenment?  Would I not be sacrificing not only the beauteous possibilities of my future, but my very happiness as well (even if it is a little bit)?  When it comes to my happiness I rather feel like a general in the midst of war and I declare that it is no holds barred!  Why should I take prisoners or make alliances with those who have already proven their worth (or lack there of)?  I do believe that there is some merit to this tactic.  Maybe I should pull out my (figurative) combat boots and military fatigues and suit up.  Start seriously kicking butt and forgetting names.  After all if my happiness and future is at stake, why would I do anything else (or less for that matter)?  Oh how way leads onto way, from retrospect to reassessment to rejuvenation.  I truly thank God for friends like these, and the unexpected enlightenment that is born from conversations...      ~ Marissa