New Addition

     So--I have a list of fictional men that I believe all men should learn from.  It may seem silly but hey I didn't ask you.  Truth be told I think a lot of men would be better off if they chose even two of these men to emulate, but hey that's just my opinion.  I have yet to meet any guy who would undertake such an endeavor.  Anyway, the point I'd me confessing this is to say that I have officially added a new addition to my list.  This, my dear readers, is a very rare occurrence!  I didn't think I would be adding anyone to the list for at least a decade, so imagine my surprise when I finally stumbled across someone worth adding!  Now, without further adieu *insert drum roll here, please* the new addition is LOGAN from "The Lucky One"!
     Now, I'm not adding Logan because of Zack Effron's (sexy and delicious) portrayal of the character, (even though it may be hard to believe) I am adding Logan because of his character attributes.  Logan is honest--really truly honest, sincere, vulnerable, patient, even tempered, selfless, polite, thoughtful (without even being asked to be), observant, calm, level headed and strong.  But he doesn't misuse his strength--he uses it to protect others and at times he uses his strength of presence (and not even his physical strength) to do it.  He doesn't mind hard work, can handle difficult situations with ease and proves to be reliable and brave to boot.  And those are just his general attributes!

     Logan isn't just a very well rounded man on a personal level but on a romantic level as well.  Even though his past is dark and he  is a little broken by it, he didn't run from it.  He understands, takes responsibility for and embraces his experiences and feelings instead of running from them.  He doesn't allow his past to negatively dictate how he approaches/handles his life or relationships.  This enables him to be ready, emotionally available and a steady man.  I absolutely love how he talks to and treats Beth (aka: the very lucky love interest).  He is gentle, understanding and passionate.  He doesn't ever lose his temper with her and is always thoughtful with his words and actions ( I.e. the way he closed the screen door to allow her a safe space while he told her the truth of why he came to Harden).  He supported and protected her without hesitation or needing to be asked.  He cared for Beth and her family, with honor and reverence, all of which made his character insanely attractive and desirable (even more so than his love scenes).  The way he held her, when she needed comfort, touched her when things were "heating up" was an added bonus!
     Nicholas Sparks developed the quintessential, long sought after "perfect" man in this character.  I hesitate to use the word perfect because perfection is impossible to achieve.  And although Logan was wonderful he wasn't perfect.  His ptsd was difficult for him and sometimes his reserve of character could translate over as being ambivalent or even cold, but Logan, this character, is what most women (and I as well) want.  Hence the term perfect, which I do use loosely.  Logan was a good man.  And  that is something that is achievable--something to aspire to be.  His maturity and goodness are what most men are missing.  Too long has the importance of character-gentleness, honesty, reliability, bravery, responsibility, etc. have been over looked and under valued!  That is why chivalry is thought to be dead!  Even though the hopeless romantic in me usually has to fight the jaded-world practical side of me, this character brought both of my warring factions together. 
     So, I hope you will join me in welcoming Logan to The List. And if you haven't pick up the movie--you can thank me for that later!  Until another time I wish you Love and Happiness of the truest kind.

*FOR REFERENCE* The List (in no particular order):  Mr. Darcy ("Pride and Prejudice"), Strider aka: Aragorn (Lord of the Rings), (practically any character and/or a few real life attributes of)--Fred Astaire--Gene Kelly--Carey Grant--Patrick Stewart, Logan ("The Lucky One"), Rick("The Mummy"), Harry Potter(I swear it isn't only because I'm a Potterhead), Rhett Butler ("Gone with the Wind") and Colonel Brandon ("Sense and Sensibility")

Man-Giene

     Okay guys it has been awhile since we tip toed through the tulips together.  I apologize for the neglect and I promise I didnt forget about you--not even for a moment.  So, to prove it I wanted to post a little something for you that I have been sitting on for awhile!  And as you can tell from the title it is all about you and your man-giene! 
     You read that correctly, man-giene, is what the more fashionable men of our world subscribe themselves to every day of their lives.  It is an all encompassing way of life and not an annoying hygienic afterthought and this is what sets them apart!  To you gentlemen, on behalf of the women of the world, I thank you!  Thank you for understanding that the extra thirty minutes you take is not only beneficial and wonderful, but it is also a sign that you take care, thought and pride in to how you present yourself to the world.
     I can't tell you how many uncontrollable and natural head turns have been awarded to these gentlemen because (we can actually tell) you took time to make sure that you were ready to leave your house; say to the world "here I am" and meet it with your best foot forward!  We can see that you moisturize your body, coiff your hair, wear deodorant, brush your teeth and perfectly apply your cologne.  You steam out your pocket squares and ties (which you can tie in Windsor and trinity knots), polish your shoes, trim your facial hair (I love full/Van Dyke beards and handlebar mustaches), and wear tailored suits.  Even on your causal days your outfits are event appropriate, and you coordinate not only your colors but your patterns, perfectly.
     We salute you for being men of both hygienic and fashionable distinction and discernment!  You are all too few and far between.  We appreciate you taking the extra step instead of being like Joe Blow down the street who considers it good to shower twice a week, looks like he rolled in an ash bin, and wears his pants under his butt cheeks!  Thank you for understanding that a man who cares for himself commands respect and consideration on a level that far surpasses those who do not.  Thank you for giving us a reminder and an opportunity to admire the gentlemen you are for it is truly refreshing to our senses. 
    Although this little post has its fair share of humorous quips, I am most sincere in my appreciation as I am sure all women are!  Please continue the "good fight", continue to show this world that there are gentlemen like you left, for we most desperately need it.  Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind!

Broken

     As of late--I have had a lot on my heart and mind.  For the past month there has been so much weighing heavy upon my very soul and for a long time I couldn't understand why.  That is when I had to take a step back.  I needed to breathe and move out of the fog that had started to fill my life.  I needed to reevaluate and reconnect with myself for I had lost myself along the way.  And as I crossed the barrier of doubt and uncertainty--certain things have become very clear. 
     We are broken.  Not all of us, but most of us.  And that isn't necessarily a bad thing in some cases.  Consider how a diamond is born--through fire and pressure and darkness.  Think of how it is carved from the earth and processed by artisan hands shaping and refining it into a gem worthy of wear and repute--into one of the hardest and strongest gems in existence.  Think of just how long it takes to get one practically perfect diamond?  You see we ARE very much like diamonds.  Some of us are still in the rough and others slowly (if not already) being refined.  And yet, unlike diamonds we have a choice. 
     It is funny that when it comes to brokenness it differs very much between men and women.  I know, unfortunately, so many women who have been broken.  Some by family--others by "friends"--most by men they have loved and a few of the most ill-fated, by all three.  The thing about it is that the majority of them, despite their "brokenness" and dark histories, like Phoenixes have risen from the ash and burn more brightly then ever before.  They have learned the hard truth that we are our own worst enemies and that Love is NOT enough.  And yet, they are determined to not let the pains, sorrows, and experiences of the past deter them from being Good women and having a brilliant and joyous future.
     And yet, the men that I know who are broken as well--do not fair the same.  Many of them seem to be unable to process their pain or leave their past behind them.  Instead of learning from the mistakes of others and the negative effect they have experienced because of them--they continue the cycle.  They hurt those they claim to love without hesitation and to add insult to injury they don't truly apologize nor do they try to become better;  instead they use the excuse of their past as the reason why they "don't know better" or "can't help it".  It is discouraging, disgusting, frustrating, maddening, saddening and laughable all at once.  It makes me beg the question:  How can you be sincere in your love or affection; in your promises to protect and support others when you can not even give yourself those things?
     I just want to scream and shake them and MAKE them realize that they are killing the fire of their souls and destroying those that love them the most in the process.  Because they do not wish to take a step and a stand; because they are in love with the negativity and pain they have become so familiar with--protect themselves with--they are perpetuating brokenness and pain in a way that is dishonorable and deplorable.  We are here on this earth to HELP each other and LOVE each other, not to inflict pain--not to destroy hope--not to smother love.  And yet, because they lack the courage to face their pasts they will never understand how dangerous they are to themselves AND others. 
     I say it all the time, but it is a truth I have come to know and to know it well.  For I, like many, have a past littered with pain and darkness and sorrow and sadness and yet, I do not turn away from the light of the sun.  I do not look behind me for I know my future is ahead.  I REFUSE to cause or inflict on others that which I have experienced myself.  And after many years of struggle and doubt and questioning.  I found my voice, my purpose, my meaning.  I know Who I Am and What I Want and I will stand for myself because I know that if I can not stand for myself--protect myself--how can I do the same for those I love?  And because of what I have gone through I know for a fact that Happiness comes from inside of us.  It is a choice!  It isn't an easy one, but it is the RIGHT one.  I want a happy life full of beautiful memories and wonderful people.  I want to experience the gift of living and existing in this world!  I want to LOVE wholly and completely someone who can and will give me what I offer in return 100%; someone who GETS IT and UNDERSTANDS; someone who is on the same page as me!  I will NEVER let my painful past determine my future.  I will NEVER let it make me forget who I am or what I have learned or deter me on my journey.  I will NEVER use it as an excuse because it would be a great disservice to myself and a betrayal to the woman I am determined to be.

     Every thing in life is a CHOICE.  Either you will be brave enough to make the hard choices so that you will be able to live better lives and be better people or you won't.  There is nothing wrong with being broken--a lot of wonderful people wouldn't be who they are without a trial by fire.  But, it is wrong if all you do is hold on to the broken pieces and use them as a reason as to why your life will never be full.  Like I said before--I am a broken woman, but I am also one of the Phoenixes that have risen from the fire and ash.  So, I ask you (if you are broken) to consider who you are and who you want to be.  Will you make the choice to take that difficult journey into healing and happiness or will you always find a reason to stay where and how you are--faking happiness when you truly don't even love yourself (and if you don't love yourself how the hell can you love anyone else)?



     I know, my Lovelies, this isn't a usual post, but I had to write what was on my heart.  I truly do wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind.
     ~Marissa  
      

The Great Imbalance

     Although Nessy and I have been rather "quiet" lately, it doesn't mean we have forgotten our blog or fans.  We have both had a lot going on in our lives.  And trust me this is a very good thing.  It means that we are learning, growing, experiencing and living life.  And even though our absence has been short and there were a lot of things that have happened; there is also one--(sadly) glaring fact that has become quite apparent to us both.  We live in a society that perpetuates a great imbalance between men and women.
     I am not being sexiest, bitter or angry when I say this.  It is, quite regrettably,  a cold hard fact.  At one point in time what was important to men was honor, honesty, dependability, intelligence, fidelity,  love, accountability, family and being a good provider, husband and father.  But this is no longer the case.  Now our society encourages individuality over family; irresponsibility over accountability and dependability; money over love; and success over honor and honesty.  We live in a social culture that has been infested with negative ideals that celebrate materialism, excess, degradation, ignorance, greed, dishonesty, and a myriad of  other distasteful and disgusting attributes; practically eliminating the once upstanding and steadfast traditions that were once common place.     
      The continuous breakdown has resulted in men who want to be taken care of; takers; game players; and stagnated individuals who would rather suppress or ignore their shortcomings and "baggage" instead of rallying their courage and putting in hard work to break through and grow past their issues to become better men.  Very few desire to be a true partner, provider, father, husband, friend or lover.  It is like men have become so accustomed to satisfying themselves and their petty and short lived desires that they no longer understand nor do they see the big picture.  They are actually OK with giving bits and pieces of themselves (if anything at all) instead of cultivating themselves (continuously) in order to be a whole person who can engage in stable, healthy relationships.  And on top of all of that most of them believe that women should be satisfied with what little they are willing to do (again, if anything at all)!
     And as a subsequent ripple effect this has pushed women to stand more solidly on their own; to (even when in relationships) rely upon, fight, support and encourage themselves.  They may have a "partner" who exists in their lives, but they still stand alone because their partner isn't supportive, helpful, giving, or protective.  I have heard many women say (of varying cultures and ages) that being married is like having another child to take care of(...)!  Seriously men, do you feel fulfilled being a shell of your former selves?  Is it OK to be considered unreliable, immature and more a hindrance than a help?  Curiously enough I have also heard men of varying ages and cultures complain about not being wanted and women being TOO independent--(again,) SERIOUSLY!!!! You can not have it both ways.  Albeit a relationship isn't always going to be 50/50, sometimes it will be 60/40 or 70/30 and during those times you are supposed to give your partner extra support, love and understanding, but when a relationship is 90/10 or 95/5 then it isn't a healthy relationship--it is a parasitic relationship!
     In every relationship in life, no matter what kind it is, you get what you give!  You set the tone!  If you aren't reliable we won't rely on you; if you lie and/or cheat on us--we will not trust you; essentially if you do not give in return what we give to you freely; if you can not get on the same page with us--we can't (and won't) have a real relationship with you.  (No matter how much we love you--we have to protect ourselves and will not sacrifice our well being to have you in our lives when you take more (or twice as much) as you give!).  Man was not meant to walk alone if he were God would not have made a companion for Adam.  I will also admit that not all men are meant to marry (or women for that matter).
     Relationships aren't all meant to end in marriage with a white picket fence and two point five kids.  But, if you desire to be in a relationship (or eventually to be married and have a family) then men make sure you are ready--that you are on the same page as your partner--and you are in a place to be able to be in a relationship.  I hope men will start taking time to step back and start seeing the big picture again--to become the men they were; leave behind selfishness, lying and irresponsibility and embrace being men of honor, accountability and consideration.  I encourage men to live up to their potential, to correct this great imbalance and bring the world to rights.  I encourage them to achieve their greatness and with the same breath I encourage women to not settle for less than they deserve.  Do not allow someone to only give you bits and pieces when you happily give all of yourself.  Don't settle for an unhealthy relationship (no matter how much you love them) that will end in heartache when you deserve a healthy relationship and a happy ending.  Because the reality of it is--a relationship isn't only about how you feel and treat someone it is more about how someone feel and treats you! 
     Well Lovelies, just some food for thought.  Until another time I wish you Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa

I am Boy-Girl

Hi! My name is Finess and I am a Boy-Girl.
Yes, I admit it, I am a Boy-Girl! A Boy-Girl you wonder? No I am not a transgender person. And shout out to all those who are following their hearts and being who they are, regardless of what others think! But I am a girl who, for the most part, thinks and acts like a guy. From relationships to sex and humor, I have a tendency to side with the more masculine side of things.

This revelation came from a simple conversation with Marissa. I was telling her how funny I thought her Hunny was. And to his credit, he is quite funny! She on the other hand, did not completely agree with me. And after more talking, I admitted that I am attracted to the witty, sarcastic, ass-hole type of guy. Probably because I find their humor similar to mine, and making me laugh is the way to this girls heart! To this, MarMar told me I was such a dude! Though she has said this before, this time I really listened (boy-trait). I just agreed with her and kind of moved on.

Months later, after yet another love life conversation, it was discovered that I was a guy in my approach to my relationships. I have a tendency to kindly demand what I want. I am not the best listener. I am a little one-track-minded. I don't listen. I am a sex hound. Oh did I mention I don't listen well? Shameful, I know! But, I have been fortunate to find a man who doesn't mind all of boyish tings I do! In fact, he even brings out my hidden girlish side, which I really never ever show!

So I am embracing my boyish ways! I am beautiful, but don't mind getting dirty and sweaty. I am funny and love to laugh, though my sense of humor is a bit ass-holey and crude. I love full-heartily and I am very loyal, yet I may not fully listen to everything you say! I would like to think that I am pretty perfect (not in a conceded way), because I stay true to myself. Can you say the same?

Until next time,
Finess... A Boy-Girl