What Dreams Are Made of

     What are dreams made of--past, present and future all rolled into one cryptic message that plays out once we shut out the day and quiet the chaos of our minds?  Are they naught but pictures and emotions left hidden from the light in the labyrinth of our subconscious?  Maybe they are a mix of celestial magic and dark desires?  Or are they only our imaginations working their gears while they are most able?  Or could they be fore warnings, premonitions of things to come, or decisions to be made.  Maybe I am putting too much thought into them or maybe--just maybe--I am right.
     You see I dream--frequently--deeply, sometimes in too much detail and at other times things feel so real that I wake up in a state of surreal dissatisfaction as though my dreams were my reality and my reality nothing more than a dream.  (Kind of inception-esque)  Confusing,  I'm sure to some, but for those who have been there I am sure you understand.  And the fact that I, nine times out of ten, remember what I dreamed makes this pondering all the more relevant. How frighteningly wonderful would that be?  How much more credit would we give them, how much more important would they be to us; if we knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were more than our over active imaginations running wild?  Would lives be lived differently,  changed drastically?  For that matter would I change drastically if my dreams were more than mere imaginative figments that carry me through my REM cycles?   
     All of these pressing questions could have been born because of the new year.  You see, there are new decisions to be made--steps to take--experiences to have--and with so much at stake amidst a glorious new beginning, these are questions that I am asking myself once more.  Especially when I had a dream about a life I have yet to see,  but it is the life I desire--the life I am striving to build.  And having a detailed glimpse of my hearts desire apparently achieved, how can I not stop and wonder--hope--that they are more than bits and pieces of this and that.    My heart is starting to believe it is so much more.  And with this hope, though partially groundless it may be, I feel a renewed resolve.  There is a confidence and surety, that I hadn't realized I was missing until recently, that had finally found its way back home.  I am reveling in the solid confidence I feel and subsequent happiness that had arrived along with it.  

    I feel that I have come alive again.  Like a phoenix, and I am so excited I can hardly contain it.  NO MORE HESITATION!  My time for resting is over and it is time for me once again to take it all on.  Life feels as though it has been laid out before me in all of its splendor for me to grasp with both hands and I am so ready.  I AM SO READY to make these dreams come true!
     Whatever they are made of;  whether their purpose is great or small indeed, I welcome them. What have your dreams brought to you? What do they mean to you?   I pray that you find your answers or at the very least begin to give thought you them.   Until another time I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind! 
    Always
        Marissa       

The Dangers of Neglect

     Neglect has many forms but each are equally as dangerous as the other.  No matter what kind Of  relationship (romantic, friendly or familial) it presents itself in, it is truly dangerous and detrimental.  Neglect is like a gateway or a door opener for relationships.  It is a major source of deterioration in the love and trust of a relationship. And it spreads like wildfire. 
     The most interesting thing about it is that many times the Neglector doesn't realize that they are being neglectful.  And quite honestly I believe the people who are oblivious to the neglect they inflict are the absolute worst.  But in this case I would like to remind you all that perception is reality.  You see the person who is neglecting the other many times may believe their actions are anything but neglectful when in reality they are.  But since they are not on the receiving end of their actions and inflictions they believe  themselves as being virtually blameless as to the negative affect they have on others.  Where as the person being neglected knows this not to be true because of the effect the other person's actions has on them.  I believe that the results of actions, words and thoughts are the true reality that exists.  I will simultaneously recommend you all to be aware individuals and not just self aware--no--be relationship aware.  Be aware of the people you are in relationships with and your effect on them.  Learn to be self less enough to learn about them; learn how to read them and realize your effect on them.  This should be done regardless if you truly love and care for someone.  
      You see Neglect as I said before opens the door for other things and some cases people to come into the relationship.  It also opens the door for people to leave.  We are, after all, only human.  There is only so much harmful, hurtful,  neglect someone can endure before they are driven out of a relationship either emotionally, physically or both.  And no one should be expected to endure such harmful atrocities  either.  Neglect, such a dangerous creature, whose harm is barely repairable if at all.  I marvel when someone swears they love another but their neglect is so blatant that it is palpable.  Like I said, it is dangerous, and knowing what it feels like and others who do and have endured it, I can see how people are tempted to stray, betray or disappear from the relationships they are in.  Neglect puts people in to such sad states that at the first genuine opportunity for happiness they become eager, hungry for it and so will do anything to achieve it after they have been treated so badly for so long. 
    So my plea to you all is to be relationship aware especially if you care and/ or love someone.   Don't just care and love them with empty words and promises that hold no meaning.  Strive to be emotionally responsible and aware of your affect on others.  Until another time, I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind.

Marissa 

Bravery

     When you hear the word bravery what comes to mind--Fire fighters, cops, military men and women, viking warriors?  How about the person sitting next to you?  Sometimes bravery can be as simple as getting out if bed to face another day.  Other times it is as difficult as standing your ground with someone you love.  Maybe it is being honest with yourself or even starting over to chase your dreams!
     Bravery comes in many different variations.  War zones, burning buildings and shoot outs aren't necessary to inspire bravery in someone, sometimes the every day living of life is enough.  And to those brave souls who wake up in the morning to face another day; find their voice to defend themselves; face their truths; and continue to fight on, I commend you!  I am proud of you, for through the heart ache, barricades, quagmires and darkness of this life you have decided to face it, boldy--directly!  For bravery is not the absence of fear, but the embracing of courage in the midst of it. 
     Even when you stumble or doubt--Infallible human that you are--pride still pours from my heart for you.  Dust yourself off, raise yourself up, hold your head high and continue on, brave ones!  Do not discourage or degrade yourself the world plaques you enough in this way, there is no need to add to it!  Gird your spirits with positivity, faith and hope--fill your heart with unconditional love and honesty.  Continue to build the life you want; live well and concisely and always give your best no matter what! 
     Constant and brave warriors of life fight on!  Let your heart be your champion, your conscience your guide and never extinguish the light of your spirit.  You get but one life to live-a few short years upon this earth- do not waste them! Be brave, always chase your happiness and strive to live well!  Do these things for your sake, so that you may reward the bravery you have chosen to show; for bravery like happiness is a choice!
     Until another time I wish you Love and Happiness of the truest kind!

The Struggle

(Written in a more free flowering, spoken word, format.  Hence the lack or over exaggeration of punctuation at certain points.  But I write as I am inspired.)

     As I stand here looking over the edge of my mental precipice I feel the very tip of my toes try to balance, hang on for dear life as the force of living pushes me closer and closer and the abyss looms darker and darker--the inevitable panic rears its ugly head and my once trusting heart is being battered again and again by the doubts and fears of all that is impending and I am feeling myself come-- undone. 
    I try to scream but no sound comes out, my vocal chords are boxed into a jail of decency.  And all that I am feeling-feeling-feeling-feeling is trapped within and the momentum behind the force of it all is doubling--and I lose my footing.  Worry upon worry assaults my tattered heart quickly filling it with doubts I thought had been long banished.  They pile upon each other, quickly souring and I turn my nose up in disgust--of myself.  How can I lessen the suffering of my family;  How can I help her when her body is turning against her; Can I fake it till I make it;  Will this paycheck be enough;  got moves I'm trying to make-will I succeed or fall flat on my face?  We are taking this next step, but I'm scared and stressed as I start having nightmares like I've got post traumatic stress--my heart a casualty of divorce and the scars it has left.  The constant conflict of feeling ready, being ready, battling the fear of repeating mistakes and the fear that it will all go the same way!  With all the changes taking place--the lack of knowing, growing-- while I'm trying to regain some sense of self in all the developing I am doing--what of my friends?  The more that pours in the less can be squeezed out and I already feel like I'm suffocating under all this doubt!  I've got nothing left--not for them-not even for my love, let alone myself.  This self inflicted tempest that's raging on inside of my being has me off balanced--and suffering!
     And complicating all of this is Time who makes me its bitch and there is never enough of it--my family, love, friends and even myself pay the price for it.  I feel like the last bit of butter in the tub, being spread through a whole loaf of honey wheat and I have no control over the searing, hot, knife busying itself against my fallible and delicate-softness trying to scrape more out of me than I've got to give.  All the while a silent plea falls from my eyes and unto still silent lips--growth-change-progress--the chasing of happiness--is a battle, but I have turned it into a battle against myself.  I have forgotten my mantra-my shield- of, "If it is meant to be, it will be." And I have allowed the worldly arrows of fear and doubt to pierce me--contaminate me--and sick I feel myself faltering--. 
     But amidst this tempest is my infallible core--and from my soul comes a piercing shriek through the howling winds of my tempest, "I WILL GO ON"!  Perseverance runs hot through my veins and I am ravenous.  I WILL NOT BE DETERRED!  Though I may stumble or fall I will always struggle on.  By sheer will and the drive of my God given soul, I WILL struggle on through this tempest--I shall weather this storm until I have no breath left, I will struggle on. 

A Good Man

     There was a time--an age--an era not so very long ago where the merit of a Good Man was considered as great as that of a Hero.  In many ways a Good Man was a Hero.  His integrity, kindness, selflessness, thoughtfulness, dependability was prized and rewarded.  Touted as a man who could be trusted without hesitation or doubt.  Someone you could and would go an extra mile for because he was not only worth it--but his very nature warranted it.
     These men were the cornerstones of good families, businesses--the very community and government.  When little boys were young they used to admire these men--they would dream of growing up to be good men.  Men who would be honest and reliable businessmen and responsible, positive citizens.  They desired a good education and career--they wanted to build families and be the kind of men that inspired others--inspired others to want to be both around and like them.  They were inspired and in turn were inspiring as well as men of contribution and good repute--they helped to build and maintain a good community.  For these kinds of men achieving the status of a "Good Man"  was a great one.  It brought pride to not only them, but to those who knew and loved them.
     Unfortunately this no longer seems to be the case.  Men who are good or even desire to achieve genuine goodness are now ridiculed and overlooked.  Being a good man is no longer an accomplishment that is sought after--it is seemingly considered not worthwhile.  The sad truth of it is guys are more concerned with what they have or can get or can get over on someone than in who they are or what they can contribute.  Infidelity, dishonesty, unreliability, irresponsibility, disrespect--these are attributes that are touted and perpetuated by society and even women.
     Ironically we complain about needing a change in our communities, local and national and yet we don't help good men succeed!  I know quite a few good men and sometimes what they are put through by external and even internal parties is appalling.  A good man, a good person, can not remain "good" if they are not supported or assisted or if they are constantly pulled down into the muck and mire.  We, as human beings, are fragile creatures.  We can survive and endure a lot, but when the limit is reached--then it is reached.  We can not expect great things from mediocre men and we can not expect good men to succeed when we do not support, protect and appreciate them either.
     Life is about balance and things are more or less out of whack, but we are the ones who disrupted that balance and so we are the only ones who can fix it.  For all of the good men out there, please don't lose yourself--stay strong--and surround yourself with genuine people who will help you become a better you and maintain your goodness.  Women--if you find a good man and you aren't ready for him OR he really isn't what you want then let him know *kindly* do not use him or break his heart.  And if you find a good man and you desire to retain what he offers then help protect and support his goodness.
     A good man is hard to find, but he doesn't have to be.  Just a little observation on my end.  I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa

In My Garden

     Hello Lovelies!  I know I have been gone for awhile, but I really needed to take a break and recollect myself.  I needed to remember how to tend to my garden.  Sometimes we get so caught up in life--the running, rushing and general rat race that we all run (to make a paycheck) that we forget to stop, breathe and take time to tend to the most important part of our lives--ourselves.  And truth be told I was so busy being so many things to so many people--spreading myself thin--so much so there was nothing left for me and I was feeling the strain of it all in an unimaginable way.
     With my very being feeling tired and overwhelmed my mind wouldn't quiet--and a feeling of being lost within myself eclipsed everything else.  And I can't begin to explain exactly how the combination of all of this was reeking havoc on me.  One emotion or state of being led way to another and yet another; becoming catalysts unto themselves and creating a seemingly endless cycle--they fed off of each other and I was in great need of getting out my gloves and pulling the weeds that had taken root in my life.  Right now I am still in the process of trying to organize, detox and give myself some much needed love-- unfortunately, like with any garden, it is going to take time and work in order for me to get back to a hundred percent.
     And quite honestly there is no way I can do this by myself--and lucky for me I don't have to.  The out pouring of love and support from Hunny, Chickateeta, friends and co-workers has warmed my heart and reminded me why we shouldn't go through life alone.  I wish I didn't have these painfully human moments, but because of them I am reminded of my blessings; about the people who truly do love and support me; and that sometimes--when overwhelmed--it is OK for others to help you.  That is why we have those special people in our lives.  It is truly during these times (or during their own times of trepidation) that we discover exactly what kind of flowers these people are in our lives--whether they are Seasonal, Perennials or Annuals. During certain trials and tribulations we are able to see exactly what kind of qualities they will bring to our garden and subsequently what kind of longevity they will have as well.
     Maybe that is why times such as this are not only a curse, but a blessing as well.  They can call you back to yourself to cleanse, reevaluate, appreciate and learn.  Obviously I was long overdue and just like I procrastinate on updating my computer (until it does it by itself during the most inconvenient times) I also seemed to have done the same with myself.  I will have to put into practice carving out time for rejuvenation so that I can maintain a healthier Being more consistently than I have been lately.  Well, that is all I have for now.  I can't promise I will have more soon, but I will do my best.  Please learn from my mistake and don't forget to take time to tend your garden because when things become overgrown it is harder to work through your fields.
     Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa         

Extraordinary

     What is Extraordinary?  What makes a person, life or experience extraordinary?  Some people have a call--an innate desire--to be extraordinary.  And as most of us with any kind of innate desire know, it becomes one of the most important things in our lives--to fulfill that desire--to achieve that greatness, that extraordinary existence that we just KNOW we are meant to have.  But, I think sometimes we misdirect ourselves because we forget that "extraordinary" can not be classified--it is too mutable to be classified as specifically one kind of situation, state of being or decision.  Maybe this misdirection comes from the fact that as we struggle through this rat race we get so caught up in going and going that we forget that sometimes the most extraordinary things can be the smallest, most simple of things.  Something doesn't have to be record breaking, or world changing to be extraordinary--to make you, or fulfill that desire to be, extraordinary.
     Honestly, stop and think about it.  Extraordinary may be something as difficult, but as simple as ending an unhealthy cycle, i.e.-being the first in your family to finish college; have a happy, healthy, successful marriage; or to never be on welfare.  Extraordinary may be something as natural as being a mother--being able to carry a healthy child to full term, bring them into this world, hold them in your arms and see them take their first breathes.  Have you ever thought that maybe just being who you are is what makes you extraordinary?  Some people are so wonderful, that in being who they are--genuine, kind, supportive, loving, gentle, thoughtful, hopeful, bright, cheery, etc--they are able to have such a  positive impact on others that these people that they touch go on to live the lives they are meant to have.
     There are times, people and situations that will make you extraordinary, but they won't necessarily be newsworthy, or make you rich either.  These moments, people and situations will call you to be yourself, to give of yourself, to help, support or encourage others.  And just because these moments may be small, fleeting, or insignificant to you--they may not be so insignificant to others.  Remember that every day you follow your heart--strive to grow; be true to who you are; embrace and love yourself as well as others; live kindly and honestly--those days and moments make you EXTRAORDINARY.  Never doubt or down play how phenomenal and amazing you are!  Strive to remember your greatness and that you are probably doing something extraordinary every day, but you don't even notice it!

     Remember to take time to appreciate how you have grown and what you have accomplished!  Life is NOT a competition.  It is a journey--so ENJOY IT.  It will have its challenges--let them build you stronger; there will be periods of darkness--let it teach you to have faith and enjoy the light; there will be storms--don't allow them to weather you, be steadfast in who you are.  For at the end of the day you are probably more EXTRAORDINARY then even you realize!  Until another time lovelies I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa

The Great Imbalance

     Although Nessy and I have been rather "quiet" lately, it doesn't mean we have forgotten our blog or fans.  We have both had a lot going on in our lives.  And trust me this is a very good thing.  It means that we are learning, growing, experiencing and living life.  And even though our absence has been short and there were a lot of things that have happened; there is also one--(sadly) glaring fact that has become quite apparent to us both.  We live in a society that perpetuates a great imbalance between men and women.
     I am not being sexiest, bitter or angry when I say this.  It is, quite regrettably,  a cold hard fact.  At one point in time what was important to men was honor, honesty, dependability, intelligence, fidelity,  love, accountability, family and being a good provider, husband and father.  But this is no longer the case.  Now our society encourages individuality over family; irresponsibility over accountability and dependability; money over love; and success over honor and honesty.  We live in a social culture that has been infested with negative ideals that celebrate materialism, excess, degradation, ignorance, greed, dishonesty, and a myriad of  other distasteful and disgusting attributes; practically eliminating the once upstanding and steadfast traditions that were once common place.     
      The continuous breakdown has resulted in men who want to be taken care of; takers; game players; and stagnated individuals who would rather suppress or ignore their shortcomings and "baggage" instead of rallying their courage and putting in hard work to break through and grow past their issues to become better men.  Very few desire to be a true partner, provider, father, husband, friend or lover.  It is like men have become so accustomed to satisfying themselves and their petty and short lived desires that they no longer understand nor do they see the big picture.  They are actually OK with giving bits and pieces of themselves (if anything at all) instead of cultivating themselves (continuously) in order to be a whole person who can engage in stable, healthy relationships.  And on top of all of that most of them believe that women should be satisfied with what little they are willing to do (again, if anything at all)!
     And as a subsequent ripple effect this has pushed women to stand more solidly on their own; to (even when in relationships) rely upon, fight, support and encourage themselves.  They may have a "partner" who exists in their lives, but they still stand alone because their partner isn't supportive, helpful, giving, or protective.  I have heard many women say (of varying cultures and ages) that being married is like having another child to take care of(...)!  Seriously men, do you feel fulfilled being a shell of your former selves?  Is it OK to be considered unreliable, immature and more a hindrance than a help?  Curiously enough I have also heard men of varying ages and cultures complain about not being wanted and women being TOO independent--(again,) SERIOUSLY!!!! You can not have it both ways.  Albeit a relationship isn't always going to be 50/50, sometimes it will be 60/40 or 70/30 and during those times you are supposed to give your partner extra support, love and understanding, but when a relationship is 90/10 or 95/5 then it isn't a healthy relationship--it is a parasitic relationship!
     In every relationship in life, no matter what kind it is, you get what you give!  You set the tone!  If you aren't reliable we won't rely on you; if you lie and/or cheat on us--we will not trust you; essentially if you do not give in return what we give to you freely; if you can not get on the same page with us--we can't (and won't) have a real relationship with you.  (No matter how much we love you--we have to protect ourselves and will not sacrifice our well being to have you in our lives when you take more (or twice as much) as you give!).  Man was not meant to walk alone if he were God would not have made a companion for Adam.  I will also admit that not all men are meant to marry (or women for that matter).
     Relationships aren't all meant to end in marriage with a white picket fence and two point five kids.  But, if you desire to be in a relationship (or eventually to be married and have a family) then men make sure you are ready--that you are on the same page as your partner--and you are in a place to be able to be in a relationship.  I hope men will start taking time to step back and start seeing the big picture again--to become the men they were; leave behind selfishness, lying and irresponsibility and embrace being men of honor, accountability and consideration.  I encourage men to live up to their potential, to correct this great imbalance and bring the world to rights.  I encourage them to achieve their greatness and with the same breath I encourage women to not settle for less than they deserve.  Do not allow someone to only give you bits and pieces when you happily give all of yourself.  Don't settle for an unhealthy relationship (no matter how much you love them) that will end in heartache when you deserve a healthy relationship and a happy ending.  Because the reality of it is--a relationship isn't only about how you feel and treat someone it is more about how someone feel and treats you! 
     Well Lovelies, just some food for thought.  Until another time I wish you Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa

Love and Their Breaks

         In my thirty years I have discovered, through trials and tribulations, just how much Love varies.  And as spring fever gives way to summer love, many of the conversations that have been had lately are not only about relationships, but about Love.  Some times I forget that not everyone has had both the curse and the privilege to know the heartbreak of a first Love or how there are many ways and places within us to Love.  I think that many of us either don't know, forget, fear or underestimate Love so much that we never truly get to know or experience it--in its glorious and varying magnitude.
     I learned that I Love not just from my heart, but my soul and very being as well.  Because of this I have earned the misfortune as well as the fortune of experiencing "breaks (as in heart)" and Love in many varying degrees. Of course (as this is my humble opinion in regards to my own experiences) the kind of "break" depends upon the kind of Love it originated from.  (Let's see if I can give you a better explanation--:)  I have had an unrequited Love;  And also a first Love;  I have grown with a young Love; suffered (and learned) from (an unfortunately) devastating Love and tried to fight an uncontrollable Love.  These are my five great Loves (not that I haven't loved other men, but these I have been in love with and they have been an influence within my life and understanding).
     My first Love as well as my young Love--I loved them from my heart.  Different places within my heart, but when way led unto way that is what broke--a part of my heart.   Whereas my unrequited and devastating Loves--those Loves--were experienced with my soul.    After our seasons were finished and when life lead us down different paths it wasn't a part of my heart that broke--no--they each took a part of my soul with them.  (Hence the saying, "Be careful who you love", although if it were possible there would never be a broken heart.)
     Now, my uncontrollable Love--this love was a first for me--It was terrifying, unexpected, consuming and--uncontrollable.  I never knew I could love someone with the entirety of my being (as dramatic as it sounds--I feel what and how I feel--but don't we all).  This love was one that defied explanation for truly there are no words to help any one understand who has never experienced its ilk before.  When it ended the first time (well details are a luxury I shall not afford you) I swore never again.  I wasn't strong enough to withstand it again (this "break" was equivalent to having pieces of my soul taken), yet I obviously couldn't deny it for the rest of my life (we are going to see how this round plays out).
       It isn't as though I planned on how and from where I would love them, it kind of happened (along with the "breaks").  (Can we ever plan on how or who we love, truly?)  And knowing that when we Love another we take a chance with our hearts--souls--very beings--is Love, at the end of the day, not worth the gamble?  Again and again, throughout the years I have gone through "breaks" because for me, Love will ALWAYS be worth the risk.  I am who I am because of my experiences and even though there was hurt, pain, loss and sadness there was also joy, passion, growth, happiness and laughter too.  Life is a balance and Love is a part of that balance (maybe the biggest part).  I will never let the pain or mistakes of my past allow me to miss out on the potentials and possibilities of Love.  I will always choose Love.  And if I lose I will not be a sore (or bitter) loser for then I would be cheating myself.  Instead (as I have learned to do) I will take some time and re-invest in myself--gather my chips--and get back to the tables when I am ready.
     At the end of the day this is my choice--what will be yours?  Will you settle for a life hiding, running, shunning or ignoring the greatest gift, ability and experience given to us--or will you fall, fly, fight for it?  What is a life without Love?  And why let any fear of past or unknown stop you from such a treasure as Love?  Well, I think that this is enough food for thought for one night.  I am sorry for the length, but I had a lot on my mind--and a lot to say.  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind.
     ~Marissa        

Not Perfect, But Worth It/Divorcee Dating Saga part Huit

     So it has been awhile since I have written anything, let alone about Hunny and me. Surprisingly, some people have started to ask whether or not we are even still together.  Well, I am most happy to say that we are.  And after a conversation that I had with Nessie today, I really wanted to post something not just about Hunny and me, but about relationships on the whole.  Nessie is one of my best friends and we talk about everything.  Honestly I don't think we have any secrets.  And this morning, while I was stuck in ghastly traffic, we were talking about relationships (both hers and mine).
     Nessie always teases me that my relationship with Hunny is like a movie; a love from long ago rekindled after years of separation and later friendship, etc.   I guess, when she describes it this way, it kind seems like it.  And although I am terribly happy I had to point out to her that, like any other relationship, it isn't perfect.  Although it isn't perfect, it is most definitely WORTH IT.  Relationships don't only require work; they require a desire to make it work.  If neither (or even just either) instead of both people in a relationship don't possess a desire to make it work let alone the heart to see the work through, then the relationship will not prosper.  There will be good days and bad days no matter who you are.  There will be times where you won't understand your love and vice versa, but as long as you both try (try until you succeed) to communicate and understand each other that is what is important.
     It takes time and the desire to build something lasting.  So, that is why it is necessary to work on not just sympathizing, but empathizing; not just listening, but understanding; and not just being a presence, but being present.  Take time to not only build and strengthen your relationship, but to learn, understand, accept and appreciate the one you love as well.  Because at the end of the day Love is more than a word or a feeling or even a state of being.  Love comes from what you say and how you say things to your love.  Love is in the way you treat, think, act and react to them.  Love is in everything you do and don't do.  Be a thoughtful, motivated, partner and lover because your love is important and the decisions you make (the actions you take) directly effect the person you choose to connect your life with ; the person that you love.
     Just something to think about.  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind.
          ~Marissa    

Drifting

PREVIOUSLY WRITTEN

   
     I am doggy paddling trying to keep my head above water--looking for an inlet, island, cove, sand bank (c'mon throw a girl a bone) somewhere I can rest peaceably before I start my journey again.  But there is nothing in sight. Through tempests, hurricanes, and sporadic storms I have paddled.  And without any haven or sanctuary in sight I am starting to lose my strength.  The constant struggle has (and is) taking its toll.  I am trying hard to be strong, but I would be lying if I didn't admit that I feel myself burning out.  

     A body can only go through so much before it can not sustain itself.  And then what is left?  Trying to balance and survive is difficult enough as it is, but with all of the other external factors (trying to reek havoc in my life) it is practically impossible.  The only thing I can do is pray (which I have been doing), but I am starting to believe that God is tired of hearing my voice (I kid, I kid).  But, what else is left for me to do?  I can't seem to make headway on my own, so--who else am I to look to? 

     But maybe I am missing the point of all of this.  Maybe this is a test of my trust--my ability to not just have hope and faith, but to trust that there will be land before my body gives up the ghost.  Trust that there will be a place of peace, provision and sanctity (hopefully in my very near future).  Trust that every storm pushes me closer to where I am meant to be--need to be.  So it seems as if I may need to continue to doggy paddle (or lie on my back and float with the current for awhile)--continue to try and keep my head above water--and trust that I will hit land soon (or at least a cruise liner).  Maybe, just maybe, I need to work on my trust.

     Well Lovelies the long and short of it is I need to adjust to this new perspective and embrace it.  (And remember there may be something going on in your life that you may need to see from a different angle, too.)  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind.

     ~Marissa   

Struggle

    PREVIOUSLY WRITTEN

      Finess asked me one day, "Why is it that good people have to struggle so hard, for so long?".  At that time we actually had a  long conversation about it.  That, as I said, was a little while ago, but I woke up the other morning asking myself the same questions.  Maybe it is because of all the things happening in my life or maybe it is because I know what is going on with others.  Either reason I was rehashing this conversation, but this time I was asking God.
   I know that I am not the only one weary and I found myself asking God when is enough, enough?  I try to take the high road; bide my time and do my best.  I just feel like all of my best efforts, hard work and diligence are all for naught.  When will the struggling and suffering be over?  When will I see the light at the end of the tunnel?
   And with all of my questions, frustrations, stress and exhaustion swirling within me like a tornado I received my answer (in the form of a question).  It was simply, "Would you be who you are if you did not struggle or suffer?"  One quiet question in rebuttal (from the tiny voice within my soul) stopped me dead in my tracks.  Would I be who I am without it?  Honestly--and most assuredly--I would not.  I don't know who I would be, but I wouldn't be me.  Like a diamond in the rough being refined through fire, so am I in my life (so are we all). 
      So I will continue "the good fight"  because I know it is for a reason.  I trust that there will be a better tomorrow and I have to struggle through this so I will be ready.  Remember Lovelies that we shall over come and be all the better for it in the end!  Until another time I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa 

Hope

Previously Written

          If Love is the heart of the soul, then hope is the blood that flows through it.  Hope, more than a word, a state of believing--feeling--that defines us as much as love.  Like love there is fragility in the strength of it.  It can grow from being as small as a mustard seed to an entity that encapsulates the soul.  We can not (nor should we try) to survive without it.  Trying to live without hope is a virtual death sentence.  It is like trying to live without eating--you can make it for a little while, but your body will start to shutdown, your health deteriorates.  Hope is food for the soul, it is one of the essentials that keeps our spirits fed.
     Hope is never lost (no matter what the situation).  We may forget that it exists, yet it burns deep within us.  Even if the flame is tiny, it will burn as long as we breathe.  We must continuously  feed our flames so that it can grow into a brilliant, incandescent fire that will fill us--consume us.  For when hope shines within our soul our spirit can not be crushed; our hearts can not be broken and our minds can not break.
     Never deny or neglect hope.  Never let anyone try to extinguish or dampen it.  Hold on to it; remember it; grow it; (true) hope will never lead you astray.  Keep your heads up lovelies!  Until another time I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa  

Bobble Heads/ Gird Your Loins!

    Hello Lovelies!  Gosh my fingers have been aching to get back to it and I was determined (even at the cost of my precious beauty sleep, lol) to carve out time to post this!  My subject for today is the growing epidemic of  Bobble Heads!  Bobble Heads--is a new term that my friends and I have taken to calling people who are so full of negativity--and themselves--that they have big heads (some literally and some figuratively and most--both).  And you know I never realized how many Bobble Heads surround me every day until we found a way to refer to them.
     Not that I am trying to spread the term "Bobble Head" around, but as I stated before, I never really realized how many Bobble Heads populate my day to day life until recently.  I mean the day is hard enough as it is.  We all strive to do our best; make a difference; make it through--what have you--and they are so determined to make it so much harder then it needs to be.  The fact that they spew, with smiles on their faces, passive-aggressive insults and jibes, pretending like they are sweet as prune pie is just--tiring.  How sad must they be to try and spread their misery and joyless hearts around to others?
     Yet, no matter how sad the question I find myself asking, is what in the world can I do to DEFLECT that Bobble Head Virus they are determined to cough all over me and everyone else in a 20 foot radius?  I refuse (although tempting as it may be(and it truly is)) to play mean girl with them--stoop to their level and make them three times as uncomfortable as they can ever make anyone else.  So, where does that leave me or anyone dealing with their personal "Bobble Head",  for that matter.  Certainly not between a rock and a hard place because I am not that kind of girl, but the question (again, remains) what to do, what to do?
     Honestly the only thing I have figured out by now is that I have to do the thing they hate most, smile and keep it moving; don't give them the time of day because they don't deserve it.  I will not feed into nor stoop down nor ingest their virus either.  After all, if I did that I wouldn't be any better than they are--if I did that I would be a Bobble Head!  So, I need to put into practice (way more than I have been( hey I am NOT perfect)) mindful breathing and reclaim my calm.  Consider this me turning over a new-old leaf for my own peace of mind and happiness.

     Just a little something to think about for all of you out there dealing with their own set of Bobble Heads.  Be brave!  Gird your loins!  And remember to take the higher ground!  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!  

From The Bottom of Our Hearts

     After another great conversation with Finess I was inspired to write this post.  I was going to wait until tomorrow because I am super tired from such a busy day, but my heart (nor mind) wouldn't let me rest.  These thoughts were running too loudly through my head.  Whether we know (or accept) it or not we all have a specific desire when it comes to love in our lives.  In the bottom of our hearts; within the deepest recesses and confines that we dare not venture into (for fear of knowing ourselves too well) this truth, this desire,  lives, breathes and aches to be acknowledged and fulfilled. 
     I know that for the longest time I desired my match.  My heart longed for someone who I could dream with, love, cherish and have passionately-romantic trysts with (lol).  Someone who I could make memories, laugh with and stand next to through the bad times and the good.  A man who not only genuinely wanted the same things, but who would (and could) reciprocate whole hearted and without hesitation.  I wanted the hand holding, cuddling, kissing, tickling, teasing, the sweet whispers and heart felt promises.  I wanted someone who would be my sun and I, his moon.  My match, who would be my first thought when I wake and my last before I sleep.  The one whose kiss makes my heart skip and my knees go weak.  I wanted all of the romance and passion perfectly blended with the reality of stability and happiness, too. 
     The funny and almost tragic fact is for the longest time I compromised on my heart's desire.  I lost my self, my way, and became someone I wasn't with a heart full of unhappiness.  That was almost my life...(but because everything happens for a reason) it isn't anymore!  I am blessed to have reconnected with an amazingly wonderful man who I love tremendously.  And not only do I love Hunny, but he is my match and with him I am NOT compromising my heart's desire but fulfilling them instead(what a lucky woman I am)!
     The freedom and peace my heart knows within this fulfillment is blinding!  I feel comfortable and happy with Hunny by my side (and when he can't be by my side I have never missed the presence of a single individual in my day to day life as much as I do Hunny's).  There isn't a doubt in my heart in regards to his love for me or our future together.  I want to shout it from the mountain tops and dance along rainbows from the sheer joy of it all (but as I am not climbing Mt. Everest nor dancing a jig along refracted light I had to settle for the internet, lol)!  I look forward to watching our future unfold; spending every moment possible with my Hunny and drifting through this blue lagoon of love that has me deliciously intoxicated (in the best way of course).
     The point to all of this sharing is to emphasis that allowing ourselves to fulfill our "secret" heart's desires can lead us to great happiness.  It isn't necessarily easy nor is the road straight and narrow either, but it is worth the lessons and the struggles.  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     Marissa

Where Does Yours End and Mine Begin?

     Coming from an "island" heritage (St. Croix/Crucian--WOOT!) I have been raised differently from most other Americans.  Even though I was born in the states (the first grandchild to be, actually) my upbringing was rather "island"  in style (with only minor modifications).  Contrary wise my family teases me about being so very American, (but much less so than some of my cousins).  After many years I have come to believe that being an amalgamation of both cultures is a good thing.  Contrary wise there are sometimes where I wish I were more one than another--"...Let me 'xplain, no there is too much, let me sum up..." *smile*
     Like most families there are expectations placed upon every generation, but being from an island family it is harder to learn that sometimes you have to leave behind those expectations so that YOU (as an individual) can be prosperous and happy.  You see the majority of individuals from island families come from nothing.  It is emphasized from the day you are born that you MUST do better than the generation before you.  Every generation must propel the family further up the path of success and build a more stable foundation for future generations (AKA:  our children).  Now don't get me wrong I want to build a wonderful foundation for my future children, but I also have come to know that it will not necessarily be in the way that my family believes it will be.
     There finally came a time where I had to ask myself where do their dreams and lives end and mine begin (I KNOW I AM NOT ALONE IN THIS)?  After many years of struggling with this I came to the realization that when my life ends it will do so as it began--alone.  When I die I shall stand before God--alone.  My regrets, sins, virtues,  etc. will be put upon the scale to be judged and weighed.  The reasons why (example:  my mom wanted me to or because it was expected of me, etc.) will be irrelevant.  Because of this I have chosen to live my life for God and myself (and now Hunny, too).  I only have one go at this life and I want to live well and be happy.  If I am trying to please everyone I will be miserable (besides no one can make EVERYONE happy (that is impossible)).  I will continue to strive to live as beautifully and completely as possible; do more good than bad.  I want to love hard and thoroughly AND make God and Hunny proud.
     My family wants the best for me, but sometimes their desires and ideals get in the way.  At the end of the day diverging (from their ideals, desires and expectations) may be right for me (and keep in mind that diverging doesn't mean that I no longer love and respect my family).  No one should feel guilty for chasing their happiness (even if it is born from unconventional means(and I sure as heck won't))!  So,  that is why I say, go--chase your happiness!  Blaze your own trail, dance to your own beat and remember that those who truly love you, will always love you no matter what!  These are some of my revelations, desires and choices, what are yours?
     Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa 

The Awesomeness of Trent Shelton/The Power of Rehab

     Okay y'all I know that practically everyone dabbles in social media(at least a little), Facebook being the most popular (at least for now).  Although I will admit being more addicted to Pinterest than Facebook, I am happy that I have a Facebook page because without it I would have never been introduced to Mr. Trent Shelton (huge thanks to my bestie and blogging partner Finess Hill for liking his post or I wouldn't know about him(and I can't imagine that!)).  Seriously you guys one of the first things I do in the morning is read his post or watch one of his videos.  When I say wise beyond his years, I mean he is really WISE beyond his years!  It is a great starting my day with a healthy perspective. 
     You see, Trent promotes self healing, discovery and honesty.  He strives to help others break unhealthy cycles.  He is one of the reasons(or rather inspirations) behind my giving Hunny another chance.  Trent has this philosophy (he has many, but this one struck my heart deeply) that, "You are perfect for the heart that's meant to love you".  When I read this Hunny was expressing a serious desire for us to try again and something Hunny had been telling me over and over again (as he tried to hammer it into my stubborn head) is that I am perfect just the way I am; perfect in his eyes and perfect for him.  (Talk about a God sent message!)  And when I thought about what Trent had been saying about the right person to love you and about relationships, really thought about it, I realized that he was right (and so was Hunny (God, I love my Hunny))!
     Trent Shelton (I truly believe) is starting a revolution that will steer us away from the slippery slopes of unhealthy self image and relationships.  Which if we are being honest with ourselves is something we desperately need in this day and age!  Trent is using his blessed wisdom (along with his gift of successfully conveying his message) to hearten and embolden us all to take time to get into Rehab (you gotta check him out so you will know what kind of Rehab I am talking about(and no, I am not talking about THAT rehab)).  This assist in revelation that Trent inspired encouraged me to not only follow him on Facebook, but keep up with his videos on Youtube as well.  I can not express enough how much Finess and I admire Trent and how inspiring he is (how many times have I said, 'inspiring' in this post, lol).  He is nothing short of brilliant, a rejuvenating wind in a society that no longer encourages the beauty and absolute rightness of healthy relationships (look at half of the relationships that are on reality TV for example).  And the fact that he is a young gentleman, from our generation, who is taking time to inspire us is so promising!  He gives us hope that having a beautiful relationship is possible; that we aren't as broken as we believe; and that there are men out there that can come to the fore front and be a shinning example for others!
     Trent Shelton--remember the name!  Follow him on his website(http://trentshelton.com/) or on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/LikeTrentShelton) and take time to swim through his wisdom; soak in the rays of this revolution and share with others!  He is more than worth the time (and you know you Facebook half the day including while you are at work anyway) so at least Facebook something thought provoking and beneficial!
     Until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa

Divorcee Dating Saga Part Sept/ My Hunny

PREVIOUSLY WRITTEN

     Hunny makes me feel like I am in college again.  (I say college because that was my first taste of freedom and where I was able to begin to know myself.)  He makes me feel free and safe simultaneously.  I am free to be myself completely and even though he chuckles or teases me (sweetly) he supports my 'me'-ness.  And what thrills me to no end (most sincerely and seriously it does)  Hunny says that I am perfect just as I am.  The cherry on top is he doesn't just say it he believes it and treats me like he does.  I love that!

     Just as much as I love how he makes a not so great day rather wonderful because my happiness is important to him.  His genuine concern for my happiness and well being makes me feel so loved it is thrilling (and new).  I love that he matches my affection and passion it is intoxicating!  And having someone who reciprocates completely is unbelievably, undeniably, wonderful (a true blessing).  I don't remember the last time I have met my relationship match (if ever).  Most of them were honestly (and quite sadly) one sided in one way or another.  Even my first relationship with Hunny wasn't evenly matched.  But now, well now, we are and I am so in love--I am so in love with him and us that I think some of my friends may O.D. on the "contact" of our love (bwahahahaha)!  

     Truly I am so happy and getting to know and love the man he has grown into is just--magical--(I am so happy in our love that if I could poop rainbows I would).  Well enough sharing (at least for now).  I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind.

          ~Marissa

Not All Heroes Wear Capes

PREVIOUSLY WRITTEN

   

      As most of you either know or gather by now, I work in a hospital--you may NOT know how many super heroes I work with on a daily basis.  (No, I am not talking about the M.D.'s, either.)  I am talking about the R.N.'s and PCT's!  They are the unsung heroes of the hospital.  These are the people on the front line dealing with explosive diarrhea and vomiting; placing Foleys and IVs; explaining/managing meds;  spending their lives making sure the patients are as clean and comfortable as possible.
     They have decided to dedicate their lives in service of others combative, confused, contagious or otherwise.  They keep up the spirits of their patients, families, fellow staff and even the M.D.'s.  They deal with medical, emotional and mental situations playing doctor, shrink and psychologist all at the same time--for multiple people 12 hours a day almost EVERY DAY.  They do what they do not for money, accolades, or awards, but because it is an innate desire they have to care for others (and you full well know what a rare attribute that is)!  They are happy healing and comforting the ailing, hurt and sick who walk through their doors.  It takes a special kind of person to be a nurse or pct.  A special kind of person to do what they do for a living!  Doctors are not the only healers so remember to go out and hug a nurse/pct today!
     Until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa

Boxes and Time Lines?

     Question:  Why do we work so hard to pile ourselves (and our lives) into tight, perfectly symmetrical boxes?  More over why do we add additional restrictions by implementing (self wounding) time lines?  WAKE UP!  CONTROL IS AN ILLUSION AND CONFORMITY A CRIME!  Trying to plan every moment, experience, facet and detail just so it will fit in to what you believe will be acceptable by others/society isn't living!  It isn't even existing.  If we are honest with ourselves we all have moments where we get caught up with confining--oops--I mean conforming ourselves into ideals that truly aren't ours.  By doing this you aren't paving a path toward your happiness, but AWAY from it!
     If you are in love--run with it!  Don't try to confine it to unnecessary conventions!  You don't have to deny what you feel or try to slow it down because you believe that certain things are supposed to happen at a certain time or in a certain way for it to be right (or you are worried what others will say or think)!  Every relationship--every love--is different so stop trying to stuff it in the same box.  Or if you are interested in spreading your wings and trying a new occupation or hobby, then go for it!  You are never too old or too young (it is never too early or too late) to chase your dreams and pave the way to your happiness!  Embrace life, don't suffocate it.  Life is entirely too short to be unhappy trying to make others happy just because (it is what is expected of you to do by them and/or society)--don't sacrifice your happiness by lying to yourself and compromising your hearts desires; at the end of it all you will only be left alone with your regrets.
     We have to STOP letting other people's "music" bleed over into our lives.  We need to listen to our own symphonies, the lyrical magic that we create for ourselves--within ourselves.  We need to stop letting our tempo be drowned out by the noise of others' voices.  Let's move forward and learn how to dance to our music again; allow ourselves to experience the God given freedom to be who we are and enjoy it!  Let's stop conforming (across the board people, not just here and there)!  God made us all different for a reason!  Let's embrace and celebrate our uniqueness. 
     Think about it y'all, seriously think about it and don't cheat yourself!  Until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa