Love and Their Breaks

         In my thirty years I have discovered, through trials and tribulations, just how much Love varies.  And as spring fever gives way to summer love, many of the conversations that have been had lately are not only about relationships, but about Love.  Some times I forget that not everyone has had both the curse and the privilege to know the heartbreak of a first Love or how there are many ways and places within us to Love.  I think that many of us either don't know, forget, fear or underestimate Love so much that we never truly get to know or experience it--in its glorious and varying magnitude.
     I learned that I Love not just from my heart, but my soul and very being as well.  Because of this I have earned the misfortune as well as the fortune of experiencing "breaks (as in heart)" and Love in many varying degrees. Of course (as this is my humble opinion in regards to my own experiences) the kind of "break" depends upon the kind of Love it originated from.  (Let's see if I can give you a better explanation--:)  I have had an unrequited Love;  And also a first Love;  I have grown with a young Love; suffered (and learned) from (an unfortunately) devastating Love and tried to fight an uncontrollable Love.  These are my five great Loves (not that I haven't loved other men, but these I have been in love with and they have been an influence within my life and understanding).
     My first Love as well as my young Love--I loved them from my heart.  Different places within my heart, but when way led unto way that is what broke--a part of my heart.   Whereas my unrequited and devastating Loves--those Loves--were experienced with my soul.    After our seasons were finished and when life lead us down different paths it wasn't a part of my heart that broke--no--they each took a part of my soul with them.  (Hence the saying, "Be careful who you love", although if it were possible there would never be a broken heart.)
     Now, my uncontrollable Love--this love was a first for me--It was terrifying, unexpected, consuming and--uncontrollable.  I never knew I could love someone with the entirety of my being (as dramatic as it sounds--I feel what and how I feel--but don't we all).  This love was one that defied explanation for truly there are no words to help any one understand who has never experienced its ilk before.  When it ended the first time (well details are a luxury I shall not afford you) I swore never again.  I wasn't strong enough to withstand it again (this "break" was equivalent to having pieces of my soul taken), yet I obviously couldn't deny it for the rest of my life (we are going to see how this round plays out).
       It isn't as though I planned on how and from where I would love them, it kind of happened (along with the "breaks").  (Can we ever plan on how or who we love, truly?)  And knowing that when we Love another we take a chance with our hearts--souls--very beings--is Love, at the end of the day, not worth the gamble?  Again and again, throughout the years I have gone through "breaks" because for me, Love will ALWAYS be worth the risk.  I am who I am because of my experiences and even though there was hurt, pain, loss and sadness there was also joy, passion, growth, happiness and laughter too.  Life is a balance and Love is a part of that balance (maybe the biggest part).  I will never let the pain or mistakes of my past allow me to miss out on the potentials and possibilities of Love.  I will always choose Love.  And if I lose I will not be a sore (or bitter) loser for then I would be cheating myself.  Instead (as I have learned to do) I will take some time and re-invest in myself--gather my chips--and get back to the tables when I am ready.
     At the end of the day this is my choice--what will be yours?  Will you settle for a life hiding, running, shunning or ignoring the greatest gift, ability and experience given to us--or will you fall, fly, fight for it?  What is a life without Love?  And why let any fear of past or unknown stop you from such a treasure as Love?  Well, I think that this is enough food for thought for one night.  I am sorry for the length, but I had a lot on my mind--and a lot to say.  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind.
     ~Marissa        

Frogs Aren't Princes

     PREVIOUSLY WRITTEN:

     The hardest lesson a woman will ever learn is how to walk away from a "frog" she loves.  Now don't judge me too harshly for calling (some) men frogs, but for me (again OUR blog, MY post) that  is exactly what wrong guys are, "frogs".  As women of the modern world we all expect to kiss some frogs, but fall in love with them, that's another story!  (Again, we can't control who we love!)  Falling in love with a frog is a dangerous thing because no matter how many times you "kiss" them (AKA:  wait, excuse; cry over; apologize for, etc) they will never (EVER) be princes because they don't have the ability to be.  No matter how much you love, sacrifice, support or help them (sadly) it doesn't matter--they are what they are.
    Now don't mistake "enchanted" (AKA:  "broken") princes for frogs.  THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING!!  An enchanted prince has gone through many trials and unfortunately a wicked witch or two (although ultimately defeated) have left their curses upon them.  It takes a strong prince and a brave princess ("I am a princess--all girls are!"(ten bucks if you can name what movie that quote came from)) to break the "spell", but that in and of itself is very difficult (a true quest(especially when it has more to do with the prince than the princess)), but not impossible.  Sometimes good magic happens.  remember ladies a prince is a prince (broken or not) you just have to learn the difference between a prince and a frog.
     We can't date on potential alone--we can't keep frogs when we deserve princess!  Sometimes we just have to come to terms with the fact that we care/love/in love with someone who either isn't ready; isn't worthy or both.  There comes a time in these situations, where you have to accept and acknowledge how you feel while you separate yourself so you can walk away from an unhealthy relationship/situation.  Just because you walk away doesn't mean that you are trying to (or will) stop loving your frog it only means that you love yourself enough to protect your heart and happiness.  It is never easy walking away and resigning yourself to live with love your heart holds for your frog, but in the long run it is less damage to heal from.
     Even though I used "silly" analogies this subject is still quite serious and real--just something for y'all to think over!  Well until another time I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind.
          ~Marissa

Love--It Varies

     After an interesting conversation with one of my girlfriends last night I was inspired to write this post.  Although she isn't the first person I have had this conversation with I would be lying if I didn't admit to my surprise at her surprise when I pointed out that love has many variations and differs from person to person; relationship to relationship.  C'mon y'all think about it!  Love has many variations because not only do our relationships differ, but the people we have relationships with differ as well.  The way you love your mother differs from the way you love your sister; which differs from the way you love your friends; which differs from the way you love your significant other.  Even if you wanted to compare the way you love within one group there are still variations.
     (Stay with me now) Example:  Everyone (and I do mean everyone (don't lie to yourself)) has a favorite parent, sibling, grandparent, aunt, cousin, etc. that they have bonded with (and love) more than other equivalent members of their family.  The love is different, the way you treat, see, communicate and think of them is (subsequently) different because of it!  You know it is true!  Even when it comes to romantic love (or probably more so) it is the same.  Each relationship is different.  Different connections, bonds, are made which form different levels of emotion, attraction, affection and love.  So you may love your 1st significant other with all of your heart, but you may discover later in life that you love your 4th more than your 1st because a deeper bond was made.  You didn't lie when you said that you loved your 1st with all of your heart, because you did.  You loved them with all the love that connection created within you for that person.  But the deeper bond with your 4th significant other encouraged a new range and depth of emotion and love that didn't exist in your relationship with your 1st significant other.  So you can say that you love your 4th with all of your heart and both statements are still very true.
     We can't compare how we love one person (no matter the relationship) to the way we love another because they are DIFFERENT.  Even if it is the same type of relationship it is still a different person!  Unless you repeat a relationship with the same person then there is no comparison to be made.  Just because the love you had for one person developed/presented itself one way doesn't mean that it will come about in the same order, fashion or circumstance with someone different.  (I told you there were a multitude of variations in love)  Don't expect every love you experience to be slow burning or white hot for that matter.  And count yourself lucky that it isn't.  If love were the same for everyone you loved or fell in love with what would you truly learn or experience for that matter.  How boring would that be?  Being able to experience fully the variations of love is a blessing.  I believe it teaches you a lot about yourself and the world.  What a wonderful surprise to experience the depths and magnitudes of love!
    (Just think about it for awhile) I hope you do realize that none of this is something you have control over (control is an illusion, after all) because you can not control something as powerful, as elemental and infinite (nor should you) as love!  The best thing you can do is learn to give and receive love; to appreciate and cherish it.  Don't try to shove it in a box or twist it into something that it isn't because then it becomes tainted and nothing good ever comes from tainted love.  Start bringing yourself up to the level where you can embrace love in its glorious purity, instead of dragging it down to you.  (Trust me the world becomes a different place when you do!)  Remember love is a gift from God ("...above these is love...").  Don't tarnish something so beautiful, seek to be worthy of it instead!
     Consider this a friendly observation/reminder.  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa