I'm Awesome

     Yes, that is a very egotistical (albeit honest) title for this new post, but it is so insanely appropriate that I absolutely could not contain my desire to slap it at the very top and let the whole world know what I am feeling inside.  I mean I seriously woke up one day this week and I had a straight Dune moment I swear that I almost ran outside in my onesie and screamed "...the sleeper has awakened" at the top of my lungs!  (Point 1:  If you have never seen the cult classic known as Dune or read any of the books I encourage you to do one or the other IMMEDIATELY!  Point 2:  Yes I have a My Little Pony--Rainbow Dash onesie and I love it (side note:  A Totoro onesie is in my future)!  Now that I have satisfied that tangent I will most definitely get back on the subject of --Me! 
    The sleeper has awakened--everything clicked for me when I got out of bed that day.  The doubt, hesitation, worry, fear, sadness--all of it was gone!  My inner lioness was back and it feels SO GOOD!  I forgot about my wonder, as a woman, daughter, sister, girlfriend, friend, co-worker.  I forgot what I offer as a woman, to the people in my life--those I love--and even who I am.  I am versed enough in this life to understand that there are times when this may happen and I was experiencing one of those. Even so, though I may have been "sleeping", I was also learning. Learning about myself--about others in my life--about living in general.  Yet, even though I was learning--I was also forgetting--which is never a good thing.  But, joyously am I celebrating that time that has passed for me.  And I will continue to shout praises of appreciation for all that I have learned and experienced.  But now it is a new year--it is 2015, y'all and I am about that life! (Please excuse the verbal cliches, but they are just too much fun right now and I can't deny the use of them!)
     So, I have become the embodiment of that old adage, "New year, new me"  because I am NEW!  In so many ways.  I even told my mom there are two words that I am eliminating from my vocabulary this year, "ok" and "fine".  I feel as though they no longer have any place in my life!  I am fantastic, wonderful, blessed, loved--I am so much more than those two words could ever describe.  I will no longer rest on their laurels!  They no longer have power or place in my life!  And I will hold true to this.  Even if my day isn't going beautifully I have so much that can NOT be taken from me that I can only ever be at the very least--blessed.
     I am educated, intelligent, determined, kind, sassy and so fun!  I love my family, new career, new company and my CREW (SHOUT OUT TO THE CREW).  I have a home (and always will for where there is true love, kindness and safety that is where home will be for me), a fantastic new car and so many opportunities set before me that I am so giddy with excitement that I can barely contain myself!  And even though certain relationships aren't all sunshine and lollipops in my life right now, I am still so solid because if the time for my "contract to be renewed" comes up and there isn't a reason for me to renew it--I will become a free agent (may the best franchise win, lol(excuse the football analogy but it was apropos)).
     And all of this is because I AM AWESOME.  I am genuinely a wonderful woman and person.  I am a treasure--a prize--a jewel who through trials and tribulations I have been made stronger, brighter, and priceless.  I have so much to offer, to give, and I am to the point in my life that if what I offer is rejected, unappreciated, abused or taken for granted in any way then there is no reason to continue to give any one (no matter who they are) something they don't understand, desire or deserve.
    I am so thankful for this re-awakening.  I feel as though my light is absolutely uncontainable right now!  And I LOVE IT! :)  I want to encourage all of you to maintain and protect your light.  Let it blossom and grow.  Do not be deterred if it feels as though it is taking forever for it to increase or if you feel as though you are stuck or even if you feel as though every thing you do isn't working out as you have planned.  Something that I learned a long time ago is that everything happens not according to our plans but they happen as they are SUPPOSED to as they are SUPPOSED to.  Be patient--my sleepers--keep faith.  And until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the Truest kind!
     ~Always
          Marissa   

Inclinations of Real Love

     Love is a beautiful and empowering thing.  I will always stand by that belief--no--by that knowledge for I know that it is true.  When love is REAL it is a revelation and even at times an entity that encourages rebirth.  No matter what happens in my life or relationships, I have found that his is a constant truth.  It can change people; it should change people.  When you love someone (no matter what kind of love it is i.e. familial, friendly or romantic) it changes your world and even how you see and treat the person you love.  When you truly love someone, purely, and wholly their happiness comes before your own.  For when the person you love is happy, you're happy, the happiness that is given is then shared in an endless circle between the two in the relationship.  (The same goes for unhappiness and sorrow as well.)  In loving someone--the desire to cherish them is innate.  And being just another natural Inclination of real love--and in desiring to fulfill it--you respect and protect them from the world and at times even yourself.  So, where you might have been selfish before you become selfless--when you really love another; when you would only protect yourself you now protect another.  Love brings growth in many different facets.
    And then of course there is the desire to learn and bond that comes with REAL love and care.  The adventure and privilege of getting to know someone with a depth that few others do is both thrilling and a deep desire of those who Love.  I don't believe it is possible to love someone and NOT desire or even truly attempt to know them.  How can you love someone you don't want to or just don't know at all?  When you love someone, in the desire to protect and be a safe harbor for them, knowing the depth at which the person you love hopes, dreams and fears is of utmost importance to you.  In getting to know their depth their world opens up to you.  And that is where and when the bond begins.  Learning their faults and virtues; interests and pet peeves is just as important as learning the intimacy and beauty of their body.  You can not love without learning or bonding--and if you do, then that love is shallow and doomed to fail, if you will forgive my tactless honesty.  Personally there is no desire in my heart to be with anyone in any form who does not desire nor sees the importance in knowing me.
     As you learn and bond with the person you love, your world opens up as well.  If the person you love is very different from yourself you are presented with an opportunity to learn from them--even if it isn't an interest or view point you share or agree with it is a new perspective and opportunity to see and understand things in a way that you haven't necessarily known of before.  It is also an opportunity to make that person happy by sharing in something that they enjoy with them--it also shows them their importance to you as well even if it isn't your thing to do, but you still do so, happily to enjoy something both with and for them.  If the person you love is very similar  to you then you can expand on the common interests you have together and even learn new things together too.  Every moment with the person you love is an opportunity to learn, bond and grow TOGETHER.  These are the opportunities that literally make or break a relationship.  Whether it is learning what makes them laugh; how to comfort them in times of need or distress; or how to play together, these are those (sometimes) little moments that will always mean the most and hold the greatest importance in the success or failure of a relationship.
    Then of course there is the beauty, necessity and joy of intimacy both emotional and physical.  Being a respectful, understanding protector of the one you love you have given them the gift and ability to be open and vulnerable with you.  This is a privilege, honor and a joy that is shared by the two people who are in the relationship together.  To become a person that is loved and trusted so much that another person is happy and comfortable being open with their emotions is a beautiful thing and quite the achievement too.  It is definitely a step in the right direction.  When your love is true, there isn't a need for the person you love to walk on egg shells; they can be exactly who they are and know that they are loved and accepted for being their wonderful self.  No need for masks or to hide behind expectations they know that you love their flaws unconditionally as they are a part of who they are.
     When someone can be emotionally vulnerable and open with you; then they can also share their physical intimacy with you.  But even this is different, even this has a different level.  When their is real love, trust and protection--again--another world opens.  Then the one you love feels safe to express themselves intimately without the fear of being judged, rejected or misunderstood.  When you create that openness and safety, then it is possible to take your time to explore and learn their body, there is so much joy in knowing someone intimately who can express and explore without inhibitions to hinder them.  An inclination of Real Love is to know the one you love in totality and not squander those opportunities by rushing, but by cherishing them.  And not just because of my own natural temperament, but because I honestly know the often skirted and overlooked importance of emotional and physical intimacy in a relationship do I encourage you to learn the one you love in TOTALITY.  What kiss quickens the breathe; what touch encourages a sigh; what bite births a groan; what nibble makes them weak in their knees.  Learn the feel of their skin; the arch of their neck; the dip of their shoulder and curve of their hip.  Again when you love someone their satisfaction comes before your own (just like their happiness) and is shared back again with you.  As I said before when you Really Love, you change, your desires and priorities change and not because you are told or badgered into it, but because you have  a NATURAL INCLINATION to be the person the one you love deserves.
     The inclinations of Real Love are what relationships are made of; if they do not exist how can the relationship exist?  Of course not everyone is able to love, really, in totality.  Some people realize this and still quite selfishly engage in relationships before they are truly capable of being an equal lover and partner in the relationship.  Unfortunately some do not realize it, even though none of their relationships ever reach a respectable longevity or even success--they blame everyone and everything before looking inward.  But then self realization and growth is difficult for the majority of people in this world.  To those who are not yet on this level, if love is truly what you want--the deep, long lasting love--I encourage you to strive and struggle to grow in order to experience and give it.  For those of you who are there--find someone who can match what you offer.  Believe me, it is a living hell loving someone who isn't on that level with you.  To everyone, I do wish you all Love and Happiness of the Truest kind!

~Always
Marissa           
               

A Good Man

     There was a time--an age--an era not so very long ago where the merit of a Good Man was considered as great as that of a Hero.  In many ways a Good Man was a Hero.  His integrity, kindness, selflessness, thoughtfulness, dependability was prized and rewarded.  Touted as a man who could be trusted without hesitation or doubt.  Someone you could and would go an extra mile for because he was not only worth it--but his very nature warranted it.
     These men were the cornerstones of good families, businesses--the very community and government.  When little boys were young they used to admire these men--they would dream of growing up to be good men.  Men who would be honest and reliable businessmen and responsible, positive citizens.  They desired a good education and career--they wanted to build families and be the kind of men that inspired others--inspired others to want to be both around and like them.  They were inspired and in turn were inspiring as well as men of contribution and good repute--they helped to build and maintain a good community.  For these kinds of men achieving the status of a "Good Man"  was a great one.  It brought pride to not only them, but to those who knew and loved them.
     Unfortunately this no longer seems to be the case.  Men who are good or even desire to achieve genuine goodness are now ridiculed and overlooked.  Being a good man is no longer an accomplishment that is sought after--it is seemingly considered not worthwhile.  The sad truth of it is guys are more concerned with what they have or can get or can get over on someone than in who they are or what they can contribute.  Infidelity, dishonesty, unreliability, irresponsibility, disrespect--these are attributes that are touted and perpetuated by society and even women.
     Ironically we complain about needing a change in our communities, local and national and yet we don't help good men succeed!  I know quite a few good men and sometimes what they are put through by external and even internal parties is appalling.  A good man, a good person, can not remain "good" if they are not supported or assisted or if they are constantly pulled down into the muck and mire.  We, as human beings, are fragile creatures.  We can survive and endure a lot, but when the limit is reached--then it is reached.  We can not expect great things from mediocre men and we can not expect good men to succeed when we do not support, protect and appreciate them either.
     Life is about balance and things are more or less out of whack, but we are the ones who disrupted that balance and so we are the only ones who can fix it.  For all of the good men out there, please don't lose yourself--stay strong--and surround yourself with genuine people who will help you become a better you and maintain your goodness.  Women--if you find a good man and you aren't ready for him OR he really isn't what you want then let him know *kindly* do not use him or break his heart.  And if you find a good man and you desire to retain what he offers then help protect and support his goodness.
     A good man is hard to find, but he doesn't have to be.  Just a little observation on my end.  I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa

Confidence is KEY!

     Okay Lads and Lassies I don't know whether you know it or not (or maybe you might have forgotten) but the key to achieving most things in life is CONFIDENCE!  I am not joking at all here, so take note.  Confidence is key.  Now I am not talking about Ego--no--that is a truly sad attribute and makes someone look immature and fake.  I am talking about genuine, healthy, confidence.  Although you may consider this a lot of unwarranted emphasis on something that may seem unnecessary (to those who don't know) I can guarantee you that this is not the case at all.  I believe that we spend a lot of time focusing on love, honesty and perseverance, but what are any of these attributes without confidence?  Would Romeo have pursued Juliet without confidence?  Would honest Abe been honest without confidence?  Would Martin Luther King, Jr have persevered without confidence?  No--I don't think so--and if you are honest with your self (especially after I have posed these questions) I am sure you don't think so either.
     The generation of confidence is a curious thing.  Nine times out of ten confidence is an attribute cultivated over time, although for some lucky people it is natural.  I will admit that I have more "affection" for those who have had to come through a lot--heal--and get to know themselves well enough to build that confidence.  Because it comes from being quite hard won I believe it is stronger, than "natural" confidence.  But, don't misunderstand me, healthy confidence no matter from where it originates is a beautiful and necessary thing in this life.  You see either way, confidence is like the spinal cord for all other positive attributes that make up our internal structure.  It is necessary for us to fulfill our roles as people.  With confidence not only do doors in our (external) lives open, but doors within ourselves open as well.  And that is truly priceless.
      One can exude confidence in various ways; it is in the way you carry yourself, your demeanor, your walk and how you speak to others.  And whether or not you realize it people can tell when you do and don't have confidence in yourself.  That realization will have an affect on how others perceive and react to you. You see confidence is what allows you to own who you are; face the world bravely and undaunted.  It gives you the ability to venture forth with surety and an unfailing knowledge of self to the  point where nothing can (nor will) deter you.  Confidence, even when it comes to the opposite sex, opens more doors than not because whether you realize it or not it is tremendously appealing!  (Quite honestly few things are more attractive than someone who is confident and sure of themselves--who they are.)   
    When I was younger I didn't understand why confidence is so important.  But the longer I live and the more I experience I have found that having confidence is an important part of having a healthy internal balance--an important part of self love.  It is something that will help propel us--drive us--to achieve our goals; to be the people we deeply desire to be.  I believe it to be truly necessary (just so long as it is healthy and doesn't mutate into an ego) for us to prosper in our lives.  When people have confidence it draws others to them like moths to a flame.  It adds to the internal light that burns within, magnifying its brilliance into an undeniable and incandescent entity. 
     Being someone who had to work very hard to build my own confidence--I consider it, although difficult, a truly great, personal achievement.  My sojourn through my internal dark forests and brier patches was well worth the outcome.  I found my voice and the strength to unapologetically be who I am!  without confidence I wouldn't be able to love myself nor all of my imperfections and quirkiness.  Confidence, healthy confidence, is something to be proud of.  It is a powerful and beneficial attribute that everyone should cultivate.  Sometimes it isn't easy to acquire, but I encourage everyone (who is having difficulties building theirs) to make that personal, internal, journey for the benefits are well worth the difficulties.  That is all the food for thought I have for tonight, Lovelies!  Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa     

Admist the Quiet

     I have always fancied myself a night owl.  And not only because I am (most certainly) not a morning person.  I have always found the quiet of the night to be comforting, alluring--peaceful.  Even the beauty of the moon in its various progressions--brilliant stars (twice as vibrant this time of the year) and the sound of virtually nothing is a fascinating delight that never loses its magic for me.  Maybe it is because I live (and most certainly work) in a very noisy world that I sometimes forget the joy and absolute beauty of the silence that seems to only be found in the night.
     It is the time of the day that holds the most magic because everything seems so much clearer without the noise of the more wakeful hours.  It is a time for reflection, meditation, thankfulness, prayers and dreams.  It is during these hours that I breathe easier and feel more "present" than any other.  It amazes me that something as simple as quiet--taking time to sit and enjoy the peace of it--can make such a difference in my state of being.  I have said it many times and I am sure I am not the only one who gets caught up in the "business" of my everyday life that at times I forget about what I find during these hours.  But in those moments that I happen to find sleep absent from my grasp--it strikes me--and before I know it, a practically instantaneous comfort fills me.      
     I am sure you can imagine what an interesting child I was for I didn't fear the night or even the "witching hours", as my family used to call it.  I welcomed it and I still do.  For when it comes--with the gift of (subsequent) quiet it brings with it--I can remember what my day has pushed back from the forefront of my mind.  Ah--sweet clarity--what joy!  And tonight--tonight I have reflected upon the many blessings I have been given and the people who make my life so very special.  My heart is filled with memories and hopes for Hunny and me; thankfulness for Chickateeta and Maman; memories of the Rugrat and Booger and all the fun I have with my friends--the things they have all taught me--and how they have helped me become the woman I am.  I am grateful to God for the gift of these magnificent individuals in my life.  And being able to reflect upon my journey with them reminds me that blessings come in many packages and can be quite simple sometimes too. 
     As you can tell these moments of quiet provide me with the opportunity to renew my eternal balance--in a way--with only a little of my "sleep" time sacrificed.  I encourage you all to find your own quiet time and see what happens!  Who knows what kind of clarity you may find.  As it is, Sleep has finally chosen to show me some favor and my bed is calling me to snuggle down deep into a warm comforter and fluffy pillows.  So, I believe that this will be enough sharing from me for one night.  Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa     
    

The Great Imbalance

     Although Nessy and I have been rather "quiet" lately, it doesn't mean we have forgotten our blog or fans.  We have both had a lot going on in our lives.  And trust me this is a very good thing.  It means that we are learning, growing, experiencing and living life.  And even though our absence has been short and there were a lot of things that have happened; there is also one--(sadly) glaring fact that has become quite apparent to us both.  We live in a society that perpetuates a great imbalance between men and women.
     I am not being sexiest, bitter or angry when I say this.  It is, quite regrettably,  a cold hard fact.  At one point in time what was important to men was honor, honesty, dependability, intelligence, fidelity,  love, accountability, family and being a good provider, husband and father.  But this is no longer the case.  Now our society encourages individuality over family; irresponsibility over accountability and dependability; money over love; and success over honor and honesty.  We live in a social culture that has been infested with negative ideals that celebrate materialism, excess, degradation, ignorance, greed, dishonesty, and a myriad of  other distasteful and disgusting attributes; practically eliminating the once upstanding and steadfast traditions that were once common place.     
      The continuous breakdown has resulted in men who want to be taken care of; takers; game players; and stagnated individuals who would rather suppress or ignore their shortcomings and "baggage" instead of rallying their courage and putting in hard work to break through and grow past their issues to become better men.  Very few desire to be a true partner, provider, father, husband, friend or lover.  It is like men have become so accustomed to satisfying themselves and their petty and short lived desires that they no longer understand nor do they see the big picture.  They are actually OK with giving bits and pieces of themselves (if anything at all) instead of cultivating themselves (continuously) in order to be a whole person who can engage in stable, healthy relationships.  And on top of all of that most of them believe that women should be satisfied with what little they are willing to do (again, if anything at all)!
     And as a subsequent ripple effect this has pushed women to stand more solidly on their own; to (even when in relationships) rely upon, fight, support and encourage themselves.  They may have a "partner" who exists in their lives, but they still stand alone because their partner isn't supportive, helpful, giving, or protective.  I have heard many women say (of varying cultures and ages) that being married is like having another child to take care of(...)!  Seriously men, do you feel fulfilled being a shell of your former selves?  Is it OK to be considered unreliable, immature and more a hindrance than a help?  Curiously enough I have also heard men of varying ages and cultures complain about not being wanted and women being TOO independent--(again,) SERIOUSLY!!!! You can not have it both ways.  Albeit a relationship isn't always going to be 50/50, sometimes it will be 60/40 or 70/30 and during those times you are supposed to give your partner extra support, love and understanding, but when a relationship is 90/10 or 95/5 then it isn't a healthy relationship--it is a parasitic relationship!
     In every relationship in life, no matter what kind it is, you get what you give!  You set the tone!  If you aren't reliable we won't rely on you; if you lie and/or cheat on us--we will not trust you; essentially if you do not give in return what we give to you freely; if you can not get on the same page with us--we can't (and won't) have a real relationship with you.  (No matter how much we love you--we have to protect ourselves and will not sacrifice our well being to have you in our lives when you take more (or twice as much) as you give!).  Man was not meant to walk alone if he were God would not have made a companion for Adam.  I will also admit that not all men are meant to marry (or women for that matter).
     Relationships aren't all meant to end in marriage with a white picket fence and two point five kids.  But, if you desire to be in a relationship (or eventually to be married and have a family) then men make sure you are ready--that you are on the same page as your partner--and you are in a place to be able to be in a relationship.  I hope men will start taking time to step back and start seeing the big picture again--to become the men they were; leave behind selfishness, lying and irresponsibility and embrace being men of honor, accountability and consideration.  I encourage men to live up to their potential, to correct this great imbalance and bring the world to rights.  I encourage them to achieve their greatness and with the same breath I encourage women to not settle for less than they deserve.  Do not allow someone to only give you bits and pieces when you happily give all of yourself.  Don't settle for an unhealthy relationship (no matter how much you love them) that will end in heartache when you deserve a healthy relationship and a happy ending.  Because the reality of it is--a relationship isn't only about how you feel and treat someone it is more about how someone feel and treats you! 
     Well Lovelies, just some food for thought.  Until another time I wish you Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa

The Awesomeness of Trent Shelton/The Power of Rehab

     Okay y'all I know that practically everyone dabbles in social media(at least a little), Facebook being the most popular (at least for now).  Although I will admit being more addicted to Pinterest than Facebook, I am happy that I have a Facebook page because without it I would have never been introduced to Mr. Trent Shelton (huge thanks to my bestie and blogging partner Finess Hill for liking his post or I wouldn't know about him(and I can't imagine that!)).  Seriously you guys one of the first things I do in the morning is read his post or watch one of his videos.  When I say wise beyond his years, I mean he is really WISE beyond his years!  It is a great starting my day with a healthy perspective. 
     You see, Trent promotes self healing, discovery and honesty.  He strives to help others break unhealthy cycles.  He is one of the reasons(or rather inspirations) behind my giving Hunny another chance.  Trent has this philosophy (he has many, but this one struck my heart deeply) that, "You are perfect for the heart that's meant to love you".  When I read this Hunny was expressing a serious desire for us to try again and something Hunny had been telling me over and over again (as he tried to hammer it into my stubborn head) is that I am perfect just the way I am; perfect in his eyes and perfect for him.  (Talk about a God sent message!)  And when I thought about what Trent had been saying about the right person to love you and about relationships, really thought about it, I realized that he was right (and so was Hunny (God, I love my Hunny))!
     Trent Shelton (I truly believe) is starting a revolution that will steer us away from the slippery slopes of unhealthy self image and relationships.  Which if we are being honest with ourselves is something we desperately need in this day and age!  Trent is using his blessed wisdom (along with his gift of successfully conveying his message) to hearten and embolden us all to take time to get into Rehab (you gotta check him out so you will know what kind of Rehab I am talking about(and no, I am not talking about THAT rehab)).  This assist in revelation that Trent inspired encouraged me to not only follow him on Facebook, but keep up with his videos on Youtube as well.  I can not express enough how much Finess and I admire Trent and how inspiring he is (how many times have I said, 'inspiring' in this post, lol).  He is nothing short of brilliant, a rejuvenating wind in a society that no longer encourages the beauty and absolute rightness of healthy relationships (look at half of the relationships that are on reality TV for example).  And the fact that he is a young gentleman, from our generation, who is taking time to inspire us is so promising!  He gives us hope that having a beautiful relationship is possible; that we aren't as broken as we believe; and that there are men out there that can come to the fore front and be a shinning example for others!
     Trent Shelton--remember the name!  Follow him on his website(http://trentshelton.com/) or on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/LikeTrentShelton) and take time to swim through his wisdom; soak in the rays of this revolution and share with others!  He is more than worth the time (and you know you Facebook half the day including while you are at work anyway) so at least Facebook something thought provoking and beneficial!
     Until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa

Step Up and Plan!

     In the past two weeks I have heard so many guys, girls and couples go back and forth about who should plan the dates and why.  C'mon guys, seriously?  If I am in the mood to be a smart a** I say, "...because I don't have a penis..", but when I am being serious I say, "...because I shouldn't have to unless I want to."  I mean am I not special enough for you to take some time out to plan something wonderful for us to do together?  Take a step back and look at it from my (and maybe a few other women's) perspective.  I wear many hats (as most of us do) in my life and in the many relationships I have.  I plan, coordinate, organize, deliver, etc countless times during a week (let alone a month or a year).  I am an ear to listen; a shoulder to cry on; a constant supporter along with playing the roll of sister, daughter, niece, granddaughter, girlfriend, best friend, lover, confidant, protector, etc.  A lot is required of women sometimes a lot more is required of us than is required of men (HEAR ME OUT!).  We are expected to be constantly 'On', across the board.  We are more heavily scrutinized when we have a bad or off day.  If we don't look just so, or aren't as focused as usual we never hear the end of it (from both men and women).  And don't let us be unhappy, frustrated, tired or angry because then the criticism is doubled.  Stop and think about how much your girl gives of herself not just at home or with you, but with others like strangers, coworkers, friends and family too.  After all she does and gives with her heart, body and mind (which she does because she either has to or wants to) are you telling me that you can't plan the date?      A few decades ago women would never plan a date.  The only thing they had to do was have fun dressing up for their date and be ready at the right time.  Now don't get me wrong.  Some guys find it easier than others, but just because it may not be easy for you doesn't mean you cop out or give up without ever trying or putting forth the effort.  Do you know how much more it means to her when she knows it isn't easy, but you still manage to plan something amazing (can we say triple the points here, fellas)?  We aren't asking for the moon (at least some of us aren't).  What we both want and deserve is a man who will happily do for us what we do for others.  It truly does make us feel fantastic that someone would plan a great date for us, a date where we can spend time together (<----sound data-blogger-escaped-familiar-----="">) relaxing and making memories.  A date that will keep us glowing for a week and giddy with anticipation just thinking about the next time we go out with you!  Guys you should want to step out for us.  You shouldn't get so comfortable that you don't romance (or seduce) us because that is a sure way to lose us.  I mean is it really so hard to plan a few dates a month?  Does it really hurt you (you KNOW you benefit from it)?      Just a little advice from this divorcee.  Until another time I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind!      ~Marissa            

In Retrospect...

     After having a fantastic lunch and a wonderfully in depth conversation with my dear Finess, I feel a little more at ease within myself.  One should thank God for friends blessed with caring hearts and solid wisdom.  I believe we should all endeavor to surround ourselves with good people, friends, who help us to see outside ourselves and gain a better understanding (or perspective) of who we are (or situations we are going through).  It is a wonder that I ever forget that a solid and open conversation can lighten the load of ones heart, mightily.  Something that important or essential should be at the forefront of one's mind, always.
     As it is we had a deliciously relevant conversation that touched on many things, but she gave birth to a moment of retrospect of a terribly serious nature(well maybe not terribly serious...), quite unexpectedly.  On my drive back home, with The Lumineers softly playing in the background and the flash of inconsistent street lights jumping into the windows of my car, I thought about how right she was about having the wrong people in your life.  Family, co-workers, friends, acquaintances, lovers, boyfriends, no matter the title if a person is wrong for you or your life then it is time for a change.  How can you prosper, how can your blessings find you, when there are people (who mean you no good what so ever) standing in the way.  I mean after all they are, meaty blockades, so busy causing mischief, discord and/or dissension that you become entirely too busy (trying to maintain some kind of peaceful accord in your life) to hear the holy whisper of God in your ear.
     Should any one of those meaty blockades be immune to the subsequent changes of this bit of retrospective enlightenment?  Would I not be sacrificing not only the beauteous possibilities of my future, but my very happiness as well (even if it is a little bit)?  When it comes to my happiness I rather feel like a general in the midst of war and I declare that it is no holds barred!  Why should I take prisoners or make alliances with those who have already proven their worth (or lack there of)?  I do believe that there is some merit to this tactic.  Maybe I should pull out my (figurative) combat boots and military fatigues and suit up.  Start seriously kicking butt and forgetting names.  After all if my happiness and future is at stake, why would I do anything else (or less for that matter)?  Oh how way leads onto way, from retrospect to reassessment to rejuvenation.  I truly thank God for friends like these, and the unexpected enlightenment that is born from conversations...      ~ Marissa

The Big 3-0!

     Where as my dear Finess is approaching her Quarter Life Mark, I am approaching my third decade...God, do I even have sufficient words to describe the feeling that is going through my body or the thoughts that are going through my head, right now?  I feel for the lovely Finess because I have been where she is and as you can clearly see I made it through my Quarter Life, but now I am approaching the big 3-0!  The fact that I am standing with my toes curled upon the ledge of twenty-something getting ready to fall into the abyss of THIRTY I must admit that I am sad, discouraged and maybe just a little excited in a weird way...Let me explain...No, there is too much, let me sum up (*SMILE*)!  I feel sad because I am not where I thought I would be, funny this feeling is akin to how I felt when I was going through my quarter life crisis, but different.  I am sad and discouraged because I am a divorcee still fighting to get back on solid ground and making my life into something I can once again be proud of.  I never thought I would be divorced at thirty (or technically a little before).  I thought I would be happily married, moving into a sweet renovated bungalow and getting ready to have my first child.  I find my birthday literally two months away and I am husband-less, child-less and struggling.   It is like a repeat performance of my quarter life crisis and I pray to GOD that this isn't some half decade re-occurring phenomenon...I will be completely gray by the time I am thirty five if it is!  I mean didn't I already do this?!?!?!  Am I not supposed to be in a more stable place occupationally and personally instead of going through this...AGAIN?!?!?!? (HEAVE A HEAVY SIGH)  But then I have to give myself a shake and realize that if I truly believe (which I do) that everything happens for a reason, then there is a purpose for this experience, this struggle...And once I (HEAVE ANOTHER HEAVY SIGH--WOOOOOSSSSSAAAAAWWWWW) accept this I can move a little easier into this transition.  
     And this is where I feel a little excited...(it gets a little confusing so follow closely) I am about to be THIRTY!!!! And I can say that I am a pretty, sweet, kind, smart thirty year old divorcee!!! I don't have children hanging on to my apron strings (thank God for that, I feel for kids who are dragged through divorce), I learned a lot from my marriage, I can probably write a phenomenal story about it all and become a millionaire if I wanted.  I have my life still stretched out before me and for all that is good in this world I made it to THIRTY which sadly many people can't say...So what if I loved, married and lost...I can love and marry again, my life really isn't over.  If I can get past my own B.S. I can ride this Thirty Train for a year!  What better reason to celebrate for a whole year, but by turning Thirty AND being divorced!?!?!?!?  When I do finally give myself that last, big shake and I settle into 2013 fully, I really think I am going to run with this like I am being chased by a chainsaw wielding mad man!  Maybe I will take a lover, or two, or runaway on weekends and explore my state and once I do that I will move on to another state.  This may just be the year that I finish my great novel and start making my living by my pen!  And if I get bored I can dive into some obscure, but interesting hobby like Euro-Gaming or Steam Punk!  With all the amazing choices and opportunities AND a new year--oh I am grabbing this bull by the horns and riding him until he collapses!!!  
     So give a little cheer for Finess and me because we are going to rock this year and mark these milestones like no other!  Thanks for reading and until next time...Ciao!
    
  ~ Marissa