The Approach

     The other night as I was clocking out from work I had some random, creepy dude literally invade my bubble (to the point where I couldn't swipe my badge without bumping into him) asking, "What your name is?"  Ummm--SERIOUSLY?!?!?!  I couldn't refrain from giving him my patented "eat sh*t and die--you lowbrow, slovenly, pathetic boy" look while replying with a completely disdainful, "Excuse me?"!  (If I weren't at work I would have popped off and acted a monkey, but I had to maintain some sort of professionalism).  Needless to say (the combination of both which can not be translated with only words) worked with sheer perfection as he backed off quite quickly, but why do I even have to do all of that in the first place?  What is unfortunate is that this is not the first (and I am pretty sure not the last) incident of its kind that I have experienced AND I am not the only woman who has stories like this either!
    There is a reason why people say that first impressions are the most important, most lasting.  Your first impression sets the tone for how you not only present yourself, but how you are received by others as well.  So, I ask this question:  If you KNOW that your first impression is the most important then why in the HELL do guys (9 out of 10 times) approach women in the most incorrect of ways?  (I said guys not MEN!)  I am a woman not a twelve year old girl!  The random, "Hey Shorty!"; "Hey Red"; "What your name..."; "Can I come home with you?" is disrespectful, disgusting, immature and pathetic.  You paint yourself as being thirsty, classless, uneducated and stagnant.  Why in the world would or can you think that any approaches like that would work?!?!?!?  And what makes matters worse when they don't work you don't look at YOURSELF to see how you can improve, oh no, you look at women and call them "stuck up", "b*tches" or "hoes" (or worse).  NEWSFLASH for you--good, mature, well balanced and accomplished women don't LOWER their standards nor will they--let alone for you.
     Or if you don't blame women you end up blaming men!  You look at MEN (I said men, not boys or guys) who have their lives together and present themselves well and think that the only reason a woman will date or marry them is because of their job, house or car.  No my friend that isn't true at all because if you had all of the same accouterments 'he' did, but you were still you--you still wouldn't get the time of day.  Real Men know the importance of, "Excuse me Miss..."; "How are you today?"; "I just wanted to say you look beautiful..." AKA:  the polite, mature approach!  Think about it, all the world isn't wrong and you right.  If you aren't getting the results you want it is time for you to take a break and reassess yourself!  I know I am tired of the most wrong of wrong approaches aren't you getting tired of presenting them! 
     It just makes me wonder, how and why any guy would think that he could present himself in such a way and get a positive result.  What makes me wonder more is what kind of girls are out there accepting this nonsense and subsequently reinforcing such bad habits.  Well, that is all I have for tonight.  I guess Finess and I both needed to vent a little.  Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind.
   

Romance--Not Just for Girls!

     Ok ladies, this one is for you!  I post a lot of advice for our guys, but we can't forget that romance is NOT a one way street!  You have to romance your guys!  Let them know that they are special to you and that you are happy they are in your lives.  It doesn't take much (unless they are high maintenance) to make them feel special or happy.  Take time out to make them their favorite dinner or dessert.  Maybe even get them tickets to a game or concert; a bottle of their favorite cologne or shoes.  Remember that being supportive, giving and understanding is also another way to appreciate the men in your lives. Even something as sweet and simple as leaving a note on his car or in his brief case to remind him how wonderful he is, works too. 
     We should not desire to be romanced yet do nothing in return for our men, that isn't fair nor is it right.  It takes two to keep a spark going (or growing).  Don't get so comfortable or spoiled that you forget to make him feel special too.  We get what we give and that is probably most true in relationships than anywhere else in life.  So always strive to give them your best.  Say thank you and let them know that their efforts are amazing and what it means.  And make time to RECIPROCATE!
     I know this post is short, but I can only speak so much on guys (as I am not one), but I am happy to try!  Ladies--heed my words!  Guys--you are welcome ;)!
     Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa     

I've Got That Feeling/Divorcee Dating Saga Part Cinq

     This weekend I had a couple of "firsts"!  Sunday my girlfriends and I planned a couples' date for our boyfriends.  Our original idea of a picnic in the park would have been fantastic if it hadn't gotten rained out :(!  So we opted for Meehan's (our new favorite spot) a great Irish Pub at Atlantic Station instead.  My super adorable boyfriend was (*so sweet*) nervous because this was the first time he was meeting my friends and the first time with us going out as a couple with other couples (he is just so darling)!  I can proudly say that he left a fantastic impression and they can't stop talking about him (neither can my family for that matter) since Sunday!  I know that he was breathing a little easier after knocking every one's socks off (we can't wait for round two) and I most happily will admit that I was a very, very, proud girlfriend.
     I loved seeing him cracking jokes with the guys and telling silly stories about us; the couple-group interaction was absolutely delightful!  In between the blushing, giggling and flirtations I felt my heart overflowing with giddy joy.  All these girlie feelings came coursing through me and I was overcome with sheer (and ridiculously joyous) bliss!  The fact that he (let's call him, 'Hunny') made time (and continues to make time) for my friends and me made me feel so special and lucky.  (Like I said guys it is truly about the simple, little, things.)  I could feel myself glowing (even without my friends teasing me for the past two days about it) and Hunny's sweetness is the reason for it!  Next time I hope to be able to toss him in the water with the entire crew (which should be a blast) and I love that I know (for a fact) that he will (always) make me proud!
     Well lovelies I am looking forward to more couples' dates with him (as I am sure you can tell).  Until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa 

The Art of Seduction Part 3/Kiss Me

     Alright guys grab your Carmax, Chap-stick and Burt's Bees because it is time to read up on one of the most enjoyable past times ever--KISSING!!!!  Just like you should use your words and touch to set the mood, start those sparks, you should do the same with kissing!  Kissing isn't just for 'hello', 'goodbye', or before/after sex.  Kissing is for all the time--anytime.  There are just so many different kisses and places to kiss (*wink, wink*) that ignoring, overlooking or not implementing them should be a condemnable crime!
     For example, there is the ever gallant and romantic kiss on the top of the hand or across the knuckles (that one makes my heart flutter); the gentle and endearing forehead/top of head kiss (que Cheshire cat grin); or the intimate and enticing neck/shoulder kiss (my knees go so weak) or even the always sweet kiss on the cheek (*aaaaawwwwwww*)!  These kisses are simple and easy and a great starting point.  Remember there doesn't have to be a special reason other than a desire to kiss her!  So, grab her unexpectedly and kiss her softly, gently or sweetly, then let her go and walk away like nothing happened.
     Keep in mind that it is just as easy to surprise her with a passionate kiss as a gentle one (Please believe that I am an advocate for every kind of kiss.  I just want to remind you that playful kisses are just as important.).  With that being said you can NEVER over use the passionate kiss.  Nothing can entice more than a no-holds-bar, up against the wall, hands in hair, body to body kiss.  That is the kind of kiss that makes you lose your sense of time and place.  It is a kiss that consumes and awakens you simultaneously.  It eliminates the world, but illuminates the two of you, bringing you both into focus.
     I believe you should kiss your girl like it is your first and last kiss.  You should kiss her with every fiber of your being.  Kiss her until you are the only thought, only desire, she has.  Kiss her so that within that moment there are only the two of you in existence.  Kiss her with love, passion and desire.  Kiss her frequently, deeply and thoroughly!  So heed my advice and go kiss your girl today!  Until another time I wish you all, love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa

The Art of Seduction Part 2/ Touch Me

     The most underrated thing today is the "Simple Touch" (not sexual(that comes later) stay with me, here folks).  A simple touch can be as easy as a passing caress across her hand, neck or cheek.  It can be you pushing the hair from her forehead or eyes or even trailing a finger down her back.  Learn to touch like you breathe--naturally.  I can almost guarantee if you do this deliberately, but with an unstudied air, that it will certainly start some sparks flying.
     If you can master the art of the simple touch and put it into practice everyday, you will soon see a change in the intimacy level of your relationship.  (There are other forms of intimacy besides sex!)  Touch is a powerful, moving, comforting, enticing and in some cases healing thing.  It can help to build and strengthen your bonds with your girl because when you touch her, for the sake of touching her, it makes her feel desired, beautiful and treasured.  It shows her that you want to touch her, feel her, outside of the bedroom (car, kitchen or wherever you guys like to get down).  Your touch is going to lower her inhibitions and make her want you more because simple touches help to build trust.  It is also going to encourage a craving for your touch that will have her wanting you, thinking of you, even when you aren't there.
     Albeit, every girl is different so take some time to discover the way she likes to be touched.  It isn't hard at all and don't act like you don't like the feel of her skin anyway!  Remember guys, the little things make the biggest differences.  Stop underusing and disregarding the simple touch when it gives you so many benefits!  Until the next time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa    

Step Up and Plan!

     In the past two weeks I have heard so many guys, girls and couples go back and forth about who should plan the dates and why.  C'mon guys, seriously?  If I am in the mood to be a smart a** I say, "...because I don't have a penis..", but when I am being serious I say, "...because I shouldn't have to unless I want to."  I mean am I not special enough for you to take some time out to plan something wonderful for us to do together?  Take a step back and look at it from my (and maybe a few other women's) perspective.  I wear many hats (as most of us do) in my life and in the many relationships I have.  I plan, coordinate, organize, deliver, etc countless times during a week (let alone a month or a year).  I am an ear to listen; a shoulder to cry on; a constant supporter along with playing the roll of sister, daughter, niece, granddaughter, girlfriend, best friend, lover, confidant, protector, etc.  A lot is required of women sometimes a lot more is required of us than is required of men (HEAR ME OUT!).  We are expected to be constantly 'On', across the board.  We are more heavily scrutinized when we have a bad or off day.  If we don't look just so, or aren't as focused as usual we never hear the end of it (from both men and women).  And don't let us be unhappy, frustrated, tired or angry because then the criticism is doubled.  Stop and think about how much your girl gives of herself not just at home or with you, but with others like strangers, coworkers, friends and family too.  After all she does and gives with her heart, body and mind (which she does because she either has to or wants to) are you telling me that you can't plan the date?      A few decades ago women would never plan a date.  The only thing they had to do was have fun dressing up for their date and be ready at the right time.  Now don't get me wrong.  Some guys find it easier than others, but just because it may not be easy for you doesn't mean you cop out or give up without ever trying or putting forth the effort.  Do you know how much more it means to her when she knows it isn't easy, but you still manage to plan something amazing (can we say triple the points here, fellas)?  We aren't asking for the moon (at least some of us aren't).  What we both want and deserve is a man who will happily do for us what we do for others.  It truly does make us feel fantastic that someone would plan a great date for us, a date where we can spend time together (<----sound data-blogger-escaped-familiar-----="">) relaxing and making memories.  A date that will keep us glowing for a week and giddy with anticipation just thinking about the next time we go out with you!  Guys you should want to step out for us.  You shouldn't get so comfortable that you don't romance (or seduce) us because that is a sure way to lose us.  I mean is it really so hard to plan a few dates a month?  Does it really hurt you (you KNOW you benefit from it)?      Just a little advice from this divorcee.  Until another time I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind!      ~Marissa