We don't Try, We Do

We don’t try, we do...

As a child, my father would said this to me. At first it seemed like a cruel thing to say to a 10 year old trying her damnest; but as I have gotten older, those words still come to mind. My father was not perfect, like no one’s was, but he has been one of my greatest influences in my life. I find myself at 25 still quoting the many sayings he would throw at me. I love you Daddy, and thank you. If it wasn’t for you constantly pushing me, I would have not realize that I can do far more than I imagined. I can be anything of my choosing!

Ok, so back to the saying… We don’t try, We do. This very simple phrase is not meant to discourage any effort that has already been given; it challenges you to do more, to be more! I have to admit that the biggest frustration of my life is to see loved ones, just “try” and then defend the mediocre effort they have given. “Well at least I’m trying”, really gets under my skin. And honestly, I include myself in this equation. I cannot tell you how many years I have “tried” to lose this weight! I would think if I just work out a little bit, then the weight would just fall off. Eventually I would dropdown in size, and everything would be all gravy. But it’s not! I was trying, not doing. I was feeding myself false hope that I would get a big payoff out a little bit of effort. But hey, at least I was trying, right?

Life doesn’t work like that! We can’t continue to do the same things and expect different results. That is the definition of INSANITY! We have to stop kidding ourselves, take off the rose-colored glasses, and face our problems. We all possess the power to shape our world around us, it’s just whether we dare to want to be better than yesterday, and actually do something about it.

We are at the age where life starts judging us for our past mistakes and ask… “Well what are you going to do now?” “Are you going to continue to eat crap?” “Are you still going to sit around smoking all day?” “So are you going to continue to still waste time in unhealthy relationships?” “Are you going to continue to let the things you desire now distract you from the things you need to grow you?” “Can your children and family say they are proud of you?” “Are you still just trying to survive and not thrive?”

Are you still going to stand behind whatever excuse you have because it’s comfortable?

We are the movers and shakers of our generation, and the time for us to take over is coming soon. It seems like half of us have our shit in order, we get it! But the other half is lost, driven by the false sense of just “trying”. As we age, and continue to face real life situations, which side are going to choose? Being a person who “tries”, but never succeeding in their endeavors? Or a person who does, gets it, and prospers in their endeavors, because they have the strength and courage to live the life that they dream? Funny how a simple question of do or try can shape your entire life!

Much love, and well wishes

Finess
“I will never give up, I will never settle, for I dare to dream”

Dating--On a Budget

     Look, we all know that the economy isn't what it was and although it is getting better, it isn't there just yet.  The majority of the world (who aren't in the top 1%) had to make changes in their financial lives in order to survive and maintain some semblance of normality.  We "trimmed the fat", so--not so bad, right?  WRONG!  In fulfilling the need to cut back, some of our extracurricular activities got cut back as well--like date nights/days.  But, there is a solution for this and it is as easy as cracking open your computer to get started!
     First you have to dispel the misconception that you need to spend a lot of money to have fun on dates because that simply isn't true.  The economic status of America is a double edged sword.  We did have to cut back, but not just us.  A lot of companies had to cut back as well which means that unusual and unexpected deals are now a regular phenomenon.  Great sites like groupon (which gives you an opportunity to buy in on great deals) and pinterest (which can help you with ideas and orchestration of fun, memorable, dates) are a great starting point for anyone who wants or needs help planning something fun, special, but affordable.  There are a lot of other great websites and blogs (and let's not forget friends) that you can go to for ideas and information as well.  If there is a specific place or attraction you want to take your significant other to you can always save up for it and check out the attraction website because they have great deals on their "slow" days that will work to your favor.
     Ultimately, the most important thing to remember about Dates/dating is spending time with the one who you love--who is special to you--is the reason for the date in the first place.  As long as you are together, appreciating each other, enjoying the company you keep, that is what matters most.  You can turn any night/day into something special.  Whether you have a picnic, game or movie night or scoop an awesome deal for dinner, dance classes or even flowers the fact that you are taking time--making time--for the one you love will always be the most cherish and precious part of your date!
     Well that is all I have for now!  Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa

Step Up and Plan!

     In the past two weeks I have heard so many guys, girls and couples go back and forth about who should plan the dates and why.  C'mon guys, seriously?  If I am in the mood to be a smart a** I say, "...because I don't have a penis..", but when I am being serious I say, "...because I shouldn't have to unless I want to."  I mean am I not special enough for you to take some time out to plan something wonderful for us to do together?  Take a step back and look at it from my (and maybe a few other women's) perspective.  I wear many hats (as most of us do) in my life and in the many relationships I have.  I plan, coordinate, organize, deliver, etc countless times during a week (let alone a month or a year).  I am an ear to listen; a shoulder to cry on; a constant supporter along with playing the roll of sister, daughter, niece, granddaughter, girlfriend, best friend, lover, confidant, protector, etc.  A lot is required of women sometimes a lot more is required of us than is required of men (HEAR ME OUT!).  We are expected to be constantly 'On', across the board.  We are more heavily scrutinized when we have a bad or off day.  If we don't look just so, or aren't as focused as usual we never hear the end of it (from both men and women).  And don't let us be unhappy, frustrated, tired or angry because then the criticism is doubled.  Stop and think about how much your girl gives of herself not just at home or with you, but with others like strangers, coworkers, friends and family too.  After all she does and gives with her heart, body and mind (which she does because she either has to or wants to) are you telling me that you can't plan the date?      A few decades ago women would never plan a date.  The only thing they had to do was have fun dressing up for their date and be ready at the right time.  Now don't get me wrong.  Some guys find it easier than others, but just because it may not be easy for you doesn't mean you cop out or give up without ever trying or putting forth the effort.  Do you know how much more it means to her when she knows it isn't easy, but you still manage to plan something amazing (can we say triple the points here, fellas)?  We aren't asking for the moon (at least some of us aren't).  What we both want and deserve is a man who will happily do for us what we do for others.  It truly does make us feel fantastic that someone would plan a great date for us, a date where we can spend time together (<----sound data-blogger-escaped-familiar-----="">) relaxing and making memories.  A date that will keep us glowing for a week and giddy with anticipation just thinking about the next time we go out with you!  Guys you should want to step out for us.  You shouldn't get so comfortable that you don't romance (or seduce) us because that is a sure way to lose us.  I mean is it really so hard to plan a few dates a month?  Does it really hurt you (you KNOW you benefit from it)?      Just a little advice from this divorcee.  Until another time I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind!      ~Marissa