I Just Need You!

     I believe that God puts people in our lives for a season, reason or a lifetime.  Some of these people become our Rocks---our Safe Havens.  They become our physical refuge in times of trouble and tribulation.  We all have that one person in our life that fulfills this roll.  And when the storms start to build and we begin to feel ourselves being pushed further out into the dark abyss we turn to our Rocks.  But there are times when our Rocks--our Safe Havens--aren't available.  And when that happens it perpetuates the negative emotions, thoughts and atmosphere that we were trying to find solace from to begin with.  It really adds to the feeling of isolation, frustration and sadness quite exponentially. 
     I know when I find myself in such a situation the only thing I truly want to do is throw myself on the floor bawling my eyes out, kicking and screaming (and throwing things) because I feel like, I try to be self reliant, but when I need my Haven--I NEED MY HAVEN!  It is difficult to be the adult that I am when I want nothing more than to be a bratty, baby about it all!  Maybe I should fuss and yell because when I need my Rock no one else will suffice!  I mean I need my Haven to cuddle, comfort and kiss me!  And even though I love Nessie like a sister she just can't fulfill that role--especially not in that way!  Sometimes the soothing balm of your Haven, the comfort of those arms and that voice are the only things needed to help settle the winds and diminish the fury of the storm you are trying to weather through.  It is impossible to be that kind of physical comfort for yourself.  
     Even though your rock may be the catalyst for the substantial rise of an already bleak and devastating storm this may be all (and most surely is) unintentional.  This is why I truly urge people to realize if they are some one's Rock/Haven and what that means.  Even though we are all adults and life happens and we may not always be able to be there for someone in a physical way--be there for them emotionally or make reparations for faltering.  Because, if I am being quite honest, the hurt of being abandoned by your Rock/Haven is a hurt that runs deep within the heart.  It is an ache that is both physical and emotional and it is a hurt that is difficult to mend.  It causes a crack in the foundation of your relationship and shakes the trust and surety that you have spent so much time and energy to construct.
        Don't hesitate to let them know exactly how their absence affected you.  But do not speak out of a place of hurt that would negatively affect your Rock/Haven.  Remember all the times that your Rock/Haven has been there for you.  And also remember that none of us are perfect, but as long as your Rock/Haven does their best and tries with all of their heart to be there for/with you to help you when you need them--that is what is important.
     Well Lovelies, that is all I have for now.  Until another time I wish you Love and Happiness of the truest kind.
          ~Marissa    

Thank You, Very Much

     Most of my life the majority of my friends have been--guys (don't most girls say this, though).  I mean I would have a few girlfriends here and there that I was very close to, but in college (in our varying "groups" of friends) there were usually 2 to 4 girls in a group of 7 to14 guys!  It just sort of happened that way although I have always felt that guys are just more fun because there is less hassle hanging out with them; far less hassle than hanging out with a lot of girls (outside of my girlfriends in the group, who are and will always be awesome).  I was truly committed to this belief for the longest time--until I started working at my new job (not really that new anymore, but still...).
     I have had the privilege to meet some of the most genuinely wonderful and sincere women ever in life, working at the hospital!  They are so fantastic it was rather hard for me to believe that so many of them could work at the same place (talk about mind being boggled).  And I have been luckier still to become close to quite a few of them, close enough to call them friends.  Although this blog isn't life changing or anything like that I did want to post a 'Thank You' to three of them in particular.
     The first is to my girl (my new bestie) Nessie.  She is so youthful and fun yet very straightforward and dependable.  It is a wonder to watch her growing more fully into her womanhood (she loves to remind me how old I am, lol) and see her developing into this fantastic, well rounded woman!  Nessie is a true and steadfast friend who I cherish dearly.  Even though she is still young there is one thing that stands out above all else with her--I have never met a woman who embodies (positive and healthy) self confidence and love as much as Nessie!  She is teaching me to see the beauty in myself again and to not only cherish it, but celebrate it.  This is a priceless lesson (or should that be, "refresher course") that she has given me and I can never fully pay her back for that.  I truly do love her like a sister and like a sister she encourages and supports me.  She has since the beginning of our friendship and I am sure she will continue to throughout the years.
     The next is to my fabulous Su-Su!  Su-Su is phenomenal!  She is encouraging, kind, funny, resilient, supportive and a good listener (to name a few things).  Also a divorcee she is a never failing source of advice and support for me.  Su-Su gives me hope!  She showed me that there can be life and happiness after divorce during a time where I thought and felt otherwise(one of the reasons why I always say that I want to be like her when I grow up, lol).  She is always thoughtful and understanding and took time to talk with me about what I was going through (she still does).  Su-Su helped me, to save myself, through a really difficult period in my life.  Again, saying 'Thank You' isn't enough and I wish I could repay her for being such a fabulous woman and wonderful friend!  Her never ending strength and gentle heart encouraged me (again, still does) when little else did or could.  She is a woman that I truly do admire and look up to.
     Last, but most certainly not least is Amel-lionaire (lol) or Mela!  Mela has a gentle, sincere, but joyous and playful spirit.  She taught me (again, another "refresher course") to enjoy myself and being a woman all over again!  She always encourages and inspires me (and many others, trust me) to make time to do the "girl-y" things and enjoy the h*ll out of life!  She can (and does) make any situation fun and ensures that amazing memories will be made (and captured).  She helps me to find the fun and joy in everyday life.  I swear I have never met anyone whose lightheartedness was contagious!  I aspire to retain that kind of spirit all of my life and this is all because of Mela!  She is truly a darling and most beloved friend.  I adore her and would happily bring out my gangsta side fa' ya'(lol)!  There are few others that I would happily get in trouble with, than Mela!
     These three lovely and phenomenal women were brought into my life during a very sad and dark time.  I truly was struggling--well I was struggling with so much when I met them.  They were (and still very much are) blessings in my life.  Without them I believe--no, I KNOW that I would not be where I am today; not without their constant encouragement, support and friendship.  Thank you, my lovelies, from the bottom of my heart for being so amazingly wonderful and good!  You encourage and inspire me still to this day and will continue to do so, I am sure, for a very long time to come.  You helped me to find the light in the darkness and find my path again, too.  As long as I breathe you will have my love, support and friendship.
     Thank You!
     Marissa  

I've Got That Feeling/Divorcee Dating Saga Part Cinq

     This weekend I had a couple of "firsts"!  Sunday my girlfriends and I planned a couples' date for our boyfriends.  Our original idea of a picnic in the park would have been fantastic if it hadn't gotten rained out :(!  So we opted for Meehan's (our new favorite spot) a great Irish Pub at Atlantic Station instead.  My super adorable boyfriend was (*so sweet*) nervous because this was the first time he was meeting my friends and the first time with us going out as a couple with other couples (he is just so darling)!  I can proudly say that he left a fantastic impression and they can't stop talking about him (neither can my family for that matter) since Sunday!  I know that he was breathing a little easier after knocking every one's socks off (we can't wait for round two) and I most happily will admit that I was a very, very, proud girlfriend.
     I loved seeing him cracking jokes with the guys and telling silly stories about us; the couple-group interaction was absolutely delightful!  In between the blushing, giggling and flirtations I felt my heart overflowing with giddy joy.  All these girlie feelings came coursing through me and I was overcome with sheer (and ridiculously joyous) bliss!  The fact that he (let's call him, 'Hunny') made time (and continues to make time) for my friends and me made me feel so special and lucky.  (Like I said guys it is truly about the simple, little, things.)  I could feel myself glowing (even without my friends teasing me for the past two days about it) and Hunny's sweetness is the reason for it!  Next time I hope to be able to toss him in the water with the entire crew (which should be a blast) and I love that I know (for a fact) that he will (always) make me proud!
     Well lovelies I am looking forward to more couples' dates with him (as I am sure you can tell).  Until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa