Inclinations of Real Love

     Love is a beautiful and empowering thing.  I will always stand by that belief--no--by that knowledge for I know that it is true.  When love is REAL it is a revelation and even at times an entity that encourages rebirth.  No matter what happens in my life or relationships, I have found that his is a constant truth.  It can change people; it should change people.  When you love someone (no matter what kind of love it is i.e. familial, friendly or romantic) it changes your world and even how you see and treat the person you love.  When you truly love someone, purely, and wholly their happiness comes before your own.  For when the person you love is happy, you're happy, the happiness that is given is then shared in an endless circle between the two in the relationship.  (The same goes for unhappiness and sorrow as well.)  In loving someone--the desire to cherish them is innate.  And being just another natural Inclination of real love--and in desiring to fulfill it--you respect and protect them from the world and at times even yourself.  So, where you might have been selfish before you become selfless--when you really love another; when you would only protect yourself you now protect another.  Love brings growth in many different facets.
    And then of course there is the desire to learn and bond that comes with REAL love and care.  The adventure and privilege of getting to know someone with a depth that few others do is both thrilling and a deep desire of those who Love.  I don't believe it is possible to love someone and NOT desire or even truly attempt to know them.  How can you love someone you don't want to or just don't know at all?  When you love someone, in the desire to protect and be a safe harbor for them, knowing the depth at which the person you love hopes, dreams and fears is of utmost importance to you.  In getting to know their depth their world opens up to you.  And that is where and when the bond begins.  Learning their faults and virtues; interests and pet peeves is just as important as learning the intimacy and beauty of their body.  You can not love without learning or bonding--and if you do, then that love is shallow and doomed to fail, if you will forgive my tactless honesty.  Personally there is no desire in my heart to be with anyone in any form who does not desire nor sees the importance in knowing me.
     As you learn and bond with the person you love, your world opens up as well.  If the person you love is very different from yourself you are presented with an opportunity to learn from them--even if it isn't an interest or view point you share or agree with it is a new perspective and opportunity to see and understand things in a way that you haven't necessarily known of before.  It is also an opportunity to make that person happy by sharing in something that they enjoy with them--it also shows them their importance to you as well even if it isn't your thing to do, but you still do so, happily to enjoy something both with and for them.  If the person you love is very similar  to you then you can expand on the common interests you have together and even learn new things together too.  Every moment with the person you love is an opportunity to learn, bond and grow TOGETHER.  These are the opportunities that literally make or break a relationship.  Whether it is learning what makes them laugh; how to comfort them in times of need or distress; or how to play together, these are those (sometimes) little moments that will always mean the most and hold the greatest importance in the success or failure of a relationship.
    Then of course there is the beauty, necessity and joy of intimacy both emotional and physical.  Being a respectful, understanding protector of the one you love you have given them the gift and ability to be open and vulnerable with you.  This is a privilege, honor and a joy that is shared by the two people who are in the relationship together.  To become a person that is loved and trusted so much that another person is happy and comfortable being open with their emotions is a beautiful thing and quite the achievement too.  It is definitely a step in the right direction.  When your love is true, there isn't a need for the person you love to walk on egg shells; they can be exactly who they are and know that they are loved and accepted for being their wonderful self.  No need for masks or to hide behind expectations they know that you love their flaws unconditionally as they are a part of who they are.
     When someone can be emotionally vulnerable and open with you; then they can also share their physical intimacy with you.  But even this is different, even this has a different level.  When their is real love, trust and protection--again--another world opens.  Then the one you love feels safe to express themselves intimately without the fear of being judged, rejected or misunderstood.  When you create that openness and safety, then it is possible to take your time to explore and learn their body, there is so much joy in knowing someone intimately who can express and explore without inhibitions to hinder them.  An inclination of Real Love is to know the one you love in totality and not squander those opportunities by rushing, but by cherishing them.  And not just because of my own natural temperament, but because I honestly know the often skirted and overlooked importance of emotional and physical intimacy in a relationship do I encourage you to learn the one you love in TOTALITY.  What kiss quickens the breathe; what touch encourages a sigh; what bite births a groan; what nibble makes them weak in their knees.  Learn the feel of their skin; the arch of their neck; the dip of their shoulder and curve of their hip.  Again when you love someone their satisfaction comes before your own (just like their happiness) and is shared back again with you.  As I said before when you Really Love, you change, your desires and priorities change and not because you are told or badgered into it, but because you have  a NATURAL INCLINATION to be the person the one you love deserves.
     The inclinations of Real Love are what relationships are made of; if they do not exist how can the relationship exist?  Of course not everyone is able to love, really, in totality.  Some people realize this and still quite selfishly engage in relationships before they are truly capable of being an equal lover and partner in the relationship.  Unfortunately some do not realize it, even though none of their relationships ever reach a respectable longevity or even success--they blame everyone and everything before looking inward.  But then self realization and growth is difficult for the majority of people in this world.  To those who are not yet on this level, if love is truly what you want--the deep, long lasting love--I encourage you to strive and struggle to grow in order to experience and give it.  For those of you who are there--find someone who can match what you offer.  Believe me, it is a living hell loving someone who isn't on that level with you.  To everyone, I do wish you all Love and Happiness of the Truest kind!

~Always
Marissa           
               

LOVE--Is More Than A Word

     I know I post a lot about Love, and grant it some of this may seem a bit repetitive--but as it is, Fall is setting in and along with it comes that unfortunate seasonal rut that seems to occur in most relationships.  It seems terribly prevalent during Autumn for guys to get so comfortable that they end up "falling off the Wagon".  So, this has again and again raised the question in mind, heart, soul and conversation--Love--What is Love to you?  Love differs from person to person.  We all have certain Love Languages that touch us more on an emotional level than others.  (If you don't know about your Love Language, why not find out about it at www.5lovelanguages.com !)  And because we all vary so much, it is very important to learn the love language of your significant other in order to understand and be able to show them love in a way that they will not only be able to appreciate, but receive as well.
     I know that Hunny isn't psychic (as most men aren't) and so I strive to communicate with him to help him understand what I need and want as well as to make sure that we are on the same page.  And honestly it isn't always easy.  Not for me--especially because of my past.  But as I am determined to rectify the mistakes of my past and build a healthy relationship I choose to fight against my defense mechanisms.  So instead of running, or throwing up a steel wall, I breathe through my initial fears, hurts and frustrations and sit down to talk with Hunny.  Yet, knowing it takes two people to make a relationship work I can only do so much on my end.  And honestly that is one of the most terrifying facts of Love there is--knowing that I can not make it work by myself.  Simply knowing that my heart, my desire, my Love is not enough to make this relationship work makes it hard not to just run away in sheer terror out of fear of a broken heart because it would be easier--safer.  Knowing that the fate of not only my relationship, but my heart is equally at the mercy of his hands sets my heart trembling with trepidation.  And that is the greatest most difficult part of the gamble.  But, that is when I ask myself not only if this gamble with Hunny is worth it-- but if I will let my past and fears deny me the right ( or deny him the chance) to try again to Love and be Loved.  
     You, see when I choose Love (as with those of us who do) I knowingly choose to gamble my heart with Hunny.  To take a chance that may be this will be my FOREVER Love.  I choose to bestow upon him the gift of Chance to win my heart for all time.  I choose to allow him into my heart and life.  I choose to be vulnerable, available, understanding, patient, kind, honest--essentially I choose to walk, live, breathe Love; for I have learned that it is more than a word (or many words).  Love is in every action and thought of every moment of every day whether the person is right next to you or 1000 miles away.  For when one Loves (truly--purely love) they are elevated (and the relationship they are trying to build) unto another plateau.  But with Love the gamble isn't just in your hand that counts like in black jack--no it is more like spades.  It is about what your partner is holding just as much as what you are.  And at the end of the day you can only do your best and give your best and hope and pray that your partner understands that they are just as responsible for the success or failure to make your "books" as you are.  (Lol, I couldn't resist adding in some spades references!)  And hopefully (seriously) your partner will understand that just like in spades NOTHING is a surety, but a gamble and a chance and if they play their hand wrong, they will LOSE!
     And it isn't just one misplayed hand, but many that result in the ULTIMATE LOSS.  If you try and try to communicate with words and actions, but there is no change in how they play the game; if they are not willing to try to work with you, to build with you, so that you both can win (not just each other but,) together then it may be time to find another partner (no matter how much it may hurt or how much the loss of your old partner would break your heart).  Because a partner that does not trust or listen to you--a partner who isn't receptive or dedicated to you or your gamble (that you make together), isn't a good partner to have.  For every time they disregard you; take you for granted; ignore; hurt or deny you they are rejecting the love, time, hard work and dedication you have poured into your relationship.  They deny you and everything you are working for.  And Ladies and Gents, I know what that feels like.  That sting I have felt too keenly time and time again and it wearies and frustrates me as I know it must do to all those who have felt and do feel it.  It chips away at the partnership, trust, and very hope that your relationship thrives on--until there is nothing left.   
     Essentially we all need to learn and understand the Love Language of our partners; to understand what they require and what your roll in the relationship requires.  Step forward and understand what it takes to make it work and DO what it takes to make it work so you don't lose out.  Remember every time you slip up you give someone else the opportunity to slip in!  And trust me, if you know your partner is wonderful 9 times out of 10 so do a few other people!  Relationships--LOVE-- is about constantly growing TOGETHER.  (And growing to grow together you must both be there next to each other.)  It is about what you put in (and what you put in is what you get out).  You can not constantly take and give nothing.  You can not constantly chip away at the foundation and expect the building to stand!  If you can not or do not or wish not to LOVE then do not torment your partner acting as though you do.
     I hope that we all can make it through the Seasonal curse of Fall and greet Winter with stronger relationships.  Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind. 
          ~Marissa

Let's Talk About Sex!

     If you think this post is about all my "dirty" little bedroom secrets, well slow your roll because it is NOT!  What this post is about is quite simply--communication!  We have blogged about communication in regards to many different facets in a relationship, but this is our first about communicating in regards to sex.  There can be no trust or intimacy (either physical or emotional) in a relationship--in any facet--if there isn't communication.  Well, how often do you remember to communicate with your partner in the bedroom?
    The only way to enhance intimacy between you and your partner is to show that you are open, receptive and trustworthy.  Nine times out of ten you probably get caught up in the emotions and the actions and before you know it--every thing is basically said and done.  Well whether before, after (or depending on how things are, during) you should take time to communicate with your partner.  If there is something that you really enjoy or really dislike, don't hesitate to let your partner know!  Compliment and verbally appreciate the wonderful things they can do and that you do together, too.  If you are feeling adventurous or curious about something talk with them about it--much more than likely your partner will be supportive and open and you two can venture into new territory together.
     Remember intimacy is important on all levels and this little bit of advice may just lead you to a lot of fun!  It may not be easy, if you aren't used to speaking to your partner about your physical intimacy, but we all must start somewhere.  And I am sure the benefits will be worth the initial hesitancy (or embarrassment) that you may initially experience.
     Remember communication is key to build a healthy and happy relationship--even when it comes to physical intimacy.  What can it truly hurt to try?  Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind.
          ~Marissa