Loving This Body

     Living in a society that prizes long hair, thin bodies, straight (perfectly bleached) teeth and the will power to say 'yes' to salads and 'no' to cupcakes--I sometimes feel rather out of place.  I am not a size 2 (anymore) and quite honestly I don't want to be again.  My desire to lose some lbs and have a healthier lifestyle is about being healthy NOT conforming to society's idea of "beauty".  The fact of the matter is I only get one body and I am determined to take care of it ( by breaking bad habits and learning better ones).  Even though I am shedding lbs, being more responsible with my diet and "wal-gging" (walk+jog=walgging (an adorable friend gave me the term and I like it)) fun 5k's (or through the woods just for the heck of it) doesn't mean that I don't love my body.  I am trying to take care of my body and that should prove that I love it enough to want to reside in it for a long time to come.
     I mean even though I may complain or joke about my breasts being big every now and again they are still mine and I am blessed that they are healthy and natural.  They are hard to restrain in swim suits but look yummy (if I do say so myself) in (most) dresses.  I have round thighs and hips that move beautifully (on and off the dance floor) with only a simple thought.  And I like my "apple" (as my mom calls it) butt because it is the right size for my body and looks super cute in practically everything I put it in!  My tummy is a tad rounder than I like (that is changing as I change my lifestyle of course), but I love the softness of it (personally I want to be fit not ripped).  And my skin--oh I love the silkiness of my skin.  I will full out admit that I am a little obsessed with my skin and keeping it soft and supple.
     I have come to accept, appreciate and love my straight, pointy, nose (that curves down a little at the tip when I smile) and almond shaped eyes (that virtually disappear when I laugh or smile too hard).  I genuinely believe I have a pretty mouth and even though my teeth aren't perfectly straight or white (I am a tea/coffee drinker) I like my smile because it comes from my heart and I think it is inviting for it is sincere.  I adore the hidden dimples near my chin that make special appearances when I smile or make certain faces.  I have even come to love quite dearly the freckles that decorate my body (it took awhile, but I honestly do) and the unexpected places where new ones pop up!
     Being a member of "Team Natural" for a couple of years now I have grown to love the thick, crazy, inconsistent curl patterns of my hair.  Even though fighting with it can be seriously frustrating--I do enjoy it very much.  I even think my "short" fingers and "sausage" toes (as others have called them) are rather cute.  The long and short of it is--after a long (and at one point very unhealthy) journey with body image and expectations of others in regards to mine--I have come to love this vessel--my vessel--this wonderful gift from God to me.  Even though it was genetically designed by my heritage it was organized by His two hands and that makes me (as well as everyone else) a true divine creation.
     My body isn't perfect mind you.  I have cellulite, stretch marks, fillings and scars (what can I say I am a klutz).  I am a little too hairy for a girl (you do not want to see my legs after not shaving for a week (thanks to my dad's genetics)); I have funky toe nails on my little toes (they just grow in a different shape y'all they aren't stinky or green); and I run so cold that my feet almost always feel like I am dead (at least according to Hunny whenever I stuff them under him to warm them up); I stand at 5'4 and to top it off Rugrat and Booger (aka: my, way, younger brothers) are both taller than me (so are my parents)!   Like I said it isn't perfect and it doesn't fit societies "norm", but I don't want to!  I will embrace this gift and cherish it.  and even though it doesn't make me who I am it is a part of me and worthy of genuine love and appreciation.  I will take pride in my vessel and how I care for it.  I will celebrate and love my body--this body--and do my best by it.

     I encourage all of you--my Lovelies--to love (or in some cases learn to love) your bodies with all of its perfections and imperfections.  It is your vessel, your home and we are only given one.  Remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  It isn't always common or conventional nor is it relegated to a specific race or age group either.  You decide what beauty is for yourself--set your own standard!  Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind!
          ~Marissa
    

From Within

     Okay so, I tried to sleep and as it has been interrupted and refuses to come back to me anytime soon, I thought I would do something constructive with my time.  I was going to wait until this weekend to post this, but as you (and I) can see now is as good of a time as any.  I was watching one of my favorite Bollywood movies (Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi) trying to fall asleep when I realized something I had been overlooking whenever I previously viewed this movie (I blame it on the gorgeous clothes and fabulous songs).  You see, the first time I watched it I saw how much the main character loved his wife.  The second time I watched it I saw how much the wife had grown--changed and welcomed a new kind of love into her life.  And although I watched it many times after that (and before this) it wasn't until now that I realized that the wife had to learn to see, not with her eyes, but with her heart and only then was she able to appreciate and accept the love her husband gave to her.
     It made me wonder how many people in this world have forsaken a love, meant for them, because they couldn't SEE with their heart instead of their eyes.  I mean we are all guilty of (at one time or another) looking at a couple and wondering how the HECK they ended up together because they don't LOOK like they belong together (you know it is true--don't deny it)!  But what we forget is that we see with our eyes.  We do not know one or the other of the couple to even begin to see them with our hearts.  I guess for me it was just a reminder of how our eyes deceive us.  It is kind of disconcerting to think about how blindly we walk through our lives, depending solely on our eyes to understand the people we see on a daily basis, is no way to know or understand someone. 
     At the end of the day our eyes can only see the most superficial and mutable details of a person.  Our eyes can not see their spirit--their soul.  Our eyes can not help us understand or know the person they truly are.  With our eyes we can not see nor understand their goodness, darkness, nor their intentions.  But with our hearts we can get to know people as they are and not how we see them.  Our hearts should be our "eyes" for our hearts see the beauty--goodness--that can not be seen; the gentility--fragility--sensitivity that is concealed and the brilliance of a loving and generous heart that is misunderstood.
     Can you imagine what the world would be like if we no longer judged or assumed to know someone based on what they looked like or by any of the other preconceived societal categories that allow us to limit our natural human connections?  The possibilities would be limitless--our lives infinitely better--but that is only my humble speculation.  Well, lovelies, I have said more than enough for one night and I feel sleep drawing me back into his arms and I most happy to acquiesce.  Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind.
          ~Marissa

A Few of My Favorite Things

     So my body feels like mine again, so happy that I am feeling better,  it has been a rough couple of days.  Now that my convalescence is almost finished I wanted to add a couple more posts!
     Now that I am officially Flirty Thirty (definitely not dirty because:  A.  I don't think it is possible for me to be more dirty *insert sly smile* and B.  I feel as an adult woman and not a man that is a term that really doesn't apply to my thirtieth!)  I wanted to have some fun with a post and list a few of my favorite things (with the reasons why of course).  My name might not be Oprah, but I want to share my favorite things with you, with that being said *Drum Roll, Please* (in no specific order) here are some of my favorite things:
     1.)  Being a Woman--With our ability to love and give; fragile-strength; versatility and femininity I would never want to be a man (unlike some of my girlfriends, lol)!
     2.)  Books--If you KNOW me, you know this to be an undeniable truth.  It isn't just because I want to be a writer, but also because of the worlds you get to visit; the characters you get to fall in love with; what you get to learn--oh the reasons go on forever!
     3.)  Girlfriends--Most of my life I have had more guy friends than girlfriends.  I never did this on purpose, but I don't regret that it happened because my guy friends are awesome.  Never the less I really enjoy the girlfriends  I have, especially now.  I adore girls night out; shopping dates; book club; brunches and luncheons.  It really is a lot of fun, a new kind of fun that I may very well never get tired of!
     4.)  Flirting--I enjoy flirting (with a purpose of course).  It is fun to test my feminine wiles every now and again!  I love to flirt with the guy I am dating more than anyone else!  I love walking into the same place, but separately then trying to pick each other up like we have never met before.  (I am getting giddy just thinking about it *insert girlish giggles*!)
     5.)  Getting Dolled Up--I adore getting dressed up on special occasions!  The clothes, shoes, make up, hair, all of it, God I love it!  I used to love going to black tie events and business brunches where I got to look as pretty as a picture!  I would love to go to one of the Masquerades this NYE either here or in D.C. (preferably D.C.) with a beautiful mask, dress and all.  Honestly nothing makes me feel more feminine than taking time to pamper myself and go out to some awesome event.
     6.)  Emotions--"...You make me feel, so emotional..." and because I am a girl it is ok!  I can cry because I am happy, sad, mad, confused, hurt, well for any reason  and it is not only understandable, but socially acceptable too.  I am able to feel and express how I feel in whatever way is fitting and not have to worry or care what anyone says (within reason and without harm to others of course)!  This is one attribute that is absolutely priceless!
     7.)  Flaunt My Interests--I can have varied interests and they can be (and in reality they truly are) unusual and it is ok!  It is more than ok!  I have a small interests in gaming; a (huge) affection for anime; an interest in various sports; a passion for literature and movies; love of music and documentaries and so many other things!  All together both girls and guys think its cool that I can game or talk about old school DBZ; make a hole in one; understand the breakdown of a football play; but turn around and discuss Ovid's "Metamorphosis" or the brilliance of Da Vinci!  I can explore my interests and even if they are geeky, nerdy or unusual they help to make me a more well rounded woman (while I stay true to myself).  I can celebrate, share and explore my interests to my heart's content and it is considered a good thing!
     Needless to say I am truly grateful for all of the blessings I have in my life and for who I am too.  I hope this inspires you to count your blessings and remember some of your own favorite things.  Well y'all that's all I have to share for this post!  Until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa