Romance--Not Just for Girls!

     Ok ladies, this one is for you!  I post a lot of advice for our guys, but we can't forget that romance is NOT a one way street!  You have to romance your guys!  Let them know that they are special to you and that you are happy they are in your lives.  It doesn't take much (unless they are high maintenance) to make them feel special or happy.  Take time out to make them their favorite dinner or dessert.  Maybe even get them tickets to a game or concert; a bottle of their favorite cologne or shoes.  Remember that being supportive, giving and understanding is also another way to appreciate the men in your lives. Even something as sweet and simple as leaving a note on his car or in his brief case to remind him how wonderful he is, works too. 
     We should not desire to be romanced yet do nothing in return for our men, that isn't fair nor is it right.  It takes two to keep a spark going (or growing).  Don't get so comfortable or spoiled that you forget to make him feel special too.  We get what we give and that is probably most true in relationships than anywhere else in life.  So always strive to give them your best.  Say thank you and let them know that their efforts are amazing and what it means.  And make time to RECIPROCATE!
     I know this post is short, but I can only speak so much on guys (as I am not one), but I am happy to try!  Ladies--heed my words!  Guys--you are welcome ;)!
     Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa     

Forget April Showers, Just Remember Flowers

     I am really starting to wonder if guys have forgotten the simple joy (and benefits) of giving flowers to their girls?  Why is it now acceptable to only give flowers on special occasions?  Birthdays, anniversaries, certain holidays, outside of those occasions why do guys not give flowers anymore?  I believe that when women reach a certain age and you are at *that* point in your relationship (where those three little words are a solid and undeniable fact) that she should get fresh flowers every week.  I mean it really does depend on your girl, whether or not she is a "flower" type of girl, but for those of you who know for a fact that your girl is, why don't you? 
    I have quite a few girlfriends who really do enjoy flowers and it is both sad and funny that when they do receive them from their significant others the first thing we ask is, "What did he do/what is he apologizing for/is it your anniversary?".  Guys, step it up!  Has the state of romancing your girl become so sad that when you do something sweet and thoughtful, like sending her flowers, the first assumption is that it is to absolve you of something or it is a special occasion?  What's worse is there is rarely a time that we are ever wrong with these assumptions.  Never once do we ask and the answer is, "just because", which it truly should be more often than not.  Think about it, if we wasted our time waiting for special occasions to do something nice for each other then there will be very few memories made.  Seriously!  Is being given another day with the one you love not reason enough?
     If you feel like you are ill qualified to choose them yourself then ask her or watch her and see what her favorite kinds are.  If she isn't a flower girl then find something else she enjoys, movies, books, music, food, desserts, SOMETHING and (just because) surprise her with it once a week.  A little surprise to get her through the rest of the week or just because you saw it and thought of her will benefit you both.  It doesn't (yet again) have to be something big or super expensive, all it has to be is thoughtful.  Give it some thought guys (even though you know I am right)because sometimes you need some time for "advice" to sink in.
     Until another time I wish you all, love and happiness of the truest kind.
     ~Marissa 

*See examples below of an outstanding bouquet that a very lucky nurse received today! (Note:  They do not have to be as spectacular all of the time, but hot d*mn the ladies were drooling over this)*

When Did He Get As Strong As Superman?

     I don't know whether or not my girlfriends are going to disown me for admitting this (or other "weaknesses" we have for that matter) but (again, thanks Spring Fever) we have been marveling over how our guys turn into Supermen when they cross over from playful flirtation to "bedroom" mode.  It is like some invisible switch is flipped and ( no matter how many times (can we say every time) it happens) it still (most pleasantly) surprises us!
     I mean good God, do guys even know that they do this?  Not that we don't love it (because we most certainly do), but it will never cease to--knock our socks off.  One minute you guys are kissing and whispering in our ears and the next our clothes go flying and we are maneuvered into unmovable positions and no amount of wiggling helps our cause!  If anything it encourages you guys, spurs you on to more (well, more)!  I mean it happens so fast it is almost imperceptible!
     We never cease to marvel at this swift transformation and subsequent super human powers that come from the switch!  Maybe it also has something to do with the fact that the switch doesn't just effect y'all, but us as well.  We get so swept up in the moment with you guys that all logic goes out the window and is replaced by sheer wonder and pure enjoyment.  It is fun and funny and makes us feel our femininity.  It is one of the most undoubtedly masculine and sexy things that men do (that drives us wild).  Y'all being caught up in the desire and passion of us drives us further into passion with you.  Such natural wonder and fun! *Insert:  Cheshire cat smile with a wild blush*
     Well guys, if you didn't know, you do now.  And girls--I hope y'all still love me :)!  Until another time, I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~ Marissa 

A Few of My Favorite Things

     So my body feels like mine again, so happy that I am feeling better,  it has been a rough couple of days.  Now that my convalescence is almost finished I wanted to add a couple more posts!
     Now that I am officially Flirty Thirty (definitely not dirty because:  A.  I don't think it is possible for me to be more dirty *insert sly smile* and B.  I feel as an adult woman and not a man that is a term that really doesn't apply to my thirtieth!)  I wanted to have some fun with a post and list a few of my favorite things (with the reasons why of course).  My name might not be Oprah, but I want to share my favorite things with you, with that being said *Drum Roll, Please* (in no specific order) here are some of my favorite things:
     1.)  Being a Woman--With our ability to love and give; fragile-strength; versatility and femininity I would never want to be a man (unlike some of my girlfriends, lol)!
     2.)  Books--If you KNOW me, you know this to be an undeniable truth.  It isn't just because I want to be a writer, but also because of the worlds you get to visit; the characters you get to fall in love with; what you get to learn--oh the reasons go on forever!
     3.)  Girlfriends--Most of my life I have had more guy friends than girlfriends.  I never did this on purpose, but I don't regret that it happened because my guy friends are awesome.  Never the less I really enjoy the girlfriends  I have, especially now.  I adore girls night out; shopping dates; book club; brunches and luncheons.  It really is a lot of fun, a new kind of fun that I may very well never get tired of!
     4.)  Flirting--I enjoy flirting (with a purpose of course).  It is fun to test my feminine wiles every now and again!  I love to flirt with the guy I am dating more than anyone else!  I love walking into the same place, but separately then trying to pick each other up like we have never met before.  (I am getting giddy just thinking about it *insert girlish giggles*!)
     5.)  Getting Dolled Up--I adore getting dressed up on special occasions!  The clothes, shoes, make up, hair, all of it, God I love it!  I used to love going to black tie events and business brunches where I got to look as pretty as a picture!  I would love to go to one of the Masquerades this NYE either here or in D.C. (preferably D.C.) with a beautiful mask, dress and all.  Honestly nothing makes me feel more feminine than taking time to pamper myself and go out to some awesome event.
     6.)  Emotions--"...You make me feel, so emotional..." and because I am a girl it is ok!  I can cry because I am happy, sad, mad, confused, hurt, well for any reason  and it is not only understandable, but socially acceptable too.  I am able to feel and express how I feel in whatever way is fitting and not have to worry or care what anyone says (within reason and without harm to others of course)!  This is one attribute that is absolutely priceless!
     7.)  Flaunt My Interests--I can have varied interests and they can be (and in reality they truly are) unusual and it is ok!  It is more than ok!  I have a small interests in gaming; a (huge) affection for anime; an interest in various sports; a passion for literature and movies; love of music and documentaries and so many other things!  All together both girls and guys think its cool that I can game or talk about old school DBZ; make a hole in one; understand the breakdown of a football play; but turn around and discuss Ovid's "Metamorphosis" or the brilliance of Da Vinci!  I can explore my interests and even if they are geeky, nerdy or unusual they help to make me a more well rounded woman (while I stay true to myself).  I can celebrate, share and explore my interests to my heart's content and it is considered a good thing!
     Needless to say I am truly grateful for all of the blessings I have in my life and for who I am too.  I hope this inspires you to count your blessings and remember some of your own favorite things.  Well y'all that's all I have to share for this post!  Until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa 

I've Got That Feeling/Divorcee Dating Saga Part Cinq

     This weekend I had a couple of "firsts"!  Sunday my girlfriends and I planned a couples' date for our boyfriends.  Our original idea of a picnic in the park would have been fantastic if it hadn't gotten rained out :(!  So we opted for Meehan's (our new favorite spot) a great Irish Pub at Atlantic Station instead.  My super adorable boyfriend was (*so sweet*) nervous because this was the first time he was meeting my friends and the first time with us going out as a couple with other couples (he is just so darling)!  I can proudly say that he left a fantastic impression and they can't stop talking about him (neither can my family for that matter) since Sunday!  I know that he was breathing a little easier after knocking every one's socks off (we can't wait for round two) and I most happily will admit that I was a very, very, proud girlfriend.
     I loved seeing him cracking jokes with the guys and telling silly stories about us; the couple-group interaction was absolutely delightful!  In between the blushing, giggling and flirtations I felt my heart overflowing with giddy joy.  All these girlie feelings came coursing through me and I was overcome with sheer (and ridiculously joyous) bliss!  The fact that he (let's call him, 'Hunny') made time (and continues to make time) for my friends and me made me feel so special and lucky.  (Like I said guys it is truly about the simple, little, things.)  I could feel myself glowing (even without my friends teasing me for the past two days about it) and Hunny's sweetness is the reason for it!  Next time I hope to be able to toss him in the water with the entire crew (which should be a blast) and I love that I know (for a fact) that he will (always) make me proud!
     Well lovelies I am looking forward to more couples' dates with him (as I am sure you can tell).  Until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa 

The Art of Seduction Part 3/Kiss Me

     Alright guys grab your Carmax, Chap-stick and Burt's Bees because it is time to read up on one of the most enjoyable past times ever--KISSING!!!!  Just like you should use your words and touch to set the mood, start those sparks, you should do the same with kissing!  Kissing isn't just for 'hello', 'goodbye', or before/after sex.  Kissing is for all the time--anytime.  There are just so many different kisses and places to kiss (*wink, wink*) that ignoring, overlooking or not implementing them should be a condemnable crime!
     For example, there is the ever gallant and romantic kiss on the top of the hand or across the knuckles (that one makes my heart flutter); the gentle and endearing forehead/top of head kiss (que Cheshire cat grin); or the intimate and enticing neck/shoulder kiss (my knees go so weak) or even the always sweet kiss on the cheek (*aaaaawwwwwww*)!  These kisses are simple and easy and a great starting point.  Remember there doesn't have to be a special reason other than a desire to kiss her!  So, grab her unexpectedly and kiss her softly, gently or sweetly, then let her go and walk away like nothing happened.
     Keep in mind that it is just as easy to surprise her with a passionate kiss as a gentle one (Please believe that I am an advocate for every kind of kiss.  I just want to remind you that playful kisses are just as important.).  With that being said you can NEVER over use the passionate kiss.  Nothing can entice more than a no-holds-bar, up against the wall, hands in hair, body to body kiss.  That is the kind of kiss that makes you lose your sense of time and place.  It is a kiss that consumes and awakens you simultaneously.  It eliminates the world, but illuminates the two of you, bringing you both into focus.
     I believe you should kiss your girl like it is your first and last kiss.  You should kiss her with every fiber of your being.  Kiss her until you are the only thought, only desire, she has.  Kiss her so that within that moment there are only the two of you in existence.  Kiss her with love, passion and desire.  Kiss her frequently, deeply and thoroughly!  So heed my advice and go kiss your girl today!  Until another time I wish you all, love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa

The Art of Seduction Part 2/ Touch Me

     The most underrated thing today is the "Simple Touch" (not sexual(that comes later) stay with me, here folks).  A simple touch can be as easy as a passing caress across her hand, neck or cheek.  It can be you pushing the hair from her forehead or eyes or even trailing a finger down her back.  Learn to touch like you breathe--naturally.  I can almost guarantee if you do this deliberately, but with an unstudied air, that it will certainly start some sparks flying.
     If you can master the art of the simple touch and put it into practice everyday, you will soon see a change in the intimacy level of your relationship.  (There are other forms of intimacy besides sex!)  Touch is a powerful, moving, comforting, enticing and in some cases healing thing.  It can help to build and strengthen your bonds with your girl because when you touch her, for the sake of touching her, it makes her feel desired, beautiful and treasured.  It shows her that you want to touch her, feel her, outside of the bedroom (car, kitchen or wherever you guys like to get down).  Your touch is going to lower her inhibitions and make her want you more because simple touches help to build trust.  It is also going to encourage a craving for your touch that will have her wanting you, thinking of you, even when you aren't there.
     Albeit, every girl is different so take some time to discover the way she likes to be touched.  It isn't hard at all and don't act like you don't like the feel of her skin anyway!  Remember guys, the little things make the biggest differences.  Stop underusing and disregarding the simple touch when it gives you so many benefits!  Until the next time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa    

The Art of Seduction Part 1/ Talk to Me

     Okay guys ( you really should start paying for this awesome advice) you know how you say that women are soooo talkative?  Well that is because we are communicative creatures.  USE THIS TO YOUR ADVANTAGE!  You see, we don't just like to talk, we also like to listen and we love imagining even more (there is a reason why (statistically) women read their erotica more so than watch it).  C'mon guys!  Revive your silver tongues and imaginations and start whispering sweet somethings (yes somethings, not nothings; don't waste your time whispering about things you will never do) to your girl!
     This is kind of obvious if you think about it.  Use your words to set the mood by being sweet, sexy or even very, very naughty.  You can start early in the day with sweet sugary phrases that let her know you  are missing her.  Progress into the afternoon by letting her know you want her and by dinner you can tell her exactly what you want to do to her and how (don't spare the details).  By the time you sit down to the table she will want to skip dinner and go straight to dessert--you!  You see (for most women) while you are verbally setting the mood with messages, emails or phone calls she isn't just hearing you, she is imagining every thing you are saying.  She is seeing it play out in her mind and remembering previous moments which heightens her growing fantasy from the seed you planted.  The more details, the more her imagination is sparked (along with her interest and desire)!
     Learn to communicate with your girl in a variety of ways.  Don't just communicate about the serious stuff.  Use communication to seduce her panties off.  Use it to add a little spice to entice, enthrall and build anticipation.  (Again I say) USE IT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE!  So guys, you are welcome and girls--you are welcome too ;) !  Until another time, lovelies, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind.
     ~Marissa

Step Up and Plan!

     In the past two weeks I have heard so many guys, girls and couples go back and forth about who should plan the dates and why.  C'mon guys, seriously?  If I am in the mood to be a smart a** I say, "...because I don't have a penis..", but when I am being serious I say, "...because I shouldn't have to unless I want to."  I mean am I not special enough for you to take some time out to plan something wonderful for us to do together?  Take a step back and look at it from my (and maybe a few other women's) perspective.  I wear many hats (as most of us do) in my life and in the many relationships I have.  I plan, coordinate, organize, deliver, etc countless times during a week (let alone a month or a year).  I am an ear to listen; a shoulder to cry on; a constant supporter along with playing the roll of sister, daughter, niece, granddaughter, girlfriend, best friend, lover, confidant, protector, etc.  A lot is required of women sometimes a lot more is required of us than is required of men (HEAR ME OUT!).  We are expected to be constantly 'On', across the board.  We are more heavily scrutinized when we have a bad or off day.  If we don't look just so, or aren't as focused as usual we never hear the end of it (from both men and women).  And don't let us be unhappy, frustrated, tired or angry because then the criticism is doubled.  Stop and think about how much your girl gives of herself not just at home or with you, but with others like strangers, coworkers, friends and family too.  After all she does and gives with her heart, body and mind (which she does because she either has to or wants to) are you telling me that you can't plan the date?      A few decades ago women would never plan a date.  The only thing they had to do was have fun dressing up for their date and be ready at the right time.  Now don't get me wrong.  Some guys find it easier than others, but just because it may not be easy for you doesn't mean you cop out or give up without ever trying or putting forth the effort.  Do you know how much more it means to her when she knows it isn't easy, but you still manage to plan something amazing (can we say triple the points here, fellas)?  We aren't asking for the moon (at least some of us aren't).  What we both want and deserve is a man who will happily do for us what we do for others.  It truly does make us feel fantastic that someone would plan a great date for us, a date where we can spend time together (<----sound data-blogger-escaped-familiar-----="">) relaxing and making memories.  A date that will keep us glowing for a week and giddy with anticipation just thinking about the next time we go out with you!  Guys you should want to step out for us.  You shouldn't get so comfortable that you don't romance (or seduce) us because that is a sure way to lose us.  I mean is it really so hard to plan a few dates a month?  Does it really hurt you (you KNOW you benefit from it)?      Just a little advice from this divorcee.  Until another time I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind!      ~Marissa            

The Third Times the Charm/ Divorcee Dating Saga Part Quatre

     Okay, so it has been a little while and you know even if I can't post I do still write posts to add to our blog later.  This one I have been working on, but for the life of me, I couldn't get it to come out right so I decided to try it off cuff and see how it goes.  The latest update in this divorcee's dating saga is--well I guess there is a lot to update quite honestly.  Quite awhile ago I figured out that Shakespeare really wasn't going to work (remember ladies we should not date on "potential" alone!  I will post something about that later).  Too bad, I thought that would have been an interesting adventure considering our similarities and differences as well.  Shakespeare was a nice enough guy, but--just not for me.  Additionally I do believe (quite strongly) that men (women too, but in my case) make time for what is important to them.  If you can not make time for me and continuously break dates then you are wasting my time.  But hey, I also believe everything for a reason so, no harm, no foul, really.  We must all pursue our happiness.
     After Shakespeare took himself out of the running I was just going to enjoy my 30th with my girls and embrace the year as I have been doing.  What I wasn't expecting was that an ex of mine (from quite a few years ago, like waaay before I met and married my ex husband (there I go showing my age again)) who had been such a great and dear friend (stood by me and supported me through many relationships including my marriage and subsequent divorce) would come back into my life asking for another chance.  Now for those of you who know me, and I mean really know me, it is more than common knowledge that I am NOT an advocate for repeat relationships. ( I know I am painting myself to be a hypocrite but I am hoping that my honesty will absolve me of it.)  The main reason why is because if it didn't work in the first place why would it work now?  Add to that the simple fact that change is hard (it must come from a genuine desire to change) and the pain of the past with that person equals a very difficult situation.
     Honestly, for me at least, I find it difficult to revisit or rather restart a relationship with an ex because when I am hurt I put up a wall.  When I start a relationship I am completely open, but if it starts to go sour, if I am hurt, than brick by brick a wall goes up.  Sometimes it is to minimize the damage, sometimes it is to help me walk away because for the life of me I can't stop loving him and even though all of the sense I own is screaming I should, I just can't.  Love is an entity that no one can control and even fewer of us can understand.  I don't question love, I feel I have no right.  I appreciate and accept it for the rare and Iwondrous gift it is; I would be an even bigger hypocrite if I am always spouting off about the beauty of love and how we should accept it, if I turned away from it because of the fear I have yet to work through.
     So after some serious self reflection and consideration--I accepted it, accepted him.  I, like any other person, have my reasons which although I adore our readers they will remain mine at least for now.  What I will say is that the choice wasn't easy for me.  Not because I don't have feelings for him or that he isn't a wonderful person (because he is), but because change is hard and working past my fear of being hurt by him (or any one for that matter) is just as hard.  But when the only thing I was afraid of was falling for him all over again I had to ask myself whether he was worth me free falling from the cliff or should I remain a safe distance from the edge.  If all I had to fear was the fear of loving and being in love with him even more than before, then how ridiculous (and ungrateful) would I be to give into that fear and walk away?  He is "putting up" for sure, with out a doubt stepping up, and proving that he has changed.  So (here goes my inner princess)--I jumped--and so far I am very happy I did.
     I will admit that there is a change in him that I not only feel (get your mind out of the gutter guys this isn't that kind of post), but see as well.  This inspires even more hope in me--in us.  Funny, it scares me a little because it is as though we haven't been apart for years.  It is like we haven't missed a beat or step at all.  Although there is a familiarity to it there is something very new and different to it as well.  Hmmmm, well kiddies, I guess we will see.  I am looking forward to seeing how things go this time around.
     Until another time, lovelies, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind.
~Marissa            

Being Thankful

So recently I have been praying, pleading, begging God to bring the right man into my life. Telling Him that I'm ready for this blessing and like a kid in the grocery store constantly nagging Him about it!

And guess what, He answers! He has brought an unexpected man into my life, who I honestly didn't think would make it pass day one! I feel so much joy when I think of this man! I've never had a guy to want me the way I am!  He wants my crazy, stubborn, sensitive, outspoken, opinionated, needy, loving, caring, suportive, funny, beautiful nature! I feel so beautiful and complete in his arms!

Though things are never perfect, I feel blessed to experience this level of joy. Whether this last 5 months or the rest of my life, I want to thank God for this blessing! I gave my heart to Him, and I trust that He will place it in the hands of the man who will truly love me. I pray that everyone has the chance to experience this type of happiness!

Until next time, much love,

Finess aka Completely Fallen

How Does a Man Show His Love?

     So one of my lovely friends asked this question this evening during a long and rather in depth conversation.  My answer was I don't know, not truly (does any woman, for that matter).  I don't know in specifics, I can only speak from my experience and I sure as heck can't speak for the sex.  But the question did spark something in me and as promised, this post is most definitely for her (not only, just especially)!
    * As I stated before, I can only speak from my experiences (I will do my best with this post, promise).*
     Every man loves and shows his love differently--this is true for everyone, whether man or woman, but since we are focusing on the opposite sex, let's stay on track.  A man's capacity to love depends on his definition of love; understanding of love; ability to receive and reciprocate love and his desire to love.  Considering the myriad of variations that I can't even begin to touch on (and do sufficient justice), I will touch on what little I do believe to know.
     Physical--Some men feel like they convey their love best with their bodies.  They relish touching and being touched.  They adore desiring and being desired and they show that when they give themselves and receive their women's bodies.  Whether it is PDA or sex (or both), some men show what they can not say with physical love and affection.
     Verbal--Some men are quite comfortable vowing the earth and moon and stars.  They will promise forever (whether they strive to or not, again, depends on the man) whether in verse, song or conversation. They are comfortable and gifted (with a damnable silver tongue) with being able to convey their love and devotion with their words.
     Providing--Some men show their love by providing for their women.  They work hard to give them the life they want and deserve.  They want to fulfill the role of provider and (financial) protector, so they work hard to build a life they can share and be proud of.
     Emotional--Some men show their love by being emotionally vested in their relationship.  They are supportive and understanding.  They aren't afraid to cry with or for you nor laugh with you either.  They show you not only what they feel, but that they understand (and can empathize) your feelings as well.  They are not afraid to show the world how you make them feel or how they feel about you.
     Thoughtful--Some men show their love by being thoughtful.  They are considerate and in considering their women, show them that they are important in their lives.  They do the sweet little nothings, remembering anniversaries and family members birthdays, etc.  They make sure that their women know that they are thinking of them and they remember the important things about them. 
     All In One--And then there are those who show their love across the board.  They show it physically, verbally, emotionally and with their actions and thoughts too (and with a whole lot more that I haven't even (nor would attempt to) touch on).  They are what I considered to be more well rounded (and rare) for they are in a place to love someone wholly and show it, not in bits and pieces, but in every way.  These are the men who are balanced and appreciate (as well as utilize) the many different ways of conveying their love.
     Even in stating this I will say that there are no limitations on any individual and the way they show their love (except those they put upon themselves).  Someone may start out preferring to show it one way, or another, or even a mixture of a few and (after hard work and genuine dedication) become an All In Oner.  Every ability (to love and show love) depends solely on the individual and this pale skeletal post can never deliver a truly just explanation in so short a space or time.  Yet, I still hope that it has helped even a little.
     Remember the only way to know how a (specific) man shows his love is by watching and listening.  And another note, don't try to change how a person shows their love.  True change can only come from a sincere desire (and choice) from the individual.  The fact that someone desires to show you their love for you is a truly precious and wonderful thing.  Enjoy and appreciate it to its fullest because love is a fragile and magnificent thing.
     Until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa
           
     
      

The Vanishing Art of Wooing

     With Spring Fever growing stronger as the weather is growing warmer, the subject of most conversations have turned to (what else) love and relationships.  There is barely a conversation that isn't focused on some aspect of either of these subjects, right now.  But for the first time in a long time, 'wooing' came up in one of these conversations.
     Does anyone 'woo', anymore?  The beauty of wooing the object of your affection, which used to be an expected norm, is now all but forgotten.  What a shame!  Seriously, if men really thought about it, they would never have stopped wooing their women.  If you consider that you are (most likely) not the only man who has interest in or desires to pursue (or maybe even is currently pursuing) the woman who has caught your attention and your affection I am pretty sure you would spare no time, consideration or expense to woo her. 
      Wooing is a way to not only show her how serious you are with your intentions, but differentiate yourself from the collective male masses.  Send flowers to her job or make her favorite dessert; bring her lunch or surprise her with an unexpected date; write her poetry; sit with her under a tree; remembering something she loves and talk to her about it or bring it to her; laugh with or surprise her!  Take time to do the sweet, wonderful things that most men talk about but will never do (remember kiddies, balls to the walls, prove it)!  Let her know she is special and that you desire to cherish and spend time with her by showing her.
     Men are like sharks (especially during spring fever) don't be a shark, be a dolphin.  Save her (and the hopes you have for her) by showing her you are different, that you are the best choice, because you have taken time to know her.  Prove what words alone can not, that she is special.  Don't just whisper sweet nothings like all of the others, woo and romance her.  Stand out and stand up and be a man that she will want above all others because you have proven that you are different--better.
     A good woman is a prize to be treasured and protected.  Behind every good man is a good woman and this isn't just a saying it is a truth.  A good woman who will love and support you; give you happiness and share your sorrows is something beautiful and (increasingly) rare (Yes, I can admit that, although most the women I know are the rare kind!).  Don't settle for the ones who just want things and allows you to do and say whatever because you are doing your self a serious injustice.  A woman worth wooing is one worth holding onto.  Think about it, guys.  And ladies--make sure you are worth being woo'ed, if you aren't then it may be time for a reassessment.  Remember we set the rules and if we don't then we are saying that anything is ok--don't just want the best, require the best!
     Until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa      

Passion/Just One Kiss

     Passion--this word means many different things to many different people.  For some passion is as tempestuous as the sea; or soft and easy as a brook; for others it is white hot like a blazing inferno.  Passion can come from a slow boil or a spontaneous combustion, it really just depends on the person (or people).  Passion I believe is as misunderstood and under appreciated as true (pure, unconditional) love. 
     Like love, passion varies in degree and situation.  I have been lucky to experience it in a few of its varying degrees, but I am woman enough to admit that my favorite kind of passion is the kind that burns with white hot heat, that consumes and fills you simultaneously.  I wish that everyone could know this kind of passion even if it is only once.  I believe that a lucky few get to lay claim to this passion for a lifetime and those--those are the people that I envy.
     Maybe I envy them because there are many who may get to taste this white hot passion, but only a few of them get to devour it for the rest of their lives.  Heated passion is addictive and intoxicating on a level that I have yet to find a comparison for.  It is rare, not to possess it, oh no I believe everyone possesses it, but it takes the right person to ignite it.  This passion is born within everyone, it lives within our very souls, flows beneath our flesh; when it is ignited it comes to life and burns its existence into your being.  You don't even know it is there until it rises like a Phoenix and there is nothing you can do, as it sweeps through you, except enjoy the ride.
     It has been too long since I have been gifted with such inescapable passion, but it is nothing short of magic that one kiss from the right person can bring it all back to life.  Almost as though it never left, the blinding light of burning passion tumbled me into tunnel vision and the world faded; what thrilling intoxication.  I thought I had buried it all long ago, hiding it in a box within a deep part of myself, but it burned its way free.  Lucky me, (seriously) I didn't think that one kiss could make me feel all of that again.  (Hmmm, now that does say a lot about the kisser, now doesn't it?)  I hope I am lucky enough to be kissed like that again, and soon.  (Just as I am hopeful that you all, at some point in your life, will be able to understand exactly what I mean.)
     Well I think this is enough TMI for one night ;).  Until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind.
     ~Marissa  

Show Me (NOW!)

     *I had this written for awhile and I really wanted to post it after talking to some of my girlfriends who feel the exact same way, but time got away from me.  I am happy that I can post it none the less though.*

     One of the biggest reasons why I am an advocate for our word being our bond is because we live in a world where this isn't true anymore (which is sad because it should be).  There was a time where you could write an IOU and it was good; shake on a deal and it was like handing over gold; when someone would say 'I Swear', you knew that they would forfeit their life before they broke their word!  I may not always succeed, but I truly do try to be careful about not speaking in anger, haste, or making promises that I can not keep because words have power.  They have power to cause (practically) irreparable damage or encourage greatness.  They should be used with caution and care at all times.  (Can you imagine a world where this was an every day practice?!?!)  I do believe that actions speak louder than words and they have for awhile.  It has been proven by varying individuals again and again.  This need I have for those to prove what they say encompasses every type of relationship in my life, but for this post I am mostly speaking in regards to romantic relationships. 
     Lately, I have had an urge to break out into a rousing rendition of "Show Me" like Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady!  I mean that song is so true especially when she says, "...Don't talk of love or burning desire if you're on fire show me!".  I swear this should be my theme song during this epidemic of Spring Fever.  Scratch that, this should be my theme song period especially when it comes to romantic relationships.  That is why I give people time, everyone gets a chance, and although I listen, I most assuredly watch what they do just as much.  I wish it wasn't necessary, it would be fantastic if I could just listen to some one's words and they always matched their actions, but of course wishing doesn't change anything.  It would make life easier if this were the case though.  Instead of beautiful words telling me how romantic you are--prove it; don't swear that you have changed--show me; stop telling me how much you will spoil me--do it; don't tell me of the wonderful trips you will give me--take me; it is time to either step up or shut up and sit down and let someone else who will step up take your place. 
     It isn't fair to promise things you can not deliver or have any intentions of even trying to deliver.  And when someone does this it isn't just disappointment that I feel, but disgust as well.  If I can not trust you to keep your word what good are you as a person and why would I ever share my life with you?  Don't promise romance and never deliver; don't promise fidelity and cheat; don't promise honesty and lie; don't promise anything and go back on your word.  Be honest about what you can and can not do, your flaws and struggles.  Let me know the truth of who you are (because I do the same); that is what is fair and right to do.  A relationship started on deceit will not succeed and be all the worse for both parties when the truth comes out.  How can someone not desire to do what is fair and right?  Do you like being wronged?  (C'mon y'all '...Do unto others...')  Honestly, when you aren't honest, you are just wasting my time and yours.  And if you didn't know--I am NOT getting any younger (and neither are you by the way)! 
       Until another time Lovelies, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind! 

~Marissa
      
         

A Relationship, Really?

     So a lovely friend of mine asked me if I wanted a relationship or was it too soon.  I think I surprised her when I told her that divorce didn't sour me on relationships or marriage, at all.  It's not that I didn't go through a fair bit of hell because (and do trust me) I did, but I am the type of person who will not overly mourn someone, let alone someone who doesn't want me.  As I am sure he is not thinking or mourning me at all, why would I linger and languish in pain?  The marriage and subsequent divorce all that happened within it, I had to work through.  I took my time (during our separation especially) to  understand and come to terms with everything that happened. 
     Even so there are times when memories' (cold hearted sister) nostalgia slaps me hard and there is an ache in my heart, but I am happy those are few and far between.  I believe as time goes on this will lessen which I am looking forward to.  After all, how much would I hinder myself, how much self inflicted damage would I cause if I allowed fear and bitterness to take root in my heart because of what happened?  How would I benefit or grow if I am contaminated by bitterness and pain?  Maybe my way of handling things isn't as common as I thought, but it works for me.  Everyone has a journey to make, in their own shoes, through life.  We can have similar situations, but learn to cope and grow differently and this is because we are our own people.
     Well enough reflection for now.  Until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
~Marissa 

Getting Naked With a Stranger

     I felt so good as I disengaged myself from the crumpled sheets.  I looked back at the rumpled evidence without an ounce of guilt in my heart.  I thought I would have had more apprehension coursing through me when I first entered the room, but the music, soft lighting and enticing aromas that filtered through the air soothed me.  My clothes disappeared, I slipped under the heavy blanket and awaited that  soft knock on the door.  The lights grew dimmer, my eyes were covered and skillful hands began to go to work--I could not have been happier and I knew in that final moment that it was well worth the cost!  (OK, y'all you can get your minds out of the gutter, now!)  My first massage (no happy ending I swear) was amazing!!
     Having someone work out all the knots in my shoulder, stretch and press my muscles until I was a languid creature was absolutely wonderful and addictive.  I swear by the time she was finished I was drunk (they actually call it massage drunk), like the kind of drunk I get after really, really, great sex!  My body hasn't felt that relaxed in almost a year.  I couldn't even have a real conversation afterwards.  I couldn't disengage my body from the massage after glow!  I just wanted to curl up with my teddy bear and go to sleep!  My body felt fluid and lush which made me wish, with all my heart, that I could have one every day!  *Le Sigh*  I couldn't resist posting this little bit of indulgent delight!
     I mean after reading this post how do you NOT want one right now!  Do yourself a favor and go get one!  Until another time kiddies I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind!
~Marissa

Colors of Love

     Love has NO COLOR for me.  And quite honestly I get tired of people saying I need to stick to my own kind...or that I am a "sister" and should date a "brother"...IGNORANCE (disgusting and ridiculous)!  We are more than the color of our skin!  We are men and women, human beings encased in rainbow flesh.  Cut us open--we possess the same organs, or blood runs red, we have to breathe to live!  Essentially we are all the same.  Our differences come more from our culture (which we have no control over) and the people we choose to be (which we have a great deal of control over) if we are being honest with ourselves. 
     A man is a man, I don't care about the color of his flesh, but I do care about the condition of his mind, heart and soul.  If you are a good man, is your goodness diminished because of the color of your skin?  Is your ability to love and treat a woman well affected by the color of your flesh?  I have never believed so, it has never been proven so and the fact that such a thing can even be insinuated in the year 2013 is appalling and disgusting.  It is nothing more than closed minded, insecure, ignorance and I find that inexcusable!
     A man's worth comes from who he is not from the color of his skin (which he has no control over).  When I look at a man, someone who has sparked my interest or someone that I desire, I do not see his color.  I see his varied attributes, actions, and hear his words.  I do not see a color, I see a MAN!  We should not see color unless it is the color of love. If this were the case then we should see nothing but RED!  See the world through rose colored glasses, a world through love.  Red is the only color I see when it comes to love.  Red, the color of passion, lust, desire, and love!  MLK had a dream and I have a dream too, that the ignorance of (all forms of) racism will be completely eradicated.  that the beauty and pureness of love will no longer be tainted by it!  I have a dream that a person's ability to love will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the person who they are.  Did God not create us all?  We are all equal and nothing physically different will ever change these facts!
     I return my soapbox to its corner for now folks, until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind.
~Marissa

Spring is Here!

     It's that time of year or at least it seems to be--you know--Spring Fever is in the air and as this epidemic spreads to cover the earth as spring rolls from hemisphere to hemisphere it is inevitable that someone you know will catch it! 
     The side effects include:  delusions of grandeur brought on by falsified or romanticized memories; unsolicited/unexpected calls; unannounced appearances; embarrassing/ unwarranted conversations from random and/or virtual strangers, etc.
     This being said I am sure you know where I am going with this post!  I swear I don't even pay attention to the Groundhog, I just wait for Spring Fever to hit and I know without a doubt that Spring is truly here!  Always (it seems) without fail I get the most random messages, calls and queries.  Sometimes I am just a fleeting thought that they are curious about, but other times (especially now) they call to check on my availability (like a hotel :p).  Either way, they always surprise me (hard to believe when I track the seasons by them, but they do none the less).  Some wish an accord (nothing along the serious line, but along the "fun" line) others want to stake a claim to a lifetime (Hard to believe someone would want to marry a divorcee, right?)!  (Now I know I am not the only woman who goes through this (maybe I need a girl pow-wow), like know for a fact and that is the main reason why I am posting this.)
     Anyway, as the propositions start coming in it is hard for me not to cut and run.  But to do this would be cruel and unfair.  Knowing this I try to give their requests consideration because I would want someone to do the same for me.  Yet, it can become overwhelming and most of the time I don't know how I feel about it.  It is like am listening to a news story about some extreme space explorer that desires to travel to the moon!  Impossible, will never happen, yet  as I continue to watch I see that it is (my mother always told me to never say never).  Yeah I just can't believe it sometimes--most times.  When someone lays something that unexpected and rather heavy  in my lap it is going to take awhile to process it, figure out exactly what I think and how I feel... I wish I could snap my fingers and have all the answers--oh well!
     Until another time kiddies, I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind.
~Marissa     
       

The Road Not Traveled/ Regrets

     Although I doubt complete success in this endeavor I still try to live my life with as few regrets as possible.  I remember reading Frost when I was younger and being enthralled with the idea of traveling one road, but eventually coming back to traverse the other.  As I got older I realized that it was impossible to return and travel that road.  Once choices and decisions are made they can not be unmade.  The road changes and is no longer the same as it was before it was changed by decisions and choices...
     The long and short of it is that a song rolled through my speakers and slapped me hard in the face with nostalgia tingled with a heavy dose of regret.  One song, a few lyrics and bars of music and my mood changed as my thoughts were sucked into the past!  An other worldly creature of 'what if' started to haunt my every reminiscent step.  (Damn you Kings of Leon (more specifically 'Sex is on Fire')!)  The song, the memories, all of it made me miss someone I once knew, in a deep place, in a deep way.  It stung, it burned and I had to shake the box of memories up a little bit to resettle its contents.  Maybe it was all too sudden and unexpected, those memories or maybe no matter how much I want to deny it--I realized that I will never forget...
     Well folks that's all for now!  Until another time I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind!
~Marissa

A letter to Men

A letter to my past lovers, present lovers, and my husband!

Dear Men of the world,
I stand before a young woman of 24, who is honestly tired of all your games and bullshit! I know all you're hearing is... Blah blah blah, another bitch complaining... But hear me out!

I want to be the honest and genuine voice for great ladies like myself. We are not asking for much: honesty, kindness, caring, support, and companionship. Simple right!?! But that is the hardest thing to find, why!?!

First I want to apologize for all the women who have hurt you in the past. They have scared you and now you think the best way to survive in the war of love, is to do anything you must. But this not the way to be, unless you are looking for many years of headaches, heartaches, and baby mamas! You must bounce back as we have, and look towards that woman who is see you for who you are and love you for it.

I urge all my good hearted men to stop playing games with women. Treat her with enough respect to be honest about what you say, and make sure your actions reflect your words! If you miss her, then go see her! If you love her, than make her feel special! It's not that hard! Just be honest with yourself and her!

Men please stop these childish games! It does nothing but bring years of heartache to you and the string of women in its wake! I promise to be honesty, forthcoming, kind, gentle, loving, supportive, compromising to the man who will do the same for me! But this will only be given to man who does not play games, and who will at time, his true honest self!

Much love,
Finess