My Darth Vader

     Okay now that you have gotten a good chuckle (and shocking proof of my inner geek)  I am sure you know that there is a point to my title.  What most non-geeks don't know is that Darth Vader literally means Dark Father.  I am sure with me divulging this you can now tell what this post is about--yep, my Daddy.  Truth is there really isn't much to write about as he has missed almost the entirety of my three decades alive, but after a discussion with my mom tonight, I had to write.  When it comes to absentee parents, especially Daddies, I don't think they understand that when they don't put down the foundation or put in the time with their children, from the very beginning, they change the dynamics of the parent-child relationship.  And when the dynamics change there is no going back.
     Something that my daddy has always said that grinds my gears (a little FG for you) is that, "...you are supposed to love your parents...", I roll my eyes so hard at this, sometimes I think they will pop out of my head!  Honestly, love isn't preconditioned.  Love is a living, growing, entity.  If you do not feed, nurture and care for love, it will not grow!  The fact that my Darth Vader tries to use this as justification for his short comings makes me--sad and PISSED.  Absentee parents will (as most of us with them know) NEVER step up and take responsibility for what they have and have not done.  Sometimes I just want to shake them and say, "Get over yourself!  Your kids didn't ask to be here and as parents you are SUPPOSED to protect, provide, love and support them unconditionally!"  Just because you have children doesn't make you a parent and doesn't give you a right to be loved either.  You can't expect to get something for nothing.  And what's worse is that when they get older and the realize (if they ever do) the error of their ways (or become insanely lonely after years of selfishness and disregard), they don't understand that it is too late to mend what they have broken.  I am not saying that it isn't possible for there to be amends of some kind, but it isn't possible to reclaim what was lost.  There can be a relationship, but even so it will never come close to what could have been.
     I wish that I were the only person who can speak on this subject to any degree, but unfortunately I am not.  I know quite a few people who are in the same boat (or should I say ocean liner) as I am.  Parents are important for a lot of reasons.  If you aren't ready or you don't desire children then USE PROTECTION (and I am not talking about abortion because that isn't birth control/protection).  And if you slip up and find you are expecting then you should realize your child didn't ask to be here and that you need to step up.  Being able to have a child is a blessing, a gift from God, that many people will never have.  It is a lifetime commitment.  Children are part of the legacy that you will leave when you pass from this world and hopefully you will leave a legacy, within them, that goes beyond a name.  Well, I think this is more than enough sharing for one night.  Until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind.
         Marissa