Love in all the "Wrong" Places

I use to wonder how people get caught up in a cheating scandal. Like how can you love someone and then go around sleeping and spending time with someone else? How can you bring yourself to do that? Love doesn’t act like that!

It’s not so black and white, like I thought. I now know how one can love someone so much and still betray their commitment. Don’t get me wrong, I am not condondning cheating! Some people out there are just horribly selfish human beings, but for the average every day girl, I understand why she would go off on a love affair.

She cheats to feel something again. It’s to feel like a woman. To fill the void that her love can not or will not fill. We as women try to hold on to a relationship for as long as possible, hoping that either he will change or that our desire will just go away. Unfortunately very rarely does either one of those happen. Men rarely change and our desires just grow stronger with neglect.

So when something shiny and new comes along, we give in to our nature: who we are after you pass all the niceties and makeup. We jump at it; trying to have restraint, but with every No, the Yes grows stronger. I can honestly admit to feeling this way, not feeling like I can fully open up and be myself with my partner. Not because I didn’t want to, because he has shown me that he wasn’t worthy to see all of me yet. He was not making me happy. I would look at him wondering if I should just walk away and never look back. There was something that made question his love, his devotion for me. And so in response, I hid. I slowly pulled back, praying and wishing that things will get better. Hopping that maybe he will try harder, maybe he would try to understand me and work on us. That hunger started to grow, the desire started burning, and I subconsciously start looking elsewhere to satisfy my needs.

I know many of you are thinking that you would never cheat on your mate. I would tell you the same thing. But I can understand and sympathize with those who have. It almost seems impossible to ward off temptation when you have been neglected. Neglect and abuse makes a perfect storm to cheat. One lover is complacent in their status of the relationship, no longer making an effort to really properly love the other. And the other is trying desperately to make things work, knowing that the hunger is building inside of them. I get it, I totally understand.

The moral of this post… Dude life is way to freaking short to hold on to things and people who make you unhappy. All this does is tie up two lives in a knot that gets more and more complicated as time goes on. And once someone either cheats or let goes too late, it is so much harder to unravel the knot. Also love your mate properly. Either get off your ass and give 100% to them or don’t waste each other’s time. I refuse to waste anymore time with half love! If they show you who they are and more importantly, who you are to them, believe them, and love yourself enough to walk away if you have to.

The Differences Between the Sexes

     Do you remember that book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?  I know I am dating myself a bit here, but do you remember just how big a deal it was when it first hit the shelves?  I do, I was a little young, although not that much, and I remember for the longest that was all most adults could talk about.  Honestly, I have never read it--nor am I inclined to, but the whole premise that men and women are from two vastly different planets is rather interesting.  It is also a touch sexist too considering that we created that classification box to decide that when certain sexes display certain emotions, thoughts and ideals that some are only acceptable for either a male or female to have.  But, I am being tangential in my thought process.  The point of my reminding you of that book is to emphasis how right it is--in a way at least--about the emotional differences between most men and women.
     I have had this conversation with my girlfriends multiple times.  Sometimes we wish we could just date each other.  Why? Not to fulfill a lesbian fantasy, sorry to burst your bubbles, but because we understand each other.  There is never a moment I have to worry about them not being loving, supportive and kind.  They are honest, dependable, accepting and fun to be with.  There is never a worry in my heart that I have to walk on thin ice or egg shells with them AND they appreciate all of my quirks and flaws.  They want to and do make time to spend with me.  They are emotionally available and open.  They understand their short comings and strive to better themselves.  They never lie to me or give me empty promises--as the list grows longer I am sure you can see why this is a conversation between us.  We get each other and understand what we need.  It would be as easy as breathing--it would WORK.
     Unfortunately, we don't have a real desire to date each other.  What's worse is there is such a pathetically dire shortage of men who know how to emotionally engage and connect with, that it seems damn near impossible to have a real relationship with them anymore.  Too many like to coast and have shallow relationships.  They don't want to or know how to expel the energy necessary to build an emotional foundation with the person they claim to love/care about.  What they don't seem to understand to this day, no matter how many books are published, is that an emotional connection with their S.O. is the most important thing to maintain.  Because once a woman checks out emotionally because of neglect it just pushes her that much closer to walking out the door.  Like one of my dear besties said earlier this week, "Women put up with a lot of shit, but when they have finally had enough it is really over".  I couldn't have said it better myself.  Most women really do try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and--well you get the point, but when the trying is done and they keep giving and fighting to no avail and they decide it is time to walk then there is no way to save or repair the damage that has been done.  And yet most guys still wonder what happened and where things went wrong.  Well sweet cheeks when you don't nourish and care for the emotional well being of your relationship--you open the door for someone else to step in who will--you open the door for your S.O. to walk out too.  And the only person to blame is YOU!
     In reality Love isn't enough--you can't hang or abuse your relationship on the fact that your S.O. loves you.  You must build trust; grow to understand your S.O.; and nurture your relationship.  If you don't do these things then nothing else matters because the relationship won't succeed.  Every woman has a breaking point.  And if you don't care enough to give her what she deserves and you break her--then she is within her right to leave.  If you don't have the maturity or drive to see that these things are necessary and worthwhile then maybe you should just be man enough to admit you can't handle a relationship and be by yourself.  It is a little tough--but tough love sometimes is very necessary.  Besides a little punch to the throat is good for some people!  Until another time I do wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind.
     Always,
         Marissa