Keep smiling, Stay positive, Watch your Heart

Ok so life has really been throwing me curve balls, all out of left field.( I hate baseball, so please excuse this reference, idk if its correct lol) I've been blind sighted, by my ex-BFF, ex boyfriend, ex job, and now the new job too! How many times can a girl take shots to the heart!?!

Lucky for women, our hearts can be so big that it takes a whole lot of bull to take us down! But damn! Is it too much to have just one month where we don't have to suck up our hurt feelings and put a smile on? Lol hell I would even settle for just one perfect week of happiness!

This is where I take my big girl pill, and listen to my inner voice tell me "Finess, happiness is what you make it, it's all a mental state of mind. So stop wasting energy complaining and start putting positive vibes out there!" And most of the time my little voice is right! Even this new development will past like all the rest! If I stay positive, everything will workout in my favor!

So my advice... Keep on swimming...Keep on swimming! For everyone going through a rough time like myself, lol and just about everyone else I know, have faith in yourself! Stand confidently knowing that with the right mind set you can accomplish anything! And if all else fails... Shit, fake it till you make it!!!

Till Next Time,
Finess

(Divorcee) Dating Saga Part Deux (The Offline Dilemma)

     Ok, so, I know that I should probably be a little more hard core when it comes to rejecting someone, but--I'm not!  I just don't ever want to hurt or discourage anyone to the point of causing them any negative emotions or pain.  I am stuck between a rock and a hard place (or rather my head and my heart).  I don't want to reject someone tactlessly, but I also don't want to come off as being indecisive either!  Oh what is a girl to do?  Should I chalk all this up to being off the market and out of practice?  My God, did I always have this soft heart (to my recollection, through my not so rose colored glasses, makes me say no), but even so is it really a bad thing?  (Silly question), It is.  I don't want to be unfair, but I don't want to cause damage so how do I walk the line?  Such a precarious balancing act and this acrobat is totally out of shape and maybe just maybe (or not) out of my league.  While these guys have had continuous experiences and chances to flex and perfect their skills I shut mine in a box and tucked it away on a very high shelf.  Now I find myself tittering on tip toe, trying not to topple off the ladder, as I clamor to pull the box down and re-educate myself on just what is the proper rejection etiquette (if there is such a thing(I hope there is))!  Who do I turn to for help?  My girlfriends, some of them are pros (but don't understand my hangups) while the rest of them are not only completely ill equipped to help, but they have hearts softer than mine.   What did marriage do to me?!?!?! Soften me up to the point where I tiptoe around rejection so long that it turns into indecisiveness?  UGGGGGHHH (thank you Charlie Brown for that onomatopoeia)!!!!!!!  How do I get past this and get down to business?  Has dating always been this--complicated and confusing and if so why, oh why, did I never notice it before?
     I feel the need to meditate and figure out the best course of action for me to take...Should I make a plan of action and just adhere to a generic rejection?  I mean this isn't as easy as online dating where you can block and delete an individual this is a person to person, face to face, situation.  The kind of look me in the eye and ("...tell me you love me..."(had to toss in some Home Alone 2)) let me know how you feel, what you think, right here, right now type of situation.  And some guys do not make it easy!  I don't know why they don't understand nor accept a nice 'no' when they hear it!!!!  You can tell them you aren't interested and instead of saying a polite 'thank you' and heading on their way, they want to know why or why not!!! They try to pester and coerce you into changing your mind, as though you have made a mistake (that just screams desperation and disrespect (two words most people don't want to be associated with))!  This just makes things worse.  Or you have the ones who try to con you with the whole, "Yeah, I understand you aren't interested, we can be friends...", only to turn around and act as though the word "friend" coupled with a fact that they are a "boy" is equivalent to the word "boyfriend".  And that...well that presents a whole other list of problems.  I don't like lying just to get them off my case or out of my space, I shouldn't have to lie to have a peace of mind!  I really hate lying!  But if I am left with no other choice, what am I to do?  Maybe tomorrow will bring in some clarity.  I have to remember "...there is always tomorrow--with no mistakes in it..."(twenty bucks if you know where that quote originated)!
     Well dear readers, until the next post bonne nuit (or is it bonjour by now)!  I wish you all love and happiness both lasting and true!     
  ~ Marissa

In the World of Online Dating

So, I have already written about being a divorcee, but I haven't written about dating as a divorcee...or more so about online dating as a divorcee...Oh the murky world of online dating where every handsome man may just be a balding, 70 year old perv trying to lure you out to a random spot to molest you (seriously, I have had a 70 year old ask me out...CREEPER ALERT!!!!).  In all honesty I never thought about online dating at all!  It was only when friends repeatedly (and quite unsuccessfully) tried to set me up because, "...You would make a good wife/ You deserve someone great/  You should have a family..." did I finally try the suggestion of a few others to dabble in the world of online dating to see who is out there.  I grant you that depending on what site you are on pickings are slim, but ever so often there comes a glimmer of hope that makes you think that not all men are looking for an easy score or someone to play Silence of the Lambs with.
     True enough no romance has sparked from the guys I have met, but I have met some interesting and talented men!  Men who may become friends or good aquaintances or just a passing memory in an overloaded message inbox...I don't mean to sound discouraging for that is definitely not my goal here!  More people are finding their significant others via online dating than they are just going about their regular lives.  Yes, you must be careful because it is online and some people (as the MTV show Catfish taught us) are most certainly not who they say they are!  But, for the regular Joe's and Jane's who have lives full of work and home and volunteering and whatever else that keeps us busy, it is probably the best way to meet someone.
     As another very single friend of mine pointed out, all of her own friends relationships seemed to have started with online dating.  In truth I have had a couple of wonderful people stumble upon me and one in particular that has me struck quite smitten (to my own surprise).  Of course I heed my own advice and I am being quite careful (don't want to fall for a Jigsaw wanna be) but I will admit that seeing his name in my inbox makes me smile like a thirteen year old girl at a Justin Beiber concert!  Of course this is all new and only time will tell how true this course will run, but I would be denying much if I didn't say that he made a grand impression and he gives me hope...I can't believe I have been struck smitten in the world of online dating!
     Well that is all for now, but I will write again as I continue to traverse the deep and foriegn waters of the internet dating world.  Until then I wish you all Love and Happiness both great and true!
~ Marissa

That Spark

Ever meet someone and immediately you get hot, blush, smile the biggest cheesiest smile, and stumble all over your words!?! Awe, that Spark has ignited with in you! You know for a fact that this, oh yes, this one is a keeper!

This is what most women craze in a relationship. Not just at the beginning, but secretly through out the entire time of the commitment. I want a man who can make me weak, day 1- day 123,79532! I feel that he is the only one that you can truly be yourself with. His flame melts away the facades that we all put on when we meet new people. He sees the raw, untamed essence of our womanhood and delights in it! He thinks you, yes You, are the most gorgeous creature on your bummy old tee shirt and sweatpants day!!!

I urge you to search for that sparkle! Lol or don't ( good things comes to those who wait). But do not settle for the man who doesn't make you melt away your social representative, because he will never love and cherish the real you!! And let's be honest, isn't that what we all want!

Till next time,
Finess

In Retrospect...

     After having a fantastic lunch and a wonderfully in depth conversation with my dear Finess, I feel a little more at ease within myself.  One should thank God for friends blessed with caring hearts and solid wisdom.  I believe we should all endeavor to surround ourselves with good people, friends, who help us to see outside ourselves and gain a better understanding (or perspective) of who we are (or situations we are going through).  It is a wonder that I ever forget that a solid and open conversation can lighten the load of ones heart, mightily.  Something that important or essential should be at the forefront of one's mind, always.
     As it is we had a deliciously relevant conversation that touched on many things, but she gave birth to a moment of retrospect of a terribly serious nature(well maybe not terribly serious...), quite unexpectedly.  On my drive back home, with The Lumineers softly playing in the background and the flash of inconsistent street lights jumping into the windows of my car, I thought about how right she was about having the wrong people in your life.  Family, co-workers, friends, acquaintances, lovers, boyfriends, no matter the title if a person is wrong for you or your life then it is time for a change.  How can you prosper, how can your blessings find you, when there are people (who mean you no good what so ever) standing in the way.  I mean after all they are, meaty blockades, so busy causing mischief, discord and/or dissension that you become entirely too busy (trying to maintain some kind of peaceful accord in your life) to hear the holy whisper of God in your ear.
     Should any one of those meaty blockades be immune to the subsequent changes of this bit of retrospective enlightenment?  Would I not be sacrificing not only the beauteous possibilities of my future, but my very happiness as well (even if it is a little bit)?  When it comes to my happiness I rather feel like a general in the midst of war and I declare that it is no holds barred!  Why should I take prisoners or make alliances with those who have already proven their worth (or lack there of)?  I do believe that there is some merit to this tactic.  Maybe I should pull out my (figurative) combat boots and military fatigues and suit up.  Start seriously kicking butt and forgetting names.  After all if my happiness and future is at stake, why would I do anything else (or less for that matter)?  Oh how way leads onto way, from retrospect to reassessment to rejuvenation.  I truly thank God for friends like these, and the unexpected enlightenment that is born from conversations...      ~ Marissa

Reality vs. Dreams

Ever wonder what happened to the simple dreams of our childhood!?! Like I remember telling my dad that I was going to be the first black female president, and by hell or high water I going to do it, no questions asked! But over time that vision changed to a more attainable goal set by my parents and society... Go to college, get a good job, work a 9-5, put in your 40 years, and collect your social security.

Starting this month I have embarked on a new career path, hoping and praying that this new step will pay off in the long run. Yay!!! I will be able to follow the "AmericanDream"!!! I say this with little enthusiasm, because though some would be happy to have a steady 9-5, I cringe inside because I KNOW I have a higher calling! I am apart of the select few who dare to dream, and with the same tenacity of that little girl I once was, come hell or high water I will realize it!

I challenge you... Yes YOU, to join me! Break free of the conventions of our parents and follow the beat of your drummer! Lets become a world of happy and satisfied people. Let us all become in tune with ourselves and make changes towards the life's that we dream, not the one that others tell us is the normal level of success!

Dare with me! Live your dreams! Be who you and your Creator secretly crave! Be fearless and unapologetic about being you! I say in the war between Reality and Dreams, come over to the winning side!

Keep Dreaming, until next time,
Finess

The Big 3-0!

     Where as my dear Finess is approaching her Quarter Life Mark, I am approaching my third decade...God, do I even have sufficient words to describe the feeling that is going through my body or the thoughts that are going through my head, right now?  I feel for the lovely Finess because I have been where she is and as you can clearly see I made it through my Quarter Life, but now I am approaching the big 3-0!  The fact that I am standing with my toes curled upon the ledge of twenty-something getting ready to fall into the abyss of THIRTY I must admit that I am sad, discouraged and maybe just a little excited in a weird way...Let me explain...No, there is too much, let me sum up (*SMILE*)!  I feel sad because I am not where I thought I would be, funny this feeling is akin to how I felt when I was going through my quarter life crisis, but different.  I am sad and discouraged because I am a divorcee still fighting to get back on solid ground and making my life into something I can once again be proud of.  I never thought I would be divorced at thirty (or technically a little before).  I thought I would be happily married, moving into a sweet renovated bungalow and getting ready to have my first child.  I find my birthday literally two months away and I am husband-less, child-less and struggling.   It is like a repeat performance of my quarter life crisis and I pray to GOD that this isn't some half decade re-occurring phenomenon...I will be completely gray by the time I am thirty five if it is!  I mean didn't I already do this?!?!?!  Am I not supposed to be in a more stable place occupationally and personally instead of going through this...AGAIN?!?!?!? (HEAVE A HEAVY SIGH)  But then I have to give myself a shake and realize that if I truly believe (which I do) that everything happens for a reason, then there is a purpose for this experience, this struggle...And once I (HEAVE ANOTHER HEAVY SIGH--WOOOOOSSSSSAAAAAWWWWW) accept this I can move a little easier into this transition.  
     And this is where I feel a little excited...(it gets a little confusing so follow closely) I am about to be THIRTY!!!! And I can say that I am a pretty, sweet, kind, smart thirty year old divorcee!!! I don't have children hanging on to my apron strings (thank God for that, I feel for kids who are dragged through divorce), I learned a lot from my marriage, I can probably write a phenomenal story about it all and become a millionaire if I wanted.  I have my life still stretched out before me and for all that is good in this world I made it to THIRTY which sadly many people can't say...So what if I loved, married and lost...I can love and marry again, my life really isn't over.  If I can get past my own B.S. I can ride this Thirty Train for a year!  What better reason to celebrate for a whole year, but by turning Thirty AND being divorced!?!?!?!?  When I do finally give myself that last, big shake and I settle into 2013 fully, I really think I am going to run with this like I am being chased by a chainsaw wielding mad man!  Maybe I will take a lover, or two, or runaway on weekends and explore my state and once I do that I will move on to another state.  This may just be the year that I finish my great novel and start making my living by my pen!  And if I get bored I can dive into some obscure, but interesting hobby like Euro-Gaming or Steam Punk!  With all the amazing choices and opportunities AND a new year--oh I am grabbing this bull by the horns and riding him until he collapses!!!  
     So give a little cheer for Finess and me because we are going to rock this year and mark these milestones like no other!  Thanks for reading and until next time...Ciao!
    
  ~ Marissa

The Big 25

Today I am 3 months & 17 days away from my 25th birthday, and my entire world feels upside down! At 24, most (all) of my friends are 1) Married/Engaged 2) In hardcore committed relationships 3)Having children 4) Buying houses 5) Traveling the world 6) Have established careers, and I... am NO WHERE close to any of those millstones!

My older friends tell me not to worry about the Big 25, but for the first time in my life I feel like a slacker; like somewhere down the line between college and adulthood, I missed a few stops! I know I can't be alone out there! Hello... Hello... Young, attractive, smart, funny lady right here!!! Hello... Does no one see or hear me... Hello World!?!?

As I get closer to my epic day, my only survival method is to focus on my accomplishments, and tell the world repeatedly that I AM HERE! Whether it sees me or not I AM HERE!!! At 24, I have: successfully finish my Bachelors in 3 1/2 years, hired by the #1 company to work for in Atl, growing a budding catering company, and have my own (paying ALL the bills) home and car. I have loved and lost, lost and gained awesome friends, and met the love of my life... Boss!

So I repeat, regardless if anyone hears me or not, I AM HERE!!

With that, Hopefully the Big 25 won't feel so old anymore and my life clock will stop ticking so loud!!!

Till next time!
Finess