Ok, so, I know that I should probably be a little more hard core when it comes to rejecting someone, but--I'm not! I just don't ever want to hurt or discourage anyone to the point of causing them any negative emotions or pain. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place (or rather my head and my heart). I don't want to reject someone tactlessly, but I also don't want to come off as being indecisive either! Oh what is a girl to do? Should I chalk all this up to being off the market and out of practice? My God, did I always have this soft heart (to my recollection, through my not so rose colored glasses, makes me say no), but even so is it really a bad thing? (Silly question), It is. I don't want to be unfair, but I don't want to cause damage so how do I walk the line? Such a precarious balancing act and this acrobat is totally out of shape and maybe just maybe (or not) out of my league. While these guys have had continuous experiences and chances to flex and perfect their skills I shut mine in a box and tucked it away on a very high shelf. Now I find myself tittering on tip toe, trying not to topple off the ladder, as I clamor to pull the box down and re-educate myself on just what is the proper rejection etiquette (if there is such a thing(I hope there is))! Who do I turn to for help? My girlfriends, some of them are pros (but don't understand my hangups) while the rest of them are not only completely ill equipped to help, but they have hearts softer than mine. What did marriage do to me?!?!?! Soften me up to the point where I tiptoe around rejection so long that it turns into indecisiveness? UGGGGGHHH (thank you Charlie Brown for that onomatopoeia)!!!!!!! How do I get past this and get down to business? Has dating always been this--complicated and confusing and if so why, oh why, did I never notice it before?
I feel the need to meditate and figure out the best course of action for me to take...Should I make a plan of action and just adhere to a generic rejection? I mean this isn't as easy as online dating where you can block and delete an individual this is a person to person, face to face, situation. The kind of look me in the eye and ("...tell me you love me..."(had to toss in some Home Alone 2)) let me know how you feel, what you think, right here, right now type of situation. And some guys do not make it easy! I don't know why they don't understand nor accept a nice 'no' when they hear it!!!! You can tell them you aren't interested and instead of saying a polite 'thank you' and heading on their way, they want to know why or why not!!! They try to pester and coerce you into changing your mind, as though you have made a mistake (that just screams desperation and disrespect (two words most people don't want to be associated with))! This just makes things worse. Or you have the ones who try to con you with the whole, "Yeah, I understand you aren't interested, we can be friends...", only to turn around and act as though the word "friend" coupled with a fact that they are a "boy" is equivalent to the word "boyfriend". And that...well that presents a whole other list of problems. I don't like lying just to get them off my case or out of my space, I shouldn't have to lie to have a peace of mind! I really hate lying! But if I am left with no other choice, what am I to do? Maybe tomorrow will bring in some clarity. I have to remember "...there is always tomorrow--with no mistakes in it..."(twenty bucks if you know where that quote originated)!
Well dear readers, until the next post bonne nuit (or is it bonjour by now)! I wish you all love and happiness both lasting and true!
~ Marissa
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