The NeverEnding Battle

Am I the only one out there who has this Neverending battle within themselves? I know what side i want to win. I try to sway the results, but it seems to be in vain. The fighting goes on and on and on.

I'm talking about the desire to love and be loved waging ware against my evolutionary need to stay sane and survive.

I want love. Real love. Stuff my grandparents had. Love that lasted more than a couple of months. The love that sweeps you off your feet and makes you certain there is a God. The love that never quits. The one that keeps couples glued to one another for decades. The one that survives all of life's milestones: marriage, children, retirement, grandkids, great great grand kids. The one that makes waking up everyday to that special person worth every hardship you have faced together. You know, just simple and real love.

And though my heart and soul desires this real love, my practical side has that all too familiar guard up. I have been hurt so many times by men who claim to love me. I have men lie to my face while trying to use me. I have invested many feelings, hopes, and dreams into little boys who just want to get a taste of my body. So how can a girl not be skeptical of any new man who walks in selling big dreams of grandeur? I was meant to survive, to succeed, to thrive, and by all means I will! But this need to love seems to be in contradiction of what love looks like in my generation.

So how do you decide which side wins? And my friends I honestly do not know. I feel like I can never get my hopes up in fear of getting hurt again, but the romantic dreamer inside of me wants to wish that this man is finally the one. I can stop this horrible dating game and be a happy married old lady! I don't want to give up on love, like so many people I have come across, but I am starting to become tired of picking up and mending the pieces of my heart that have been chipped away over the years!

So if any of you guys have an answer to how to end the Neverending war, Please Share!

Much Love!

-Finess... Aka Tired and Weary Soldier 

V Day Date Night!

     Okay y'all, since I am still trying to defeat whatever bug I picked up at work (hazards of the career I love is more than worth it though) I thought that I would be productive and fulfill my promise to finish another blog for you guys before Valentine's Day!  This one is just as important as the first one I put up this week and also just as relevant!  Valentine's Day is right around the corner--VALENTINE'S DAY IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER, Y'ALL!!!!!  Okay now that I have gotten your attention I do hope that you have very special things planned for your Significant Other!  And please, PLEASE, PLEASE, don't be absolutely cliche and only go with dinner--DON'T DO THAT!!!!! STEP IT UP and GET THAT IMAGINATION IN GEAR!!!! Please be creative, please do not squander this opportunity to knock your S.O.'s socks off!
     If you decided to save up and do something special then don't do it halfway!  You can make a day of it, wake them up with breakfast in bed, their favorite coffee or shower them in flower petals and kisses and/or present them with their VDay gift or a bouquet of their favorite flowers (honestly I am such a sucker for Peonies, but they are so hard to find that if ever I got a bouquet of them I would probably melt--key point--I am not the only woman like this in the world *hint, hint*)!  (I mean who doesn't love waking up with something special or in a special way and if you start the day like this I am sure it will benefit you both!)  Get started early with a picnic in a park, hike up to a waterfall, couples massage or mani/pedi session (or give them one if you are good with your hands *wink, wink*).  Come back home and take sometime to love each other.  Read poetry, sit face to face and really--and I do mean really--look at your S.O.  Talk with them, touch them, make love to them, laugh with them or even watch a movie.  Get in a relaxing wind down together and enjoy that QT you may not usually get to have because your lives are so busy!  And don't get me wrong--I mean dinner is good, great, especially if your S.O. is a foodie (I know I am)!  But, don't ONLY do dinner!  What about a trip to the planetarium (before or after), Sky View, play, ballet or even the Botanical Gardens.  Maybe even do dessert and coffee afterwards at a swanky coffee house or check out a poetry reading at a really boho or trendy underground spot.    

     And remember it is about the memory not the price of things.  If you are dating on a budget then pull up Bing or Google and start researching what is being offered in your city/state.  There are usually lots to do that are either free or budget friendly all you ever have to do is look.  And again if you are on a budget then make this a DIY Valentine's day.  Write a poem and make a handmade card.  If you are uber artistic then paint a picture--literally--or carve something.  Got a pair of pipes on you (lucky dog) then write a song or sing them a song that really captures your relationship.  You can always bake, cook dinner, light a few candles and cut out some hearts and decorate your place!   Ideas and opportunities are only as limited as your imagination!  So DON'T BOX YOURSELF IN!!! Take this opportunity to make some awesome memories and let your imagination and love run wild!

      I wish you guys an absolutely awesome VDay weekend and until another time Love and Happiness of the truest kind.

Always,
     Marissa          

The Art and Beauty of Making Love

     Well it is that time of the year, yet again.  Although loving and cherishing your partner should be a part of your every day life throughout the year this month is the month of love!  Cupid, Aphrodite, Chocolate, Bears (I added that in selfishly I still want a giant, soft, fluffy, pretty one--what can I say I love teddy Bears), Puppies (again, selfish addition because I desperately want a French Bulldog), Bouquets, and Fancy Dinners aside I'm pretty positive we all know that the weekend (not just the day) is almost a guaranteed "I'm going to get lucky" weekend.  All the impending giddiness aside I would like to get serious about just how lucky you really are.
       Our bodies are beautiful--man or woman, chubby, slim, curvy, svelte, tall, short, it doesn't matter.  OUR BODIES ARE BEAUTIFUL.  And when you are in a relationship where someone has chosen to share this beautiful gift with you--you should cherish it.  Hopefully you already do this, but if you haven't for whatever reason I encourage you to heed this advice and live it from this day on.  Honestly, I don't understand anyone not having the desire to know everything about their partner's body.  Do you not want to explore that wonderland?  How can you not want to know what makes your partner weak in their knees?  Is it not worth taking the time to bring them to a level of ecstasy that they may have never reached before--would you not take pride in that?  How can you not feel blessed and powerful knowing the pleasure and joy you can bring to them by knowing their body?
     First, though, I implore you to please set the mood.  Even if you take time to learn and explore them, but you make your partner feel unattractive or unwanted before or after then it will seem insincere and nothing more than a waste.  Be FULLY IN THE MOMENT.  Start the seduction with a gentle touch, or suggestive whisper, maybe even in just how you look at them (like you want to devour them or like there is no one in the world but them).  Everyone is different.  Hopefully you know your partner's seduction style.  Personally I am the kind of woman who loves to be seduced mentally--first.  I want you to catch my eye and speak with me with your look--reinforce it with your words--then solidify it all with your actions.  But, like I said everyone is different.  Some people are more physical and prefer someone whose touch is their undoing--others are seduced by words--it should be considered a privilege to know your partner in such ways as this.

     Once the mood is set then you can move on to the equally enjoyable and wonderful step of getting to know/explore them.  Speaking of, I really don't understand how, in the time you have spent together, you not know the smell of their skin and how it feels as it slides against yours; learned every inch of them--how it tastes--and where it is most sensitive.  How blind, selfish and callous can you be not to see how it changes color, arcs, curls, when you lick, nibble or bite it in one spot or another.  The touch of their hair in your hands or the feel of it as it slips through your fingers like delicate waves or soft bouncy clouds.  Allow your hands to memorize the shape and curve of every inch of it--then let your lips follow suit.  Watch how they breath, move, sigh, look them in their eyes and be aware--listen, taste, learn--partake in the bountiful pleasures this gift offers.  If you haven't before--get to know your partner's body from head to toe--this would be a perfect opportunity to do so (and make up for all the times you haven't, at least start to). 
     I guarantee you if you do, this will bring another level of intimacy, freedom and appreciation to your relationship.  And I am also sure this will embolden your S.O. to do the same with you.  Take time--MAKE TIME--I promise you, that you will never regret it.  Take time to cherish and honor the gift that your partner is sharing you--the most natural and precious gift--their body.  (*Please not the repetition of the word TAKE was intentional and not due to oversight.)  Well, I will try to post one more before the big V DAY, but if I am not able to, I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind!

Always,
     Marissa

I'm Awesome

     Yes, that is a very egotistical (albeit honest) title for this new post, but it is so insanely appropriate that I absolutely could not contain my desire to slap it at the very top and let the whole world know what I am feeling inside.  I mean I seriously woke up one day this week and I had a straight Dune moment I swear that I almost ran outside in my onesie and screamed "...the sleeper has awakened" at the top of my lungs!  (Point 1:  If you have never seen the cult classic known as Dune or read any of the books I encourage you to do one or the other IMMEDIATELY!  Point 2:  Yes I have a My Little Pony--Rainbow Dash onesie and I love it (side note:  A Totoro onesie is in my future)!  Now that I have satisfied that tangent I will most definitely get back on the subject of --Me! 
    The sleeper has awakened--everything clicked for me when I got out of bed that day.  The doubt, hesitation, worry, fear, sadness--all of it was gone!  My inner lioness was back and it feels SO GOOD!  I forgot about my wonder, as a woman, daughter, sister, girlfriend, friend, co-worker.  I forgot what I offer as a woman, to the people in my life--those I love--and even who I am.  I am versed enough in this life to understand that there are times when this may happen and I was experiencing one of those. Even so, though I may have been "sleeping", I was also learning. Learning about myself--about others in my life--about living in general.  Yet, even though I was learning--I was also forgetting--which is never a good thing.  But, joyously am I celebrating that time that has passed for me.  And I will continue to shout praises of appreciation for all that I have learned and experienced.  But now it is a new year--it is 2015, y'all and I am about that life! (Please excuse the verbal cliches, but they are just too much fun right now and I can't deny the use of them!)
     So, I have become the embodiment of that old adage, "New year, new me"  because I am NEW!  In so many ways.  I even told my mom there are two words that I am eliminating from my vocabulary this year, "ok" and "fine".  I feel as though they no longer have any place in my life!  I am fantastic, wonderful, blessed, loved--I am so much more than those two words could ever describe.  I will no longer rest on their laurels!  They no longer have power or place in my life!  And I will hold true to this.  Even if my day isn't going beautifully I have so much that can NOT be taken from me that I can only ever be at the very least--blessed.
     I am educated, intelligent, determined, kind, sassy and so fun!  I love my family, new career, new company and my CREW (SHOUT OUT TO THE CREW).  I have a home (and always will for where there is true love, kindness and safety that is where home will be for me), a fantastic new car and so many opportunities set before me that I am so giddy with excitement that I can barely contain myself!  And even though certain relationships aren't all sunshine and lollipops in my life right now, I am still so solid because if the time for my "contract to be renewed" comes up and there isn't a reason for me to renew it--I will become a free agent (may the best franchise win, lol(excuse the football analogy but it was apropos)).
     And all of this is because I AM AWESOME.  I am genuinely a wonderful woman and person.  I am a treasure--a prize--a jewel who through trials and tribulations I have been made stronger, brighter, and priceless.  I have so much to offer, to give, and I am to the point in my life that if what I offer is rejected, unappreciated, abused or taken for granted in any way then there is no reason to continue to give any one (no matter who they are) something they don't understand, desire or deserve.
    I am so thankful for this re-awakening.  I feel as though my light is absolutely uncontainable right now!  And I LOVE IT! :)  I want to encourage all of you to maintain and protect your light.  Let it blossom and grow.  Do not be deterred if it feels as though it is taking forever for it to increase or if you feel as though you are stuck or even if you feel as though every thing you do isn't working out as you have planned.  Something that I learned a long time ago is that everything happens not according to our plans but they happen as they are SUPPOSED to as they are SUPPOSED to.  Be patient--my sleepers--keep faith.  And until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the Truest kind!
     ~Always
          Marissa   

What Dreams Are Made of

     What are dreams made of--past, present and future all rolled into one cryptic message that plays out once we shut out the day and quiet the chaos of our minds?  Are they naught but pictures and emotions left hidden from the light in the labyrinth of our subconscious?  Maybe they are a mix of celestial magic and dark desires?  Or are they only our imaginations working their gears while they are most able?  Or could they be fore warnings, premonitions of things to come, or decisions to be made.  Maybe I am putting too much thought into them or maybe--just maybe--I am right.
     You see I dream--frequently--deeply, sometimes in too much detail and at other times things feel so real that I wake up in a state of surreal dissatisfaction as though my dreams were my reality and my reality nothing more than a dream.  (Kind of inception-esque)  Confusing,  I'm sure to some, but for those who have been there I am sure you understand.  And the fact that I, nine times out of ten, remember what I dreamed makes this pondering all the more relevant. How frighteningly wonderful would that be?  How much more credit would we give them, how much more important would they be to us; if we knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were more than our over active imaginations running wild?  Would lives be lived differently,  changed drastically?  For that matter would I change drastically if my dreams were more than mere imaginative figments that carry me through my REM cycles?   
     All of these pressing questions could have been born because of the new year.  You see, there are new decisions to be made--steps to take--experiences to have--and with so much at stake amidst a glorious new beginning, these are questions that I am asking myself once more.  Especially when I had a dream about a life I have yet to see,  but it is the life I desire--the life I am striving to build.  And having a detailed glimpse of my hearts desire apparently achieved, how can I not stop and wonder--hope--that they are more than bits and pieces of this and that.    My heart is starting to believe it is so much more.  And with this hope, though partially groundless it may be, I feel a renewed resolve.  There is a confidence and surety, that I hadn't realized I was missing until recently, that had finally found its way back home.  I am reveling in the solid confidence I feel and subsequent happiness that had arrived along with it.  

    I feel that I have come alive again.  Like a phoenix, and I am so excited I can hardly contain it.  NO MORE HESITATION!  My time for resting is over and it is time for me once again to take it all on.  Life feels as though it has been laid out before me in all of its splendor for me to grasp with both hands and I am so ready.  I AM SO READY to make these dreams come true!
     Whatever they are made of;  whether their purpose is great or small indeed, I welcome them. What have your dreams brought to you? What do they mean to you?   I pray that you find your answers or at the very least begin to give thought you them.   Until another time I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind! 
    Always
        Marissa