A lesson of Love

As my lovely counterpart is experiencing an adventure with compatible love,Life has also shined on yours truly! I am on my own journey, but with complimentary love. But unfortunately, I, just like most women, have to overcome past fears and insecurities to truly appreciate the season of becoming smitten.

Throughout my 24 years I have come across some real scumbags. Onespretending to be nice and one who I knew were not for me, but I still datedanyway. It has been a very long road to get the point where I know how I shouldbe love, and will not settle for less. With that being said, I have prayed andprayed that I would meet a nice guy, one who makes me smile even when I’mupset, who wants to hold me till fall asleep, who understands me and my crazy,who full heartedly just wants to be with me, the real me!

Now I know my list is very hard to come by, but I desire true love, and that’swhat true loves looks like! Here’s the kicker, even if I received this lovethat I want, if I don’t take the time to heal, really heal, from all the wrongrelationship I’ve had in the past, I will never be able to appreciate thislove, let alone give it back.

So how do you get rid of any fears and insecurities? You face them head on,fist a blazing, guns cocked and load, ready to fight to the death, because inessence, if you do not win the battle, your love will NEVER survive. This fightmay look differently for every woman, but mine is a test of willpower betweenmy heart and brain. No matter how I feel about a man, my mind will come up withevery reason it can think of to make my heart believe things that it knows isnot true. Bummer, right!!! And I have to stand between the two and figure outwho is actually telling the true! My sure fire method to seeking the truth is to:step back from this internal battle, be objective, remember that I am loved bythe Most High, and remind myself that no matter the outcome, I will find mylove one day if not today! But doing those simple steps, I see the truth ofwhat I am feeling. I connect to the Creator and all my fears and anxiety just melt away.

No one is perfect and we all make mistakes, but allowing those mistakes keepus from our blessing and future is an even bigger mistake to make!!! So I urgeall my beautiful sister to learn to cope with your past, move on, never stopfighting for what you want in life!(even if you have to fight yourself to getit) Wish me luck, we really like him!

Till Next Time,
Finess

Romantic-Dom--Needed (NOW)!

     Okay--so--the title does and yet it doesn't say it all.  I have written on some heavier subjects lately and I couldn't rightly leave our readers like that, so I thought I would share with you (not exact word for word mind you) a little bit of a conversation I started the other day.  Of course the random I need a Rom-Dom popped into my head and straight out of my mouth (no filter that's how I roll, j/k) and (although quite irrelevant) into a conversation I was in the middle of with Finess.  When I really started thinking about why (instead of just a passing idea running through my head) I decided to share it with y'all.  It may seem a little bit weird (for those of you who know me), but truly it isn't.  And I will lay it out for you now...  
     Maybe I should start of with the easiest part to explain.  I need romance in my life.  I need romance as much as I need a man of intelligence and talent (and no I am not currently talking about in bed).  I am a die hard romantic and I need someone who can and will do the little things because, for me, it keeps the spark going.  Now before you jump to conclusions thinking I wouldn't/don't reciprocate (you know what they say when you ASSume) because that isn't true.  Quite the opposite in fact.  I know (and there are quite a few who would vouch for me) that I spoil my significant other (when I have one) to the tenth degree.  I don't do it because I want something in return, no, not at all!  I do it because it makes me HAPPY to make that special person in my life happy.  I truly get a kick out of giving surprise gifts and treats and such.  Which makes me wonder what that would feel like, having someone do sweet things just because.  I mean I know how I feel without it, so now I am ready to experience what it would be like to have it...(Stay with me I will tie it all together, watch.)
     Now let's get into the nitty-gritty of that title--the Dom (put away your chains, handcuffs, and satin ties, guys)...The reasoning as to why I need a Dom isn't all Fifty Shades of Grey if you know what I mean (and I know you do(although that wouldn't be such a bad thing either ;))).  I believe that a Dom would work very well with my personality.  A gentleman (because being a Dom doesn't mean you are an a*hole) who is at ease with himself, confident, considerate and decisive is something I not only find attractive, but necessary.  I shouldn't (and don't care to) make ALL of the decisions in a relationship(whether large or small).  I would much prefer if we discussed it, but if that wasn't an option having a man that I could trust to make decisions in OUR best interest would be wonderful (and a load off of my mind).  The appeal of a Dom is that they have many (sought after and rather rare) qualities that are both necessary and beneficial in a relationship (remember I can only speak for myself and the few women that may exist with similar ideals and desires as me*this has been your disclaimer*).  Doms (true doms, mind you, not those who act like they are, but aren't) are strong(protective/supportive), trustworthy(reliable), open(nonjudgmental) and candid(honest) to name a few delectable (and favorite) personality delights.  I find that these are the traits that I need in the person I share my life with.  Now if he proves to be an awesome Top as well as a Dom then that is the chocolate sauce, whip cream and cherry on top of the sundae for me ;)!
     All together (here comes the tie in)  I need a man who is balanced.  He must romance me, but also protect me.  He has to stand for us and grow with me.  He must have a character I can vouch for, a heart that is strong and his word must be his bond.  A man who knows when to hold me and when to toss me up against a wall and kiss me.  A man who can read me like a book, but not use it against me.  A man who will more than meet me half way, but will give to me what I give to him (and trust me I give a lot) freely and whole heartedly.   Basically my twin flame, my match, the compatible yin to my yang. (And like I said before if he can Top me all the better)!  Honestly, I don't think I need too much, I just need the right person to come and sweep me off my feet and never put me down (he shouldn't want to).  I am not seeking perfection (how boring and impossible are we not all human ("...to ere is human..."?)) but what I am seeking is genuine goodness and strength.  I believe he is out there (Finally my inner princess arrives! yay!).  Whether he has found me or not is something I just don't know yet.
     Well kiddies, long day, can't afford to make it a longer night or I will keel over at work.  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
~Marissa        

A Moment of Frustration/(Re)Balance

     Did you ever have one of THOSE days/moments? Yeah, well I did tonight.  Most people wear many hats in their lives and I am no exception to that fact, but I have to say sometimes I want to burn those hats and walk away from them.  Unfortunately the blessing (yes, I said blessing) of obligation doesn't allow us to do that.  Instead we must be adults and face those days/moments or else--we get run over by the 28's of life!  Although I am not a roll over type girl (at least not in these situations), emotions got the better of me tonight.  You see the hat I wear for my family is very different from the one I wear at work or with my friends (as I assume is the case with most individuals).  And sometimes that hat becomes too heavy to wear on top of all the others that I wear day in and day out.  That "family" hat turned into a box of baking soda that dropped into a bathtub of peroxide and I was honestly overwhelmed. 
     The need to purge and vent was more than demanding, it was necessary!  Blaring music didn't help and as I was already stuck in ridiculous, late-night, GA traffic so I couldn't walk or rather run off into the darkness to work it out.  I really felt as though I needed to pull my car over to the side of the road and scream until I lost my voice.  Shout out into the darkness, as lights of impatient cars whizzed by, call out to the entire universe all that frustration I wanted--no--I needed to release as it steadily spilled over into my being!  I just wanted to SCREAM!!!!!!!! (C'mon y'all I know you have had at least one moment like that in your life...I know you feel me!)  And in the midst of that frustration the only thing I could Pray was, "Lord...PLEASE!", after a few minutes that prayer was answered.  Finess called and she let me vent and cry and sob and vent some more until I had purged myself of it, until I felt better (What is it about a good and thorough cry that helps to set the world right again?).  She was the ear, the shoulder, and the utterly amazing and supportive friend I needed.
     I had to thank God for blessing me with a friend who is steady and constant and good.  Someone who can help me stay on track and refocus when too much piles up and the scale is tipped in the wrong direction.  She helped me to tip it back to the proper place.  I know everyone is different, but I think it takes strength to be vulnerable just as much strength as it takes to admit you need help (which are honestly probably two of the hardest things for me to do).  The most comforting and beautiful thing about it was, without needing a reason Finess was there.  She was the perfect message from God, and her words (which are always), true and full of heart were a gentle reminder that God most definitely hears when I call and that all things must happen in his time.  Thank you God for your blessings both great and small (especially friends like Finess).
      I just couldn't let that moment pass without using it to share a little with you kiddies.  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind.
~ Marissa       
      
        

The Great Return (Divorcee Dating Saga Part Trois)

     So, after the "Great Perjury" (also known as Letter to a Hypocrite amongst other shared post titles) which left an undeniably disgusting taste in my mouth, I got a call from the one person I really did want to hear from.  I had honestly decided to write him off (I will call him Mr. Shakespeare) and delete his number, but then (after Shakespeare built much anticipation(typical guy, right)) he finally called.  (I wasn't waiting by the phone mind you!)  The conversation was longer than I believe either of us expected (about four hours) and would have lasted longer than it did had I not needed to work the next day.  Although Shakespeare said he knew our first real conversation would be like this, I was still surprised.  Along with the surprise was also quite a bit of elation over having such a varied (yes I am one of those girls that finds intelligence sexy) conversation. 
     As with most things, one lengthy and intriguing conversation led to another even lengthier one and another until it turned into us finally meeting...I am delighted to say that it went beautifully.  You can't imagine my sheer excitement over this!  Shakespeare was the one that I had set my cap for (I love that phrase it should have never fallen out of fashion!)!  He is intelligent, funny, decisive, and kind.  His interest are vast and varied of which he is well informed.  I enjoy his thought process/perspective; the way he works through questions and expresses himself with clarity and confidence.  I am enamored with his loquaciousness and the touch of his hand has he held mine.  I don't think ( at least not so far) any one has made me truly remember how nice it is to share/spend time with someone who was just wonderful, as much as he did, in just one day.  It is a plus that he is boy next door cute and blessed with blue eyes so devastatingly gorgeous that they must make the bluest tropical oceans envious.  I like that I comfortable with him, like we have known each other awhile.  I had no nerves, just a happy calm, when we met and calmer still as we spent more time together.
     The afternoon was dazzling (although the wind was bitterly cold and wicked) with clear blue skies and fantastic views that tantalized our sight while our conversation enticed my mind.  I have to say that I was thrilled that he was just as advertised (and so much more).  The sweetness of his wonderment was enough to erase the disgusting perjury from my lips and actually encourage my little (mustard) seed of hope that is trying to grow, struggling, like a concrete rose.  By the setting of the sun neither of us wanted to leave.  Even with the cuddling at the Song Bird Overlook and the gentlest of kisses, it was like a tease of a promise and I believe we both wanted more...I find myself minding time as I look forward to seeing Shakespeare again and what may happen between us.  Hopefully it will be a lot of good things and good memories.
     Well folks, I finally blogged all the post I had written and I don't think I can stand much more emotional vulnerability ( I kid, I kid).  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind.

~Marissa  
  

The UN-SMITTEN DIVORCEE/Letter to a Hypocrite/Justifiable Venting

(THIS POST WAS PREVIOUSLY WRITTEN BEFORE BEING POSTED)   

    Hello world I was (obviously) born yesterday, so I thought an introduction would be appropriate, right?  No, maybe not, considering I was born almost thirty years ago!  What a surprise this must be!  Well here's another surprise lying, blatant misrepresentation, (basically PERJURY of any kind and/or magnitude) of who you are is insanely unattractive and a waste of time, for everyone (but especially me)!  Wait, is that a shock?  Really?  Huh, too bad!  Now here is the question of the day, why would you lie (at all) let alone about things you truly CAN'T HIDE?  Did you think (honestly now) that you would be able to get away with it?  Not only that, but you have proven to be both a hypocrite (Mr. I Hate Liars...Really, seriously?  Have you NOT listened to yourself?) and a liar, but you have ruined something before it even started!
     I can't overlook such dishonesty!  I can't and don't consider you not even as a friend.  You have made it impossible.  Add to your dishonesty your lack of adventure to even try something new is just ridiculous.  I need someone who is down for the cause (You like how I added in a little gangsta', gangsta'?) so when I say I would love to go rock climbing or white water rafting again they say, "Hell, yes!", not "I don't want to risk personal injury".  Seriously?!?!? Seriously?!?!  I need a partner in crime, a roll dog (more gangsta' for ya') someone who will have fun with me and bend the rules (at least sometimes ("I'm a good gurl, I am!"(a little My Fair Lady for you))).  I need someone who will lay under a tree with me (didn't I say that was a favorite past time of mine?) just as easily and quickly as he can jump on the back of a horse or four wheeler!  I need to be able to grow and play (get your mind out of the gutter) with someone!  Seriously (too much Grey's Anatomy showing up in this post) is that really to much to ask or expect?  Additionally (and rhetorically) I ask, don't we all desire that?  Ugh!  I mean SERIOUSLY!!!
     WOOOOOSSSSSAAAAAWWWW!!!  Ok, I feel better now (yay, me)!  So I shall relinquish my soap box (at least for now) so someone else can use it.  Until another time kiddies, I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa     

V Day...EVERYDAY!

     (THIS POST WAS PREVIOUSLY WRITTEN BEFORE PUBLISHED!)

     HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!  So, today is the day of the year where most couples go (forgive the expression) balls to the wall crazy to make this day special for their other half (if they don't they should).  This is all fine and dandy, but honestly everyday should be Valentine's Day (Happy Valentine's, happy, happy Valentine's, happy Valentine's Daaaaaaayyyyy! (had to toss in some Andre 3000))!  Yeah, you read that right, EVERYDAY!  When you share your life, your world, with someone then you should make/take time to make a conscious effort to make them feel special, loved and cherished not just once a year.  They are worth more than once a year (at least they should be, if not, it may be time for an upgrade!).  

     Keeping Valentine's in your heart all the year (tossed in a little (pseudo) Charles Dickens for you too) and when you do you help to maintain the spark in your relationship.  Strive to make their day everyday.  A flower on a pillow, dinner, a surprise date night, their favorite dessert.  It doesn't take much at all, really.  Like I have posted before it really is the simple, "little", things.  So Yes, step out a little more on V Day, but remember to try and make it special every day not just once a year (do yourself a favor and don't be that non-romantic loser jerk)!!

Compatibility VS Complimentary

     If you have been reading my posts you would have noticed that the "World of Compatibility" is rather new for me.  And that had started me thinking that this may be the one thing I needed to change but didn't.  It is almost like the Nature VS Nurture controversy in psychology (although I will admit that I believe that Nature and Nurture are both equally important in the development of a child)  I am starting to wonder (at least in regards to me (I am NOT a hypocrite)) if the key to relationship success is compatibility instead of complimentary.  Quite honestly I used to believe (for the longest of time, obviously) that compatibility  was equivalent to too much of the same which meant nothing to learn, no chance to grow and just plain old boring.  Add in the solid (and constantly reinforced) belief that there was no one in this big, round, wide world that could ever be compatible with me and you have yourself a classic case (at least a possible case) of Screwed Myself Over.
     Because of this mind set I didn't look (or probably more accurately, ignored) compatibility and instead received complimentary relationships into my life.  That (quite, and most painfully, obvious) has NOT (and I mean at all) worked out!  Arguably my friends relationships seem to work very well when they are with someone who compliments them instead of someone who they are compatible with. But then again I am ME, NOT my friends (Did you like that bit of devil's advocate?)!  Instead of turning away from compatibility I may need to embrace it and see what happen!  After all this is a new chapter in my life so why not try a new tactic?
     Just a little food for thought mixed in with a little bit of sharing.  That's all for today folks!  Until next time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind.
     ~ Marissa

The Difficulties (at Least for Me) of Being a Divorcee!

     So this "post" has been on my heart to write for a little while (technically it has been written for a long while), but I didn't know if I could.  I didn't want to post anything emotionally heavy or end up writing an emotionally tangential or irrelevant post.  Although Finess and I blog what is important to us we want it to be relatable, relevant and fun (as is desired and appropriate).  So I gave myself time in order to do both this post and our readers justice (at least as much as I could). 
     People who are blessed not to go through divorce rarely understand the most difficult parts of divorce.  It isn't always the division of property or the arguments/disagreements about the relationship.  At least for me they weren't.  When I really thought about the things that were most difficult throughout the separation and divorce I was kind of surprised at what I discovered (can we say unforeseen epiphany).  When I was in a point of clarity, beyond the overwhelming emotions and painful (although necessary growth) I found that there were two major things that were excruciatingly difficult for me beyond all others.
    
     1.)  Separation from The In-Laws

     I dearly missed my mother in law, grandmothers in law and nieces especially.  I was completely broken hearted when my father in law passed (during our separation) and it took me a long while to be okay enough to deal with his passing.  'In Laws' is a societal label, to me they were family, my family.  Each one of them touched my heart and life, left an impression.  Sharing heartaches and triumphs; joys, pain and fears with them created a bond that hurt like the fires of Hell when severed.  Years of love, laughter and memories may be put away in boxes, tucked away in dark corners, but can never be forgotten.  Funny, I even missed my crazy brother and sister in law.  It killed me that I will no longer be able to share holidays and birthdays with any of them.  No more nieces to spoil with presents or play with during long afternoons.   I will never get to see them grow up into young ladies either, come into their own, find their voices.  I regret that I never got to do a proper luncheon with my mother or sister in law, nor will there ever be any now.  I missed the little things about my family and being without them was hard...

     2.) Learning How to Go Back to One From Two (although last it is equally (if not more so) difficult)!

     After so many years of having someone by my side going back to having no one by my side is truly a trial.  And the reminder of being single is in almost every aspect of every day.  I now need a chair or a step ladder to reach things up high.  There is no longer anyone to chuckle and tease me as he easily reaches over my head to pluck the object of my desire from the top shelf.  Even the weather changing from Georgia warmth to bitter cold reminds me that I no longer have a living furnace to stick my feet under his butt (weird but true) or snuggle up to.  All I have now are tons of blankets (that I pray I don't kick off in the middle of the night) and a very loved, but worn out, teddy (also true, he is almost as old as me) to cuddle. 
     When I get tired of driving I have to suck it up and there is no one to try out my new recipes either (dying to make oreo cookie cheesecake).  Whenever I walk through the mall and see a tie or loafers that would look dashing on someone my check card stays in my wallet and I hurry on by with a sad sigh.  There is no one for me to chat with under a tree (a favorite pastime as you can see by my other post) in the park or to lounge around watching movies on a rainy day.  It is hard getting used to being one instead of two; saying 'me' instead of 'we'; or even cooking/baking for a single, solitary, soul.
     And (as you can also tell by my previous post) it is just as hard dating again because I don't want to waste my time nor do I want to repeat previous mistakes.  There are even some times where I wonder if I should even bother at all (the inner "old biddy" strikes again).  Yes, learning to fly solo again is as difficult as losing my in laws.  It is interesting how much divorce has affected my life, changed it and me.  It takes a great deal to work through it all, but Divorcee's need to be fighters for our own sakes and so, fight I shall.  Through rain or sleet or snow or shine, fight I will because if I won't who will? 
     I wanted to blog a little about these things, but for the sake of us all (you are most welcome dear readers) I have refrained from anything as long as the original that I had written a while ago.  You are all intelligent and I am sure even if you can not empathize or sympathize that you understand that when it comes to divorce more goes on than words can ever say (nor would I want to disclose so much).  But I did want to post this bit of emotional vulnerability to help others.  Not just divorcees so they can know they are not alone, but also for those of you who know them; so you may soften your heart to them a little (or a little more) and hopefully judge them less (a whole lot less).  Possibly even shed a little light on some of the things they face and go through.  It will differ from person to person, as is natural, but the thing in common that most divorcees have are the difficulties and a lot of times they aren't the difficulties portrayed in dramas or movies.  Sometimes the difficulties are born from the simplest (and usually overlooked) things.  Just a little food for thought.  Go out and hug a divorcee today!  Seriously though before you judge, try to feel from their perspective!     
     Well until another time kiddies I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind!
~Marissa
    

Happiness (Has Taken Me Over)!

                                     (THIS POST IS JUST A SHORT BIT OF SHARING!)
      If you know me, or spent time with me lately, you would have probably notice my inability to stop exuding a bit of unseasonable "Christmas"  cheer!  In all honesty I am just as surprised as you are (although I am a generally happy person) especially because I don't know why!  But I also DON'T CARE!  I can't remember the last time I felt a calming peace and (thorough) happiness fill me so deeply.  I LOVE IT!  I don't think I ever realized how filled with stress, worry and sadness I was until I STOPPED feeling that way.  And it may be silly, but my steps feel a little lighter and I can breathe a little easier too.
     This kind of happiness is almost indescribable; completely delicious; and terrifyingly addictive.  Even when something happens that may disappoint or upset me I am still happy.  I am truly delighted to be proven wrong!  I used to think that you couldn't be happy all the time because it wasn't real; how could it be if you only felt happiness and nothing else?  But that isn't how it is at all!  It is like happiness fills you, but at the same time you still feel and have other emotions, but they don't consume you!  The negative and intense emotions exist, but instead of them clinging, they pass through you.  They don't remain to fester or infest which is a beautiful thing.
     When happiness lives within you it is like reaching another level of enlightenment.  When happiness lives within you, you become a better, more complete person.  It brings you into balance.  Happiness can't be smothered by the more negative emotions instead it helps you get to the root of them; helps you to work through and move pass them.  True inner peace and happiness is priceless and I thank God for it.
   
     Well that is all for new kiddies until another time.  I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind.
~Marissa    

Sneak Peak/Cheat Sheet

So, going with the mood I am currently in I thought it would be a good idea to make a short (but important) cheat sheet about the things that women need (yes, NEED) in a relationship.  They are obvious but usually forgotten.  Now you should know that this list wasn't generated by me alone.  I asked the women I worked with their thoughts on this as well!  So, if you are ready...(drum roll please)...here we go!
     1.) The Sweet "Little" Things
     This is probably the easiest to do.  The "little" things are so simple!  Opening the door; noticing that she took the time to look nice; sending/picking her flowers just because(she had a tough day or you know she loves them!); leaving a sweet note on her pillow or in her car; or even saying thank you for something she did.  Doing the little things will endear her to you.  You can do them every day because they are easy! (C'mon don't deny that they really are easy!  You know they are!)  A few small steps and consideration go a long way with women.  Doing little things will let her know that she is special, treasured, appreciated and loved!  (Now how does this not benefit you?)

     2.)  Remembering/ Listening
     These two are important (soooooooo important)!  Remembering and listening helps you to build and maintain a healthy relationship.  When you listen and remember you are showing your special girl that you pay attention to her AND what she says, thinks, and feels is important to you.  It builds trust, dude!  That is something money can't buy! 

     3.)  Honesty!
     I know I just wrote about the gray areas in honesty, but if you paid attention that was in regards to certain (and extenuaiting) circumstances!  Honesty is a very important corner stone in any relationship! Again, it helps to build trust!!!  Now take into consideration that you should be honest, but be honest with a heart full of love.  Let me explain...honesty can hurt, be brutal or cruel.  DO NOT use that form of honesty on your girl!!! Unless you want to cause irrepairable damage!!!! Speak with her gently and kindly.  You can be honest without being cruel!
     4.)  R.E.S.P.E.C.T
     Respect goes a long and I mean loooooooonnnng way!  Show respect in the way you talk with her (yelling, screaming, cursing, or shouting!  That is a huge no, no!  Be an adult and communicate productively and respectfully!  You wouldn't want someone talking to you or your mother like that!)  Say please and thank you (yes, when some men are comfortable in a relationship they forget their manners and that is not ok either!); be aware of your tone of voice; be aware that how and what you say has an affect!
     5.)  Humility
     A healthy ego can be an attractive thing, but when it becomes an unhealthy, over inflated ego, nothing will kill romance and attraction faster!  Never be so much of a "man" that you forget your manners (yes, once again that is mentioned) or to show appreciation!  Do not talk about yourself more than anything or anyone else all that does is paint you as a selfish, braggart, and that is not sexy (at all)!  Remember you are probably not the only guy after her or who wants her, but she chose you!  Don't take that for granted!

     6.) Pampering
     If your first thought is, "Really?  Are you serious!", then you need to turn down the selfish and turn up the understanding!  Pronto!  If your lady works hard outside/inside (or both) of the home don't you think she deserves it?  She wakes up early to fix breakfast and lunchies; to get you or the kids (or both) of to work and school respectively before she even starts to ready herself to take on the world!  Then she comes home to get the house in order, make dinner, do chores and homework before she even begins winding down for the day!  She is a WOMAN, not a work horse!!!! Yet she does it all no matter how tired or sick or discouraged she may be, she puts on a smile and pulls through!  And after a gruelling day/week why not offer her a backrub?  Run her a bath, get her a giftcard to Massage Envy, make dinner, clean the house or do laundry for a change.  Show her that you appreciate her and everything she does.  Show her that she isn't alone, you are her partner and you have her back!  You are her man, act like it by showing her that you can support and care for her the same as she does you!

    7.)  Time (and make it consistent)
     We know you aren't God and you can't prolong or grant time(don't crack jokes you smart aleck)!  But you can give us YOUR time.  Time itself is fleeting that is why this is so important!  Time helps to build bonds, but it also incorporates all of the other things I have listed!  When you give of your time then you give of yourself and we not only notice but we appreciate it!  It makes us feel special, treasured, important and appreciated!  And truth be told it is mutually beneficial for you too.  (It doesn't take much really to make and keep us happy.)  Take her to lunch or for a walk in a park or even a movie marathon at home with just the two of you.  Show her you want to be with her, near her, share moments and make memories with her.  "Time" may be last but it is because it is one of the most important and should be remembered!
    
     Well kiddies it isn't a complete list but it is an important one!  Until next time I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind!
~ Marissa

The Re-Smitten Divorcee

     Oh how way leads unto way!  I have been struck smitten quite unexpectedly; me of all people was snowballed, bulldozed, hooked, knocked out to left field!  I truly didn't see it coming!  What is a woman to do?  I find that I am intrigued, smitten and in pseudo disbelief.  How can someone so completely compatible (God did you hear my prayers?) stumble into my life like this?  I don't believe I have ever known anyone half as compatible with me, ever before.  Complementary yes, but compatible, no; I don't believe so save once, but our lives led us down different paths.  Yet this person, this man, may surpass that previous level of compatibility.  I'm still trying to understand how that could possibly be possible but when I think about him, it really isn't too hard to see how or why.
     What caught me at first is not only his calm, receptive, demeanor but it is like breathing, talking with him is just that easy.  It is the kind of ease that most people take years to have with each other and yet for us it was (mutually) instantaneous.  We also seem to be completely on the same page to the point where it is like we are floating through each others consciousness.  We have the same peculiar interests and desires to travel to the (same) exotic locales!  (And no, he didn't wait for me to tell him my interests and desires so that he could agree!  He spoke about these things himself (C'mon I am NOT a rookie)!) Then the cherry on top of the cake is that he is super smart (seriously knowledgeable about quantum physics) which is uber (yes it is a real word) hot!
    I never thought to come across someone like him, ever (can't you taste the disbelief, don't you love how ever has become my new favorite word)!  I am used to being in situations where the person I am dating/seeing compliments me but not someone who is compatable which makes me both excited and nervous.  I know I must quell the urge to sing ("I don't know when, I don't know how, but I know something's starting right now!(thank you, Disney, that song is apropos)).  This is fresh, very new and unexpected.  I will take my time because if the other shoe is going to drop I don't want to be so clouded (no more rose colored glasses!) that I don't see it coming.  Yet, I am enjoying things so much (thus far) that a secret part of my (very tattered and bruised ) heart hopes that it will never change (at least not for the worse)...A part of me chastises these feelings as nothing more than girlish, silliness.  My inner, churlish old woman pokes me with her cane and asks me, "Have you not had enough?", but my inner fairytale princess, with a twinkle in her eye, smiles at me because we both know that in regards to love it is never enough!
     Well kiddies that is all for now.  Until the next time I wish you all, love and happiness of the truest kind.
~ Marissa

The Truth About the Truth

     I had a great conversation with someone recently about (take one guess) honesty.  You see dishonesty makes him upset which of course is truly understandable, but I had to point out that there are situations where honesty is NOT the best policy.
     An example of this is the coworker who coos and proudly shows off pictures of their baby sighing, "Isn't she/he so beautiful?", now you know full and gosh darn well that baby looks more like E.T. than a human child!  But, you also know that you would be deemed both evil and cruel if you ever uttered this truth, so you don't!  Instead you smile and comment on the outfit, setting or lighting and keep it moving.  This is an example of what I call a "Smile and Wave" (courtesy of the penguins of Madagascar) moment.  Other qualifying moments/scenarios are tacky weddings, bad paint jobs and super jacked gym rats yes these are a few moments where telling the truth will do more harm than good.
    These are also a few moments that challenge us to consider just how much gray exists in our world of black and white.  I think anyone who believes that there are no gray areas, especially when it comes to honesty, is either naive, in denial(or a medical professional).  Seriously, the world has too many variables to be just black and white when it comes to many things.  There are (50(or more)) shades of gray when it comes to love, sex, and life in general.  If there weren't it would all be simple.  Every answer would be either 'yes' or 'no', there wouldn't be a need for 'maybe' or 'I don't know'.  Two choices, black or white; yes or no; (absolute) right or wrong that's all you would need if there were no shades of gray.  I know this is a bit unusual but, think about your own life and how many times you have added a 'but' into your answer?  Is that not proof of you have taken a little dip in a nice crisp puddle of gray? 
     Whether we wish to acknowledge it or not gray is important in our lives and it does exist.  Don't get me wrong there are moments when gray isn't as important or relevant as the black and white, but it has its place in the world.  Maybe we all have a little fifty shades of gray inside of us (in different variations of course) after all...Consider this just a little food for thought.  I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
~Marissa<3

The Qualities of a True Friend...

Today I am going to step onto my soapbox for a little while because--well because sometimes it is necessary.  People use certain terms too lightly one of which is love, but the second they use too lightly is just as important and that is FRIEND!  Do you know the qualities of a true friend?  It is quite apparent that most people don't.  You see a lot of people think that a friend is someone who just nods their head and tell you, 'yes', or agrees with whatever you say or tells you what you want to hear.  Well my dears that is most certainly NOT a friend.  That is a yes man, a kiss ass, a wolf in sheep's clothing and you are not only a fool to believe otherwise, but you may just be someone who isn't a good friend too.
     You see a good friend doesn't always tell you yes, but a good friend will always speak to you from a heart full of truth, with kind words and honesty.  A good friend will help to keep you on the right path, support and remind you of the big picture.  That is what good, true friends are for that is what they do!  And sometimes in order to fulfill that duty they will tell you a hard truth, remind you of what you are overlooking and sometimes just tell you 'no' as kindly as possible. 
     The purpose of me pointing any of this out is when you isolate your good friends then you surround yourself with the wrong people and set yourself up for failure and heartache.  At the same time I feel as though it is almost a moot point because some people really don't understand or can identify healthy, mature, honest friendships.  If this is the case then I am wasting my breath or words rather.  On the other hand for all of you who are good, honest, friends I want you to not doubt yourself and know that your friendship and honesty isn't something you need to change, but your friends may be.  Just consider this a little food for thought.  Until the next time I wish you all love and happiness! 
     ~ Marissa