Man-Giene

     Okay guys it has been awhile since we tip toed through the tulips together.  I apologize for the neglect and I promise I didnt forget about you--not even for a moment.  So, to prove it I wanted to post a little something for you that I have been sitting on for awhile!  And as you can tell from the title it is all about you and your man-giene! 
     You read that correctly, man-giene, is what the more fashionable men of our world subscribe themselves to every day of their lives.  It is an all encompassing way of life and not an annoying hygienic afterthought and this is what sets them apart!  To you gentlemen, on behalf of the women of the world, I thank you!  Thank you for understanding that the extra thirty minutes you take is not only beneficial and wonderful, but it is also a sign that you take care, thought and pride in to how you present yourself to the world.
     I can't tell you how many uncontrollable and natural head turns have been awarded to these gentlemen because (we can actually tell) you took time to make sure that you were ready to leave your house; say to the world "here I am" and meet it with your best foot forward!  We can see that you moisturize your body, coiff your hair, wear deodorant, brush your teeth and perfectly apply your cologne.  You steam out your pocket squares and ties (which you can tie in Windsor and trinity knots), polish your shoes, trim your facial hair (I love full/Van Dyke beards and handlebar mustaches), and wear tailored suits.  Even on your causal days your outfits are event appropriate, and you coordinate not only your colors but your patterns, perfectly.
     We salute you for being men of both hygienic and fashionable distinction and discernment!  You are all too few and far between.  We appreciate you taking the extra step instead of being like Joe Blow down the street who considers it good to shower twice a week, looks like he rolled in an ash bin, and wears his pants under his butt cheeks!  Thank you for understanding that a man who cares for himself commands respect and consideration on a level that far surpasses those who do not.  Thank you for giving us a reminder and an opportunity to admire the gentlemen you are for it is truly refreshing to our senses. 
    Although this little post has its fair share of humorous quips, I am most sincere in my appreciation as I am sure all women are!  Please continue the "good fight", continue to show this world that there are gentlemen like you left, for we most desperately need it.  Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind!

Expectations

     When we are little we expect the best--unwittingly, unknowingly, we do.  We expect to be loved, protected, cherished and taken care of.  We expect people to be kind and trustworthy, too.  We are literally born into this world untainted, pure and expectant.  When I think about it, I find it beautiful and even a little sad.
     Depending on your life that crystalline bubble will be broken, for most, sooner rather than later.  Disappointment, doubt, fear and even betrayal soon become reality and the first bitter sweet taste of living rips the proverbial ambrosia from young lips forever changing your world.  Funny, I can remember when my world changed, I was only eight years old.  To this day I remember crying for weeks as the icey coldness of my new reality continued to sting my very soul.  At eight years old, my bubble was broken.  Ironically at nineteen it was completely shattered.  At nineteen my expectations, tinged with reality and a new self awareness, started to change as well.  My expectations became--mine. 
     Let me explain:  My initially broken expectations were that of the world I inhabited.  At a young age I learned that people are people and that parents are people, too.  Doomed to ere and fault.  They can be selfish, neglectful, cruel and ambivalent.  The world was filled with selfish people who didn't care how they made you feel and you had to protect yourself--love yourself.  Instead of expecting the world to be candyland-esque with cotton candy clouds and bubble gum air, I knew that the only thing I should expect was for people to be who they are.  Even in knowing this a small part of me still held expectations of others that I shouldn't have. 
     Well at nineteen I started to have expectations of myself instead, because I finally realized the only person I should expect anything from is myself.  I don't have control or influence over others in this world.  If someone desired to treat me badly, they were going to because that is what they wanted to do.  It didn't matter what I said to them, or if they saw how much it hurt me, they acted how they felt.  My expecting then to be kind or thoughtful wouldn't change how they acted.  It was a complete and utter waste of time and energy to cry over broken expectations and hopes of others.  But I could have high expectations for myself.  You see at the end of the day that is the only person I could have influence and control over--me!
     I started to expect myself not to follow the majority of this existence, but to be better--be true to who I am.  I wanted to experience life, not to wall myself away and shut it out; learn as much as I could and understand as well as I could so that I could connect with myself in this life instead of drifting.  From my self-pectations was born a new determination--and with it came my voice.  Because of my expectations I was determined to live well, build a life of happiness and joy--this gave purpose to my life, a reason to fight--for myself and my future! 
     Even though it wasn't easy to take a stand, most especially with certain family members, I did because at the end of my life as I stand before God I will have to answer for my choices (just me) and I would still have to answer to myself for my regrets!  I'm not perfect and I have and still do fall short, but one thing I don't do is give in.  I have been standing strong for many years now and that isn't going to change--ever!  My life, my expectations and determination, are my own.  I refuse to let anyone try to live it for me or deter me because I have found that the greatest and best expectations I could ever fulfill are the ones I have for myself.
     Until another time I wish you Love and Happiness of the truest kind!

Bravery

     When you hear the word bravery what comes to mind--Fire fighters, cops, military men and women, viking warriors?  How about the person sitting next to you?  Sometimes bravery can be as simple as getting out if bed to face another day.  Other times it is as difficult as standing your ground with someone you love.  Maybe it is being honest with yourself or even starting over to chase your dreams!
     Bravery comes in many different variations.  War zones, burning buildings and shoot outs aren't necessary to inspire bravery in someone, sometimes the every day living of life is enough.  And to those brave souls who wake up in the morning to face another day; find their voice to defend themselves; face their truths; and continue to fight on, I commend you!  I am proud of you, for through the heart ache, barricades, quagmires and darkness of this life you have decided to face it, boldy--directly!  For bravery is not the absence of fear, but the embracing of courage in the midst of it. 
     Even when you stumble or doubt--Infallible human that you are--pride still pours from my heart for you.  Dust yourself off, raise yourself up, hold your head high and continue on, brave ones!  Do not discourage or degrade yourself the world plaques you enough in this way, there is no need to add to it!  Gird your spirits with positivity, faith and hope--fill your heart with unconditional love and honesty.  Continue to build the life you want; live well and concisely and always give your best no matter what! 
     Constant and brave warriors of life fight on!  Let your heart be your champion, your conscience your guide and never extinguish the light of your spirit.  You get but one life to live-a few short years upon this earth- do not waste them! Be brave, always chase your happiness and strive to live well!  Do these things for your sake, so that you may reward the bravery you have chosen to show; for bravery like happiness is a choice!
     Until another time I wish you Love and Happiness of the truest kind!

The Struggle

(Written in a more free flowering, spoken word, format.  Hence the lack or over exaggeration of punctuation at certain points.  But I write as I am inspired.)

     As I stand here looking over the edge of my mental precipice I feel the very tip of my toes try to balance, hang on for dear life as the force of living pushes me closer and closer and the abyss looms darker and darker--the inevitable panic rears its ugly head and my once trusting heart is being battered again and again by the doubts and fears of all that is impending and I am feeling myself come-- undone. 
    I try to scream but no sound comes out, my vocal chords are boxed into a jail of decency.  And all that I am feeling-feeling-feeling-feeling is trapped within and the momentum behind the force of it all is doubling--and I lose my footing.  Worry upon worry assaults my tattered heart quickly filling it with doubts I thought had been long banished.  They pile upon each other, quickly souring and I turn my nose up in disgust--of myself.  How can I lessen the suffering of my family;  How can I help her when her body is turning against her; Can I fake it till I make it;  Will this paycheck be enough;  got moves I'm trying to make-will I succeed or fall flat on my face?  We are taking this next step, but I'm scared and stressed as I start having nightmares like I've got post traumatic stress--my heart a casualty of divorce and the scars it has left.  The constant conflict of feeling ready, being ready, battling the fear of repeating mistakes and the fear that it will all go the same way!  With all the changes taking place--the lack of knowing, growing-- while I'm trying to regain some sense of self in all the developing I am doing--what of my friends?  The more that pours in the less can be squeezed out and I already feel like I'm suffocating under all this doubt!  I've got nothing left--not for them-not even for my love, let alone myself.  This self inflicted tempest that's raging on inside of my being has me off balanced--and suffering!
     And complicating all of this is Time who makes me its bitch and there is never enough of it--my family, love, friends and even myself pay the price for it.  I feel like the last bit of butter in the tub, being spread through a whole loaf of honey wheat and I have no control over the searing, hot, knife busying itself against my fallible and delicate-softness trying to scrape more out of me than I've got to give.  All the while a silent plea falls from my eyes and unto still silent lips--growth-change-progress--the chasing of happiness--is a battle, but I have turned it into a battle against myself.  I have forgotten my mantra-my shield- of, "If it is meant to be, it will be." And I have allowed the worldly arrows of fear and doubt to pierce me--contaminate me--and sick I feel myself faltering--. 
     But amidst this tempest is my infallible core--and from my soul comes a piercing shriek through the howling winds of my tempest, "I WILL GO ON"!  Perseverance runs hot through my veins and I am ravenous.  I WILL NOT BE DETERRED!  Though I may stumble or fall I will always struggle on.  By sheer will and the drive of my God given soul, I WILL struggle on through this tempest--I shall weather this storm until I have no breath left, I will struggle on. 

We don't Try, We Do

We don’t try, we do...

As a child, my father would said this to me. At first it seemed like a cruel thing to say to a 10 year old trying her damnest; but as I have gotten older, those words still come to mind. My father was not perfect, like no one’s was, but he has been one of my greatest influences in my life. I find myself at 25 still quoting the many sayings he would throw at me. I love you Daddy, and thank you. If it wasn’t for you constantly pushing me, I would have not realize that I can do far more than I imagined. I can be anything of my choosing!

Ok, so back to the saying… We don’t try, We do. This very simple phrase is not meant to discourage any effort that has already been given; it challenges you to do more, to be more! I have to admit that the biggest frustration of my life is to see loved ones, just “try” and then defend the mediocre effort they have given. “Well at least I’m trying”, really gets under my skin. And honestly, I include myself in this equation. I cannot tell you how many years I have “tried” to lose this weight! I would think if I just work out a little bit, then the weight would just fall off. Eventually I would dropdown in size, and everything would be all gravy. But it’s not! I was trying, not doing. I was feeding myself false hope that I would get a big payoff out a little bit of effort. But hey, at least I was trying, right?

Life doesn’t work like that! We can’t continue to do the same things and expect different results. That is the definition of INSANITY! We have to stop kidding ourselves, take off the rose-colored glasses, and face our problems. We all possess the power to shape our world around us, it’s just whether we dare to want to be better than yesterday, and actually do something about it.

We are at the age where life starts judging us for our past mistakes and ask… “Well what are you going to do now?” “Are you going to continue to eat crap?” “Are you still going to sit around smoking all day?” “So are you going to continue to still waste time in unhealthy relationships?” “Are you going to continue to let the things you desire now distract you from the things you need to grow you?” “Can your children and family say they are proud of you?” “Are you still just trying to survive and not thrive?”

Are you still going to stand behind whatever excuse you have because it’s comfortable?

We are the movers and shakers of our generation, and the time for us to take over is coming soon. It seems like half of us have our shit in order, we get it! But the other half is lost, driven by the false sense of just “trying”. As we age, and continue to face real life situations, which side are going to choose? Being a person who “tries”, but never succeeding in their endeavors? Or a person who does, gets it, and prospers in their endeavors, because they have the strength and courage to live the life that they dream? Funny how a simple question of do or try can shape your entire life!

Much love, and well wishes

Finess
“I will never give up, I will never settle, for I dare to dream”

Soul Mates

     We are all spiders in this life.  Building connections with others until we have a web connecting us to those we love, like, admire and even hate.  Connections sometimes take time, but the ones that are the most magical happen before we take our first breath.  They are instantaneous, predestined, before we even meet and when we do--BAM--the kindred souls connect; falling together like missing pieces of the same puzzle.  Sometimes these connections are to friends who you know beyond a shadow of a doubt were members of your family in a former life.  Others are your romantic halves--promising love either missed or deprived from lives before.  But no matter what space they fill in your life or heart they are your soul mates.
     I think there is a serious misconception in this world that there is only one soul mate, just one person that completes you.  Maybe for some this is true to a degree, but even then I would challenge them in asking this--who declared that soul mates can only be of a romantic nature?  I know, from my experiences, that I have had many soul mates.  Some have been long lost sisters and brothers, people whom I love and trust as family almost instantaneously (which is out of character for me) because it was the most natural feeling and desire in my heart--a reaction as innate as breathing for me.  And a deep feeling of knowing them beyond this life envelopes me with a warmth, comfort, almost like coming home.  It is surreal and unlike anything I have ever known before.  They are my soul mates.  Our connection and love for each other, even though familial, is still that of a soul mate.
     And of course I have had soul mates in love and romance that have touched my heart in places I never knew existed.  I loved them beyond reason and explanation.  Even if it didn't last or our roads diverged--I love them.  But never have I loved any of them the same.  I love them from the place in my heart and soul they captured and for all of time--just like the kindred brothers and sisters of my soul--that love will remain.  It isn't that they all ended well or lasted long; nor did I love them to the same depth or degree, but the connection was natural and(again) an instantaneous feeling off having known each other long before our paths crossed.  It was real and genuine and that is an incomparable magic all on its own. 
     I can understand if this may confuse some people or that they may think it impossible to connect with different people in such a way, but I believe that they forget that LOVE is infinite.  It is limited only by ourselves.  Soul Connections can be one of the most beautiful and rewarding things in this life.  Neither are meant to always make sense, but they are meant to be appreciated and experienced to the fullest.    Maybe this idea is too "open" for some, but as always I speak from the truth from my heart. Until another time I wish you all LOVE and Happiness of the truest kind.

     --Marissa

Broken

     As of late--I have had a lot on my heart and mind.  For the past month there has been so much weighing heavy upon my very soul and for a long time I couldn't understand why.  That is when I had to take a step back.  I needed to breathe and move out of the fog that had started to fill my life.  I needed to reevaluate and reconnect with myself for I had lost myself along the way.  And as I crossed the barrier of doubt and uncertainty--certain things have become very clear. 
     We are broken.  Not all of us, but most of us.  And that isn't necessarily a bad thing in some cases.  Consider how a diamond is born--through fire and pressure and darkness.  Think of how it is carved from the earth and processed by artisan hands shaping and refining it into a gem worthy of wear and repute--into one of the hardest and strongest gems in existence.  Think of just how long it takes to get one practically perfect diamond?  You see we ARE very much like diamonds.  Some of us are still in the rough and others slowly (if not already) being refined.  And yet, unlike diamonds we have a choice. 
     It is funny that when it comes to brokenness it differs very much between men and women.  I know, unfortunately, so many women who have been broken.  Some by family--others by "friends"--most by men they have loved and a few of the most ill-fated, by all three.  The thing about it is that the majority of them, despite their "brokenness" and dark histories, like Phoenixes have risen from the ash and burn more brightly then ever before.  They have learned the hard truth that we are our own worst enemies and that Love is NOT enough.  And yet, they are determined to not let the pains, sorrows, and experiences of the past deter them from being Good women and having a brilliant and joyous future.
     And yet, the men that I know who are broken as well--do not fair the same.  Many of them seem to be unable to process their pain or leave their past behind them.  Instead of learning from the mistakes of others and the negative effect they have experienced because of them--they continue the cycle.  They hurt those they claim to love without hesitation and to add insult to injury they don't truly apologize nor do they try to become better;  instead they use the excuse of their past as the reason why they "don't know better" or "can't help it".  It is discouraging, disgusting, frustrating, maddening, saddening and laughable all at once.  It makes me beg the question:  How can you be sincere in your love or affection; in your promises to protect and support others when you can not even give yourself those things?
     I just want to scream and shake them and MAKE them realize that they are killing the fire of their souls and destroying those that love them the most in the process.  Because they do not wish to take a step and a stand; because they are in love with the negativity and pain they have become so familiar with--protect themselves with--they are perpetuating brokenness and pain in a way that is dishonorable and deplorable.  We are here on this earth to HELP each other and LOVE each other, not to inflict pain--not to destroy hope--not to smother love.  And yet, because they lack the courage to face their pasts they will never understand how dangerous they are to themselves AND others. 
     I say it all the time, but it is a truth I have come to know and to know it well.  For I, like many, have a past littered with pain and darkness and sorrow and sadness and yet, I do not turn away from the light of the sun.  I do not look behind me for I know my future is ahead.  I REFUSE to cause or inflict on others that which I have experienced myself.  And after many years of struggle and doubt and questioning.  I found my voice, my purpose, my meaning.  I know Who I Am and What I Want and I will stand for myself because I know that if I can not stand for myself--protect myself--how can I do the same for those I love?  And because of what I have gone through I know for a fact that Happiness comes from inside of us.  It is a choice!  It isn't an easy one, but it is the RIGHT one.  I want a happy life full of beautiful memories and wonderful people.  I want to experience the gift of living and existing in this world!  I want to LOVE wholly and completely someone who can and will give me what I offer in return 100%; someone who GETS IT and UNDERSTANDS; someone who is on the same page as me!  I will NEVER let my painful past determine my future.  I will NEVER let it make me forget who I am or what I have learned or deter me on my journey.  I will NEVER use it as an excuse because it would be a great disservice to myself and a betrayal to the woman I am determined to be.

     Every thing in life is a CHOICE.  Either you will be brave enough to make the hard choices so that you will be able to live better lives and be better people or you won't.  There is nothing wrong with being broken--a lot of wonderful people wouldn't be who they are without a trial by fire.  But, it is wrong if all you do is hold on to the broken pieces and use them as a reason as to why your life will never be full.  Like I said before--I am a broken woman, but I am also one of the Phoenixes that have risen from the fire and ash.  So, I ask you (if you are broken) to consider who you are and who you want to be.  Will you make the choice to take that difficult journey into healing and happiness or will you always find a reason to stay where and how you are--faking happiness when you truly don't even love yourself (and if you don't love yourself how the hell can you love anyone else)?



     I know, my Lovelies, this isn't a usual post, but I had to write what was on my heart.  I truly do wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind.
     ~Marissa  
      

My Wolf Pack

     I don't know how many of you have actually watched the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love but if you haven't I highly recommend it.  Especially for guys.  In all (and to most women--appalling) honesty I have never been a real Ryan Gosling fan (no, not even after the Notebook) until that movie.  Maybe it is because in this day and age I believe that every guy (and girl) needs a friend(s) like Gosling's character, Jacob, to have them when the chips are down--be honest with them and bring them back into reality.
     I know that I would be lost without my girls.  They are trustworthy, genuinely wonderful, supportive and honest.  They are great sound boards when I need feed back and will support me unfailingly.  I love that when I forget to see the big picture (because I am so bogged down with the nonsense that inevitably will and does happen in life) they help to keep me on track.  They are my wolf pack. (Aren't you just loving all of my movie references?) And on occasions where we get to go out and "howl" at the moon together it is always so much fun and memorable (no drugged marshmallows or lost nights in Vegas--yet).  They are always willing to help even when they aren't asked.  If they see or know that you need a "pick-me-up" they are going to do it and without hesitation.
     They offer shoulders to cry on; threats of bodily harm to the "wrong doer(s)"; an endless supply of sweets when necessary; and even a practically endless supply of laughs as is apropos and effective enough to lift the saddest of hearts.  I would be remiss if I didn't pay homage to the women who walk boldly by my side in this adventure called life; if I didn't thank them for always being so incredibly amazing every moment of every day because that is just who and how they are.  Thank you, my Great and Wonderful Wolf Pack of amazing Sirens.  From the very depths of my heart--thank you--for you help me more than words will ever be able to convey.
     Well, I think this is more than enough mushiness from me for one day! 


Until another time I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind.
          ~Marissa     

Wake Up

     I have been feeling like Laurence Fishburn's character, Dap, at the end of School Daze running out onto the yard, screaming "WAKE UP!".  The overwhelming amalgamation of frustration, hope, fear, desperation and promise that filled those two words are the same emotions that fill my heart--as it silently echoes his cry.  At times this cry for awakening is solely for myself.  Although, within this moment this call is for everyone.
     We, as human beings, forget that our strength is mutable.  And being consumed with our (momentary) strength or (presumed) power we believe we possess--we forget about the inescapable, inevitable, existence of our beautiful fragility.  In being forgetful we not only over look our own, but the fragility of those around us as well.  Such an oversight is not only a great disservice, but can become truly detrimental to those around us that we hold most dear.
     In a world that encourages us to always present a stalwart facade and neglect the delicacies of our humanity we have become hard.  The disregard of the emotional welfare of those around us--closest to us--has become as second nature and socially acceptable as breathing.  The unfortunate truth is that we are all guilty of being both perpetrator and victim in this endless and disconsolate cycle of negligence.  And until we become more aware and understanding of our "softer" Selves then we will continue to slowly (or quickly) destroy not only ourselves, but our relationships with those we love as well.
     Our world can be very harsh and filled with trials and tribulations hence why we should never add to it.  We should seek to enhance it.  The people that we bring into our lives should never (whether directly or indirectly) forget that we have CHOSEN for them to be a part of our lives and that is a gift.  Simultaneously this gift should not be used as a justification or surety to neglect the fragility of those we love because everyone has a breaking point; and it is very difficult to piece together the pieces of trust, love, and fidelity that is chipped away when they are neglected or misused.  Nor should we consider ourselves or others as weak or incapable because we/they are fragile.  We should all endeavor to appreciate and protect the gentility of ourselves and others.  Doing so will further enable us to continue to build our relationships instead of deteriorating their foundations.
     Remember that fragility is a gift, it allows us to empathize in order to properly comfort and support others; to sympathize when we forget how to.  When truly embraced fragility can be a source of strength and not weakness.  We need to reawaken ourselves--rejuvenate our hearts--refresh our souls and remember that we shouldn't demonize a sensitive or sweet spirit.  Let us embrace them and the goodness they bring to our lives and the world.  Remember that as humans we are doomed to err, and if someone tells you that you have been hurtful, negative, or unkind to them be responsible.  Don't just apologize, but continuously endeavor to be more mindful of your words and actions because you are obviously important enough for what you do and say to have an affect on them.  Let us, every day try to be more mindful, caring, and open individuals so that we are a blessing to those we love and the world we inhabit.
     Until another time Lovelies, I wish you all Love and Happiness of the truest kind.


         ~Marissa           
     

The Closing of Year 25

Hellooooooo!!!!! Hi everyone!!!

Long time, I know! But honestly I haven't had much to share, nor did I feel ready to share my feelings. Sometimes we have to take time for self. But I'm back!!!! And ready to spill my guts!!!

So Year 25 is coming to into the 4th quarter! I'm quickly approaching 26, and I feel wonderful! I feel brave, fearless, strong, loved, cherished, and most importantly wise... LOL well wiser! I have weathered the storms! Cried my heart out! Loved with all of my might! Chose to love myself first! Did things I never thought I could. Walked away from lover and friends! I have grown closer with some and farther away from others. I've seen the crazy that I can be, and also experienced the serenity of being ones true self. I have had lovers (well suitors)... LOL! And put a stop to manly foolishness in my life! But boy what a year!

Through all the many adventures I've had in my 25th year of my life, I have found a few things to be true...

1) Baby LOVE YOURSELF! Things and people will never be right or enough until you learn to be happy with just YOU. You will put up with people and situations that you do not deserve because you are too afraid to be alone. Trust yourself and your God. No one can live your life for you, nor should they. You are born alone and will die alone, why not get know the only person who love you the way God will love you, You!

2) Things are going to happen the way they are meant to. Don't get me wrong, we play a huge part in shaping our lives, but sometimes things are going to happen, so go with it. It's out of our control. And more often than not, the things we try so hard to hold on to are the very things that hurt us and stunt our growth. So please, if you have done all that you can, let it be. You'll be surprised how something better has come along after you let go!

3) Seriously... why so serious! Dude!!! Life is not that serious. Your problems are never so serious that you cannot find one thing a day to smile about. I've gotten to the point that I don't talk on the phone very long with people who seem to do nothing but complain, it's just not attractive. It's ok to vent and get it out, but gees honey, can we talk about pretty shoes now? LOL! I had to learn this myself. When things are bad in my life, I'll focus on the good, on the blessings. There is always someone out there who has it worse than you, so stop complaining, try to fix your problem, and be thankful! Smile beautiful!

Big lessons to learn in 3/4 of a year, but well worth it! I hope that everyone out there still in this Quarter-life Crisis with me is surviving and growing as well! We can make it, and will make it through! Live your life the best way you know. Try to find your happiness, and don't stop until you catch it. We are the future, no longer children, on the cusp of adulthood! Let's make our story on hell of a tale!

Until next time, don't forget to Smile Beautiful!

Finess ♡♥♡