Stalker-Licious!

     Are you Stalker-Licious?  Don't laugh, I am being absolutely serious!  So--are you?  Wait, do you NOT know what I mean?  Let me specify!  Stalker-Licious is a term I am now putting into action after watching person after person subconciously abuse social media to the point of being stalkable.  I.e.:   checking in; posting; tagging; foursquare-ing; tweeting; instagraming; facebook-ing; myspace-ing (although I highly doubt ANYONE uses myspace anymore), etc to the point where everyone (and virtually anyone) knows not only exactly what you are wearing, but who you are with; where you are and what you are doing.
     I know I have been guilty of it and I am pretty sure as hell is hot, you are probably guilty of it too.  If anyone can walk up to you and have a full out conversation about your entire (wish you could forget) weekend; the first 48 hours of your new puppy's escapades or the cornucopia of flora you have added to your garden, without any previous conversation (of any kind) with you regarding any of those things--then YOU HAVE A PROBLEM!  Don't get me wrong.  Social media has its merits (although few and far between) like planning events; or sharing favorite/special moments; or sharing positive or helpful information.  But there is such a thing as OVER SHARING!  Don't be Stalker-Licious!  Don't post every half hour of every hour of the day!  Not only are your friends and family (although they love you) are tired of seeing your face for breakfast, lunch and dinner (and every moment in between), but you shouldn't want them to!
     Take all the pictures you want, fill up your laptop, droid (notice I didn't say apple *yuck*) and even your social media pages, but keep some of it private.  You should want to.  I am sure you have at least an idea of what kind of Creepers exist in the world!  Let's not make it easy for them or give them any more ideas than they already have.  And let's not overwhelm those we "share" our social media lives with, either!  In all seriousness, when is enough sharing--well--enough sharing?  Don't be an abuser or an addict.  We need to learn how to enjoy our social media without overusing our social media! 
     ***I want to give a big thank you to SuSu, Pollyanna (*wink*) and Nessie for giving me the idea for this post!  We really appreciate the feedback and suggestions it helps us know what you like and want to hear about!***
     Well Lovelies, until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa

Skin Hunger--A Homage

       Skin hunger--the virtually insatiable craving of flesh--the need to feel, touch, kiss, taste, pleasure and please--oh how it makes us suffer (oh, how we need it). When it hits it is unexpected--it burns with an unquenchable fire that threatens to consume all other desires.  This creature exists within us and yet we forget that it is there until it rears its head, keening loudly through us, calling out for its ilk.  The cry echos endlessly until it is answered. 
      It may sleep, but when it exists as you and I--a part of us--awake as we are, it becomes even more unpredictable.  Anything can arouse this creature--a memory, a thought, a kiss, the missing of your someone (especially)--and before you know it your breathing hitches; you bite your lip; you inhale deeply; close your eyes and that creature happily trumpets for that skin it requires.  It is intoxication, memory, lust, promise and possibility all wrapped up into one.  It breathes passion into our bodies and drives us to a higher level of need--desire. 
     Truly there are few driving emotions that are as elemental or primal as skin hunger.  Left unchecked, unanswered, it can drive us to distraction and even delirium.  It can haunt us or release us.  If you have never felt it I pity you--if you have then you KNOW what I say is true--I would never want to live without it.   
     Well, lovelies, I was overdue for something a little indulgent (and a touch naughty).  I hope you enjoyed it.  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
     ~Marissa    

Enough is Enough

Lately I've been talking about being patient, and I still think that this is a very important skill for all of us to cultivate, but when is it time to let go?

At some point everyone has had to face the music and move on. We had to leave that crappy job, friend, or relationship. We pick up our hurt feeling and slowly exit stage left! I know I can't be the only one who at the end feels sad and angry at the same time! I want to sit in a pool of myself and cry, and also curse out the world for having to deal with this tough time!

Moving on is hard, but at times its the only way to grow!  I know when its time when I have come to the end of my hurt feelings. I can literally feel myself saying "ok, we have had our pity party, now what? ". Then I remember that I'm fucking AWESOME! (I think we all tell ourselves this! ) I think back on all my accomplishments, past lessons that I've learned, and all the wonderful people I have in my life! I figure that if I am here,  I have a purpose, I have to pull together my strength and carry on!  Life always goes on!

So when it's time for you move on,  don't be afraid!  Its ok to be upset,  but never hold on to anything or anyone who doesn't help you become the person you were put here to be!

Be strong and always remember that you are LOVED!

Finess

You Got Her--Can You Keep Her?

     QUERY:  DO YOU KNOW HOW TO KEEP YOUR GIRL?

     Lately, this has been the question on a lot of women's lips.  From girlfriends to female family members, this discussion has been going on most of last week and this weekend.  And even though WE know what it takes for us to be kept it has become quite apparent that guys-- really just don't!  I mean most women really don't ask for much at all (please review the sneak peak cheat sheet blog posted previously for examples(your welcome))!  If you listen, pay attention and have the ability to empathize then you are quarter of the way there (hooray)!

Here are a few key points for you to remember (in no specific order):

     1.)  Sometimes she wants to just vent about her day/situation/experience and not have you fix her problems (if she wants your help she will let you know(or you can just ask)).
     2.)  She isn't "okay"  even when she says she is "okay" (and okay should never be an acceptable answer to how she feels)!
     3.)  She shouldn't be/feel alone (ever) because it is an honor to call her yours (and if you are going to be constantly M.I.A from her life then you might as well not be in her life at all).

     4.)  NO ONE should make her feel more special or treasured than you (self explanatory)
     5.)  Actions speak louder than words BUT it is even better when they are the exact same(=consistency)
     6.)  Be DEPENDABLE (without dependability there can be no trust)
     7.)  Be supportive (COMPLETELY supportive(especially when she does the same for you without needing to be asked or told)
     8.)  Don't promise change only to never do it (we understand change takes time, but we also know when you don't even start)  this is a fast way to lose your girl.
     9.)   LISTEN (why must we be broken records)!  If she is taking time to tell you then it is important especially when it has to do with you (and/or your relationship).  Don't shut down or you will shut her out and turn her off.
     10.)  See the BIG picture (we KNOW this is a hard one for you)!  Put yourself in her shoes, try and understand or see things not only from her perspective, but also the possible effects or affects of what is going on with her (and/or your relationship).
 
     OR you can just talk to her and ask her what she needs!  I mean seriously, how and why are you afraid to talk to your girl?  I mean what is she going to do, bite you (heck you may like it if she did)?  This list is just a few common "needs" that most women I know seem to have.  But every man should make time to get to know his woman because I guarantee, that she knows you.
  
     We don't expect you to be like us, pick up on things by just paying attention, but we do expect you to care enough that you take an interest in our happiness.  You shouldn't be the reason why we cry, worry, stress or hurt, but why we smile, laugh, blush and relax.  We shouldn't have to encourage you to care or take time or understand, you should want to do this all on your own (if you don't have these inclinations you are either an a*s OR she isn't right for you (or you for her)).  Don't complicate it or make it harder then it needs to be.
     Just a little something for my guys; for my ladies keep your heads up and your hopes high, if he is the right one he will get it.  And (for his sake) I hope it will be sooner rather then later.  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!

~Marissa   

    

Bobble Heads/ Gird Your Loins!

    Hello Lovelies!  Gosh my fingers have been aching to get back to it and I was determined (even at the cost of my precious beauty sleep, lol) to carve out time to post this!  My subject for today is the growing epidemic of  Bobble Heads!  Bobble Heads--is a new term that my friends and I have taken to calling people who are so full of negativity--and themselves--that they have big heads (some literally and some figuratively and most--both).  And you know I never realized how many Bobble Heads surround me every day until we found a way to refer to them.
     Not that I am trying to spread the term "Bobble Head" around, but as I stated before, I never really realized how many Bobble Heads populate my day to day life until recently.  I mean the day is hard enough as it is.  We all strive to do our best; make a difference; make it through--what have you--and they are so determined to make it so much harder then it needs to be.  The fact that they spew, with smiles on their faces, passive-aggressive insults and jibes, pretending like they are sweet as prune pie is just--tiring.  How sad must they be to try and spread their misery and joyless hearts around to others?
     Yet, no matter how sad the question I find myself asking, is what in the world can I do to DEFLECT that Bobble Head Virus they are determined to cough all over me and everyone else in a 20 foot radius?  I refuse (although tempting as it may be(and it truly is)) to play mean girl with them--stoop to their level and make them three times as uncomfortable as they can ever make anyone else.  So, where does that leave me or anyone dealing with their personal "Bobble Head",  for that matter.  Certainly not between a rock and a hard place because I am not that kind of girl, but the question (again, remains) what to do, what to do?
     Honestly the only thing I have figured out by now is that I have to do the thing they hate most, smile and keep it moving; don't give them the time of day because they don't deserve it.  I will not feed into nor stoop down nor ingest their virus either.  After all, if I did that I wouldn't be any better than they are--if I did that I would be a Bobble Head!  So, I need to put into practice (way more than I have been( hey I am NOT perfect)) mindful breathing and reclaim my calm.  Consider this me turning over a new-old leaf for my own peace of mind and happiness.

     Just a little something to think about for all of you out there dealing with their own set of Bobble Heads.  Be brave!  Gird your loins!  And remember to take the higher ground!  Until another time I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!  

Friends, How Many of Us Have Them

It’s so hard to lose weight, isn’t it! You start off doing pretty good for the first couple of days, then “boom”, fall of that darn wagon, and back to square one. People can just as hard, if not harder to drop.

I have dropped over 3-4 people of dead weight in the last year. And boy do I feel great. I made the decision to no longer allow “friends” into my life who are not genuine nor capable of helping me grow as a woman. I looked at all the bull and drama that they created for themselves and me, and toke off running!

So how can you tell who these people are who do not have your best interest in mind?

1)      Look at your friends… do your goals and mindset mirror each other? Do they have to desire to grow, succeed, and be happy? Can you connect with them on a deeper level? If not, they may be dead weight.

2)      Do they support you in your endeavors? (They may not agree, but will back you up) Are they upset or negative when you have reached a goal, or made a change for the better? If not may have to let them go.

3)      Do you find yourself only talking about “ratchet” problem? Ignorant, silly baby mama or daddy foolishness all the time or how much they hate their job… But never try to make changes to better their situation. Wasting their money on useless things, then turn right around and complain about being broke? If so you may need to let them go.

Friends are here to: help and support, uplift and inspire, to hear your troubles and try to make you feel better, to be a part of your foundation as a person and build to highs unknown. You cannot build with negativity, back stabbing, vertex people (individuals who cause so much drama that they suck in all those around and create havoc in everyone’s life), jealously, and dishonesty. Take a good hard look at the people in your life, sometimes we have to let go for us to survive and thrive. Note I say “let go” not “get rid of”. I don’t believe in just throwing people away; sometimes when you change for the better, those around you can begin to change with you! Those who mean you harm will leave on their own. All you have to do is focus on your goal, and your dead weight will reveal themselves.

It’s never easy, but the happiness and peace that you experience when they are gone is heavenly! So good luck, stay strong, and always be true to yourself! Until next time,

Finess

Get Comfortable, But Not Too Comfortable!

     Okay Gents, I had to do another one for you.  This is more specifically geared towards our guys who are lucky enough to have a sweetie pie to snuggle up to on cold, lonely, nights but it would be prudent for single guys to keep this little tid-bit of information tucked away for later.

     As you well know every relationship has a "honeymoon" period and after that period of glistening sunshine and pink cotton candy clouds you get COMFORTABLE!  Oh, what a sharp (and bloody) double edged sword that word is in a relationship!  On one hand getting to know and trust your partner to the point of being comfortable is a beautiful thing, it is reassuring and comforting.  But COMFORTABLE seems to constitute something a little different for guys.  Guys, don't allow yourself (or rather please STOP allowing yourself) to get so COMFORTABLE in your relationship that you stop trying!  Yes, YOU GOT HER--so pat yourself on the back, high five your friends, but now you have to KEEP HER!  And if you get so comfortable that you don't try then you will surely LOSE HER!
     If she is the moon in your heaven, the wind beneath your wings, the Cleopatra to your Antony then TREAT HER THAT WAY.  Take time to surprise her with something sweet or/and thoughtful.  Don't forget to tell her she looks beautiful or lovely.  Take time to notice the little changes that she has made or things she has done; whether it is a spectacular job on a pot roast or the fact that she changed her nail polish from one shade of pink to another (you don't have to know the shade, just notice it) talk to her about it, let her know that you realize that she did something different or well.  Really guys, (and I have been playing this broken record for so long!) it is about the little things and it isn't difficult at all!  Just be thoughtful and considerate.  You should never be so comfortable that you forget to TREASURE and APPRECIATE HER.
     She should be worth the little things and so much more!  Again, don't just give her "lip service" prove it--besides you should want to.  Consider this a little bit of a refresher course!  Remember being comfortable isn't a bad thing unless you get too comfortable!  Until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind!
         Marissa   

My Darth Vader

     Okay now that you have gotten a good chuckle (and shocking proof of my inner geek)  I am sure you know that there is a point to my title.  What most non-geeks don't know is that Darth Vader literally means Dark Father.  I am sure with me divulging this you can now tell what this post is about--yep, my Daddy.  Truth is there really isn't much to write about as he has missed almost the entirety of my three decades alive, but after a discussion with my mom tonight, I had to write.  When it comes to absentee parents, especially Daddies, I don't think they understand that when they don't put down the foundation or put in the time with their children, from the very beginning, they change the dynamics of the parent-child relationship.  And when the dynamics change there is no going back.
     Something that my daddy has always said that grinds my gears (a little FG for you) is that, "...you are supposed to love your parents...", I roll my eyes so hard at this, sometimes I think they will pop out of my head!  Honestly, love isn't preconditioned.  Love is a living, growing, entity.  If you do not feed, nurture and care for love, it will not grow!  The fact that my Darth Vader tries to use this as justification for his short comings makes me--sad and PISSED.  Absentee parents will (as most of us with them know) NEVER step up and take responsibility for what they have and have not done.  Sometimes I just want to shake them and say, "Get over yourself!  Your kids didn't ask to be here and as parents you are SUPPOSED to protect, provide, love and support them unconditionally!"  Just because you have children doesn't make you a parent and doesn't give you a right to be loved either.  You can't expect to get something for nothing.  And what's worse is that when they get older and the realize (if they ever do) the error of their ways (or become insanely lonely after years of selfishness and disregard), they don't understand that it is too late to mend what they have broken.  I am not saying that it isn't possible for there to be amends of some kind, but it isn't possible to reclaim what was lost.  There can be a relationship, but even so it will never come close to what could have been.
     I wish that I were the only person who can speak on this subject to any degree, but unfortunately I am not.  I know quite a few people who are in the same boat (or should I say ocean liner) as I am.  Parents are important for a lot of reasons.  If you aren't ready or you don't desire children then USE PROTECTION (and I am not talking about abortion because that isn't birth control/protection).  And if you slip up and find you are expecting then you should realize your child didn't ask to be here and that you need to step up.  Being able to have a child is a blessing, a gift from God, that many people will never have.  It is a lifetime commitment.  Children are part of the legacy that you will leave when you pass from this world and hopefully you will leave a legacy, within them, that goes beyond a name.  Well, I think this is more than enough sharing for one night.  Until another time, I wish you all love and happiness of the truest kind.
         Marissa

Talk to me

What has happened to the art of communication? As a teenager I remember I couldn't wait to get home after school to sit to talk to my girlfriend and call boys on three way! I remember asking permission to even speak to my friends on the phone. And Lord forbid if you call someone's house after 10 o'clock! I remember that giddy feeling you experienced to have a crush sit on the phone have nothing to say but just the fact that he's on the phone with you was like you were in heaven!

Oh how I long for those days! It feels like with all this technology with the intent to better connect us, we have become disconnected from the simple and more satisfying connection hearing and seeing each other! This has translated over into our most intimate relationships! I find myself checking Facebook and twitter to see how my friends are doing instead of actually picking up the phone and calling them. Even dating has changed for me because of this technical revolution. Men don’t pick up the phone and call you anymore, they much rather text (these are guys my age)! They will text you all day long and will not sit on the phone with you! Granted, I understand some guys are honestly really shy on the phone and need to be face to face to effectively communicate, but gees!

Can we as a whole decide to talk again! Pick up the phone and call your best friend! Call your Boo and tell her that you love her instead of texting her! If you can go visit your family and those who matter the most in your life. There is nothing like good old fashion face to face conversations, we connect and touch each other souls! We transcend to a higher level and enjoy each other sooo much more!

Until next time, call me!

Finess

I Do Believe in Good Girls, I Do, I Do!/Rebirth of the Well Rounded Woman

     Early mornings, ugh!  But I thought it would be a great time to post this as I am waiting for my training class for work (did I mention that I hate early mornings-- I am not used to seeing the sun rise)!  Okay so something that I am really tired of seeing (and for the sake of our generation should stop) is the promotion and exaltation of "bad girls".  It isn't only in the media (i.e.:  Bad Girls Club; Married to Medicine; Real House Wives of(anything), etc...) that "bad girls" are applauded for their behavior but (whether we realize it or not) in our personal lives as well.  And I am not only talking about the " guilty pleasure" of watching various reality t.v. shows, but the actions we condone in ourselves and our friends too. 
     In a society that indulges and celebrates "bad girls" I am determined to do the exact opposite and celebrate the "good girls" (I KNOW they still exist)!  Instead of wasting time on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter (or any other social network site) following; retweeting; liking; or commenting on the ridiculous and disgusting behavior of self proclaimed "bad girls" let's find the good girls who are actually doing something to improve not only themselves, but their future and generation-- applaud them instead.  How many statuses have you seen (or posted) about girls who behave badly; don't carry themselves well or display a poor attitude?  How often have you seen some of the younger girls and shake your head and ask yourself why are they acting or dressing that way?  Look at what is considered acceptable and appreciated in our society and our media.  We can't expect to continuously applaud "bad girls" and turn around and tell our young girls and women not to be the same way.  We are sending mixed messages!  We are spreading tolerance and hypocrisy!
     It is time that we step up and re-take control of our society, generation and media.  Let us stop celebrating the wrong role models and ideals and start promoting the right ones again!  It is time for a rejuvenation of what is good and necessary.  I am tired of us all shaking our head at our generational plight and not doing anything.  Time is wasting away and action is long over due!  I will put away the soap box for now, but I hope you actually will give some thought to starting a new revolution--The Rebirth Of The Well Rounded Woman!
     Until another time I wish you love and happiness of the truest kind!
          Marissa